#betrays me

[weird-gnome]

Really hate how I go "okay, gotta wake up a little earlier tomorrow so I'll set my alarm just in case"

And the idiot that runs my brain hears that and panics and wakes me up at 4:00 AM instead of the reasonable 9:30 AM I was going for. Rude. They didn't even let me fall asleep until 1:00 AM because they were too busy making sure I knew to wake up *checks notes* 30 minutes earlier than usual

[sweetpopcornkat]

Having a meltdown over sasaki to miyano

[gurotm-blog]

 @spookyleader  stole  me  from  my  drafts.

[jensen-rockles]

that moment when im at work and i was trying to write “Crowneplaza” as a password but my mind play with me and i was typing Crowley… 

2 times and then i realized what i was doing, i laughed and everybody stared at me… im done 

[tawnaduncan]

Shoot.

[deganamfeihcsim]

GAD

Generalized Anxiety Disorder is the worst. I have health related anxiety that I manage pretty well with regular exercise. . .but I've been sick this week so no exercising. I'm starting a new semester teaching and that's pretty hectic. Now I have found an itchy lump on my leg and I can't get out of my mind that it's a pulmonary embolism. I know it probably isn't but it's that possibility that gets me Every. Single. Time.

Over the past 6 years (it started after I had my oldest) I have diagnosed myself with:

brain tumors

pulmonary embolism

stroke

congestive heart failure

heart attack

Those are the ones that I know of recently. When I write it down it seems absurd--I'm 27. No family history of anything. But then I think. . .that doesn't mean it can't happen. It's such a shitty cycle.

Of course I won't go to the doctor. Because (my brain is the biggest asshole) I'm afraid that they'll send me to the hospital and I'm afraid to go to the hospital because I don't want to die in one.

I hate anxiety so much. I just keep hoping that one day I'll just grow out of it. 

Sigh.

Anxiety. Is the worst.