Discover Top Posts Tagged with #being abroad

What it means to lose someone you love, 3000 miles from home.

Death is never easy, and it is unfortunately a part of life. Early on I believe most of us experience death with a family pet, maybe a goldfish or a hamster. I think at a young age we learn, nothing lasts forever. But we carry on our days and we live, we grow, we fall in love, we laugh, we cry and then bam, death hits you. Like a ton of bricks we lose a friend or a family member. And out of nowhere life doesn’t make sense for a while. I’m not very religious but in some way, I hope that when we leave this world, I’d like to believe at least we get to carry on somewhere else. Maybe not necessarily heaven but somewhere happy. Somewhere, that our souls can be free.

February 4th, 2016 my grandfather, Edward passed away. He was one of the strongest men I’d ever known. A World War 2 veteran, a father, grandfather and great grandfather, a hardworking, world traveled, artist, husband, and incredible man. I received a call from my mom the morning of February 4th with the news of his passing, and for the first time in my life, I experienced the loss of someone I loved. I was and still am 3000 miles away from home studying in Ireland. I couldn’t make it home for the funeral, I couldn’t make it home to be there for my mom, and all I could was be here in Dublin. It’s unsettling to know you’ll never get to say those final goodbyes that all that’s left now is a headstone of where they lay.

April 1st, 2016 my grandmother, Joan aka Granny, passed away. She was my dad’s mom and my god was she a spit fire. She was beautiful in such a classic way, she raised her children on her own, she was hardworking, she was loving, her sweet song voice and contagious smile could light up any room and she always had a way of finding the bright side of any situation. For the second time in two months, I lost someone else I loved, someone who without them, I wouldn’t be here today. I thought I’d know how to handle losing someone again, but it’s just as bad the next time around. And i’m guessing, will never get any easier. It still hurts to know I didn’t get to say my last goodbye, and that all I can do is be here in Dublin.

For anyone that’s lost someone, you know. You know the feeling of that pain, of heartache, of remembering, of smiling through the tears, of being grateful for knowing them, of talking to them even though there not around, of grieving, of learning to let go and learning to live again without them. We will all experience this, multiple times through our lives. It’s something we can all relate too, it makes us all human. I’m incredibly grateful to have such a solid support system at home, no matter the time of day here or there I have people I can talk to. I’m also so thankful for the support system here in Ireland, of the friends who have turned into family, and most certainly my incredible roommates. Without so many of them, there is absolutely no way I could have made it through the past months. So here are the things I’ve learned when you lose someone you love, 3000 miles from home.

1. CRY IT THE FUCK OUT- Crying is okay at any point in the day. It’s essential, cry it out. Feel sad for the loss, cry when you need to and even when you don’t. It’s not healthy to hold it in and will help with the healing process in the long run.

2. TALK- Talk about how your feeling, about the person you lost, about the memories you have of them, about the things you wish were different. Again, holding it in isn’t healthy and talking helps with the healing process. I learned that being away from home and getting to talk about my loss, encouraged me to open up about my grandparents more. I got to tell stories and share memories about these people with my new friends. I got to pass on their memory to people in my life who had never known them. It gave me a chance to really share the beauty and joy they had brought to my life.

3. DON’T GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS- Keep living. Death is scary, and it’s okay to be afraid but you can’t spend every day too terrified to enjoy life because you’ve lost someone. Don’t feel guilty that you’re following your heart. Go live in their memory, embrace new challenges, do great things and know that they’d be proud.

4. UNDERSTAND LOVE IS FELT, EVEN MILES AWAY- Know they loved you and knew how much you loved them. For me, this has been the hardest part. Because I don’t and will never get to say goodbye or tell them I love them one last time, and for many of us, especially when the death is so unforeseen we carry a lot of guilt, could have or should haves. I’m still working on accepting those things but I’m constantly reminded by my parent that they knew I loved them. And somewhere deep inside I do believe they did.

5. EVERYONE HEALS DIFFERENTLY- This one, is something I’ve taken from my roommates and will continue to work on. I still feel guilty for not being at home during these times, for not being there for my parents and my family. But the thing is, no matter where you are when you lose someone, at home or far away, understanding and healing is all up to you. You as a person must learn to grieve, accept and move on, no matter who you are surrounded by. Dealing with death is an individual concept, we all process differently and all come to terms with things at different moments. Healing takes time and distance is simply just distance.

So there it is. Until next time,

Cheers

#loss #death #being abroad #healing #love #dublin #Ireland #long distance

The start

It’s my fifth day now in Spain and it’s going (mostly) well so far…

The family is even nicer than I imagined and care a lot about me feeling comfortable here. Of course I will never feel as home here as I feel at my real home but still I’m more than fine.

I have to admit though, I wouldn’t be this fine at all if I wouldn’t have gone through a similar experience in Paris already… As much as I try not to compare my experience over there with the ones I gain here, I can’t help it but still compare a lot.

Most of the time I do it when I feel like something has been better in France than it is here. But to be honest: Probably it wasn’t. It just was different. And unfortunatley we humans tend to stick to our habits.

But I came here to experience something NEW! So I’ll do my best not to judge too much but to explore. Spain isn’t France. And if I would have wanted to have something like in France I should have gone there. But I didn’t. So I’m here now. That’s what it is and that’s how it's supposed to be…

#start #new start #au pair #being abroad #abroad