Okay, so please forgive me if any of this is rambly or grammatically incorrect or whatever, because I literally just woke up and I had THE best and most amazing dream ever and I really wanna share it with you guys before I forget any of it.
OKAY so it was a long ass dream, and I’m not going to bore you guys with all the details of the beginning part, except for whatever you guys need to know to understand the awesome part that’s actually of interest to you all. Anyway, I have a lot of dreams that are semi-lucid, where I’m moderately aware that I’m dreaming and only “playing a role” in the dream itself. This was one of those. In this dream, the role-playing was going on in a miniature lego kingdom, and it was all arranged like a virtual playground that people logged into like a video game - and it was actually super duper awesome and I wish someone would build one, because HOLY SHIT was that a lot of fun. Anyway, I played all kinds of princesses and secret agents... and at one point, I even took a turn playing as Dean Winchester and let me tell you, Jensen Ackles was SO pissed at my complete and utter ineptitude and also the fact that I played Dean with a posh British accent, because it made me laugh and I can do whatever I want, so suck it, Jensen Ackles.
Anyway, so somehow my SUPERIOR role-playing skills were apparently gaining an audience and people were watching my adventures, and so the game itself started providing extra content just for ME to play along with. And I ended up doing a special run through the game as MYSELF, so people could “get to know” the person behind the role-player, such-as-it-were. And somehow, I made a complete cock-up of the whole thing, doing shit in the wrong order, getting completely enthralled by the little lego details in the buildings, almost taking out an entire block of lego buildings by tripping... it was basically PRIME “KW is actually an idiot” real estate right there, and the audience was loving it.
At some point in all of this, Dream Colin briefly showed up, but was claiming he was Colin’s twin brother from Oklahoma, and bitch you weren’t fooling anybody, but whatever, he’s cute, so he gets a free pass.
So the dream continues, yadda yadda, and it’s largely awesome and all, yeah, but then the lego airship the current scene was taking place in started falling, and everyone was panicking, and I was like, “Guys, we’re over the ocean and this is an airship, so we’ll just land in the water and christen it a shipship and be pirates or something. It’ll be great.” Except it wasn’t, because the impact of the ship hitting the water pushed the deck below the water level, so all the water ruched INTO the ship and that sucker sank like a stone. But apparently I had somehow out-matrixed the dream world itself, because I was suddenly full-size and glowing, standing in the middle of the ocean the ship had fallen into. So I grabbed the ship, pulled it out of the water, carefully tipped it to drain the water inside without, you know, toppling all the tiny role-players out of it as well, and then set it upright in the water. “Awesome,” I said. “Now we can be pirates!” And then... AND THEN... I heard Captain Hook’s theme and I was like
OH SHIT ARE WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW
And we were absolutely doing that right now, because I turned around and there’s Dream Colin, no longer pretending to be Dwight from Oklahoma (thank God, that was his worst role ever), but now dressed as... a monk? Wut? Except, you know, I had completely matrixed the game itself, so I knew he was actually playing Captain Hook in disguise as a monk. And he wanted our ship. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN. And so he and I started role-playing this little storyline where he’s trying to win my heart with his innocent monk-y ways, and I’m fully aware that it’s all a ploy, so I’m trying not to fall for his devious plot, but it’s Dream Colin, so of course I’m in love with his character, like that’s a given. I never stood a chance. And the whole time, I was just SO honored and pleased and thrilled that Colin was actually acting out scenes with ME, of all the silly insignificant people, and I’m just, like, barely containing my absolutely glee enough to play opposite him. IT WAS AMAZING. And he was the consummate professional, of course, and completely smoothed over and worked around/through any bungles that came up and I was just like “He is amazing. This is amazing. HE IS AMAZING.”
AND THEN the plot thickened, because Captain Hook didn’t manage to “catch his quarry” - instead, he got caught by her. He fell in love with silly, stupid me. And we were going to get married. My character still thought it was a scam, right up to the wedding, when she realized that the wedding was legit and he was coming clean about his real persona and professing real love.
AND THEN I FUCKING MARRIED DREAM COLIN IN MY DREAM.
And I was like “there is a God and he loves me, because this is the closest I’ll ever come to marrying actual Colin O’Donoghue, right here in this dream where I’m role-playing myself, and my “character” is marrying a character being role-played by Dream Colin right before my eyes. So I was on cloud nine, and we exchanged vows and tiny lego rings, and it was really beautiful, and I even had a moment where I thought, “I can’t wait to tell my Tumblr friends about this dream, because this is the BEST one EVER.
AND THEN DREAM COLIN STARTED SINGING.
And it was a lovely little wedding song, dedicated to me... but the writers put some kind of political statement in one line of the song, because they’re idiots I guess, and the audience misinterpreted it and started booing and loudly singing some opposing political mantra or something, drowning out Colin’s dulcet tones and RUINING MY MOTHER FUCKING DREAM, Y’ALL.
So Colin walked off the stage, and he was clearly upset, and all the assholes in the audience were still carrying on, so I grabbed one of the microphones and started yelling at them all, telling them to shut up and knock it off. And then some neckbeard stood up and said, “Why should we listen to you? You’re just some nobody!” and I yelled “FUCK YOU” into the microphone so loud that the entire place went silent finally. So then I said how Colin is a sweet, wonderful guy, and how he clearly didn’t write the line that they were all offended by, it was the writers who did it, not him, he was just doing his job by singing it, and that he is EXCELLENT at his job, and that it was truly an honor getting to work beside him, and that this whole event and scene were a dream come true for me, “and you bastards are all ruining it, because you’re jerks and you suck.”
And then Dream Colin came back on stage, and he gave me a smile because he was touched by my words and wanted to thank me for them and apologize to the audience for upsetting everyone, and I was like, “Baby, you don’t have to apologize to anyone, I love you, come hug me” but he never got over to me for the hug, because the asshole who’d stood up and called me a nobody GRABBED Dream Colin and was threatening him. So I immediately threw the thing I was holding at the guy’s head, you know, knee-jerk reaction, except that thing was a handkerchief, so... Yeah. That was completely ineffective, and the asshole guy literally shoved Dream Colin under the water we were all still standing in for some reason.
OH MY GOD, IT WAS DREAM WHUMP.
At this point, I was so excited to tell everyone about this dream that I started feeling the edges of it kinda slipping. But as they were slipping, my lucidity increased - and so did my determination to save Dream Colin’s ass before I was pulled out of the dream entirely. So I generated a bowling ball in my hand and threw THAT at the guy, instead. Yeah, that did the trick. Dream Colin was saved, and came up sputtering and ALIVE, and the asshole guy was dead, because you know, bowling ball to the motherfucker’s head and all that.
And then I woke up.
So that’s my story of how I explored a mini lego kingdom, flew in an air ship, saved an entire ship of people, sailed on a pirate ship, acted opposite Colin O’Donoghue, married Colin O’Donoghue, got serenaded, blew a gasket, flat out murdered a motherfucker, and saved Dream Colin’s life.
THE END.