beta squad reacting to the “i can’t pay the mortgage this month” tiktok trend
warnings – swearing, beta squad boys being too pure (or straight up menaces)
note – based on this request! so sorry for the wait, anon – been busy, but this was really fun to write, so thank you ❤︎
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Chunkz
starts wheezing immediately (you lot know what his real laugh sounds like– yeah, that)
you have to crop the tiktok because he laughs at you for three minutes straight
“c’mon now, when have you ever paid it?”
“do you even know how?”
“didn’t think that word was in your vocabulary, babes”
he’s so done with you
but he’s smiling so hard you can see his dimples
you’re giggling too because he’s fucking right (and he’s being adorable about it)
he’s always been the provider
never lets you pay for shit
always covers the main expenses since he’s got that beta squad/youtube/sponsorship money flowing in
i’m telling you it’s in his dna to look after his partner/wife
before you end the tiktok, he imitates you in that silly voice he and aj always use
“i can’t pay the mortgage this month, amin, sorry honey” in the most ridiculous, high-pitched tone
he gives you the ‘harry pinero’ face as he walks away
Sharky
knows of the trend (obviously — he’s the tiktok king)
lowkey has been waiting for you to try it on him
“i got you, baby, don’t worry” because he knows it’ll make you swoon
(also because he knows it’ll do numbers on social media and give the tiktok editors good material)
he turns away from the camera and tries to walk away nonchalantly
(he almost walks right into the kitchen counter)
looks back way too soon
you’re still recording
and now you (and your viewers) know he’s just aura farming
(he’s right though — that clip does numbers)
he asks you after if you’re serious
because he just invested a shit ton of money into a brand new primo launch
and his bank account is crying
you pretend not to hear him (oops)
Niko
“you know what that means, yeah”
“you gotta go”
“no freeloaders here” as he grabs a handful of your clothes and starts shoving them into a suitcase
specifically that scooter one he and aj share
(how he found it so fast, you don’t even know)
escorts you to the front door
somehow has those fuck ass shades on
(again, how and when he put it on, you don’t fucking know)
you’re getting all his antics on camera until he picks you up
fucking bridal-style
the recording cuts
(when you post this tiktok, everyone comments that the ndl have disposed of you)
in reality, you’re deposited on the front porch
the door closes for 0.02 seconds
and then it’s open again
“...the way we don’t even have a mortgage”
“even if we did, we’d just rinse the beta squad account till it’s paid off”
you knock the shades off his head
but not the shit-eating grin off his face
Kenny
“huh? we live in a flat…that we own”
confused as fuck because he isn’t chronically online like that
when you repeat yourself, the poor man looks even more confused
“we don’t have a mortgage, hon”
“what’re you on about?”
“did you buy a house without telling me”
“...in this economy?”
at this point, you’ve lost the plot and are just cackling at his cluelessness
“am i missing something”
“this is for a tiktok, innit”
he finally notices you filming and laughs
(yes, that laugh)
((all the comments end up talking about it))
“the way you had me thinking i bought a whole house without knowing”
“you can’t be doing this shit to me, baby”
“you know i don’t know trends like that, fuck”
off-camera, he tells you he’d cover the mortgage and more
if it was actually a problem
you try not to jump him
(you fail)
Aj
doesn’t even look up from his computer screen
“damn, aight, guess we’re homeless now” through a mouthful of chips
“you belong in the streets anyway” as he shoots people on valorant
“i’m not paying it either, schmuck”
blames that “nasty green shit” for taking all your money (he means matcha)
you cut the tiktok just so you can fuck up his hair
and distract him from his game
(you’re needy like that)
((aje lowkey loves it))
the joke lasts the whole fucking night
he insists that one (or both) of you should start an onlyfans
you think he’s kidding
you hope he is
he films a bunch of youtube videos for both of his channels the week after and does a short twitch stream
he says he’s just “inspired”
you know he’s tryna make bank
just in case