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You say I've forgotten how to fight back but you're wrong. I have every bit of rage I had as a child, every bit of spite and defiance. I just choose not to let it out, because, for the moment, that rage brings me closer to unsafety.

But you seemed to have lulled yourself into a false sense of security. You seem to think I'm beaten down now, a whimpering animal at the back of its cage.

I can still fight. I just have things I'd rather not drag into your meaningless battles. But if I'm pushed... If you take away what I have to lose... Oh, you'll regret it. You'll regret it.

#/nbh #specifically this is about like #3 separate people and one of them is literally ourself so.#idk we were an explosive and fighty child. always ready to defend ourselves. but we got punished so much #and now we have avpd and just and anxiety as well #and also control of our temper #but even if the anger isnt there if i ever get in a Worse than Worse situation #aka if the risk of losing what im doing this for is no longer a factor. ohoho. id go apeshit #half want someone to give me an excuse to #bec.exe #vent #i mean its not a vent its a poem more than anything but without the context of my emotions (excitement) it could be seen as one #sooooo.

the fucking rage I feel when people our body's age try to infantilize me or treat me like I don't know whats going on because I'm 14.

OK. Im 14, and for 13 years of that I was a host. I ran this show and you would not be talking to this system without me. And even after I stopped being host, I still have so much more knowledge of us than, like, Jinx or Juniper, hosts who formed in 2021.

I may be young but idfk. I know shit. And I'm no baby. And it's messed up that people baby me more than they do fucking IRL 14 y/o bodied folks.

I just hate being treated like a child.

#ive always hated being treated like a child tbf #but now the contrast is starker #bec.exe

37%

37%. Does your character tend to blame or punish others for their own emotions?

Out of all of my OCs the only one who really does is Os, and I tend to cut him some slack because he's still a (traumatized) teenager learning emotional regulation skills, but also, he's BECs sona, and BEC is representative of us when we were that age and, in the gentlest way to our past self, we were kinda fucked up and manipulative!

So Os tends to get defensive really easily, and this leads to him lashing out. He kind of thinks of himself as better than others and up until this point everyone in his life has affirmed this! And then he has a falling out with them and finds himself with a bunch of self described "morally bankrupt losers", so while he's working on (rightfully) de-inflating his ego a bit and, like, checking the biases of his past, he definitely has moments where he, in feeling vulnerable or inadequate, tends to push those feelings aside in order to lash out at someone in order to reaffirm how great he is, actually.

#os.oc #ocs.exe #viktor.exe #bec.exe #viktor u can insult me for when we were 14 its not like i wasnt actively trying to be as evil as possible lol -bec

shit had more alters at age 4 than some systems ik have in their 20s

#which is to say. 4. at least. whether or notnwe were fully formed at least 4 of us where there before The Funeral #which is what we thougjt made our system for a long time #but no! we were well and good fucked up before then #bec.exe

fmab screencap redraw for practice

#bec.exe

tma fanart or whatever

#bec.exe #i couldnt find a pencil and he's a man(?) you can't fuck up even if you dive straight in with a sharpie

Transmasc alter coming to front while the body's wearing a dress and tights: *reverse magical girl transformation*

#bec.exe #didosdd #also tbf i know some of our transmasc DO like the dresses so this post is specifically for the transmasc alters who immediately must change

#bec.exe

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