february evaluations !! min yoongi performing vixx lr’s whisper.
featuring ... @rkjeon.
trigger warning: mentions of anxiety.
after how much work the last two months have been, yoongi’s glad to have a somewhat easier, more open evaluation than before. he gets to work with a person of his choosing, gets to do a song they choose-- and it all feels easier. it’s a lot with the title of public trainee under his name, but he supposes it’s okay. it isn’t that bad. it’s not like he’s an idol; just because the world knows his name as a trainee doesn’t equate to anything else.
the dance in itself is pretty lax, yoongi thinks. but he likes the beat of it, thinks the message of the song fits love enough for it to be a match. it gives jeongguk and yoongi a good chance to work together, an event he knows will be happening a lot; any time spent with the other he’ll take, because yoongi is greedy when it comes to jeongguk (but he won’t ever admit it outloud). practice is spent with idle joking, whispered talks and sweet glances when they can. they're still in a public setting, at work no less; but the time spent is nice and it feels easy, so it should have been a warning to what the day of the evaluation actually entailed.
and when they do start, everything is fine. jeongguk's voice is music when it hits the air, the beat of the song complimenting it nicely. the beginning of the dance doesn't have much dancing, so yoongi lets himself settle. and once it moves to his own part of the song the rap comes easy, the moves more sharp than his own chosen enjoyment, but not difficult to manage. he keeps his expression relaxed-- because yoongi does feel relaxed; even the eyes of trainers alike can't keep him from feeling at ease when he's dancing.
it's only when the music stops that yoongi allows surprise to color his features. the steps in his dancing stagger as he rights himself, and for a moment he's confused, eyes flickering from jeongguk to the watchful eyes around them. no one is surprised, some brief looks of amusement but they don't stop them, they don't do anything at all; panic scratches at his insides. jeongguk's voice falters and stutters a bit-- not sounding nearly as confident without the backing track. it takes a moment for them to figure it out again, but yoongi's mind is racing a mile a minute. trying to remember the counts, remember the placing. jeongguk doesn't even falter with the dancing-- easy and smooth so yoongi follows along with that, though he's much more clumsy, his movements a bit stilted without the music for a moment. it's difficult being caught off-guard and righting yourself, and yoongi doesn't have himself put together enough to execute it without looking like a fool.
he misses the first syllable of his part that starts up as they're in silence, cheeks and ears tinging red from embarrassment; from sheer humiliation. it's incredibly hard to keep on beat when the beat isn't there, and he tries so hard to imagine the song playing in his head; he's heard it so many times in practice, so many runthroughs he should be able to hear it in his sleep-- but his head is buzzing with white noise and his heart is beating a mile a minute. jeongguk's smiling and laughing everything yoongi twists and turns in the choreography, and he wants to laugh about it too. be amused and find humor in the situation, but the panic and anxiety is clawing at his gut, wishing, wanting to break out. and as the seconds tick down, the dancing gets easier-- but his live rapping struggles to keep up without the aid of the music.
it's a mess, to be sure. jeongguk does fine in his eyes but yoongi does awful-- absolutely awful. every moment that passes he wants out of the room, surprised that he hasn't left already out of sheer determination to not leave jeongguk alone in the performance. he knows this happens, knows that idols have to deal with this from time to time; but yoongi isn't an idol, doesn't even know if he likes being a trainee yet either. it's a mess, he's a mess. so much for things being easy.
“am i that obvious?” he asks instead, cheeks flushing red as he tries to smile to diffuse it. “there’s-- well, there’s nothing really. we’re friends, we meet up, and we spend time together. between us, there’s-- just that. i have a lot of feelings i’m sorting through, wondering if it’s right to act on them, wondering if it’s right to feel them at all. but that’s what’s going on with me. i won’t bring her into it and i won’t burden her with it, so we should just leave it at that.” there’s a lighthearted tone to his voice, but the way their expressed is the firmest woohyun sounds while sounding sweet.
yujin seems to have a pretty strong crush on you. is anything going to develop from that?
“she-- what?” brows furrow and eyes blink dumbly forward. vanessa snorts, a confused smile breaking out on her face as she begins to laugh. “no she doesn’t. yujin-ah doesn’t have a crush on me. we’re just really good friends. and we flirt a lot-- i flirt with a lot of people, so maybe she’s just playing along? sejeong does it a lot too.” her shoulders shrug. “nothing is going to develop because nothing is there. we’re members, groupmates-- we’re focused on debut and being a team, not anything else.”
“fighting with sohee, probably.” she chooses easily, shrugging her shoulders. “i don’t usually regret anything i do, but getting too pissed off and taking my anger out on her is probably one of the things i do regret.”
“nope.” she pops the p in the word, english sliding off her tongue easily. “i don’t regret a lot of things, and kissing is– well, it’s just kissing. and i’ve kissed a lot of people. why would i regret it? it hasn’t become an issue, has it?” her head tilts to the side, raising her brows in question. “i don’t think it has, so i have no actual reason to regret it. a kiss is just a kiss, right?”
what are your true feelings about ariel? does what happened to rome because of his relationship cause you any concern?
“ah...” he pauses, teeth worrying his lower lip. “they’re-- it’s hard to put it into words, and i like to say i’m good at speaking from the heart.” he smiles sheepishly, raking a hand through his hair. “she’s precious to me. very much so-- to what depths, well, i’m still figuring that out. and i’m trying not to focus too much on it, because unrequited feelings? they’re awful and wonderful all in the same go.” he drums his fingers on his leg, frowning at the mention of his former member. “i-- think it’s concerning, yes.” he says slowly. “but i think that’s a concern all of us have, even before-- rome and everything that’s happened. it’s not a new thing, not a new concept. so i’m concerned, yes, but it’s only amplified a bit because of rome, not because of him.”
“pft, you got time for me ‘ta list ‘em all?” he muses, chuckling wryly. he rubs the back of his neck, tongue poking against the inside of his mouth. “everythin’ my old man said ‘ta me while i was livin’ in daegu.” he says immediately. “i still think ‘bout that garbage. and then the-- fight with jeongguk.” he winces at the memory. “still-- think ‘bout that a lot too.”
