Due to numerouzzz complaintz received from Upper Upper Office (@angelic-upper-management,) we’re obligated to put out thizzz Public DisService Announcement:
Pleazzzze stop trying to date the angelzz, especially the archangelz (or The Almighty, though I unfortunately thought that could remain unzsaid.) They keep on having to zsend soulzz down here with ‘monzzzsterfucker’ stamped all over them and that requirezzz us to take additional measurezz for your personal eternal torturezzzz instead of just tozzzing you in with the general batch due to the whole ‘personally pizzzed off Heaven’ thing.
It’s just a lot more work for usz, and the whole thing can really just be avoided if you stop throwing your salvation away while literally sitting outside the Gatezzz of Heaven. Commit some minor sinzz while you’re alive and become damned in the normal way like the rest of your speciezzz, it savez us a lot of trouble.
-Beezelbub