(Also) Head Office

Here to tempt you away from salvation. Answered by Beelzebub, Hatsur, Ligur, Shax, Dagon, and Furfur

[hellish-lower-management]

Hello, humanzzz. I, Beelzebub, have been informed that Upper Management has started some angelic blog like @angelic-upper-management leading up to the Second Coming in a desperate bid to get some soulzzz before Armageddon 2.0. It’zzz only fair that Hell has an even chance even though we will absolutely win. We have opened so-called ‘asks’ to learn more about opportunitiezzz in Hell and why it’zzz much better than being stuck with those prickzz Upstairs.

Ask away, but remember that knowledge was the original sin. It also might take a while becauzzze there is only one computer down here and the internet izzz slow, don’t use Version.

[lower-management]

Due to the zshort notice and the latezt emergency meeting having been poztponed we will be re-uzing the old ztarting plotz for the new war.

[hellish-lower-management]

Will there be equal mass misery and destruction this time? From the last one, I can still recite most of the 1940s Top 100 most popular German names without getting double-tongue-tied. I will quit if I have to do that again with some other country. Can I even quit? Is that something I can do?

-Furfur

[hellish-lower-management]

get the Erics to do it?

We would, but we can't find them in the crowds of the damned. They seem just as clueless as well; more than a few have tried to come to the front desk after a few years of waiting in line to try and register like a human soul. It's a large part of our understaffing problem, they all just end up getting lost.

-FurFur

[hellish-lower-management]

If anyone hazzz any ideaz on what to do about the increasing 'overcrowding' problem in admissionz, we're open to suggestionz. Not me specifically, I have much better thingz to do, but I'm sure Shax and FurFur may be open to suggestionz, those lazy bastardz.

-Beelzebub

[lower-management]

Wonder what would happen if I juzt quit.

[hellish-lower-management]

I get a promotion?

-Shax

[lower-management]

That actually made me have a bit of a laugh. Congrayulationz ZShax, you're getting better at jokez.

[hellish-lower-management]

Yes. Jokes. Obviously. Hm.

-Shax

[lower-management]

Wonder what would happen if I juzt quit.

[hellish-lower-management]

I get a promotion?

-Shax

[fishyfiles]

:(

[hellish-lower-management]

: Zzz. Z z z z z z z z z z. ]

How do I delete letters? I got distracted. It’s supposed to be a smiling face. But not of joy. Or niceness. I’m happy for your sorrow. Obviously.

-Shax

[fishyfiles]

There is such a thing as a backspace button...

Obviously.

[hellish-lower-management]

In the backspace? Not on the keyboard? Now that’s just a stupid design, everyone knows how crowded the back closets are. Why would they put it separately from the rest of the buttons? Nevermind, I’ll find some junior demon to scrounge out a ‘button from the back.’

-Shax

[lower-management]

Wonder what would happen if I juzt quit.

[hellish-lower-management]

I get a promotion?

-Shax

[fishyfiles]

:(

[hellish-lower-management]

: Zzz. Z z z z z z z z z z. ]

How do I delete letters? I got distracted. It’s supposed to be a smiling face. But not of joy. Or niceness. I’m happy for your sorrow. Obviously.

-Shax

[lower-management]

Wonder what would happen if I juzt quit.

[hellish-lower-management]

I get a promotion?

-Shax

[bonvo7age]

the goober ever

original photo ↓

[andagon]

Is.that.so? @lower-management

[lower-management]

Name five demonz that aren't.

[angelo-rib-shack]

1. @mr-crawleigh

2. @lower-management

3. @violet-yimlat

4. @pissylittlebirdboy

5. @dream-of-pain (cause she loves momma @amagnificentobsession )

[lower-management]

I don't count, the firzt iz not from my univerze, the 4th iz a moron and the 5th doezn't work for uz.

[hellish-lower-management]

Competent enough to run a …EFAQU? FAKU? Frequently Asked Questions. FAQUE.

-Shax

[phoen1xr0se]

To me beloved fandom;

A lot of you know me as PhoenixRose314, Tumblr's fandom mom and ineffable author of Don't Fall Away From Me and There Is A Light & It Never Goes Out. This fandom has been such a source of joy for me and has kept me going through some really difficult and dark times, but right now my world is absolutely falling apart.

Through circumstances beyond my control (health reasons - cancer and anxiety and depression), I was let go from my job a few months ago and my children and I can no longer afford to rent our lovely home in our lovely village. This has been incredibly hard for me to accept but once my lease is up I will have run out of savings and my kids and I will no longer have a place to call our own.

I am famously awful at asking for help, however this amazing fandom has convinced me to start this crowdfunder to try and raise enough money to try and buy a small park home or caravan for myself and the kids. It won't be much, but it will be ours, and nobody can take it away from us. I'm currently in the process of selling all my collectibles, furniture and worldly goods to try and raise some of the money myself, but anything you could donate to give my family some stability would be appreciated from the very bottom of my heart.

You can read more about my story and donate here:

Help Us Raise Money To Buy A Home

Help raise money to buy a park home for myself and my children to live in.

I hate that it has come to this, I feel so much shame and guilt for being in this position, but I better than anyone know that circumstances can change on a dime, and I hope that all the good and kindness (and fanfiction!!) I've put out into the world might come back to me now.

Please share if you can, donate if you can, and thank you for reading.

Phoenix 🌹

[hellish-lower-management]

In my opinion, this is the better head office. yall are more chill icl. also doesn't hurt my eyes, upstairs is too bright smhh 0/10 hurts my eyes n gives me a headache

down here?? 10/10 nice and dark

- 🐈‍⬛

Exactly! Pluzzz we have all the fun humanz; surprisingly most humanz don’t get decadez of torture, only the super shitty onez. Beethoven likez to hang around the fire-coolerz with the lower demons.

-Beelzebub

[hellish-lower-management]

Swimming isn’t talking, Dagon. And there’s plenty of other things that aren’t talking either.

There’s a lot of things that don’t talk, so I don’t know what you could ever be referring to. Like boxes.

Boxes don’t talk.

It’s because they’re hiding things.

-Dagon

[hellish-lower-management]

When will Furfur finally be promoted to the temptations department?

Beelzebub refused to answer this one. I have this question too.

-Furfur

[hellish-lower-management]

Dagon, why are you afraid of boxes? I think you should talk to Archangel Michael about your boxophobia. I think they'd be able to relate to you.

Afraid? Afraid! I’m a demon, I fear nothing! I was simply looking not to get discorporated over a perfectly reasonable threat! They could’ve been hiding something in there, those insulant traitors @certainly-not-nice and @all-tickety-boo. They’ve pulled some tricks before, who’s to say there wasn’t holy water in there?

And I certainly do not talk to angels.

-Dagon

[janeway-lover]

Oh, why not? I’m sure you two would get along swimmingly.

[hellish-lower-management]

I like swimming, I’m a fish demon, you idiot! I just don’t like swimming with angels, they make the water vaguely holy and it just kinda stings like saltwater in the eyes. Not that I would know, or anything.

-Dagon

[hellish-lower-management]

Thank you "lord beelzebub" for the advice!

Now next question. Are there any demons free with said pickaxes? I have a wonderful idea for what "goverment" to overthrow!!!

-🎀🧸

I would love to overthrow a government, but we’re kinda of low of legionzzz right now. For anything, I’d check in with Furfur in accounting. We might have a few lower demonz, particularly the near-damned if that helpzzz at all.

-Beelzebub

[hellish-lower-management]

Dagon, why are you afraid of boxes? I think you should talk to Archangel Michael about your boxophobia. I think they'd be able to relate to you.

Afraid? Afraid! I’m a demon, I fear nothing! I was simply looking not to get discorporated over a perfectly reasonable threat! They could’ve been hiding something in there, those insulant traitors @certainly-not-nice and @all-tickety-boo. They’ve pulled some tricks before, who’s to say there wasn’t holy water in there?

And I certainly do not talk to angels.

-Dagon

[hellish-lower-management]

I have a question for "lord" beelz.

If one wanted to cause utter chaos how would they go about doing that? I'm asking for a friends^^

-🎀🧸

Not sure what you’re implying with the ‘lord’ in parenthesizzz, but to answer your question; pickaxezzz. Pickaxez really get people pumped. They yearn for the minez, or more specifically just to be able to use a pickaxe.

Give a group of angry people some pickaxes and point at the nearest government building or wherever and thingz just tend to go from there.

-Lord Beelzebub