#ben howell.

[heatherly84]

Text-to-comm from Ben to Zia:

One second. Need to decide if I’m freaked out by the idea of my baby sister having sex.

Nope. I’m not. Dude. You banged a princess? I have always wanted to bang a princess!

[ruled-by-cool]

Lister: You can take two suits, and that's it.

Cat: Two suits? Then I'm staying!

Lister: You can't stay. By the time I come out, you'll be dead.

Cat: Two suits IS dead!

Red Dwarf

[ruled-by-cool]

Comm-to-text from Zia to Ben: We went to a planet called Athosia, where a lot of betas sleep with offworlders. It has to do with their gods, and their population problem. I slept with a princess named Arys. My eminent lord father plans to go back to Athosia when he can, and live there someday. I'll see her again.

[heatherly84]

Text-to-comm from Ben to Zia:

That did sound more like you than him, once I thought about it.

Whoa, back up. There’s a someone?

[ruled-by-cool]

Comm-to-text from Zia to Ben: Calling him "eminent lord father" was my idea. I get the feeling he doesn't like it much. I'm not looking for a sex club, I just want to meet betas my age. If I don't date any of them, I'll still have friends. If I do, then I'll have a girlfriend. If I want sex without emotions, I know someone.

[heatherly84]

Text-to-comm from Ben to Zia:

Does he make you say “eminent lord father” every time?

Also, why beta? Were you planning to sleep with this person? ‘Cause, gonna tell you right now, you should not form a club of people you’re sleeping with and have no feelings for. It sounds so much better on paper than it is in real life.

I suck at moral advice, but I can try if you’re willing to get some from someone who sucks.

[ruled-by-cool]

Comm-to-text from Zia to Ben: His name's Rayner. I don't know him all that well yet, and I'm not sure I'll know him long. I need a group of friends who can help me, 'cause that's the Firebrand way. So when I wanted someone to make Spacebook for me, I asked my eminent lord father to find me someone I could stay friends with after they were done. Truth be told, I was hoping for a beta. He's nice enough, but he's got two personalities. A rebel who's looking for other rebels as much as I am, and Realm-loyal personality who's spying on the rebels. The Hand of Truth assures me that we can keep the spying personality suppressed so Rayner'll never be a threat, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with taking away his original personality forever. Then again, I'm not sure I'm not. Morality's a tricky thing.

[heatherly84]

Comment from Ben on Zane’s Spacebook post:

Because it’s really rare for lesbians to get AIDS. 70% of the HIV+ people in the U.S today are gay or bi dudes, four times as many men are infected as women, and the women who are infected were infected by men so much more often than other women that they don’t even have enough examples to make a percentage. (I looked up statistics for you, man. Actual statistics.)

Comment from Ben on Xur’s Spacebook post: 

Internet says they did! But they don’t have private rooms anymore.