My friend, the fates are cruel / There are no dreams, no honor remains / The arrow has left the bow of the goddess / My friend, your desire / Is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess / Legend shall speak / Of sacrifice at world's end
For Day one of @camelove and for @merlinbingo and day nine of @fluffbruary as well! 😃
Fandom: BBC Merlin
Prompt(s): "OTP", I5 "Breakfast", " Poppy"
Relationship: Mordred/Daegal, Mordred & Daegal (can be read however!)
Rating: Gen
Word count: 2,335
"Did you mean what you said last night?"
Mordred's expression softened, "I always mean every word I say to you."
"I know just…" Daegal opened and closed his mouth with an ache in his throat.
How can you love me?
Continue reading below over on Ao3
With the start of the day, the sky was overcast a milky blue with a tinge of grey on the edges. The air held a subtle crispness that lingered on the skin and on his breath. So much so, Daegal found himself catching his cloak as Merlin tossed it to him on his way out the door.
All of Camelot was still fast asleep aside from the few servants that roamed the halls with platters, clothes, and pots full of warm rocks. The sun had yet to come out of the clouds and illuminate to its full potential across the sky. Leaving the few chirps of the waking birds and falling leaves that scratched against the incoming breeze like a ripple of applause, the only prominent noise.
His footsteps echoed as they pounded down against the stone in rapid succession. He caught the only pair of open windows by the edge of his sight, briefly turning and leaving a glance before he continued running.
Once loud steps became dampened by the forest ground, every so often being caught in the splash of a puddle caused by the downpour of the night before. He jumped over small streams, pushed past bushes, ducked under vines and branches. He lined up his feet, one behind the other as he balanced along a fallen log over a shallow river.
His destination was met at the other side, in the calmness of a memory and ghost presence before being plucked from the earth. Gathered in a fond grip of a blood-red feathery silk touch. The traces of the forests followed back over stone grounds once again and into the castle.
The hustle slowly became more and more as others awoke. Missed platters and wine-filled decanters were ducked under as he finally reached the kitchens where the platter was. Topped with fruits, bread, meats, and cheeses; he placed his items in hand beside the assortment of food as he dodged and made his way out of the kitchen
Knocking was long forgotten as he pushed open the familiar door and saw the comforting sight. Windows from earlier laid open as Mordred peered out them from the ledge. His attention was caught on the open book in his lap, though it quickly switched to Daegal as he entered and set down the platter on the table.
Mordred smiled, "You really don't have to do this every morning." He stood up with his book in hand.
Daegal shrugged his shoulders, "I enjoy it." He popped a couple of grapes into his mouth and sat down at the table, "besides, it's my excuse to see you every morning."
His hair was ruffled as Mordred passed by, the book set down as he stared down what was beside the platter. "Poppies." He picked one up, bringing it up to smell it before he admired it once again.
"I'll put them in some water." Daegal got up and quickly replaced the flower's in a vase on Mordred's desk from the day before with the fresh red ones. Yellow daisies had occupied the previous day with one being snatched away and kept by Mordred. And the day before held its own unique pick of flowers, as did all the days before.
"Thank you." The platter was pushed more towards Daegal as he sat back down.
He plucked another grape off the vine and into his mouth as he tilted his head at Mordred's book laying on the table. "New book?" He questioned. He grabbed it and quickly realized it was indeed new from the few pages marked that were read.
Mordred nodded, "You would like it, I'll read some of it to you tonight?" His words ended with a raised eyebrow giving Daegal his own choice to make.
He flipped through a couple of the pages seeing only blocks of text that just looking at them lost his interest. He shook his head and passed the book back with a scrunched up nose.
"Bring your normal book then," Mordred chuckled, "we'll read that."
And as Mordred said, he kept to his word. Daegal returned as normal back to Mordred's chambers that evening with the book in hand. A collection of short fables that Geoffrey had given him one of the times when he helped every so often in the library.
Dinner was had there as he didn't stay with Merlin for the meal before he became engrossed in the book in wait. Tucked into Mordred's side in his bed as he was told of splendours unheard of. Story after story, many told from previous nights before, were revisited in fragments. His excitement started high before turning in contentment, somewhere which he felt safe and allowed his eyes to droop close as Mordred's words blurred into something soothing that lulled him to sleep.
A few more seconds of bliss passed before the short story came to its moral ending. Mordred ended it in a soft The End muttered as he saw Daegal's sleeping state. His arm now stuck with his refusal to move Daegal, the few flickering candles were put out with a quick spell of magic. The book was softly closed and put aside, while he pulled the covers up and over both of them as he situated himself as carefully as possible.
He let a few seconds linger with his hand busy moving Daegal's hair from his face before he softly pressed his lips to his forehead.
"I love you," he said. There was a soft whine in response that he lightly chuckled and took as his answer.
Daegal shifted, his head tucked under Mordred's chin and arms scrunched up with hands balled in Mordred's nightshirt. Safety allowed as arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer for deep slumber.
They both woke as normal; Mordred up far too early for Daegal's liking as the knight quietly had escaped to the window sill edge with a book in hand once again. Daegal was behind a few hours as he was greeted with a soft good morning before heading to the physicians' chambers to let Merlin know he was okay.
Though all through getting changed into clean clothes and forced to stay to eat breakfast, he found himself thinking of Mordred's words the night before. Words that he found sounded foreign in Mordred's and Merlin's mouths when spoken to him despite all meaning and intention present.
"Merlin?"
"Hm?" The older man hummed through a mouthful of food.
He pushed his food back and forth around his bowl as he pressed his lips tight together.
Merlin stopped as he swallowed and focused all his attention on him. "What's wrong, Daegal?"
Daegal let the spoon rest in his bowl and his figure slouched as he took a deep breath. "Why do you say you love me?"
Eyebrows furrowed as sympathy laid in Merlin's expression. "Because I do."
"But why do you say it?"
Merlin cleared his throat as he reached across the small table and covered one of Daegal's hands with his, "I want you to know I do, Daegal. Sometimes people worry when you don't know these things."
He almost hated the sombre look Merlin was giving him, the one he often got when he asked certain questions. Things he felt he should know or understand but didn't.
"Just me saying it isn't the only way for you to know though," he continued. "Everything, all the little things like this," he gestured to their breakfast and his hand over his, "are also ways to show that you care and love others."
A small smile slowly climbed on his face as he nodded.
Merlin returned the smile, "Why do you ask?"
How can you love me? He wanted to ask. How can Mordred? He shook his head as he returned to his breakfast with a concealing smile, "no reason."
He lied through his teeth with a heavy heart. A content okay returned from Merlin made him swallow hard through a forced smile.
He abandoned the rest of his breakfast after a few bites so Merlin wouldn't bother him about eating. The sun told him to hurry as he found what he needed all in time as he made his way back to Mordred's chambers.
Once blood-red flowers were replaced in a quick manner before Mordred had to rush out of his chambers clad in chainmail and armour. Blue Cornflowers sprouted from Daegal's hands as he held them out, catching Mordred momentarily off guard. One was plucked from his hands with a quick thank you and a bashful smile before a billowing red was the last thing he saw.
Mordred's words replayed in his head and intermingled with Merlin's as well as his own thoughts. What they meant tangled with what he thought they meant, nothing exactly clear in the end.
His prior sleepiness of the night before led him to believe it was just the beginning of a dream but a part of him knew that wasn't true. He tried to keep his head down throughout the day, contemplating things he tried hard to understand and find a meaning to. Yet his coyness to act okay but hidden at the same time soon came to its fault.
"What's wrong?"
His head snapped to where Mordred was changing out of his armour from training behind the screen. The rustling came to a stop as Daegal sat up from where he was laying on the ground by the fireplace.
"What?"
"What's wrong?" Mordred walked out. "You've been quiet all day, you're never this quiet. Well… at least with me." He closed the distance and slipped his palm over his forehead, "You don't feel warm or look ill for that matter."
Daegal shook his head, "none of that."
A grimace appeared on Mordred's face as he kneeled to the floor, "what's wrong then?"
He shrugged, "just…" he couldn't put together the right thoughts and words to say how he was feeling. He fidgeted his fingers before looking Mordred straight on, "Did you mean what you said last night?"
There was a momentary blank before what Daegal was talking about resurfaced. Mordred's expression softened, "I always mean every word I say to you." He spoke in surety.
"I know just…" Daegal opened and closed his mouth with an ache in his throat.
"People do love and care about you, Daegal," Mordred said. "Me included. And just because I say things doesn't mean you ever have to say them back, okay?"
To say words in their full nakedness and honesty, with nowhere to hide, scared him. But not knowing another's honesty scared him even more. He knew every word Mordred spoke, he knew the compassion that laced his voice, that lingered in echoes even long gone to be unheard of. Yet to fathom genuineness of actions and words for only himself, he didn't want to.
He nodded his head, "Okay…"
The night came quickly as he found himself sitting in front of the same fire from hours before. Though the night brought its chill, making the stone floor colder than before as he opted for the chair rather than the floor. The crackling filled the air along with the soft brush of pages from Mordred's book.
Every few minutes, despite his lulling eyelids, they would flutter back open with every flick of a new set of pages. He tried the comfort in the lone fire but couldn't without hearing of Mordred's presence. Even when the pages closed and the rustle of the bedclothes followed, bare feet met the cold floors in a sultry longing that made Daegal smile at the uncommon habit.
A soft bout of silence lingered between a small thump of the book returning to its rightful place and the warm arms that wrapped around him.
"You should get to bed, it's late." Soft words were muttered as he tried to regain some semblance of consciousness. The billowy light sleeves from Mordred's tunic tickled his bare skin, almost mocking his night tone of voice.
"I can always stay here?" He muttered, lifting his head as Mordred's arms left with more pattering of his feet. He heard the sheets flourish and hit the air, a small quick breath before they landed softly in silence.
"I don't want you in the antechambers," came Mordred's voice, "it's far too cold in there."
He stretched over the chair before turning to face Mordred.
The top blanket was thrown back as Mordred patted the right side of the bed, "Come on."
"Are you sure?"
"Oh, Like we haven't slept together before," He teased. The previous night and many nights before all evidence of his words.
He got up as Mordred went to his wardrobe, grabbed a nightshirt and quickly disappeared behind the changing screen. Shoes were discarded on Daegal's part along with the layers he wore over his tunic.
Mordred appeared again, extinguishing the rest of the candles aside from the one by the bedside. All while Daegal sat at the edge of the bed, his mind wandering once again before his restless notions made themselves known.
"Mordred?"
He quickly got his attention as Mordred continued to move around.
Words formed to come out but stopped in his throat. "I…"
As if he read his mind, Mordred gave him a fond smile before walking to his knight attire that was still hanging from the changing screen. He reached into the inside of his gambeson and pulled out the blue cornflower from that morning, "I know." He twisted it between his fingers as he walked closer. Laying the flower on his bedside table along with the previous days.
The sheets were pulled back as he slipped under them and held open the other side for Daegal to climb under.
He held no hesitation, allowing the blankets to cover him and his own selfish conceit in Mordred's warm embrace. His actions spoke for him even if he struggled with his words.
He received a drowsy smile as the last words were spoken between them both.
