It's funny that something as simple as picking up my laptop can be a reminder of you. Can be a reminder that there's still pain there. Can be a reminder that just because life has made me busy and distracted, that doesn't change that these wounds are deeper than a few counseling sessions and tears.
You see, there's stickers on my computer. A Trevor Project sticker and a rainbow ribbon given to me by our favorite professor.
You were with me when I got that sticker. I was so excited. You and Dr. T were just chatting about different books, his bookshelves, and life. You were so excited just to have this opportunity. You'd never felt close to a Professor, and you looked up to him so much, and I found it adorable. I loved making bread that night with you; I loved seeing you barter with Zack. We had so much fun, and I will forever keep that night in my mind. It's one of my favorite times with you.
Skye, I miss you so much. I miss your smile and your laugh and the way you just glowed. I miss the presence you brought and the adorable way you'd say thank you when you received a compliment. I miss you calling everyone "dude" and how defensive you would get when talking about social issues. I miss listening to you and Zack talk and it go over my head. I miss the way you would cover your hands with your hoodie, and just how humble you were. I miss joining ranks and agreeing on how annoying we found our group members in Environmental Sociology. I miss being upset that you could play on Tumblr and still make the highest grade in the class. I miss your life, Skye. I miss your beautiful, beautiful life.
Because even now it's still so hard to believe that such a brilliant star is no longer here. Even now it's hard to comprehend I'll never be able to talk to you again. I'll never get to see the amazing things you accomplish.
But how could I ever be angry at you for doing something so human? How could I be upset that you did something so many have thought about? Struggled with? I can't be mad or upset at you, Skye. I was at one point, but it was fleeting. I hate that this world took away your brilliance. I hate that this world could somehow dull the light that was you.
I love you, Skye. Thanks for always making my skies beautiful, even when I forget to pay attention to the beauty.