I have a great set of friends who have become my family and for the better part, the general public doesn’t consider me an introvert - at least compared to a few years before considering how much I go out. They’ve all helped me in their own little ways to becoming a sociable adult, observing my friends’ tips and interaction queues. It does feel like I’m faking it most of the time and sometimes I wonder if strangers can tell. I’m sure some of them do since it’s like a robot trying to imitate human reactions. Ha - listen to me sitting here procrastinating on life and comparing myself to a fucking robot.
Keeping up a conversation with a stranger has gotten a bit better and I truly feel that to get further in work and life: I need to come off as likable and be presentable to gain respect. It kind of goes against the whole “don’t care what people think of you” type mindset a lot of people on here talk about and I think it’s true that you shouldn’t let others push you into feeling miserable about yourself, but seriously we do need to sacrifice our comfort at times to achieve our goals and a lot of that is carrying myself to a certain standard and the outer shell/image that others see day-to-day is necessary in this world we live in. When monsters disguised as people take advantage of any type of emotion besides calm and collected.
Difficult as it is, I’m working hard to have the great first impression and make it lasting, but at the end of the day it’s so exhausting trying to pretend to be happy and exchange pleasantries with these humans. A couple of months ago, I wasn’t in such a great place. I can’t recall how many times I sat in my car with crippling anxiety coupled with a bout of depression, thinking hm.. maybe I should just give it all up. It was difficult getting through it and most times people don’t know how to handle it. I can hardly blame them, it’s a burden even when they mean well and I know they care and they would be so sad. I can’t remember exactly how I got out of it - one day, the ache hurt a little less and that crippling anxiety loosened its hold on me, but I can certainly feel that just as fast, it’ll swallow me in its abyss that only I can pull myself from.
