Reality and the Power of Images (or, OMG IS THAT REALLY ME IN THAT PHOTO?!)
by content intern Katie Manthey
This week TBINAA is focused on looking at the power of images and the distortion of reality. I don’t know about you, but I know that I go back and forth with “trust” concerning images. I know that I am more than a photo, more than my reflection in the mirror, but the reflection in the mirror is also me. [Image: a flyer stuck to a bathroom mirror that reads: “WARNING: Reflections in this mirror may be distorted by socially constructed ideas of ‘beauty’. Montclair State University”]. This makes me wonder about reality: what is really real? Is it the flattering picture or the unflattering reflection in the mirror? We can never be totally outside of our bodies, and as a result we see ourselves through others: how other people react to us, how we see ourselves reflected in other people, reflected in shiny surfaces, reflected in a photo. Here’s an example:
I like to take “what I wore today” photos and put them on Instagram. The recipe for these is always the same: me, my iPhone, and my bedroom mirror. Always the same angle, always the same lighting. A few weeks ago, I took a photo in the morning (on the left) and had my picture taken with a friend later that day. I am wearing the same clothes.
[Image: there are two photographs next to each other of the same girl, wearing the same grey sweatshirt and green shorts. In the photo on the left, she is taking the picture in front of a mirror, with her phone covering her face. The second photo shows two girls outside standing in front of a statue. The photo is taken from a distance.]
When I first saw the picture on the right, I freaked out: that’s not the me that I see in the mirror! It’s funny how one good picture can feel like justification or winning or the ultimate approval from society and how one bad picture can make you question everything from your own eyesight to your self worth. When I look at them more closely—when I really zoom in on the second one and look at myself in as much detail as the first, I have to wonder: what’s the difference? The closer I get to seeing myself in that second photo, the more I see things about me that are recognizable: my pretty skin coloring, my complexion, my makeup, my dark hair, the thoughtfulness of the colors of my clothes: how they complement each other and my skin tone, the overall shape of my body under the clothes.
I am the same person in each photo—but which one is ME? I know that it’s all a matter of perspective—on many levels. There’s the physical perspective of the camera holder: In my photo I am able to take the picture from a real life angle (not up or down), veering on the down side (which is notoriously flattering) if at all. The other picture was taken from below (a notoriously unflattering angle). Again: which one is real? Is “reality” based only on the moment of production? Consumption? Was I really the Katie in the second picture to the guy who took the photo—or is that image a fluke (which I think people try to convince themselves when they see a “bad” photo). When I move through the world with other people, do they see the first version of me, or the second? Or is it a combination of both? Am I basically creating a photoshopped version of life through Instagram and the controlled space of my bedroom mirror? Is this only how I look to myself from one angle? There’s a reason I don’t take pictures of myself from other angles—or have other people take them for me. Part of it is about control—I like to be in control of my own image—and part of it is that I am terrified to see the “truth”. The thing is: does anyone else care? When you look at a group photo, you look at yourself first—and usually exclusively. Who the hell cares what everyone else looks like, as long as it is flattering for you. “Bad” pictures should NOT be the thing that gets you to change your lifestyle. Bad pictures can happen to anyone at any size. Unless you live a photoshopped life that will never change, you will see a photo that isn’t glamourous. Learning to sit with that and be okay with it is radical self love. There’s always something scary about the unexpected—it shakes our sense of firmness. So maybe this is learning to acknowledge that I have a body that can take both super flattering and super unflattering photos.
The bottom line is that I am both of these pictures and I am neither of these pictures. They both happened in moments that have now past: every minute of the day my body is physiologically different. If there’s no one to see me right now (except my dog) then am I beautiful right now? Am I ugly? These categories seem to only exist and carry weight if there is an audience—a group that makes the person in the photo become “Other” by passing verdict on the images they see. “You are acceptable” or “you are not acceptable” come from the outside or the imagined outside. In order to practice radical self love, make sure that whenever you see your reflection (in other people, in the mirror, in photos, etc) that you remember that you are more than one image—and how we see images is through the social construction of beauty which is limited and leaves many many beautiful bodies out. All bodies are beautiful. Embrace yours.
