Elect Me as Your Brain Surgeon
Brendan Gilfillan is the Director of Communications and Public Affairs for the Truman National Security Project.
My friend started getting migraines recently. They scared him a bit, and he told me he was going to go to a doctor.
I told him I’d open him up and take a look.
He seemed skeptical at first, but I told him I’d worked in politics and would be great at neurosurgery.
He pointed out that I didn’t have any experience operating on brains and that no skills are transferable between politics and brain surgery; I told him that the first brain surgeons had never done surgery before their first try—that’s the way Hippocrates wanted it.
I think he was warming to the idea, because he asked me for a diagnosis. I told him that the problem was probably in the aorta and the solution is to cross-stitch the veins until the stent took hold and then tie off the femoral artery until normal blood flow returned to the respiratory system.
He asked me where I heard that and I told him the internets—where any smart person goes to get the facts before making life and death decisions.
He didn't seem convinced when I told him I could remove the aorta fairly easily, so he took some Excedrin instead.
So then I asked him if he was in the market for some real estate...