@spliqi, I believe you requested a tag— Sol vs Beast v4: fight
Except v4 already wins because the cover is dazai looking like THAT (im weak dont judge me. But also the use of cool blues instead of the soft purples we've gotten for Everyone else makes me want to yell he's fully separated himself from the narrative it's fine. I'm not overthinking. The cover.) and more importantly CANON AKUTAGAWA LOOKING LSKJGOIHEG oh my god. Sweet? Content? Borderline happier than we literally ever see him. He must be looking at Gin or Atsushi like. For real. I am. WEAK. AND THEN I OPEN THE FUCKING COVER AND
The problem with taking breaks to process is I've stepped down from some of the sheer crazy and holy FUCK does that opening image make me want to Spider-Man crawl out a window to fight gravity
the blood smear under his thumb on the watch face makes a heart. I feel like I need to talk a walk around the neighborhood already it's literally one page THERE IS A HEART under his THUMB made out of the blood of the director that he just killed because ptsd made him all reaction and zero thoughts.
There are 238 pages in this. It took me over six hours to make it through v3 with. Less pages. I'm either going to spend a week just on this one volume or im going to smash through it too fast and forget to scream and then my brain's going to boil right out my ears
Do you know I zoomed in on that heart so fast I missed the spread for the chapter cover and now I'm screaming again because they MATCH now. They match. They're back to back, the shading between them is identical, they're both red; highlights, their eyes, the actual blood and the blood red moon, they're facing the reader TOGETHER and they're SHARING WINGS of the same COLOR now im!!! The bags under their eyes are gone? Less? They're both determined as hell, the swiping at his mouth is entirely unfair and akutagawa should knock it off. I wrote knot. I think that's indicative of what kind of beast fic I've been reading whoops. Anyway. The. Everything. Is very yes. I'm rambling so i dont turn the page again but also fucking hell why are they so pretty who allowed this
WAIT THE TABLE OF CONTENTS PAGE im going to eat this I think. They're?? Soft?? But also watching each other's backs. Aku's coat is spread out on both sides of atsushi like he's protecting him. The MOON IS GREEN AND SOFT like new grass1!!! The orange-y highlights instead of the harsh reddddd and the implied rainnnnn. Im taking this as new beginnings and no one can stop me I don't even care this is the aftercare. Before care? Promise? That the fucking crying Im about to do might have a. The way i just stopped and yelled into my hands because i want to write "will have a purpose" and either the brainrot is so much worse than I thought or I really do need to kick dazai down the stairs moVING ON—
…the middle kid is laughing at me apparently I got a little too loud about the watch and now I'm being gently bullied about my obsessions again except he can't say shit its his FAULT I'm even IN HERE. How dare he show me bsd and then move onto other things, rude as hell
do you think atsushi's hair feels like fur. Thick and soft and fluffy. I think Aku should be able to find out that but nooo we're gonna have aku find out what his ribs look like or something instead.
They have an empty well and no food but I'm supposed to believe some guy who would easily hammer a nail into a kids' foot went out and bought some fancy ass fucking watch??? "Was he going to hug me," Atsushi you're already in the guilt spiral of all time but I AM SHAKING YOU OUT OF IT DO NOT. This is wild. The director is a whole new level of not right in the head. Someone point out to the tiger that he's saved all the kids this guys been beating half to death by actually being him fully to death. "Like a father hugs his son," atsushi. Im holding you so gently. Fucking no.
Yoooo shibusawa still shows up and makes things even more awful of course he does. But also. Atsushi what are you rationalizing right now. What you do MEAN the director was keeping it from you to protect you from the military police. (The idea of hanging him is. Im so sorry that's so funny. Absolutely would not have worked. Not important.) you were doing tiger things BEFORE you killed the guy they let EXPERIMENT on you for pity's sake. They'd been keeping it from you the whole time! They let him hurt you to the point you reacted in self defenseseeeeeee i hate how this is such a well done representation of how folks internalize abuse and justify it. If you ignore the whole. Magic tiger murder.
There is no way in hell all of those kids would've kept quiet though. Threatened or hurt or not, kids just. Say things sometimes.
"He knew I couldn't handle it, so he protected me," by locking me up and hurting me to the point I developed brain problems while also leaving me to hurt all the other kids. Right sure. Also how is this guy getting the tiger in the cage. Why did the tiger not eat him esp if the tiger is very much animal instinct.
"This is the face of evil, one who uses violence to abuse the weak!" Sigh. Sure, my guy, we'll go with " im doing it for your own good," except for how hurting the tiger probably made everything worse all the time and how you THREW HIM OUT and also doesn't explain the part where you were also being the shit out of everyone ELSE so like. Hard pass on this thanks. "How much of his heart he sacrificed." What heart. "the world is out to get you so Im just preparing you for it," right, sure. I've studied too much child-based development/psych for this to settle well.
I know what they're trying to do; it's the same as all the other characters but it just rings so hollow for me here honestly.
Atsushi's breaking my heart though. And to slam right back to AKutagawa reading him straight to filth—well. He'd know about guilt, wouldn't he. Even if they're both misplaced.
RAGDOLL AKUTAGAWA. Atsushi's beating the shit out of him with the same intensity as he had the director. How are you not dead, love. Why are you letting him. What fuckery are you up to.
Oh. Oh fuck that's a whole arm neeeevermindddddd atsushi's so used to pain it barely fucking registered oh my god. The HAND aku shapes like a gun im!! Rashomon is so much fun in every verse why is it always so pretty honestly
Two thin panels atop each other and it's just their eyes, wide and dark. Gonna crrryyy.
Again, rashomon's just pretty.but what the fuck do you mean you slit OPEN YOUR SKIN and then absorbed the blows via space im!! AKUTAGAWA WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PICK THAT ONE UP EVEN WHAT THE HELL WAS HAPPENING IN THE SLUMS HOLY SHIT
Oda feed him more his hipbones are so sharp they're going to slice through his belt. They're so fucking insane what you do mean he's casually got atsushi crucified and is using Rashomon's tendrils like A DRILL to screwdrive his ass to the WALL and also sympathizing about the crushing weight of guilt
"I get it but you're stopping me from finding gin, and I won't regret again," and i am crying
STOP IT NII SAN
I had to smother myself for a second there. Are you telling me. Dazai set this whole things up specially to get these two to fight AND ALSO PUT GIN IN A POSITION TO JUST FUCKING WATCH??? AND gins going to side with dazai. I want an entire novel from gin's pov so I can understand literally anything she does ever in this verse girl dont do it
THE WAY AKU IMMEDIATELY screams for her!! His bug eyed frantic face on the monitor!! He's so fucking desperate!! SHE HAS BEEN WATCHING THIS THE WHOLE TIME WHAT THE FUCK
She tells him to leave. I take back everything gin's the most confusion one here to me lmao how did you go from trying to keep him with you with every ounce of yourself to believing whatever dazai said in like one night. You've had 4.5 years of dazai in your ears so this isn't unexpected i guess. But also. Why does dazai need akutagawa and gin like this.
This is mean to gin too dazai you fuck
I CAME IN MYSELF she says. TERRIBLY LONELY MAN??? Oh my god gin I'm going to throw you out another window. WHAT. The fUCk. How old even are you the 4.5 years thing is throwing me all the way off. Whatever. Turning gin against him is. Girl WHAT. "You shouldn't have anyone important in your life." Wow kay that's an unhinged thing to say to anyone ever.
No i can't take this seriously anymore. "Your violence isn't like the mafia's, we have like spreadsheets," gin sit down. Intent and rationality? I'm wheezing. Awful lot of intent, yeah, but the rationale is boiling down to 'how to ensure Atsushi and akutagawa are as fucked up as possible.' "You drag those you love into it, destroying everything." I NEED RECEIPTS GIN. Because the ones I have go like, "protects kid," "protects kid," "watches all the kids be brutally murdered," "puts down the murderers" literally what the fuck gin this right here is the only time he's actively started shit and even then it was fully provoked using YOU AS A MOTIVATOR im. Nah. Gin's living in a very different reality
Gin: you're evil (and somehow the mafia isn't???)
Akutagawa: nearly bursts into tears. Fully believes it immediately. Remembers all the dead kids and somehow this is his fault for existing despite the diamond/gang of it all. Full reversal of kenji's speech.
I don't understand, he says. Fuck, me either.
"What must I do to get you back." Im gonna do a lap around the house. The fucking agony pouring out of him.
Oh. There it is. Right. So she's just spouting things she's probably heard over the years but the core of it is: you love so much you're willing to die for it, for THEM, and I can't handle the thought of you being dead. Being without you while you live is better than being without you because you're dead.
It's very childish logic, and rooted fully in that moment where AKutagawa left her in the street. I hate that this makes sense now and it's more of the same so I should have seen this already: Dazai making use of the awful things they've lived through and the way there's never ever a choice in those moments that doesn't hurt someone.
He loved those kids so much he was willing to die for it. She loves him so much she's staying away to keep him from doing it again.
They're so fucking young.
The shock on his face. The hurt. The way Atsushi takes advantage and tries to kill him with his actual teeth. While Gin continues to watch. I'm tired. The fact this whole plot so far hinges on how damaged and short sighted everyone is is like, frustrating but also unfortunately uhhh probably the most realisitic part of the whole thing is like. Ajsdgashfg fuck
Christ back to dazai who's such a mess already. He's used "odasaku" like four times in a minute. OH ITS ODA POV??? I thought it was dazai pov ooooh that's funnnn but uh dazai did you like kill the barkeep for this
"The empty seat beside us," the way I had to be like does he mean ango or cat-man—
'Dispose of an unexplored bomb,' im squinting at you
Oda's trying to figure him out so hard and Im over here vibrating bc this dazai image is just of a deeply fucked up kid screaming love me with his entire face honestly. Oh this whole conversation is just sad. He's so desperate and fucking deranged and he's playing pretend so hard right now. Using oda's nickname every .2 seconds.
You know, dazai, you had people who loved you that weren't Oda, and you made good and sure to get them all fucked up and directed it at you—just for oda. So like. Have fun with that. You never got to have any of them in this world you made.
Dazai trying to reassure him and coax him into writing and oda's like, that's sweet but meaningless bc I dont know you.
Beast is just an endless matryoshka doll of fucking ow, huh.
The way I didn't clock the sharp edges of the speech bubble fast enough and fully thought dazai was the one saying "one of my men is in trouble," about AKUTAGAWA and nearly had a fucking STROKE
Oda how did you know????? To find him there if he's never been. Did he leave you a letter too. Is there more to the gin-letter. ODA PUTTING HIMSELF BETWEEN AKUTAGAWA AND THE BULLETS IM GONNA CRY
"Has a good guy looking out for him," and the little, "what?" Deep breath. He's idolized oda so fucking hard for so fucking long and never actually HAD oda in his life. Meanwhile oda's like. Im a what now
Dazai your everything is so unsettling. "He'll be fine! So long as he's not dead!" Hitting you with a rolled up newspaper and also this shoe. AKU SITTING SO PRETTY WITH KENJI THOUGH
But seriously fuck OFF 'he'll be fine," you're giving him another fifty lives' worth of issues in one afternoon hes going to be WORSE you BITCH Just not actively hunted!! Maybe. You're gonna be dead though so like who knows
This is the funniest way this could have been done what do you mean he's here having not-a-drink with his not-bestie while his adopted idiots murder all of his henchmen and fuck gin and kyouka up into the next millennia and also try to kill each other. He's? NOTEVEN THERE imalksdjfalsgh
"Why did you lure him there." So you noticed. "Lucky guess." Im howling what about this was subtle dazai????
Oda pulls a gun on him like a RATIONAL fucking person (no. Im not letting this go) and dazai looks like hes gonna burst into tears. I am having shrimp emotions. I want to laugh but also i want to cry and i also want to fight everyone plus whatever gods are left what the FUCK is this
"Put the gun away," he says emotionally because he just wanted one conversation where he could pretend and oda is too RATIONAL for that and explains why he can't do that, and also how his violence! Is! Purposeful! And! Dazai literally modeled his whole everything off of oda and im only now catching it fuck me i guess but it blows up in his face so hard right here. Who's the emotional animal now, you brat. "ITS TRUE," he pleads. He looks like a child and sounds like a child and oda's focused on getting HIS KID safe.
Beast really just made me into an oda simp i think
I've misspelled because so many times my auto correct thinks that's just how its spelled now goddamnit this is what happens when I have too many thoughts
Ohhhh the freaking flash to the hit on Oda's kids, i am WRECKED. He was so close to saving them and his face—going straight into Dazai's equally distraught face when oda won't LISTEN—
Except imma say the same thing now i did when I first saw that and it's the same thing I said for gin: why didn't you go with him then. If you couldn't make him stop, why not go WITH him. Which doesn't make sense when I'm talking about an already-wounded and normal girl of like 12-14 years but dazai's armed, trained, and y'know, good at it.
(Ultimately he would've been a liability and oda wouldn't have let him, ultimately his going along would not have helped because his skill can't match seeing the future and he's not actually impervious to bullets, ultimately it wouldn't have mattered, but he wouldn't have been alone— vs how he DID actually try to go alone but he tried to do it Smart, but using his Resources and Connections and Backup and Mori stopped him, so he went alone anyway. And it didn't matter. He did his best, he loved with his whole heart, and it didn't save him. Oh wait, that's literally this whole fucking au isn't it.)
Dazai's face in the flashback with his bandages ripped off. Wow. That hurts more than I thought it would honestly. The two drinks, one untouched. "Don't call me odasaku, my enemies have no right,"
Because even if they were friends in another life, they live in this one, and in this one dazai's hurting his kid over and over.
God the way dazai is falling apart here. None of this is going to plan. He's literally fidgeting with his hands between his legs. Sigh. Fine his turn: he's so young. Vulnerable. Emotional.
'Forced' into taking over after mori? HA HE WAS PISSING PEOPLE OFF ON PURPOSE to grow the mafia
"All of it for this world's—" and he stops, and it's just Oda. Because he'll say it's for this world's survival, but he's full of shit. It was for Oda.
Christ the photo of the lupin trio hits like a truck but those are not HIS oda and ango. He's never had oda or ango or anyone. He's always been alone. he's never smiled like that. "Please dont shoot me here in the one place I had good memories that aren't even mine." Wow okay I'm bleeding i think
What do you mean I'm not even 100 pages in yet what the hell
One last odasaku. Insert nodding while pretending im fine gif
TIGER. Oh fuck they're outside whoops. Hey hey hey i know time has no real meaning and all but how much time are you wasting when kyouka only had an hour and you need his voice atsushi maybe dont flatten him. Wait fuck aku's falling isn't that how dazai dies later??? SQUINTING SUSPICIOUSLY. You'd be dead before you hit the ground that's too high
Panel of aku with his back arched and leg spread is a choice
HE MAKES A FUCKING SPIDERWEB AROUND ATSUSHI??? THEYRE FALLING AGAIN Oh my god the rapid fire thoughts on how to get out of this without dying because it's the only thing gin asked of him and he can't figure out how and she's gonna be upset and his eyes are white and OKAY HOW DARE ACTUALLY
Is chapter-header-oda wrapped up in dazai's bandages or rashomon. Depends on the day
LIKE HELL he says. Oooooh fuck okay im yellING. The one character who's never given a shit about dying REFUSING because GIN— i am going to melt into a puddle onto the floor what is this montage of people telling him he's awful actually fuck off
HES .2 SECONDS AWAY FROM GOING OKAY I GUESS ILL DIE THEN BECAUSE WHY NOT AND THEN K E N J I KENJI KENJI KENJIJIIIII
This is hysterical. That's one way for akutagawa to figure out who no one wants to piss kenji off. Having his yeet several hundred pounds of steel at him from like two miles away oh my GOD thats so many spikes holy Christ atsushi
How did kenji get up there. Why did you know these two idiots were going to throw themselves out a window. Why is it always a window.
He fucking Spider-Man swings away. My favorite fucking cryptid honestly
IF THE TIGER KEEPS FALLING he says while RaSHOMON WALKING UP THE WALL. WILD set of events. "Time to extract gin," okay my man look at me your sister is a mess i dont think kidnapping her to the ada is going ot HELP that any
He looks down and atsushi's just fucking HANGING OFF. How did you NOT NOTICE. How long as he BEEN THERE. ATSUSHI WERE YOU JUST GOING TO WAIT FOR HIM TO BRING YOU TO THE TOP IM WHEEZING
"I wont let you escape, not YOU" continues to be wild to me that the literal actual mafia is treating this guy like he's the worst thing to ever exist you are the MAFIA. Real "I'm the only one allowed to be mean" energy ngl
The SPIKES are killing me there are so many ATSUSHIS FACE god his whole speech about how much he hates pain at the beginning im laksgja;sufhg
"I have to keep my promise to the director," atsushi. Well. Now im weeping. The SKULL behind the speech bubble that says, "this is the white reaper," SHRIMP EMOTIONS
Do I have any of that. I want to save my sister, a just and strong motive. Crying. Also fuck he's gorgeous. Right beneath one of the most inhumanly drawn atsushi's to date no less.
LOOK AT HIM TRYING TO BE RATIONAL
He asks?? He ASKS ATSUSHI WHAT HES SUPPOSED TO DO??? HE ASKED IM SCREAMING
Rashomon-as-canine-again. 'Heartless dog gained emotion four years ago' uhhhh i don't. I dont think that's what happened kiddo. If you didn't have emotion beforehand you wouldn't have given a shit about the kids but yknow whatever, everything aku does is wrong I guess. I HAD AN EMOTION ONE TIME AND IT RUINED MY WHOLE LIFE. Clawing at my face. Fuck OFF
Anyway look at my babies murdering each other and somehow running at each other on the side of a building like gravity's for losers aren't they neat and not at all giving me heart palpitations. Aku's trying so fucking hard to THINK and use his strategic skillsssss and look at how it loops him right back into HE HAS TO GET TOO FUCKING CLOSE
Endless loop turns again
The way I just had to squint at that big black block of rashomon teeth to realize i was staring at two disembodied arms— 'it's over,' he says with no real sense of victory only relief at the end, except atsushi's still in there fucking yowling
Rock and a hard place indeed except it's what's stronger: your ptsd or mine
TINY BABY KYOUKA CHAPTER HEADER TIN BABY KYOUKAAA
The fucking muscle definition on atsushi is insane. Im ignoring how berserk he is right now its fine shh i take that back that is a fucking fang the size of his forearm he's got in there holy shit
Akutagawa is getting the shit kicked out of him why are we lovingly highlighting his insane eyelashes. Please never stop
Wow they're both so messed up. Atsushi's screaming like a banshee, he's fully lost the plot honestly, and Akutagawa looks like he's hold onto consciousness through sheer willpower and the force of fuck you
How. How is he using rashomon to rain razor blades. How in the hell does that even work. Ohmy god he got him in the EYE. And we're on the roof. I feel like I've been running for hours. HIS COAT LOOKS LIKE RASHOMON all black and ragged and flutteringgggg
Akutagawa giving himself higher ground with this levitation maneuver again
BEAUTIFUL panel with atsushi's eye having regenerated honestly. And below it where the white of his collar makes it look like his head is floating in space because it IS honestly he's not grounded here. "Monster," he says scornfully as akutagawa uses rashomon like legs. Siiiiiigh if hes a monster then so are you and truthfully neither of you are but im assuming you'll figure that one out later yall a little busy atm
Atsushi screaming and hitting the spatial distortion shield. Akutagawa's bleeding from fucking everywhere. His eyes are mostly closed and his face is so sad in this weirdly detatched way he looks like he's crying blood. Yall if this bastard is out cold and rashomon's at the helm im going to scream is he unconscious or has he just managed to put all of those crazy emotions down for two seconds
HE IS FUCKING OUT COLD???? "You'd even go that far!! I'm gonna end it!!" Babe you've been trying this whole time. Im ?!?!? Insane
YOU HAVE TO CLIMB ON TOP OF HIM TO FINISH KILLING HIM? "It's over," ECHOES upon echoes im HOWLING
Wait! KUNIKIDA????DID KENJI GIVE HIM A PAPER? IS ONE OF THEM RIGHT HTERE LSKJDFOWGH KUNI????
No kunikida's with kenji watching through binoculars jesus CHRIST that was MEAN
Nothing like watching atsushi settle himself on top of akutagawa for reasons??? Lmao???
Oh my god. Oh my GOD. Okay. So this has been the exact same suicide run it started as this whole fuckng time. Okay. Im. Taking a minute maybe
'There is no pain, there is no suffering,' and ch122's whole 'I felt no pain,' and this boy's been under so many layers of disassociation i need new words
'One was the man in black and the other is…' and you turn the page only to be met with the most beautiful illustration of akutagawa himself, looking right at you. Punch to the fucking everything. This is also the one time this ENTIRE manga he's ever used his first name. Screaming into my HANDS
He's kneeling over himself; the wisps at the edge of his coat vs the bare toes. Spirit over body. The GUILT here. The judgment. The fact he never intended to make it out alive in the first place. Insane. "I was/am a damaged kid so that means I deserve to die," im not even going to examin that one Im just collecting several boxes of tissues and turning all the mirrors around
The insane way atsushi's drawn here. The thin white X over his face just like the child traffickers aku caught. The implication that it's akutagawa's fault dazai did this to atsushi.
I HAD NO WAY TO WIN NO ONE CAN DEFEAT THEMSELVES and its the rashomon-dog vs the tiger and I
Oh I am throwing myself into a ravine
How is death a draw akutagawa. "No one relying on me, no one to care about me," biting through my own arm he defines himself wholly by the people around him and—oh im weeping. I will finally be saved, he says, because death is a blessing now???? A way out? He says he'll be with his friends. I am WEEPING. He'll leave gin behind again because she doesn't WANT him she doesn't NEED him she says he's EVIL AND BAD AND WRONG and he's better of DEAD where he can't fuck anything else up!!! Iam not well!!
Fucking? Kunikida?? Where did the little device come from? Did he get punched so hard his phone popped out like. "GET UP" kunikida says. I like how this is so baffling even the tiger pauses. HOW DID THEY GET THERE SO FAST. Kenji's just happily beating the shit out of people. How are there any people left to beat up. Honestly. Isn't that the room gin was in. Where did she go.
IM NOT A DETECTIVE he says with blood-tears. Only for KUNIKIDA FUCKING DOPPO TO TELL HIM HE IS NOT EVIL. Because this time it's akutagawa who's not alone. I am going to pass the fuck out maybe YOURE NOT ANYTHING AT ALL YET yes yes yes thank you holy mother of everything. The images of tiny baby akutagawa. And how kunikida drops to his knees and holds him close.
Atsushi tried so hard to comfort the child inside him and couldn't. But Akutagawa didn't even know he had a child left to be comforted and Kunikida and oda and kenji and Tanizaki all caught him anyway. I am crying so fucking ugly right now
Everyone holding onto him so tightly. He's NOT ALONE. This really just drives home to me how alone canon Akutagawa really is; theres only gin and you know damn good and well he doesn't see it that way becuase his job is to take care of her
Atsushi: NO?? Sorry i lost my shit im wheezing and coughing like a loon this is like, Super Serious but that uh no??? Im dead. I kind of like how they're drawn in this next exchange of blows, Atsushi's all rounded muscle and powerful movement and akutagawa's long and lean and stretched and sharp—Turn the page and it's black-eyed tiger with a mouthful of fangs and a white-eyed Ryuunosuke also with fucking fangs. I have no idea what's happening now but the way Atsushi's face falls on one page and then cute little aku at the restaurant with oda is like giving me brain damage
Why is atsushi so pretty like this what is wrong with me
Rashomon catches the tiger's fist. "Where did you have that power?" And everything white. I need a stay at the seaside to recover from this
Earthquake.
Oh my god the collar. The collar? The COLLAR. I'mgoing ot be SICK atsushi splayed out like that. His nails are shredded. His hair looks like cat ears. He's struggling?? To regenerate??? I want to actually celebrate breaking the collar it feels like that's BIG even if it was by force and he's gonna tweak about it but like. Coat's been shredded. Aku's coat was lost, too. Aku's barely standing and he's back to being a black-eyed bat.
KILL ME and aku's like yeah sure and steps on him you are SO STUPID
The little kid drawing of superhero atsushi and all the happy kids and the proud director and what if I kill everyone in fake yokohama and then myself actually there's rashomon in the background fucking crying?? And also a happy little puppy with the kids. Atsushi. Atsushi please im already crying
Akutagawa you dick what are you UP to im wheezing. Kill me. Yea Kay. Eh, no changed my mind get your shit together maybe. WHAT in the hell. HELPING THE SUICIDAL ISNT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION. I need a clone to handle this with me i think im losing my shit
Im going ot be so obnoxious and write this all down bc ive just been repeating it out loud but: fleeing the past and being frightened of yourself is a battle of it's own. Cough up your blood tiger. Cough it up and move on. And if after your fleeing and cowardice you fall defeated I will step over you and laugh.
What the actual flying fuck. Literally impossible to write akutagawa too dramatically i will never worry about it ever again honestly but like ALSO? Kunikida told him to get the fuck up only for him to turn right around and do the exact same thing for Atsushi.
Atsushi must be losing his entire mind right now honestly THEE most insane day of his life wait no i forgot about dazai. Who is. Clapping??? And walking up where did You COme FROM now it's the most insane day actually. Who does this. Clap clap! Good job boys! Congrats! You blew up half the city im so proud of you look at what you did with all your customized trauma patterns!! DAZAI. 'As the one aboard the ship' WHICH SHIP YOU FUCK but seriously DAZAI WHAT THE SHIT
Dazai's turn to be a big ol black bat i guess. The way both boys are instantly like ??? The most unhinged man. 'Did you win because of your emotions or is the ADA just better,' he says while atsushi's bug eyed and half dead at his feet. He expected atsushi to win? I mean. Okay. One of them got training and probably should have won based on that—i maybe had a fit when their first fight has aku get trounced purely bc atsushi has NO idea what hes doing tbh and raw power means nothing if you dont know how to use itBUT ITS AN ANIME WHATEVER THE POWER OF RANPO COMPELLS YOU I GUESS—but also likeeee you've entirely changed who atsushi is. And who akutagawa is. Well not ENTIRELY but substantially. I dont think it mattered who won tbh
You're fired. Sigh. Atsushi's going to internalize that. The little, okay. So. He's. Homeless now? Again? A failure all over again. Dazai i am going to skin you alive he probably thinks youre gonna kill him in a minute come ON
Proven wrong immediately by turning the page. Wait WAIT if he only killed the director a year ago—mori's only been there a year? WHERE WAS HE BEFORE. ALSO. The ORPHANAGE? Is the LIGHT? Under mori?????? Mori officially the most confusing character ever what
ATSUSHIS EYES SNAP SO WIDE he literally thought you were gonna kill him my guy not send him out to pasture to deal with all the fun nightmares you've given him
AKUTAGAWA so real right now: dude what is your PROBLEM you could've done this less insane!! He fully thought dazai was gonna attack not just walk past him. They're both staring at him like he's gone round the bend.
Oh goodie I get the mastermind speech ive been dreading thsi whole timeeeeeeeee
Oh my GOD look at all the different DAZAIS there is a long haired dazai!!!! There is a pirate dazai i am YELLING
BEAST VERSE STANDINIG AND CONNECTED TO CANON BYTHEIR FEET IM SLD:JKGJHERG INCOHERENT i love this I LOVE this actually what the fUCk
Dazai's shadow stretching to encompass akutagawa but not atsushi. Oh.
ATSUSHI CLOSING IN AND STANDING BESIDE AKUTAGAWA AS THEY LISTEN AND ASK QESTIONS IMS GLKJSFG why are they standing so close. Insane behavior. Dazai's telling them INSANE THINGS and they're instinctively?? SEEKING COMFORT?? From the guy they were just actively trying to murder lkasjdg
YES. Why take GIN WHAT
The thing beyond power when your souls intertwine. Ohhh im going to have so much fun puzzling THAT One out FOREVER
Im gonna stand by believing this was fully possible without them having to nearly kill each other tbh I think it's just the only way dazai knows it happened and thus the fail proof one bc it's already happened
Atsushi already begging him to step back. He's BEGGING HIM the second he realizes this means three of them know. Oh my god. He's going to feel like he's failed and gotten his father figure/mentor killed TWICE now.
like going back to your hometown and there's train tracks dazai where are you from
He admits so easily that this is the only world oda's alive and well. The ONLY one. And also that he doesn't actually care about the world for the worlds sake. Okay. Okay. Im fine.
Two suicidal boys watch dazai fall and fall and fall. Atsushi tries to grab him but doesn't follow even though he literally could go catch him. And aku follows ATSUSHI, stays with atsushi, and his face is all shock.
Oh my goddddd. Kenji again. My baby.
RANPO?? Oh my god thats like cold water to the face in the funniest way DAZAIS DEATH—RANPO GIGGLING. Kenji's halves speech fits neatly in the middle. Life/death. Time continues to spin. Aku using his skill for silly things and he's so proud of himself. Im gonna crrryyyy he's having super in-depth discussions about farming and shit this puts all those little scenes where Beast Aku shows up to something that wouldnt grow in canon verse into a heartbreaking light yall
FLUTTER. And he shreds them and makes snow seemingly for his own amusement since kuni's like dummy put it in the BIN lmao
Anyway. Yes. Akutagawa learning to live and enjoy life. Gonna bawl. And then we turn the page and Atushi's a mess??? SHES YELLING AT HIM FOR TRYING TO STARVE WRONG IM SDGKJSFLG WHAT
Dazai died and atsush just walked back into the woods??? Where is kyouka.
Literally how is putting him back in the orphanage healthy dazai. He's gonna see ghosts everywhere.
Dazai saved your life huh. Squints.
Mori telling him dazai wanted to take care of him but that mori thinks he wasn't right about what atsushi needs. Telling atsushi to break the watch right off the bat is a batshit move mori what game are we playing now.
Oh. Oh the way Atushi finally looks up and realizes the room is full of light and children's drawings. There's kids laughing and playing and they're happy and this is different. RULING BY FEAR IS BARBARIC MORI SAYS ON HIS KNEES IN THE LIGHT I AM WEEPING
Let me save you because I couldn't save MY boy. Oh i am never recovering.
MORI HOLDS HIM. MORI HUGS HIM. MORI PULLS HIM IN AND CALLS HIM SON AND TELLS HIM HE WANTS GOOD THINGS FOR HIM AND ATSUSHI ihave the biggest crocodile tears on my face im insane little baby atsushi gets the hug and acknowledgment akutagawa did. From a man he's only known for five minutes. A man who's showing him more care than literally anyone else ever has. I am. NEVER. Recovering.
He doesn't want to die. He wants to get better. Because Akutagawa told him to. AKUTAGAWA WHO IS WATCHING PEOPLE GO ABOUT THEIR DAY AND SWEARING TO PROTECT THEM???? IM???? SCREAMING??? 'Odd sense of heartache and bewilderment' oh my god he is the sweetest idiot alive
The fact that one of the images is of a BRIGHT and HAPPY ATSUSHI looking YOUNG AND FREE with a toddler on his shoulders while aku talks about doing his best even if hes not sure he can reach his goals. I am ruined. The sudden switch to we, 'even with OUR beasts and OUR regrets,' and it's over the ADA but he's got to be talking about his tiger im FERALhe IS talking about his tiger
The funny thing is i dont think ever of them were really 'gleeful' when it came to murdering people
Until the day I become human i will continue to run howling loudly. He's.he's embracing life. Yall. I can't. And overlaid the image of the two of them, a matching set, with soft eyes looking FORWARD—
Oh oh oh HIUCHI is still in this. WILD. That means? Even in this short time the mafia's gotten it's shit back together—still laughing over Chuuya just disappearing again that time your characters are too OP oops— and taken a deal from the guild to go after the guy that gutted their entire rank and file. WILD behavior honestly. How does fyodor connect aku to the book. Also if he knows about the book then there are already 3 people who know about it plus everyone else he tells soooo. Shhh i dont care nevermind i went back in and now im melting over how happily kenji's popping in next to akutagawa. KENJI ON ONE SIDE AND TANIZAKI ON THE OTHER THOSE ARE HIS BOYSSSSS
he’s decided to embrace LIVING and hope GIN WILL COME TO HIM when she works through her own issues because he can’t DO anything about it and following her wont HELP and im WEAK this was EXACTLy what i need for the bb actually fuck
And im SOBBING the next bit is atsushi crawling around LIKE A TIGER except he's giving a million kids a ride and im NEVER GETTING OVER THIS
GINKARU MEANS BITE OF THE SILVER WOLF I KNEW IT WAS A WOLF AND NOT A DOG. Ahem. Also. Dazai's shadow in the little swirl??? haunting the narrative for real
Okay. I fully understand why beast screws everyone up and why you're all sobbing but shoving it into people's hands. I still think Dazai's a bit of an idiot all around but he's the exact same idiot as Akutagawa honestly, just with a wider reach and possibly less guilt about collateral. Everyone’s a disaster, everyone’s just trying to take care of like Their One Person. Dazai strikes me as having chosen this path because try anything else was untested and therefore held a possibility for failing but yknow, I still think he’s a dummy. Just one with convictions.
Oda can’t ever ever know. That’s fun.
This was. SO much.all around. I'm glad I read it even if it made me feel like I was losing my mind the entire time and I'm glad I decided to yell about it like this bc it feels like it's settled into my brain better than it would've if I'd sped through all of it in a day. So. Thanks for coming along for the screaming. 😘 and apparently I need to scrounge some light novels at some point.