May 11, 2023
when i was 15 and in the months-long pits of my first acute episode everyone i saw refused to diagnose me with schizophrenia because i was "too young," but the same people were perfectly willing to prescribe me antipsychotics that had not been approved for minors. and to this day i do not have a clinical diagnosis
#like. not to sound psychotic or anything but i do not trust any of them anymore#regalia;#psychosis#i use that tag on my blog but... it is a symptom. i am completely certain that i do not fit the criteria of any other psychotic disorder#besides schizophrenia#but the number of bad experiences i have had & the number of dangerous ones i have barely avoided is so high that#i'm not willing to go through more of that just for... what? a line on my sheet that will further endanger me in the future?#extremely strong meds for something i've coped with alone for over 6 years?#even trying to talk to a regular therapist is so overwhelmingly awful that i won't do it anymore#mental health services are so inaccessible and even outright dangerous to people with stigmatized disorders#and if i say i refuse to endanger myself like that it just comes off as a symptom of my disorder instead of informed by actual trauma