𝙱𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚗 𝙱𝚛𝚊𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚗 said: "You've been risking your life, and for what? So you can feel like a goddamn hero?"
A bitter laugh left the blonde's lips before she could stop it, and Mary Winchester, once Campbell, shook her head. "I'm no hero, kid." She replied, voice almost softer than the wind in the air around them. "I've proven time and time again that I'm no fucking hero." Hearing her swear like that was surprising enough, but to do it saying something like that was even more so. Mary had once made herself into the sweet housewife only to come crashing back into the Hunt of it all without her permission. She had once proclaimed that her sons would never become hunters. That they would live happy lives. She had decided that she and John would live in a pretty house, with their gentle family, and none of them would ever know that she had once been a hunter.
None of her proclaimations had come to pass.
Mary pushed back her hair behind one ear. "I lied to everyone I loved, and got them all killed. Sure, maybe some of them came back. Hell, maybe I even came back. But you think I wanted that? You think that was in the plans? Because it wasn't. I got my husband killed because I didn't tell him that I'd made a deal with a demon, and he turned my boys into hunters to chase the damn thing into its grave. And then he chased every other evil thing else when he couldn't make headway. And my boys picked up the mantle where he left it. They could have been scientists, teachers, had healthy relationships, but instead they've frequently ended up on the FBI's Most Wanted List." She laughed again, shook her head once more. "I did that to them. I'm no hero."
Sucking in a breath, she looked at @benbraeden for a moment. Her gaze was hard, but beneath that solidity... there was a softness. She wasn't angry with him. Not really. She was angry with herself. That was what made it all the worse. "No, Ben." Mary breathed. "I risk my life because my life doesn't matter." Wetting her lips, she looked away. It was too hard to keep eye contact as she said this. "I do it because if I die, it changes nothing. But if I die saving someone, at least my coming back wasn't a total waste. Because I shouldn't be here. I should be dead." Because she was supposed to have been this whole time.
"You know who should be here?" She added, voice quiet as the breeze again. "Your mother. I deserved what I got. I did that to myself... she didn't. And I'm so, so sorry I can't trade places with her." Because if she could? She would. She may not have known his mother... but she knew enough to know that. She would.