Robin Buckley made it her job to know things about people in Steve Harrington’s life. That was something she’d always done. Ever since they’d been bound to chairs back to back in a basement, ever since Steve had goaded, pushed, and insulted their captors, spitting vitriol, forcing them to focus entirely on him leaving her with barely a scratch, a sore jaw from where one of them had slapped her across the face but that was it.
Steve had been hospitalised for over a week with his injuries.
And in that time, the senior Harringtons had laid waste to the entirety of the group that’d held them captive, and had forged an odd little friendship with Buckley&Buckley, a P.I husband and wife duo who were endlessly grateful for Steve’s sacrifice to ensure their daughters survival.
A friendship that continued for years after the senior Harringtons passed their empire onto their son in their passing.
She wasn’t even supposed to be there, she’d taken it upon herself to investigate something to prove that she could. To prove that she was ready to join her parents in their work. Wrong place, wrong time. But it gained her Steve, he was worth the nightmares.
Which was why she spent her Monday morning going to a coffee shop she didn’t actually enjoy on the east side of the city, drinking overpriced black ‘artisanal’ sludge, which usually she’d be an advocate for, fuck Starcucks an all that jazz, but this place?
Dumpster fire masquerading as a ‘hip new coffee joint’, ran by a douchebag in a beanie with a moustache that didn’t fit his somewhat misshapen potato sack face shape.
All to meet with one very pretty young lady, who seemed to actually enjoy the coffee the shop served.
“I need to know where he’s going to be.” A very pretty lady, who held her coffee cup to pursed, painted red lips, bright blue eyes on Robin’s face. “And I need to know if he’s already locked down a new client, I’m assuming these are things you’ll know… as his friend.”
“Mmnnn, I mean. You’re not wrong.” She took a sip then placed her cup back down on the cork coaster provided. “I do know where he’s going to be, and I do unfortunately know his hook up schedule, but what makes you think I’m going to tell you any of it? As his friend, it’s kind of my job to keep that information on lockdown, isn’t it?”
Robin liked Chrissy. She’d always liked Chrissy, same as Robin always liked Eddie, they had similar vibes. Wearing a mask of thorns to protect the pretty petals from those who’d do them harm. She didn’t know how they knew each other, didn’t know enough about Eddie to make assumptions as to where they’d met, but Chrissy was the closest thing Eddie had to a best friend, as far as Robin knew.
Chrissy was the only friend that Robin could get to without it immediately getting back to Eddie. Eddie’s little game friends, Gareth, Jeff, and Dougie? They’d tell him the second she reached out, would sound an alarm and she’d never get anywhere near him, claiming they were ‘being good friends’, but Chrissy was smarter by far. Chrissy was just enough of a best friend, to know when Eddie happened to need something that he didn’t want to admit to needing.
Just enough of a best friend to be able to tell him he was being an idiot, and not just immediately side with him.
Like Eddie’s very own Robin.
“It is, but I’m hoping that I’m right in the fact that he’s probably been miserable since he ended things with Steve, right?” It all kind of hinged on that. On Eddie’s real feelings behind his little mask. “Steve’s pretty miserable… it’s depressing”
“So miserable he’s sent you out to track Eddie down? Or are you doing this sniffer dog bit on your own initiative?” Robin opened her mouth to reply, but Chrissy continued as if she hadn’t asked a question, asking another instead, “what makes you think he’d be miserable?”
“Which question am I answering here?”
“Mmmmm second one please.” Chrissy took another sip, so nonchalant. She had an energy about her that Robin felt strangely familiar. A countenance Robin had only ever seen in one other person.
“I know he was acting, I know there are sides to Eddie that Steve never saw, that Eddie never let Steve see—”
“Like all the sides of Steve that Eddie never saw?” Robin tensed, brow furrowing “oh unclench, Robbie, the Cunninghams and the Harringtons go back generations, pretty sure Steve and I would have wound up in some stupid arranged marriage had the Harringtons not been against it.” Robin didn’t like not knowing things, why did she not know that? How had she missed Chrissy of all the potentials to have told Eddie about Steve’s life? How did she not know that Steve ought to know Chrissy? “I never said anything to Eddie and I don’t intend to, but… why should I let Eddie be dragged into such a messy life? There’s so many fish in the sea, Robin, why should I let my best friend be dragged down by a shark?” At least now Robin knew why Chrissy’s personality, her eerie calm felt so familiar.
She was Steve in prettier packaging.
“I’m at a disadvantage here, aren’t I?”
“Oh very much so, but you’re very cute so I’m letting you off.” Robin blinked once in surprise, then did her best to quell the pleasant buzz that thrummed through her veins at the not-so-subtle compliment “Please answer my question, why should I give you what you want?”
“He… Steve… He loves him, Chrissy… Steve has done bad stuff, don’t get me wrong, he’s done awful things to people, but I’ve never seen him like he is whenever Eddie’s around. It’s like he’s drowning in the dark and Eddie’s just… a light at the end of the tunnel, an if Eddie loves him too, which I think he does… why should they be apart?”
“And now the real reason, not the Hallmark movie one?” Chrissy raised a brow in boredom.
“I… I don’t know, Chrissy. I don’t know. I don’t. I’m running on best friend fuel. Steve needs him, or at least needs closure from him, and as his best friend I’m duty bound to try and get that for him. I’m sure you don’t love Eddie’s job. Right? He wouldn’t have to do any of it if he just—”
“Gave up his freedom and all the work he’s put in to establish himself in his field for a slim chance at happiness with one of the most dangerous men in the city?” Chrissy leaned back in her chair, one leg crossing over the other as she crossed her arms over her chest, coffee cup left to rest on the coaster.
“Better the devil you know though, right? Wouldn’t you rather him be with someone you know won’t hurt him… than with someone you don’t?” Chrissy’s eyes finally left Robin’s face, dipping down to the right as she thought about it.
Eddie wouldn’t be alone for long, he’d find a new client, he’d be on someone else’s arm, and he’d continue his life unchanged with a risk of being hurt.
Or… or he could have what he wanted.
Chrissy knew what Eddie wanted. They’d spent more than enough evenings on his couch with ice cream mooning over Steve Harrington and while she’d have loved to tell him that he was trash, he was a monster in sheep’s clothing… he just wasn’t. So she’d kept quiet.
She let Eddie pine away for a life he could have if he took a chance, never telling him why he shouldn’t.
“What if this new client wouldn’t hurt him?”
“Let’s be real Chrissy he’s probably already planned on reaching out to Tommy to fill in the gap in his schedule, you and I both know what kind of trash heap Tommy Hagan is.” An easy cash grab that’d probably make Eddie feel like shit. “Do you want to risk Eddie’s happiness on a what if, or do you want to tell me where he’s going to be so Steve can be there and sweep him off his feet?”
In retrospect, Robin should have probably been suspicious when Chrissy sat up straight, when she looked at Robin as if she was assessing her, and she definitely should have been suspicious when, with a short “Alright then,” Chrissy plucked a pen from her bag and a little notepad, and jotted down an address and a time. But with a small victory in her hands, and a front row seat to Chrissy’s perfectly perky… ponytail retreating for the door with their business concluded.
It wasn’t dark, it wasn’t dank, and it wasn’t dimly lit. Steve didn’t like stereotypes, or cliches. He didn’t like the idea of doing his business in a dark warehouse, or a basement with leaky pipes, he liked adequate lighting and things to be at least slightly sanitary. Robin knew these things, his previous ‘meeting’ had been thrown together by someone else, but Robin knew how to set up a damn fine line up.
Four men, and one woman, sat in chairs lined up next to each other, in the living room space of a currently under-development block of apartments. The one they were in was finished as were a few others, but the rest were still being built, workmen having been sent home for the day with a full days wage for their discretion.
All blindfolded, all tied up, Robin stood behind them alongside two men, back facing a wall, never a window, always with her eye on the door. The door where Steve stood, eyes on the four in front of him as he rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, hands already covered by gloves.
“What shook loose?”
“These four have talked to Eddie in the past few months. Cant tell you what they said to him, but all four have had direct verbal contact with him in some way shape or form.” Their involvement in what’d happened wasn’t likely, Robin would have bet a good chunk of whatever Steve would pay her for her work, but Steve needed it.
Steve needed to be sure.
“Just these four?” He loosened his tie before easing it away from his neck and hanging it up onto the rack where his coat and suit jacket rested.
“Mmmhm.” Most steered clear of Eddie, Eddie wasn’t to be spoken to, only Steve could talk to Eddie, and if you had to talk to Eddie, it was short, and sweet, and never about anything involving what Steve did for work.
Robin wouldn’t voice her doubts though, that wasn’t her job. Not in this environment anyway. It was her job to deliver these people, and allow Steve to do the rest. Had they been in his office, or in his living room, had he asked her outside of that room if she actually suspected these people, then perhaps it’d be her role to tell him no.
No Steve, your theories are straight up kookie-dook, Eddie just left because that’s what Eddie had to do.
That was not her role in that room. Her role was to stand there, and be quiet until excused.
“You can leave.” He didn’t look at her as he said that. He didn’t watch her as she nodded once and made for the door. She wasn’t a fan of interrogations. He got it, he understood, she’d been in a few herself over the years, the worst one involving Russians. They both had scars from that one. She’d never stayed in on his interrogations for that very reason. It made her uncomfortable knowing he was capable of that.
She liked the chase, liked the hunt, she didn’t like the kill.
He waited for the door to close behind her, to approach the four in front of him. He was grateful for two things, one… efficiency. Robin had conjured these four up within a week. And two, timesaving. She’d put them all together to save time. Amazing.
He motioned for the two extras to come forward and remove the blindfolds. He recognised all four of them.
A driver he fired two months ago for buying questionable things on his company provided credit card that was solely to be used for food and gas while working.
A secretary who still worked for him.
One of the security guards he’d hired on a temporary basis for a charity thing he’d thrown a month ago.
And a dealer from the nearby college. Not employed by him, but surely recognised him, would know who Steve was, would know of his many lucrative side businesses. Steve was instantly suspicious of two of them. The other two not so much.
All four appeared scared, there was no defiance, no faux confidence, or self-satisfaction in any of their expressions. Just fear. “You all recognise me, don’t you?” He didn’t need their answers, he knew they did. “You’re here… because you maybe broke a rule. I don’t want to hurt any of you, that’s not what I want to do. I would very much prefer it if these gloves stayed clean.” He lifted his hands, wiggling the clear gloves he wore on his hands. “Cleaners cost a fair bit, it’s always more for viscera removal.” A sob had him snap his gaze to the woman, stare thunderous, not an ounce of empathy in it. “Stop that. Tears won’t help you.”
She bit her bottom lip, nodded, and fell silent once more.
“The reason I’m beginning with a verbal interrogation, is because I have no real proof that any of you actually broke this rule. So let’s keep this violence free, shall we? I ask you a question, and you answer, I’ll decide if you’re telling the truth or not, sound fair?” Lie detectors didn’t do shit with his employees. They were all trained on them, even the damn secretaries could pass a lie detector test.
He didn’t employ useless people. He didn’t employ liabilities.
He continued when he was met by silence, not one of them wanting to argue less violence should suddenly appear on the menu. “Great! My partner, Eddie Munson… you’ve all met him.” He eyed the dealer, he had no idea that Eddie was taking something, it didn’t change how he saw the man, but… he wished he’d have known, he could have gotten Eddie better than whatever he was getting from elsewhere. “He… left. Me. Usually I’m aware this sort of thing wouldn’t really warrant a line up like this, definitely not an interrogation, but… his leaving doesn’t quite make sense.” He couldn’t make it make sense. Maybe he was just paranoid.
Steve began to pace in front of them, back and forth as he continued on “We were having such a nice night, everything seemed fine, and then… the morning after, out of nowhere, he ended things. Now, trust me, I know sometimes I can get a little in my own head, I can often think everything is fine but be missing glaringly obvious cues to things hurtling toward relationship disaster, but… there were no cues. Gone over it a bunch of times, not a single cue.” He stopped in front of the dealer.
The woman who’d tried tears to lessen whatever blow she was potentially about to receive from the big dangerous man.
“All of you, every single one of you, have spoken to him at least once in the past few months and you all know who I am. What I do. What we don’t know, is what you spoke about, so… one by one, why don’t you tell me?” Steve lowered down to a crouch in front of her, arms resting on his knees, she looked so well put together, but he knew she also worked as a TA at the college. “Stacey, right? Stacey Gingham, twelve Cornwallis, married to… Thomas Gingham, two children, Matthew, and Penelope?” He didn’t need to threaten them, just his knowledge of them was the threat, he watched the realisation of that fact dawn on her face in real time. “Hi… you’re the only one here who’s never worked for me, and so shouldn’t know about the rule. So tell me, how do you know Eddie?”
“I—I work for—”
“It doesn’t matter who you work for, Stacey, it doesn’t, your connections are useless here. I’m not scared of them. Just tell me how you know Eddie and we can get out of this unscathed, okay?” Violence wasn’t the goal here, he didn’t want to hurt them, but he would if necessary.
Innocent or not if they pushed their luck he’d respond as needed.
“He… he buys from me sometimes. His—His brother, Dustin Henderson? He goes to the college, real smart kid, highschooler but he won a place to attend the science classes for free twice a week. Eddie buys weed from me on the days he meets Dustin at the college, that’s all, he only ever buys weed. We talk about his brother, how he’s doing in the class, uh—if he needs any support, I don’t—I didn’t even know he was connected to you, Mr. Harrington, I swear.”
Eddie had a brother? Right… one of the many things he didn’t know about Eddie.
He nodded his head, silent in his processing. Then he stood up, and took one large step to the left of her, stopping at Charlie. His driver. He saw no lie in what she’d said, no break in eye contact, no pupil dilation, just standard stress indicators. She was scared, she wasn’t lying. “Charlie. You spoke to Eddie when you drove him around the city, didn’t you? Did you talk about me?”
“N-Not about you. He didn’t even ask about you Mr. Harrington an—an I know I fucked up with the card, I know I did that an I can’t take that back but—but I know the rule sir, I know it. Even if he’d have asked, sir I wouldn’t have—I wouldn’t have I swear!”
The secretary was next, he was cute, young, bit of a party guy, used to flirt with the sandwich girl at the office whenever she made her way up with Steve’s regular PB&J until she shut him down with a polite ‘you’re not my type’. She had a huge crush on Robin, it was adorable.
It was the same, Eddie had only spoken to him once, and it was about directions to the closest not Starbucks coffee place.
The security guard apologized for any confusion, and told him Eddie had only asked about his job, about other places he’d worked at cause he recognised him from a bar he’d bounced across town. Dead end, after dead end, after dead end.
Not a single viable suspect, not a single liar in the bunch.
He knew many in his position would push harder. Many would resort to violence in a bid to force out another answer, even if another answer didn’t exist. He knew many would kill, pushing it too far only to receive the same answer over and over again until the victim stopped talking. He knew what these people expected to happen to them.
Steve wasn’t that kind of person.
He walked out of that room after giving his two men the instruction to release them, turned to Robin who still stood outside the door, a knowing expression on her face, and simply asked “can you find him for me?”
“So you don’t have a name, or a number, or even a picture, all you have is the gut feeling that someone ratted you out to your little boy toy and you want me to what, to find this mystery person?”
“Exactly. And don’t tell me you can’t, your lot found Brenner hiding in a repurposed missile silo on a whim. Someone told him, Robs. I wanna know who.”
“Uhuh, and what if no-one told him?” Robin sat down beside him on the fluffy rug at the foot of the couch, leaning back against the firm frame of the couch, cushions atop the base soft against her shoulders “What if he just did what employees do sometimes and quit.” It wasn’t impossible, Eddie was an employee and nothing more. Not really. Even with the emotional connection, the feelings, Eddie was at most an employee. “He’s gotta keep things professional right? What if he really did just feel like things were getting too real? It’s been years Steve, it’d be damn near impossible to not develop real feelings by now.”
She’d come within half an hour of his call, traffic delaying her a little, had taken stock of his state of being, and decided that fun would have to wait, and as usual… she was right.
Steve let his hands push up through his hair as he sunk his head lower into them, then lifted it back up again, hair a mess. “But... why? Why would he wanna keep it professional if he could have real?”
“Oh Stevie... some people—some people don’t want real. Real doesn’t fit their lifestyles or their emotional states, real doesn’t really... work for where they are in their lives and Eddie... this is his job Steve... he couldn’t keep doing all he’s known for years if he takes the real that you’re offering. It’s one or the other and... and relationships aren’t guaranteed to work. They’re not guaranteed to be for life and if he’s giving up his entire livelihood, his entire way of life, no doubt something he’s trial and errored to get to where he is... he needs security in that and let’s be honest here... can you give him that security?”
Steve looked at her, eyes so full of sadness because no. He couldn’t. He couldn’t even claim that Eddie would be safe. All it took was one deal going south and someone deciding to be vindictive about it. All it took was someone with a vendetta picking Eddie out of the line-up of people Steve cared about.
All it took was one shot, and no amount of vengeful violence would bring him back and it’d be Steve’s fault for not letting him go. Steve had always been so good at letting things go, he’d let people go so many times before, but Eddie?
He didn’t want to let Eddie go. No matter the danger it put him in, was that selfish?
Was that wrong?
Absolutely on both counts.
He truly didn’t care. He’d given up so many things to get to where he was in life, he wanted to keep this one precious thing. Call him a petulant child, he didn’t care. He wanted to keep Eddie.
“I—”
“Before you answer, think very hard, Steve… you answer will determine exactly how much respect you’re going to get from me in the next five minutes.” He shrunk back in on himself, Robin meant the world to him. And he knew he meant the world to her too, it was an unquestionable fact. They were a package deal even if they did different things in life, she would always be part of his, and he a part of hers.
Eddie had been the only partner he’d ever had that’d welcomed her in, never questioning her presence or demanding to know their history. He’d been the only one to respect them for what they were.
A package deal. Bonded amidst a tense hostage situation. Platonic soulmates.
And as soulmates, she kept him in check, knew when he was preparing to walk directly over an unseen line. Knew when to pull him back. “…No. I cant.” She softened tenfold, her arm curling around his shoulders, she gently pulled him in to lean against her. “But… I want to be able to. I can’t let him go, Robin… I just—he’s just—” he was everything.
He made coming home worth it.
Made that empty apartment feel like a home when he was there.
“Steve…”
“I love him, Robs…” he felt empty without him. “I shouldn’t have to give up the people I love, what’s the point in doing what I do, if—if I’m not happy?” What was the point in anything he did, if he got nothing but sadness, nothing but loneliness, emptiness out of it? It wasn’t like he enjoyed the criminal aspect of his life, he’d entered it out of necessity, out of obligation, out of a duty to his parents legacy.
He’d been moulded and shaped into the person he was, raised to be what he’d become. He’d had no other option than the one he’d taken.
“You love the idea of him, Steve… you love the version of Eddie that he showed you, but what do you actually know about Eddie Munson? Other than he makes spectacular pasta and noodle dishes.” Robin knew quite a bit about Eddie Munson, but that was more private research than something she’d been asked to gather. Anyone who got close to her soulmate got a full background search ran on them.
It was just something she did. She knew he came from a broken family, knew he’d been raised by his uncle in a trailer somewhere in Hicksville Indiana. Knew his father had passed away in jail after a prison riot had gone awry. She knew his uncle was still alive, and that his mother lived in California, that he hadn’t had contact with the woman since he’d gone to live with his uncle.
She knew he had an extended family thanks to his uncle being in a relationship with a woman named Claudia Henderson who had a younger son named Dustin. She knew he’d grown up poor.
She knew he wasn’t perfect, knew he was rougher than he led Steve to believe, than he led everyone to believe, she knew where he lived. Where Claudia and Dustin lived, where Wayne lived. But that was her information. Her carefully gathered information.
Steve didn’t need to know any of it unless he did need to know it. And in that moment, he didn’t.
Steve frowned, eyes drifting back to the fluffy rug, his expression thoughtful yet frustrated. “It doesn’t matter what I know about him… have you ever—have you ever seen someone, and just felt… light? Like you could just float away? Have you ever walked into your apartment, and just felt infinitely warmer because that one person, that one special person, was there? Like just their very being was making your empty apartment feel like a home?” No, she hadn’t. He knew she hadn’t, he’d be the first person she’d have told had she found someone like that.
“No Steve, you know I haven’t…”
“I just wanna hold him… he fits perfectly right here” Steve wrapped his arms down around his own legs, pulling his knees up to rest his forehead against them. Eddie fit perfectly in his arms. “I don’t care that I don’t know him for real, Robin… I care that I want to know him, I want to put in the work to know him, I want to be safe for him, for my life to be danger free, just so he can be here… that’s gotta mean something, right?”
“It means you’re not thinking straight, Steve… it means you need more sleep, and maybe a little time to think about what you’re saying, to process what’s happened. I mean, let’s be honest we both know that making huge life decisions after a heartbreak is a bad idea, you have people that depend on you.” People who were safe purely because they ran under the Harrington name. “People who need you to be the person you are.”
People who needed the protection that that name came with. The protection that Steve gave them by existing in his inherited role.
“…Can you at least ask around, poke a few haystacks to see if something falls loose?” Maybe if he proved that someone had told Eddie, he could just… take out his loss on that person, or try and show Eddie that there wasn’t any danger, that he’d never hurt him, that no matter what he knew, he’d be safe, he didn’t have to run or hide from the big bad wolf hiding in sheep’s clothing that was Steve Harrington, he could stay, the wolf loved him, it wouldn’t hurt him.
If he’d just made the decision on his own then…
What could Steve do?
Robin gently brushed a stray strand of honeyed brown from Steve’s face, offering a small, sad little smile “yeah, Dingus… I’ll see if anything falls loose, you just… you get some rest okay? Don’t make any big decisions without consulting anyone first, alright?” Even though he was the boss and could do whatever he wanted. He nodded. Robin was his voice of reason. “What will you do? Tell me.”
Robin was his one guiding star. “I’ll talk to you first.”
It wasn’t that Eddie hadn’t heard him. It wasn’t that he hadn’t heard him try to convince him to stay, try to say that something was there. It was that Eddie didn’t believe anything was, at least not for Steve. Steve, who shared very little of his life outside of that apartment, who in that same vein, didn’t know him either because Eddie couldn’t share himself.
The real him. The him who wouldn’t be caught dead in lingerie because it did not vibe with his image. The him who liked to climb on things and perch like a weird little gargoyle. The him who couldn’t stop himself from headbanging to metal music or becoming impossibly giddy over a new set of dice. The three-day old stubble eating chocolate milk Cheerios out of a mixing bowl him.
Steve knew a persona; a role Eddie had so effortlessly slid into like the little drama kid he’d always been.
Steve couldn’t have feelings for him because Steve didn’t know him. Maybe he did feel something, but it wasn’t for him, it was for a person that didn’t exist, a false identity designed to be the perfect someone for a select type of person.
That was what drove Eddie to continue his trek to that elevator, to keep going, to ignore the spike of pain that shot through him when Steve didn’t try a second time to call out to him. Didn’t try to run after him. This wasn’t a movie.
He wasn’t Julia Roberts; nobody was going to climb a castle to rescue him from the tower.
He went home to his apartment, stripped himself of his ‘costume,’ and stepped into his shower, he’d showered the night before, he’d cleaned himself the morning after, but he needed to do it one more time, just to... wash him away.
Wash Steve away from him, any remnants both physical and emotional, he’d watch them circle the drain and disappear.
He didn’t need to set anything up straight away either, no need to slide into anyone's DM’s, didn’t need to go ‘crawling’ back to Hagan after his subtle split from Harrington, hopping from man to man was a bad look for anyone, it’d garner judgement from the masses always eager to soak up the hot gossip concerning strangers they’d never meet.
It might even put Steve in a bad light.
What must seemingly perfect Steve have done to make Eddie go back to Tommy Hagan; it was best to work that angle slowly. Maybe just live with himself for a few weeks. He had plenty in the bank, his apartment was almost paid for, he could live comfortably for a little while without being in the spotlight as anyone's paid for arm candy.
Maybe he could work on a new campaign, Dustin had been hinting at missing the regular Hellfire meet ups and the guys weren’t exactly miles away.
He had to look at the good things, because otherwise he’d focus on the hickies that remained on his skin and all the willingness in the world to expel those pesky feelings that reminded him of just how pitifully human he was, just wouldn’t be enough. He couldn’t just let himself have it.
Couldn’t just let himself keep Steve for a little longer, maybe stay in his arms for a bit longer than he had, maybe snuggle into that broad chest for just one more morning until real life called.
It was for the best. He told himself that on a loop as he went through the motions of scrubbing his skin as if it weren't already clean. As he went through the skin care routine he knew he’d forget if he didn’t do it religiously, dress in his comfies and he’d sit with himself on the couch. Maybe he’d pull his guitar from its stand, pull out some of his notebooks and use whatever he was still feeling as inspiration to make something new.
Maybe he’d just watch TV, surf the internet on his phone.
He hated the times in between the clients. The moments where he was just... himself. He didn’t know what to do with himself. How to be with himself. Something he had been working on with his therapist but when those moments happened once every few years at a time... it was hard to get used to them.
Hard to get used to the moments where he didn’t have to be expecting someone to call at any moment, didn’t have to be ready to pull a persona out of thin air at the drop of a hat to please someone.
It was easy to find oneself lost in that kind of quiet, so he plugged in his amp and made noise.
--
Across the city, Steve Harrington… was on a little bit of a warpath. After wallowing for a while, sitting there in silence trying to think, trying to make sense of everything, trying to understand where he went wrong, the only conclusion he could actually make that made any sense, regardless of what Eddie had said…
Was that Eddie knew.
That he made up some bullshit about being in too deep and cut the chord to protect himself, which… fair. That was fair, but it also meant someone had ratted him out.
Someone had told Eddie, somehow it’d gotten to him that things weren’t as sunshine and rainbows behind the curtain of Steve Harringtons life, that the ‘red wine stain’ on his shirt a month or so ago wasn’t wine at all. Eddie had believed the lie too easily, had let it go without a fight, without further question, just commented on a way to get red wine out of things, something about hairspray and blotting.
How long had he known for? How long had he kept his knowledge to himself? Had he told anyone? No… no doubtful, Steve didn’t have law enforcement breathing down his neck so no… the chances of Eddie telling anyone were low, probably next to none since he cut the cord so cleanly. Didn’t mean he wouldn’t if pressed by the law though.
If they got a whiff. Anyone he’d been in contact with would be fair game.
He picked up his phone, scrolled through his contacts, selected the one he knew he needed, and hit dial, it rang twice before it was answered.
“You’re through to collections, can I take your reference ID please?”
“Buckley. Tell her it’s Harrington.”
“Hold please.” It took ten seconds for the line to transfer, and an extra two for the voice on the other end to speak, with an undoubtable grin on her lips on the other end.
“To what do I owe the pleasure, Steve?” As if he didn’t call every few nights just to catch up.
Numb, like everything inside of him just… wasn’t there anymore, he… he wanted to end it? But… why? It made no sense… okay no… it made every bit of sense, Eddie was just… acting. Even the cut off, it was practically rehearsed, cold… only that last little bit to make it sound like this was something a normal person would be doing.
He had no say in this, even if Eddie asked him his thoughts, it was over… maybe he was a fool for falling so hard, for allowing himself to think if only for a moment that maybe they could be more… he fell in love with a prostitute.
How could he have been so goddamn foolish?
“…Steve?” Eddie tried, his voice unnaturally quiet, hesitant. How long had he been silent for, staring down at his lap, brows furrowed, troubled. He didn’t… feel anything, empty, a dark, empty void, a black hole sucking every bit of life out of his soul, “Stevie, c’mon, look at me” Eddie moved in a graceful sweep downward, he knelt in front of him, lightly calloused fingertips smoothed over the stubble he’d neglected to shave.
Was this his punishment?
He figured he deserved it, after all he wasn’t the best person on the planet, yes he did good things, he cared about the environment, he supported and built charities from the ground up, those were his own endeavours, the things he sought out after taking over after his father had passed, that was the direction he’d taken the business after he’d taken control, but he also hurt people to keep his business alive.
He’d killed to ensure its survival.
Several good things do not erase the bad, perhaps this was his inevitable punishment. Eddie was never his, not really… he knew deep down that that was a good thing, Eddie didn’t deserve to be put through what would inevitably be his life if they were really together, he was good… he was normal.
He no doubt had a normal family who had normal family dinners and talked about normal family things, he didn’t belong in that world, he could take random jaunts into it, dance through like the sweetest summer breeze, but he couldn’t stay there.
“Stevie… hey, sweetheart, look at me, c’mon now, come back to me” but why did it hurt so much? Why was the single feeling slowly seeping back into his empty shell just… pain, he knew Eddie wasn’t his, he knew he didn’t belong with him, that it was for the best, but all he could feel was pain.
“Why?” He shouldn’t ask, but that was the first word that came to him, whispered, breathed into the space between them, unable to look at those big, beautiful eyes, he kept his down, staring at his lap, trying so hard to ignore the soft circling of Eddie’s thumb on his cheek, why was he ending it if he cared enough to do this? Why was it so cold, cut, and dry if he was now trying to soothe him?
He didn’t need to soothe him, their ties were being cut, he could just… tell him it was over and that be that, walk out block his number and never see him again, Steve knew NOTHING of his life outside of those walls, didn’t know where he lived, who his family were, Eddie had revealed nothing about his personal life.
Why was he trying to bring him back now?
“Why?” Eddie parroted back at him, a question in his voice that Steve didn’t know whether was him confirming what he’d said, or simply the start of a long list of reasons why, like a jilted lover parroting your question back in irritation before going on a long, painful rant about all the times you’d let them down, irritated them and wronged them.
He waited for it… but when it didn’t come, he simply… accepted that maybe it was the first, Eddie’s hearing wasn’t the best in the world… “Why… what are the circumstances? Can… can I ask? Am I allowed to know?”
Technically, Eddie didn’t have to explain a damn thing, it was in the terms of their contract, he HAD the physical document locked away in a safe back home, the contracts were the only physical proof he kept. Steve had read it thoroughly for HIS OWN protection and signed it.
So no, Eddie didn’t have to explain anything, and Steve couldn’t demand he do so, he’d signed that right away long before either of them realised that feelings could very easily begin to develop.
Should he…?
Should he tell him? What would it do? Eddie had no doubts that this man was just… in shock, they’d been seeing each other for two years and suddenly he was calling quits without any warning or lead up. They’d had sex the night before AND spent the majority of the night after kissing… cuddling, not sleeping, his skin still felt that pleasant tingle from warm kisses and caresses from rough, calloused fingers.
Maybe explaining it would help… surely Steve didn’t want an employee with feelings right?
That was the reason he was hired to begin with! A boyfriend without the feelings usually associated with having a boyfriend, he wanted to be taken care of, wanted someone pretty on his arm to whisper sweet nothings to, someone to treat him well while he was home from work, but not expect everything from him in return.
Maybe explaining it would help them create a clean break, Steve didn’t want this, he didn’t want feelings, he didn’t want real.
“Yeah… yeah, you can ask” Eddie had never confessed to anyone before, honestly feelings weren’t commonplace for him, sex was easy, faking romance was easy, feeling real things, developing real feelings? Honestly there was a time he’d thought that damn near impossible for him.
It’d be… wrong… to keep them to himself now, right? For the first time in a LONG time… feelings, real feelings had him trying to soothe the man he was trying to break things off with, when normally he’d be out the door and down the hall by now, already halfway through dialling the number of his next big fish.
“Then why… did… did I do something?” That was safe right? Asking if he’d done something rather than if someone had come to him, told him something, surely that had to be the reason right? Someone had talked, told Eddie what Steve really was, who he was… what he did behind the scenes where very few eyes were around to watch.
“No Stevie, you didn’t do anything, it’s… fuck, as cliché as it is, an holy shit it’s cliché as fuck, it’s me… it’s not you, you’re… shit, m’not sappy okay, I’m not perfect, I’m fucking—I’m flawed as all hell an I know that. I’ve lost count of how many therapists I’ve had” okay no, that was an exaggeration, he’d had five, four as a child as he’d kept biting them, and one now because he was a male escort for rich men.
Of course, he’d never told her that for legal reasons allowing her plausible deniability if ever questioned, but he was pretty sure she was like, 60% onto him. Wheeler was good at her job.
“So… you’re cutting things off because you’re flawed?” Steve finally looked at him, but it wasn’t the expression of acceptance, it was… confusion, bafflement, okay he hadn’t explained it very well, he got that, he was never very good at explaining himself “Eddie, I don’t give a flying fuck whether you’re perfect or not, you’re perfect for ME!” Not the point, and he was already opening his mouth to object when Steve cut him off, continuing “you know, you’re the highlight of my day? That all I want, is for you to be here with me? I was happy coming home last night because I knew you’d be here, everytime you’re gone in the morning I die a little inside cause I know it was ME who told you I wanted you gone before I wake up, fuck, I regret that instruction SO much, I want to wake up with you here… I want to go to sleep with you here, I just… I want you to be here, all the time” he’d said too much, he’d said way too much.
Steve pulled back again, back into his own space, out of Eddie’s, Eddie wanted to cut things off for something as simple as insecurities, two years together, sort of, and he was happy to just, cut it off for something as miniscule as that.
He’d said too much, sure enough he’d leave, he’d realise feelings ran way deeper than they should do for what they really were to each other, and he’d go.
“…You don’t even know me, Steve…” Eddie’s voice was so quiet as he sat back on his own legs, hands slipping away from Steve’s jaw to his own lap “the man you want so much doesn’t even exist” he was a fabrication, a lie… a fantasy crafted to seem alluring to wealthy men who wanted nothing more than to have a pretty little thing on their arm.
He wasn’t a pretty little thing on ANYONES arm, he just… played that part from time to time.
“Doesn’t mean I don’t WANT to know you…” his voice sounded stronger now, not at all the soft whisper of pain from before… he wasn’t giving up on this, he couldn’t… “is that really all it is, you’re insecure about yourself so you’re cutting things off? Rather than just… talking to me about it?”
“Steve, you’re NOT my boyfriend, don’t get all this twisted, you’re my job, why the fuck would I talk to you about this shit?” Ouch, but fair, they weren’t pretending here, they’d stopped pretending the second Eddie had declared he was ending their contract. This wasn’t part of the fantasy anymore, this… this was Eddie, Eddie behind the mask of an escort. “But no, that isn’t it, you cut me off before I finished explaining.”
“Oh…” fuck. Okay… he hadn’t run off yet, hadn’t finalised cutting things off, maybe this was fine? “Sorry… go on…?” Eddie rolled his eyes, he rolled them hard, so hard Steve felt it in his very soul, which was no longer being sucked into a black hole, now in orbit around the singularity, it could easily slip in any moment, but for now he was safe from the black abyss.
Eddie took a deep breath, his heart thudding so loud in his ears he was sure Steve could probably hear it too. “Look, I have—I’m—fuck, okay, listen, it’s impossible for me to do my job and have feelings for a client—” Steve frowned, but Eddie didn’t give him a moment to speak “so… it would be in both our best interests, that the contract be terminated. You never wanted someone with feelings for you, which I totally get, you’re busy, you have a lot to deal with, it’s fine, I’m fine, you’ll find a sparkly new stringless escort easy, we’re a dime a dozen for great guys like you, so… I’m going” maybe he could hit up Hagan, Tommy was pretty simple, easy money and Eddie knew he definitely wouldn’t get feelings for him.
He could get over Steve in his own time and have a decent wage. Tabloids liked them together, Tommy talked a good game to them, made them think he was something special, they’d be thrilled for the freckled little fucker, it’d be easy.
Steve’s hand wrapped around his wrist as he stood to get the hell out of there, if he looked back, which he didn’t, he kept his eyes firmly on the door, he knew Steve would sway him easily, he knew one look into those big, beautiful hazel eyes, he’d cave, he’d fold like a house of cards verses a light breeze.
Steve was the weak link in his chainmail, the love he never thought he’d have. The love he couldn’t have.
“… Please… please don’t leave me, Eddie, you don’t—”
“I have to, Steve. I’m sorry. This is goodbye.” He pulled his hand away, cutting whatever Steve would have said short. Steve didn’t try to grab him again, the hidden thorns of that beautiful rose already dug so impossibly deep.
Normally, Eddie would be gone by the time he awoke, and his wallet would be a small chunk lighter. This time, Steve awoke relaxed and content to the smell of bacon sizzling on the fryer, bed still warm, a few stray brown hairs on his pillow, the night shirt Eddie had eventually draped over his tired head and slept in now draped over the chair on the far side of the room, usually pushed in beneath a large mahogany ornate desk he’d been gifted a few years prior.
He stretched his arms up, and his feet out, muscles relaxed, body relaxed, everything felt just… right.
This was what he wanted to wake up to, he knew he’d once in the very early days of their “relationship” told Eddie to leave before his alarm, he normally had engagements in the morning he needed to see to, calls to make that he didn’t want anyone eavesdropping in on, but over time… he desperately wanted to take that request back.
He just didn’t know how to without making it painfully obvious that his feelings had developed far beyond an employer/employee relationship.
He wanted Eddie there in the morning, wanted him in his kitchen, making breakfast, or even just sat on his sofa watching early morning TV eating cereal in pyjamas, he just… he wanted him there.
Maybe that was pathetic, he didn't care.
Shaking himself up a little, Steve climbed out from beneath the toasty warm covers, once stood, he stretched again, he had no early morning commitments, a follow up call in the afternoon to ensure his meeting the night previous yielded promising results, no sense beating someone to a bloody pulp if it didn’t get him exactly the result he needed.
He needed things working properly again, the man in question had been working beneath the radar, or rather, he’d ASSUMED he was working beneath the radar, syphoning profits, business contacts, easing them into a small startup of his own, trying to build his own empire out of the success of someone else’s.
It was a good idea, just executed very poorly. Trusted the wrong people, tried to sway the loyal, knowing their skills and abilities, skills and abilities built from years of working with the Harrington family.
He’d attempted to sneak them away with the promise of a higher take percentage, rather than simply hiring his own men and building from the ground up.
All it took was one of them to come forward and shine a light on the guy and the jig was up.
Unfortunately, all four of the men, and the two women he attempted to sway, came forward WITH evidence, including text messages, phone call recordings, and pictures.
Had he started from the ground up, perhaps took his business to Steve himself, requested assistance getting it started, he might have given it, supported him and his endeavours to create something for himself, but alas, he chose the slimy way to go about it, and paid the price.
He didn’t want to think about that right now though, he wanted to think about the man in his kitchen, the man currently listening to the quiet playthrough of morning radio as he cooked breakfast. Wanted to watch him from his bedroom door, lean against the frame in naught but his underwear, shame Eddie was fully dressed, but alas.
Couldn’t have everything.
“You could’ve woken me up” he spoke up from his spot by the doorframe, Eddie startling out of his focus on the pan in hand to look up, across the countertop, across the open plan living room to the doorway that lead into Steve’s room.
“Your alarm never went off, I figured you had the day off or something?” Huh, did he forget to set it? Hm, no matter, he didn’t need it that morning anyway, usually he just set it to keep a routine going. Steve pushed off from the doorway, stepping into the open living room, well-lit by the floor to ceiling windows lining the outside wall. “I was gonna bring you breakfast” Steve was soon by his side, pressing a kiss to Eddie’s soft cheek.
He didn’t seem too bothered by it though, eyes refocusing on the task at hand “Eddie after dawn and breakfast in bed, I feel spoiled” that gained a smile, small, his dimples barely even visible, but a smile nevertheless, good… but something felt off.
Maybe it was simply… having him there in the morning? Was that the difference? He couldn’t put his finger on it.
“Go on, sit down y’big sap, breakfast will be ready soon, I need to talk to you about some stuff” stuff? He was halfway turned around ready to go sit down when the ‘stuff’ hit his ears, what stuff… Eddie never had stuff he needed to talk about, the last time Eddie brought up stuff it was during the initial conversation two years ago about how their ‘relationship’ was going to go.
What was allowed, what wasn’t allowed, what he could expect, what would mean instant termination of their contracted agreement, prices… Eddie very rarely brought up ‘stuff’.
“Stuff?” He had to ask.
“Yeah, stuff, go on, sit down” he wasn’t going to elaborate yet, fine, this was fine, it wasn’t like the anxiety was already spiking, funny how a man in his line of work, strong and sometimes seen as a little larger than life, still had spikes of anxiety at even the slightest inconvenience.
Felt his heart race uncomfortably in his chest, thump erratically as if something was guaranteed to be wrong and he couldn’t fix it no matter what he did.
Did he do something wrong? Did he hurt him? No… he didn’t hurt him, he seemed fine, no bruises other than a hickey currently half hidden by the collar of his shirt, matching all the others he’d left in the late hours, mid-clean up simply revelling in the softness of Eddie’s pale, porcelain skin against his lips, he was fine last night.
Had he done something in his sleep? No, that was stupid, Eddie wasn’t actually his boyfriend, he’d never hold any dream shit against him, and even if he WAS his boyfriend, he doubted the other man would ever be that ridiculous.
“Steve?” Steve jumped as Eddie’s voice sounded from right behind him, he’d frozen, mind withdrawing into all the possibilities as to what ‘stuff’ could mean, all the negatives, maybe he knew.
Maybe he’d found one of the guns in the apartment last night, hadn’t known how to bring it up until now, maybe he’d been contacted by someone, fuck what if that slimy little shit had approached Eddie?
He’d been so CAREFUL not to share that part of his life with Eddie, he didn’t need to know where the money came from, he never asked, all he knew, and all he needed to know, was that Steve was at the very head of a corporation which dealt in manufacturing defensive gear for the military.
He knew he had his hands dipped in several charities, that his company had even helped get a few off the ground.
He didn’t need to know there were other sides to his business life, didn’t need to know that the contracts gained from the military were only a fraction of his full wage, didn’t need to know where the other much larger percentage came from. “Stevie, hey, c’mon, sit” Eddie turned the heat off, spatula down on the counter he eased Steve’s much broader body into his arms, guiding him over to the sofa to sit him down.
“W-what… what do you mean by ‘stuff?’” Eddie’s eyes seemed to flash wider for a second, just split second as he realised just what the sudden frozen panic was about.
“Fuck… okay, I was hoping to do this while you were, I dunno… fed an fully dressed I guess” would be easier that way “hey, c’mon calm down” Eddie crouched in front of his seated form, hands on his biceps just holding him steady “do you need water? Want me to finish the food for you? This is why I wanted you fed first” clearly he still cared about him… fussing over him, making sure he was okay, but… something was wrong, and Steve had no idea what it was.
“No, no just… just tell me” he would have preferred to eat first, the nervous thumping of his heart was really starting to hit the empty stomach, that harsh weight at the back of the throat when hunger was really starting to get intense only worsening with the nerves.
It was fine, totally fine, everything would be okay.
“Alright” Eddie nodded his head, rising to his full height before sitting right back down again beside Steve on the couch, hands in his lap leaving the spots on his biceps where they were moments ago feeling colder all of a sudden, Eddie didnt even run warm, just... his touch just warmed Steve.
“Due to extenuating circumstances, I am effective immediately, terminating the contract between us… I have taken payment for last night already, I won’t take anything for this morning, I think… I think it’s time we ended this arrangement before things become too complicated… don’t you?”
Steve stepped out feeling much cleaner than before, and as promised he’d been good. He’d only touched his dick to clean himself, although it’d been torture to not do more. As wholesome as his mental pictures to replace the thong were, it was impossible to completely eject it from his mind, even just cleaning himself had him hot under the collar, that mental image jumping right back to the front of his mind as if to tease him into misbehaving.
Would Eddie really revoke sex privileges? No… he wouldn’t, but it was nice knowing he’d get extra praise for being good.
Wrapping a towel around his waist, Steve allowed himself to fall into the role, allowed himself to cast away the uncertainties, the wants and wishes of this being his reality and not just a fantasy to play with, and stepped out of his ensuite bathroom, to find a folded note atop his bedspread. Usually Eddie left clothes out for him if he was showering alone, plucked articles he liked from the closet and laid them out, so the note was new.
Drying his hands quickly on his towel, Steve plucked the note from the bed, flicking it open and immediately snorting a laugh.
Well, what Eddie wanted, Eddie got.
He, as instructed, bypassed his closet entirely, grabbing an extra hand towel from the linen closet on his way out to rub down his hair instead of blow drying. He’d once caught Eddie hungrily eying a single drop of water from his wet hair as it travelled down over broad pectoral to his abs, unashamedly watching it drip down firm muscle.
He liked it, so he got it.
It also felt really nice being desired despite the many scars littering his body, especially since Eddie never asked about them.
“Is dinner rea—” question immediately answered, Eddie hadn’t set up the dinner table, he’d set up the coffee table, and was currently sprawled across his couch, the lamps set at either side of the couch acting as the only lighting in the room, dark… intimate… perfect.
Fucker had rearranged the furniture so as to face the bedroom, so he could watch him walk out. Extra little shit.
Dinner appeared to be two well filled bowls of thick cuts of beef topped with soba noodles coated in a thick dark sauce he didn’t recognise and probably wouldn’t be able to replicate, and several colourful vegetables which were sure to make up his five a day.
Healthy, delicious, interesting, and balanced, Eddie took such good care of him.
He barely managed to supress the shudder of want that ripped through him as chocolate brown eyes ravaged his half naked form. “Can we eat that cold?” Was his first question, because the shirt had ridden up to expose the lacy black fabric once again and fuck his throat was dry. Yes, he was starving, but there was a beautiful minx currently sprawled provocatively across his couch, eating him up with his eyes alone.
He was a simple man.
“You see something more appetising, Stevie?” Eddie let a slow grin curl at his lips, his wild curls out of that bun, free, his hand lifting to rest on his hip, slow in its gradual slide up and over the curve of his hip, taking the shirt with it once more, Steve groaned his approval, biting his bottom lip as he nodded yes.
The food looked delicious, he was hungry, but Eddie was all he could focus on.
Hungry dark eyes dipped low to the towel resting snug on Steve’s hips, if the nod wasn’t enough, the tenting of that towel sure as fuck gave him away.
He hooked his finger in a ‘come’ motion and Steve followed, dipping as he neared to kneel on the couch, crowding the man in beneath him, eternally grateful for the custom suite he’d purchased being large enough to fit them both on it comfortably.
“Gods, I’ve missed you” Eddie murmured, and honestly… Steve believed it, deep down, he believed it.
Without further word, Eddie reached up, threaded his fingers up into still dripping wet hair and gently coaxed Steve down, sealing their lips together in a kiss that felt more than just… paid for.
It felt… real. Lines were blurred too often for it to feel anything but.
He always tasted sweet, Steve didn’t know how he did it, what cologne he used, if he used flavoured chap stick, what he DID to taste like the sweetest of candies, feeding a sweet tooth he didn’t even know he had, but Eddie always tasted sweet. He lapped it up like a dog chasing a treat, tongue sliding up the smooth column of skin beneath his jaw as he ground his towel covered erection against Eddie’s own, slotting between Eddie’s open legs with such ease it was as if they were made to slot together.
This was just what he needed, Eddie’s deep, throaty voice groaning out, gasping his name into the air, air which was getting warmer by the second as they moved together, hips sliding against hips in a slow, torturous grind,
“W-wanna… wanna feel you, Stevie… towel, take it--take it off for me.”
“Here? On the couch?”
“I’d let you fuck me against the damn window, Stevie, let the whole damn city watch us” Steve couldn’t help the groan that pulled from his throat, the whole city… Eddie wanted the whole city to know he was his.
They already assumed given how often Eddie showed up on his arm now but… to know it, for certain... Steve wanted that. He pulled back, just far enough to untie the towel, which had already begun loosening, from around his waist, letting it fall in a heap on the floor.
It’d been too long since he’d seen him, it’d been barely a half a week, but it was too long, he wanted him there, wanted him to live there, stay with him, fuck this life off and just…
Let him take care of him.
He was caught momentarily, stuck staring down at his flushed lover, cheeks a rosy, red, a damp sheen of spit where he’d licked up his neck catching the light, pupils blown half hidden beneath thick dark lashes and luscious hair free of its bun, curls surrounding his head like some kind of dark halo… he leaned in to seal their lips together in a slow, intimate kiss, groaning into it when he settled back down, hips slotting together once more the lace straining around Eddie’s own erection creating an incredible friction against him.
Fuck he loved how subdued Eddie was, how his brows pinched tight when the pleasure was just too much, how his lips parted just enough to let out kitten whisper moans, gasps, and aborted little noises silenced as they caught in his throat.
He loved that he wasn’t that vocal, the pleasure was real, the reactions were real, nothing faked, nothing forced for his benefit, everything about this part of their fantasy life was, it was real, and it was just so easy to believe that everything else was real too because of it.
He trailed his kisses along the soft curve of his jawline, tasting that addictively sweet, smooth skin “condoms are in the bedroom” he murmured in between kisses, trying not to choke out a groan in between his words as Eddie’s hands, his fingernails find purchase on his back, dragging thick red welts down in their wake.
“D-don’t… don’t care… I wanna feel you” Steve pulled back just to look at his lovers’ face, an unasked question written clear as day, a break from the spell, the fantasy… “don’t worry Stevie, I’m up to date.”
“You… you don’t know that I am though…” up to date on his check-ups, he didn’t know the others Eddie might have been seeing in between him, didn’t want to know, customer confidentiality and a lack of curiosity for the sake of his sanity kept those names from him, but Eddie didn’t know if he’d been sleeping with others either.
“I trust you to tell me…” foolish, or… it meant something, Steve didn’t know what it could mean other than the truth, this wasn’t part of the fantasy, this wasn’t part of their little game, the checks were important, kept everyone safe, for him to just… risk it… “you would… wouldn’t you?” Steve didn’t think, instead he dove down, stealing a searing kiss from the other man, this was real, it was real, it had to be real.
It didn’t make sense for it NOT to be real.
“I would… I would, fuck I would, just you… I’ve only… m’only seein you” he murmured in between kisses, promises spoke against lips that reached for more every time he pulled back to speak, he hadn’t even THOUGHT about sleeping with anyone else since Eddie waltzed his way into his life, he wished Eddie was the same but… he wasn’t naïve enough to believe something like that.
This was his JOB.
He was being paid to arch up into him, paid to whisper pretty words, to be receptive, wanting, needy, he was being paid to lick into his mouth, tease and coax his tongue into a playful slide, paid to wrap his legs around hips, heels digging into his ass to pull him in, press him close, close enough to feel the damp slick of precum soiling those pretty panties.
He reached down to remove them, breaking the kiss to focus on getting rid of the flimsy clothing separating them, only to be stopped short by a hand on his wrist, he froze, he had the go ahead right? “Fuck me with them on, I got all dressed up for you sweetheart, make the most of it” holy shit.
Dumbly, he nodded his head, enraptured by the near feral grin curling at his lovers pretty, spit slick, plump lips, fuck he was stunning, everything about him was beautiful. “Can I take the shirt off?”
“I dunno, can you?” The grin turned challenging, teasing, Steve could only groan his mild frustration, so sassy, still perfection though. He loved him, he loved everything about him, from the beauty he so effortlessly radiated, to the brief slip ups of his real personality shining through.
He liked to think the teasing, sassy little shit was the real him.
Eddie’s legs loosened from around his hips just enough for him to sit up, get some balance to take the shirt and pry the fabric apart, buttons popping one by one, the shirt was expensive, but what laid underneath was mouth-wateringly more so.
All he could do was groan, fabric slipping from his fingers before he sank down, hands on either side of Eddie’s shoulders, curling into the plush fabric of his couch cushions.
“You’re gonna be the death of me, Eddie…”
“As long as you fuck me first” was his quick-fire reply, a teasing laughter to his tone that Steve found himself falling more in love with than the soft, breathy moans he was so goddamn good at.
There, beneath the soft yet deceptively thick, expensive fabric of his now tattered shirt… was a matching black, lacy bodice bra, it wasn’t like he had any tits for it to hold, but it still hugged his perfect curves, still only enhanced the beautiful mix of art tattooed into his skin like it was tailored specifically to him.
“Deal” he huffed with a determined nod of his head, as if he’d ever deny him.
Eddie thrived on that look, the look of pure, unbridled desire in a man’s eyes as they looked down at him, like him just being there beneath them made them the luckiest men in the world, it fed his ego, it placed another band aid on how little attention he’d gotten as a teenager had affected his self-image, puberty had done him a solid, though it didn’t help the self-image issues he already had.
But nothing made him feel more alive than the man who’s calloused hands felt like searing hot fire smoothing up his sides, feeling the hem of lacy black fabric he’d worn specifically for him, he’d BOUGHT specifically for him before the decision to end things, before the feelings had even become obvious to him, he’d bought it.
Perhaps that should have been a clue, seeing the set and feeling an immense need to wear it for him, to have Steve be the one to see him in it.
Maybe that should have been a clue…
“Fuck” Steve hissed, he always loved hearing his big teddy bear curse, put a thrill through him to know that at least somewhere in there amongst all that soft loving, the edges were rough, he may not be perfect to everyone, but he was perfect to him.
“W-what?” He managed to gasp out, Steve’s hands having settled atop his Apollos belt, his gaze averting to the bedroom.
“Lube…”
“Oh… s’fine.”
“It is not fine” Eddie understood the hesitation, Steve knew his dick wasn’t something to scoff at, he didn’t brag, he didn’t NEED to brag, the dick spoke volumes for itself, he’d even found himself comparing his Bad Dragon dildo to it at one point.
The fact that he preferred Steve’s monster to the legitimate monster cock was probably also a clue to his rapidly growing feelings too.
“No, it IS fine, you think I dressed like this for you and didn’t prep myself first?” Steve stared down at him, mouth slightly open, wide eyed, the slightest hint of a blush dusting his cheeks. Fuck how could a man built like a brick wall look so… innocent? “Close your mouth baby, gonna catch flies.”
Steve finally snapped out of it, groaning his approval before sinking down to seal their lips together once more, hands sliding down from hips, underneath soft, well cushioned ass cheeks which he couldn’t help but squeeze as he cupped them, Eddie gasping soft into the kiss, but refusing to break from it, arms wrapped up and around Steve’s neck to hold him there as he re-positioned himself.
The thin strip of fabric nestled between his cheeks was moved with a single hooked finger, Steve groaned once again into his lips as he felt the slick slide of lubricant on his fingers, he almost wished he’d have let Steve open him up.
He’d always been so good at that, so very thorough. Always worked him loose, fucked him on his fingers until he cried, begged for him. If this was the last time, he wanted it to last… maybe he could swing a middle of the night fuck as well? Really go out with a bang…
Steve moved, pressing his hips in close, the head of his cock sliding between cheeks being held apart by strong, rough fingers, Eddie groaned into the kiss, raising his hips up to make it easier for him to hold him there.
“I love you, Eddie…” Steve whispered against his lips as he pushed in, hand on his own cock to guide until he didn’t need to anymore, pressing himself in, inch by torturously good inch, Eddie choked on his response, moans overtaking the words he’d wanted to say, the admission of love he’d wanted to say in return.
He loved him, he loved him so fucking much, but all he could do was whimper and moan as Steve bottomed out in one smooth, singular thrust, hips flush against hips, strong hands holding him up, holding him steady to allow him to adjust.
He was fine, he’d be fine, he could break this off, he could do it, he coul—
Steve ground his hips up into him, his thought process overtaken by a white flash accompanied by a sharp cry, the sound bursting out of him without warning, head thrown back into the couch cushions, kiss broken Steve didn’t miss a beat, latching his mouth onto the smooth column of damp, sweat slick skin beneath his jaw, sharp canines grazing against flesh, a predator with its prey in its jaws.
Oh, how he’d kill for Steve to just… sink his teeth in, leave some kind of lasting mark on him, he wasn’t one for pain, he didn’t like pain during sex, but fuck just the thought of him leaving a lasting mark had him pressing his body up against Steve’s own.
Wanting him closer, needing more of him.
The pace Steve set was bruising, thrust after thrust, Eddie could barely think, stars clouding his vision, he tried to keep up, he always tried, pushing his hips down to meet each thrust but his toes curled, his thighs spasmed, he could barely think straight, coherency left him the second that monster cock nestled firmly atop his prostate, every other thrust dragging across it like it’d made its permanent residence on top of it.
He was drooling by the time he felt Steve’s hips stutter, by the time that pace changed, heard the whispered utterance of “I’m close, E-Eds… m’so… so close” between the reverent groans and murmured praises so close to his ear, praises he barely heard a word of over the rush of blood in his ears and the pounding of his own heartbeat. “Cum for me, baby…” Steve punctuated his request with a nip to Eddie’s earlobe, the brunette letting out the softest little kitten whimper, aborted by a choked-out moan as his lover thrust back in harshly, punching the air out of his lungs hitting prostate, bullseye.
So close, he was so fucking close, the lace fabric was starting to hurt, friction painful against his cock, “t-touch me… plea-ah—! ah f-fuck! Plea-se… fuck please touch me… touch me Stevie…” he blindly reached for a hand, abandoning the grip he’d had in Steve’s hair, he wanted a hand, he wanted it on his cock, he wa—
White, pure white was all he could see as it flashed across his vision leaving him blinded, his cry of ecstasy echoing off of the walls as if there were nothing in the room at all but them, Steve palmed his erection through the fabric, stroking him, rubbing him to delirious completion. Dimly, he registered Steve groaning his warnings, his “almost…” as he thrust into his tight, lube and cum slicked hole was nothing but a drowned-out murmur like trying to hear someone while submerged in water.
Then warmth… Steve thrust himself deep, hips slapping hips he could feel the others’ balls hitting his cheeks and fuck if he didn’t love it, filled him full in thick, spurts of warmth that had him groaning well into his soft, blissed out after-glow.
Maybe he could keep seeing him… he didn’t want to let him go… didn’t want to not have this anymore, didn’t want to not have Steve’s big, warm arms manoeuvre him around onto broad, tan, hairy chest after easing himself out, he wanted to feel safe, comfortable, warm… wanted to doze off to the rapid, exhausted thump of Steve’s post-sex heartbeat.
He didn’t want to lose the one man he’d ever let fuck him without a condom… he wanted this… fuck he wanted to keep this so much… feelings didn’t have to ruin everything… did they?
He could have this for real… couldn’t he?
“Ah ah, can’t sleep yet Eddie…” but yet his hand still gently threaded through thick brown curls, fingernails still lightly grazed along his scalp only adding to the pleasant buzz his entire body had submerged itself into. He was warm, tired, and comfortable, he could happily fall asleep right there and then with no complaints.
“Mmhh why?” His eyes were already closed, he was halfway there, just had to drop off, juuuust—
“Dinner, you cooked dinner”
“Uughh fuck dinner, I don’t wanna move” Steve only laughed, a soft, chuckle of a laughter that reverberated from his chest and ugh it sounded so nice in his ears, Steve’s laughter was always so nice.
“How about I carry you to bed, and we eat there?” He cracked an eye open, turning his head so he could rest his chin on Steve’s chest, looking up at his tired, soft face… fuck he was handsome like this… so relaxed, so at ease, the lines on his face smoothed, he looked a good ten years younger post-sex, like all the tension in him drained away.
“… Will you clean me up too?” He could FEEL his cum starting to dry crusty on his stomach, feel the rapidly cooling dampness in his lacy panties which would very quickly become uncomfortable, while fucking in them had been fun, he needed out of them before it got gross, and it was rapidly turning gross. “I feel… gross” another snort of laughter from the beautiful man beneath him
“Yeah, I think I can handle that, c’mon, lemme up” he didn’t want to move, but staying where he was meant falling was imminent, so, he moved, he shifted to the right while Steve slid out to the left, he ended up flopping to the floor, but he did it intentionally, and added a quick little “I’m okay” from his new spot on the floor, god he loved this big idiot.
He just… had to do something about it, one of two things could be done, change his entire life, or… end it, cut the contract, they both knew it had to end eventually when they started it, but just thinking about ending things opened a deep pit of sadness in his gut. It hurt… if he wasn’t so goddamn perfect this would have been so much easier but… he was perfect.
Jumping up from the floor, naked as the day he was born, sweaty, hair still damp and drippy from his shower… but grinning like a kid at Christmas, if only there was SOMETHING bad about him, maybe that’d make it easier but…
He was perfect, like a giant, happy teddy bear “c’mon, up you get!” A giant happy teddy bear who could effortlessly lift him up like a fucking princess, or bashful bride on her wedding day being carried over the threshold, no, don’t think about weddings, bad avenue to go down.
He’d never been the marriage type… fuck it, if he was going down this avenue he might as well put thought into it as he was carried through to the bedroom, cheek pressed flush against warm, hairy pectoral, he’d want an autumn wedding, he always did look good surrounded by oranges and reds.
They could have it at the mountain resort they’d visited a couple of months back, Steve had been working away from home and had wanted company, Eddie jumped at the chance for a spa weekend, fuck there were some stunning locations at that resort, they could probably book out an area of it for a wedding.
Could probably slip in a few nerdy references here and there in the mountains. Maybe sneak some inspiration from Rivendell…
Fuck, no, he had to pull back, pull out of the rabbit hole, let himself focus on the now, he was supposed to be ending things, supposed to be talking to him, but with how gently he was being handled it was hard to focus on anything else. The sheets felt like heaven against his skin, they always did, he could never again leave this bed and be ecstatic about it, he could never again leave the apartment, and be ecstatic about it, he loved that apartment.
He knew all the little nooks and cranny’s, he knew it like the back of his hand, it’d be… strange, not seeing it anymore.
“I’ll be right back” Steve placed a kiss into his hair before darting back out of the room, still naked, he tried to be amused by it, tried to smile like he normally would… but no, he had to end this.
He had to make it stop, he couldn’t fall any further, sure Steve could probably take care of him, could probably support him for the rest of his life but he didn’t WANT that.
He didn’t want to just… live off of someone else’s hard work, lounging around doing nothing all day, he wasn’t a leech, he wasn’t a trophy on someone’s arm, he didn’t want to be that, but… what else could he be other than what he was?
He didn’t even have references to get a normal job, he couldn’t support his lifestyle on a normal salary and honestly... he liked his job even if it could come with heartbreak. He didn't have a manager to report to, or bullshit corporate policies to adhere to.
He'd only started doing what he was doing because he couldnt hold down a normal job... starting that cycle of trial and error, hired to fired over and over again... he didn't want that. He didn't want the nine to five, or the repetitive process of making work friends only to lose them when he inevitably lost his job to some dumb mistake someone with a less chaotic brain wouldn't make.
It’d be easier to end things… right?
So why couldn’t he do it?
“Food delive— Eddie? Are you okay?” Steve was at his side in an instant, their food on a tray placed on the nightstand, balancing precariously half off the side, it’d be fine, probably. Hands were on his face, gentle, but firm thumbs rubbing soft circles into his cheek bones… had he been that transparent?
He couldn’t keep up his smile thinking about it, he couldn’t maintain the mask, knowing that by the next day, everything would be different, he wouldn’t have Steve anymore, he’d have to find someone new, live on his savings for a little while until some other big fish came along willing to pay him for his time. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? C’mon Eddie talk to me…”
“N-no… no, pfft no, you couldn't hurt me, I’m okay… I’m fine… let’s just eat yeah?” Steve gave him a look, a look that was clear as day an ‘I don’t believe you’ kind of look “I mean it, I’m okay, just… I dunno, mood drop or somethin, I’m good, it's nothing bad” not right now, he still had a whole night of Steve’s bed, his arms, his warmth…
Tomorrow… he’d do it tomorrow.
“Alright… let’s get some food in you then, food and then sleep, yeah?”
“Yeah… food then sleep, don’t forget clean me up too.”
“Clean up, food then sleep.”
“Better” he’d be fine without him… he’d be okay, this was for the best.
Steve’s plane landed right on schedule at quarter-past seven, he was out of the airport by half-past. He didn’t have his own private jet, but he flew first class, so the process always ran a little smoother for him. Private jets, while cool, only drew unwanted attention to him and his private life.
He didn’t need random save the planet protesters and tree huggers trawling through his business to write stupid magazine articles and twitter posts calling him out for shit. He didn’t need to be under a magnifying glass for stupid reasons. Too much to hide.
He was home by just gone eight. A little late but not by much, bags in hand he felt the weight just… ease from his shoulders as he reached his door, music drifting from within, one of his old vinyl’s, old lounge singer type tracks, smooth.
He wondered if they’d been playing all evening, or if he’d switched them on just before eight.
He wondered if this was really what Eddie would be listening to if it weren’t for the fact that he knew one of his main clients were coming home. He swiped his key through the lock, a card key, Eddie had one too because hilariously enough… he trusted him.
Maybe it was the feelings, clouding his judgement, but he trusted Eddie with everything, his wallet, his home, his belongings, everything. The only thing Eddie didn’t know about him… was the entire scope of his job, but Eddie didn’t need to know about his job, Eddie didn’t even ask about his job, wasn’t his business, an he loved that about him.
He wasn’t curious, or if he was, he didn’t let it slip into his work life, he didn’t probe, perhaps that was why Steve felt so… comfortable with the man, why he’d allowed himself to dip his toes into the potential of having feelings for him before diving in headfirst into syrupy molasses forgetting that shit, syrup was really hard to swim through.
Eddie was safe, harmless, perfect, and he could cook.
The smells that greeted him as he opened the door were nothing short of mouth-watering, he’d been given food on the plane, but it wasn’t a five-star meal given it wasn’t exactly a long flight, long enough for snacks, not long enough for a hot meal.
His stomach rumbled in hunger at the promise of a good meal.
The receipt for the shopping he’d done was on the table, weighted down by a glass egg-shaped paper weight with a swirling helix pattern of yellow and blue, a dash of purple in the right light mixing within it.
He didn’t spend much by Steve’s standards but still managed to get what looked to be a full weeks’ worth of shopping done.
Eddie wasn’t “rich” outside of his job. Steve had long since figured that out with how easily he sought out bargains, deals, and offers in shops, he knew how to and WOULD save money where he could, he didn’t come from wealth, wasn’t brought up with it, but he seamlessly slid himself into it.
He placed his bag by the door, it was just dirty clothes, toiletries and a small, albeit expensive gift for Eddie.
Couldn’t go anywhere without buying him SOMETHING, he’d always see things in shop windows, pretty jewellery, clothes, cologne, even a box of extremely expensive chocolates at one point, they had a hint of cherry liqueur to them, Eddie’s favourite, the moans his beautiful brunette had made while popping one into his mouth, fuck he’d never been so hard so fast in his life.
It was EMBARRASSING how fast his boner had just sprung to life, Viagra who? Who needs little blue pills when you have Eddie Munson moaning around a bite sized piece of artisanal chocolate?
He’d dropped to his knees without hesitation and given Eddie something else to moan about.
“Is that you, baby?” Speak of his beautiful little devil, Steve leaned his head around the doorway which lead through into the large, galley kitchen, hair held in a soft, messy bun, ringlets of wispy curls framing his face, so very soft, as though he’d gotten out of the shower an hour or so ago and blow dried.
The sliver of pale, creamy skin atop collar bone showing beneath his shirt, the top three buttons undone leaving the collar to slide down onto his shoulder.
Fuck he was parched.
Eddie was wearing one of HIS shirts, Eddie always did say they felt nice against his skin and Steve wasn’t exactly about to deny him wearing his clothing. It was intimate… it added to the fantasy, the illusion that this was all real.
That Eddie truly was his, that he was his perfect little housewife waiting for him to come home after a long, mentally draining business trip, wearing his clothes… listening to his music, making his dinner… that was the dream life right there.
Honestly though any life with Eddie in it was pretty much the dream at that point.
“Yeah… it’s me, what’re you cooking?” He pulled his tie from his collar, loosening it bit by bit until he could just yank it off over his head, both tie and coat thrown onto the couch.
“Dinner” was his predictable answer, earning a snort of a laugh from Steve, so sassy, he loved it. Damn, he loved him, he loved the smile that always accompanied his sass, the twinkle of mischief in his huge Bambi eyes, how he always made it look so real.
“Alright smart ass” Eddie slipped back into the kitchen, prompting Steve to follow him, rounding the corner “what are you making Foooo—oh…” fuck parched, was there a word for thirstier than parched? If there was, he didn’t know it, couldn’t think of it either, because all the blood in his brain rushed south so very quickly.
Eddie wasn’t wearing anything below the belt, just the shirt, which on himself, was the perfect fit, tailored specifically to his stocky frame, but on Eddie, all lean muscle as he was, draped on his narrower shoulders, it was baggy, a bit loose, long, the line of the bottom hem hanging just below his ass but still showing the curve of his cheeks.
Long, creamy… strong legs, the natural curve of his waist invisible, but holy fuck Steve knew it was there, hiding it didn’t make him any less excited to see it, to run his hands over it, to hold his hips tight against him.
He’d let this man take him for all he had if it’d make him happy.
He smiled over his shoulder, a small, sly little grin that had Steve’s heart thud heavily against his ribcage, butterflies take flight in his stomach, he felt like a teenager with his first crush. This was what he wanted to come home too, this was ALWAYS what he wanted to come home to.
“Shit, baby… do you have any idea what you do to me?” Another smile was sent his way, wider with the flash of pearly whites and dimpled cheeks.
“You like?” He pressed a hand to his hip and smoothly slid the fabric up, inching it higher and higher until Steve felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs. “Got you a present, sweetheart.” Sitting snug at the centre of his lower back, just above the cleft of his perfectly curved cheeks, was a flimsy, lacy piece of black fabric which thinned and disappeared between his cheeks.
Steve gulped audibly. He wasn’t just wearing the shirt.
He didn’t get more than a foot closer to the other man before a wooden spoon was pressed against the centre of his chest, the handle held firmly in Eddie’s hand, his beautiful chocolate irises alight with playful mischief. “Ah ah” he chirped, a wide grin set upon his lips “shower first, go, dinner will be ready by the time you get out.”
“Eddiiieeee” he was a grown-ass man who not five hours earlier had cleaned blood from his hands and sent ruined clothing coated in the evidence of his crimes to be incinerated and he was absolutely whining about being kept away from touching his little minx by the end of a spoon. “At least join me?”
“And risk dinner burning?” Not a hope in hell then, Eddie was PROUD when it came to his cooking, all his meals were perfect, delicious, filling, orgasmic level moan worthy in regard to taste, he was just… gifted at everything he did. Mainly because he tried so very hard to be, because that was his job. Free time was spent learning things he could use to impress his clients. Cooking was one of them. Part of the boyfriend package. “Off you go, shower” reluctantly, Steve turned toward the doorway to do as he was told. He didn’t want to upset his baby by not doing as he was told. Eddie always did enjoy being in control of everything outside of the bedroom, only when back hit sheets, did he happily give away that control, he liked giving it up then, and only then. “And no jerking it, if I hear one groan… no dessert.”
He was being punished; this was the gods getting back at him for making an example of that man.
This was his immediate karma, his beautiful escort threatening to revoke sex privileges if he jerked it in the shower. Damnit. Shoulders slumped, head hung low he trudged out of the kitchen, a pout on his lips that’d suit a teenager or a prepubescent child far more than a grown man.
This was fine, totally fine, he just had to FORGET that Eddie was in his kitchen in nothing but a lacy black thong and one of his more expensive shirts, cooking his dinner like some kind of sexy housewife.
Just had to completely wipe it from his mind, be zen.
“Good boy” he heard the teasing sing song call as he continued his trek to the bathroom, the pout deepened, he was a good boy to his man, he liked being a good boy, he liked being TOLD he was a good boy, didn’t make the sting any less painful knowing his beautiful lover wasn’t going to be joining him in the shower.
Fuck, he’d missed him, maybe he should have told him to start dinner after he got home, rather than let him have it ready for around his arrival, at least then he’d have gotten to pull him into the shower. As it stood though, he resigned himself to the shower for one, shedding his clothes and placing them neatly into the hamper.
Eddie had cleaned up, not a lot, but he knew Steve liked a clean home, so he cared enough to put things away when he saw them out of place.
A good little housewife.
“If only he cared a little less about burning dinner…” Steve murmured to himself as he switched the water on warm, steam rising almost immediately, taking only seconds to heat up. “S’not like we couldn’t order take out or something if it burned” okay no, he’d definitely say no to takeout.
Eddie didn’t DO takeout as far as Steve was aware, if you didn’t make it, you don’t eat it, whereas Steve had a whole drawer in his kitchen dedicated to take out menus. To Eddie it was an unnecessary spend, could get half a week’s shop with some takeout prices!
Eddie was good for him, yes… just forget about the thong, forget about the shirt barely covering his ass, focus on the soft, the wholesome parts of Eddie’s presence.
The warmth in his smile whenever he saw him, the teasing lit to his tone of voice as if he’d long since grown comfortable around him, familiar in the way long term lovers do, the way he moved around his kitchen as if it were his own space, his own kitchen.
He focused on that as he stepped under the spray, let the water wash away the stiff ache in his muscles from sitting in a plane for over an hour.
Eddie had left some of his cinnamon scented soaps in the shower the last time he was there, peering around the shower door, he was pleased to find Eddie’s toothbrush in the holder next to his own as well.
Just while Eddie was there, Steve smiled, he could pretend Eddie lived there too.
