#beeharris

[beeharris]

The doves part as we enter

[beeharris]

Today

I would go to the cloisters

I'd take my cats

Kairos and Vesta

my dogs

Strelka and Onyx

I would show them the unicorn

then the herbal garden

we would eat sandwiches

watch butterflies

my dead chihuahuas

Grubdog and Gater

would stop by

arm in arm

they admire the lavender and light

a beam of sun

warms their fur

yes we talk of the good ol days but mostly

of the moment

we are drunk on the now

nowhere else to be

just us

enjoying an afternoon out

[beeharris]

We saw Laurie Anderson last night..

as animated letters fell from the sky like snow

and the shadow of her hand

pointed the way

I felt tears well in my heart

we are the fortunate ones

who get to hear such an epic story teller.. tell

how many times

has Big Science played for me

as I worked late nights

long days

how many times did that album hold my hand

as my hands made

when I got home I made cloud noodles with butter and ate them in bed next to Joe

He said he would tell my stories too if I died before him

is our love like Laurie & Lou

seems so

feels right

I fall asleep

full belly

full bed

surrounded by the force of pure creative love

in the morning I wake up and buy Captain Beefhearts Trout Mask Replica on vinyl

whats a home without that record in house

somehow I think both Laurie and Lou Reed would agree

[beeharris]

Rest in Peace to my uncle Shaun ❤️

You always reminded me of winnie the pooh.. just kinda wander'n around for a good pot of hunny & helping your friends along the way. One of the last times I talked to you.. you were telling me about how your daughter taught you how to put water gardens out for the bee's and it just warmed my heart so much to think about you tending to earths tiny creatures. I am sad to loose you. I am crying. I think about grandma and how I didn't get a proper goodbye with her either.. how shes a giant maple tree now and how she prob smiled at you as you left us and held you in her arms like she did for me just barely a year ago.. I wonder what you saw.. I wish I could ask you and you would just be there next time I go to Michigan and you will say hey binny I love you in that silly ol bear voice and I will give you a big hug and say ooo shauuun I love you too.

Because I actually did and do. death is strange to process as I haven't seen you in years but I can still hear your voice clear as ever. I guess I just liked knowing you were out there you know.. giving water to bee's and listening to your daughter.

[beeharris]

Last night

a nightmare

my chest

a sharp wound

They said

Your first start was from birth

Now you start from death

[beeharris]

Gutting a vanilla bean

is like

scraping the stars

out of the night sky

[beeharris]

Last night.. I went to my first concert since the crash..

We saw Laraaji play in a church that looked more like a spaceship

There were stars morphing into waves projections of smoke into lightning

Laraaji played a grand piano from the inside out shaking seedpods banging bells slither zither

In the crowd there were many faces of queer friends we knew and that calmed my heart

On the way over it felt to me that the city was so vast I was just another lost angel within the fog and distant lights

during intermission our friend Ali tapped Joe on the shoulder and we hugged long between pews between lifetimes a short moment to talk deep and quick before the lights dim and its all stars and water sounds once again

We snuck out of the church during a standing ovation The streets were wet with rain we found ourselves waiting out the rare LA storm at roscos chicken and waffles The waitress danced around the tables singing her praise to the flashes of light and warm waffles

Fall is here and so am I



[beeharris]

Some mornings

the accumulation of trauma stuns me

my minds logic searches endlessly while my heart weeps for no reasoning can be found

I enter that place where I am victim

his face changes with the season

but he is always

drunk angry violent

I try to leave

the room

the house

the state

the country

yet no matter how far I get

there he is

standing in front of me

pounding his fists

pointing his finger

slowly but surely

breaking me

because he can not

kill me

~I have recently survived a drunk driver crashing into me. The near death experience has brought up a series of old trauma.. a line of harm now connected to this crash. At this point.. I am releasing the pain thru art.. like fluid drawing, making cathartic music w my partner & now writing sloppy sad poetry on tumblr.. its been a lot for me to process but processing as artist as alchemist as mystic is the only way I know.. alchemize the heartbreak.. create.. rise from.. transform~