Endings and Beginnings, Part 1:
Mama always told me that my empathic awareness was a blessing, a means of protecting myself. I never understood why it would be a blessing but I didn't dare cross mama. She was always right and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. However, I never understood how she could think this "thing" was anything but a royal pain in the ass. I never had friends because I could sense deception. I never had boyfriends because I wasn't just going to let them stick me with their teeny weeny because they had urges.
So, I was frigid and unlikeable and then, after the accident, I was a freak. I could live with frigid, it wasn't that I didn't have urges but I wasn't going to give in to them. I controlled my body, not the other way around. I desperately wanted friends but I wasn't going to pretend all was hunky dory when backstabbing and deception was the reality. Like me as is or goodbye...that's always been my motto.
My world turned upside down when I was 14. I remember sitting in Mr. Phelps Ancient History class when I had a pain so great hit my head that I fell over. Of course, that didn't help the "she's a freak" mentality my classmates already had of me but it couldn't be helped. The pain was so intense and I knew something bad had happened to my parents, I just knew. I was always connected emotionally to them. Mama said it was my anchor, papa said I was afraid of letting go. I grabbed my bag and ran for the door ignoring my teacher's yells.
When I got to the school center, the principal and a police officer were coming out of his office. As soon as Principal Paul looked up and saw me, I knew. The tears flowed like a river and I didn't even try to stop them. My world was gone. I was alone now. It just never registered to him that I needed supervision. That at 14, I wasn't quite grown up enough to not need a bit extra. I spent a lot of time in the library looking up things that I was experiencing with my body since Frank didn't really know about puberty stuff. So, it was me. I was angry for a long time with no real outlet. So, I started cutting. That lasted for several years before I realized the pain wasn't really leaking out like I had hoped. I graduated high school and had kept up study of herbs and plants.
Mama would have been proud since she instilled my beginning knowledge and love of those things and the healing they could provide. In college, I pursued an alternative medicine and botany dual major. Later getting Masters in those as well. I traveled as often as I could studying herbal healing from every master in the world that would teach me. I love what I do and it healed me in ways cutting and therapy never could. It gave me purpose, which we all need. 8 years ago I was on my last travel abroad trip enjoying some relaxation before coming home and opening my shop when I met him. "The one" who would claim my heart, Dan. He was a breath of fresh and I bought his words of affection hook, line, and sinker.
Dan McKnight. A name I haven't said aloud in 6 years. He was a newly graduated architect taking a graduation tour of Europe. I was sitting at an outside cafe in Paris when suddenly the sun disappeared. I looked up and there was Dan. He was standing over me smiling this half smile that I found so sexy. I couldn't help but smile in return, then asked what he wanted. He asked to sit with me as there were no other seats available. I looked around and there were only 3 other people there. What a pick-up line. I fell for it, of course, why wouldn't I? I was young and naive and he knew it. He sat, we talked, we laughed, and we found that we had a lot in common. We even lived close to one another in the States. He and I spent the next week together. Dan was my first everything.
<<<TBC>>>