I have a hard time loving others becuse of the difficulties i have loving myself an i feel shame about that.

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I have a hard time loving others becuse of the difficulties i have loving myself an i feel shame about that.
Ok hear me out: a sea angel but like a mermaid kinda thing instead of a little guy. And it has the same wings as normal sea angels and if found, they can tell you the future
i think i don’t have a healthy enough understanding of the practice of love in interpersonal relationships because of my limited view of self and self love. I end up dysregulated, anxious/shut down, then spiral from shame; everytime, like clock work. A soft reminder that continues to gnaw at me is that i am worthy. Even when it’s messy, even when it’s imperfect, it’s all me. there’s no optimal version of me that needs to act or think a certain way. A lot of the work is mental. #thoughts
I like my bed already warmed in the evening.
I dont mean with heating pads or such.
I mean another person, preferable naked, excited and licking their lips when I enter the room. Sleep can come later.
Come to bed with me.
Was thinking about the movie Arrival and the decision to choose a path, even knowing how it will end, how much pain you'll go through, and choosing to go through it anyway.
Thinking about Callum trying to connect with the Star arcanum as a means to stopping Aaravos and inadvertently becoming Time Blind... knowing not only his future but the future of his family.
Potentially knowing it doesn’t end in a happy ending for him, Rayla, and Sarai, but choosing the difficult path anyway because it's the only way to save them.
The night is dark and full of mares.. or whatever
do u think if I get really good at close up magic she'll be impressed and aroused