#bf update

[tophsbiggestfan]

oh my god oh my god oh my god, i’m going to cry

WE FINALLY HAVE AN ANSWER!!!! An entire week later, it turns out all my research was for naught, but it doesn’t fucking matter because we know what’s wrong with him !!!!

Turns out, his cat had a bacterial flea infection. Normally harmless to both cats and humans. He just had a weird reaction to it; explaining both the swollen lymph node in the groin (because all his flea bites were on his leg) and the papilledema. Well, that doesn’t really explain it because it should be harmless but the doctors diagnosed it; they’re going to pump him full of antibacterials and send him home and hopefully i’ll be able to hold him again by sunday night :)

also! This whole ordeal actually inspired me to look into being a hospital lab scientist. I’m already on a microbio track in university, so i wouldn’t have to change anything i’m doing and I think it might be a good halfway between being a doctor and getting to help people, but also not spending all that time and money into becoming a doctor and still having time to have a family as well. 

As long as J comes home safe, this whole ordeal might have been beneficial. I’m so happy guys. Thank you to everyone who read and supported and prayed. 

I’ll let you know when he safely comes home!!

[tophsbiggestfan]

My Ex-Boyfriend Is Still Blind Day 4

Okay, not blind but the spot in his eye is still there and i’m afraid it’ll be permanently damaged since they still don’t know what’s wrong with him. 

He told me they’re just shooting darts now and he had a testicular ultrasound and I don’t even understand how extra pressure in his brain can be related to his testicles. I’m getting ready to cry. I just want him to be okay. All my research said he’d be fine but they still can’t figure it out and I just want him to come home. 

I was still feeling really confident about him being okay until he told me they’re just shooting darts. He’s supposed to be in one of the best hospitals in the country and they can’t fucking figure it out. I miss him so much. I’m so worried. I don’t know how I’m going to take my exams in this state of mind.

These are the things that are supposed to cause papilledema according to everything I’ve ever read:

Brain tumor or abscess (technically this is still possible but they haven’t seen anything in the scans)

Head injury (He hasn’t hit his head)

Bleeding in the brain (I’m pretty sure this one’s cleared because i think they would have seen this by now with all the testing scans; he’s gotten an MRI and a CT)

Inflammation of the brain (encephalitis) (Once again, he’s had both an MRI and a lumbar puncture that would say if he had it)

or its tissue coverings (meningitis) (J told me he would be dead by now if he had meningitis; I have no idea what it is)

Idiopathic intracranial hypertension (No one’s told me if they’ve ruled this out!!!)

Uncontrolled, life-threatening hypertension (His blood pressure is fine)

Why is he still in the hospital??? :( I don’t get it. They have a person in the room with him at all times because he’s so high risk. I’m so scared. Please, please pray for him. 

[tophsbiggestfan]

ex is in the hospital day idk five

i’m still worried about him but i’m kind of upset with him, but we’ll see how long that lasts. I always forgive him. and because we’re broken up and he’s in the hospital, i feel even more inclined. It’s also like, I’m pretty sure his behavior is partially because he’s scared which shouldn’t excuse it because he’s making me feel bad, but also... i know things will get better when he’s out of the hospital and he’s not scared and his behavior will be different when we’re in person. Sorry, it all sounds complicated because I’m trying to not get into it while also expressing my feelings.  

anyway. He had an HIV test- I’m hoping he’ll tell me the results of that before I finish writing this (because if he’s positive, I’m positive :/). And he got that spinal MRI today which is good. Edit: HIV negative and herpies is negative too so that’s neato. 

I got an image of his eye balls but I’ll put that under a cut so anyone who didn’t really feel like scrolling by eye imaging doesn’t have to. I talked to a doctor on reddit who made me feel a lot better. He said the process is normal and that because he’s male they’re looking for more unconventional reasons for the pressure in his brain before resorting to IIH, since it’s less common in men. But he leaned towards J is most likely going to be diagnosed with IIH. 

I gave him the imaging of J’s eyes and this is what he said, “He has papilledema and an enlarged blind spot on both sides. No hemorrhages or anything like that, those findings can take several months to go away after bringing the pressure down. But the symptoms usually get better before that.” 

He also told me previously since it’s an enlarged blind spot (and not, like, he was actually going blind), he would most likely get his full vision back. Hearing all of that is really great; I’d just appreciate it if it was coming from J’s hospital too. 

His hospitalization has really taken a toll on me, which i feel like is selfish considering because i’m not even the one in the hospital but it’s true. I’ve just been breaking down crying every few hours or dissociating if i’m in a public place and I can’t. I have an exam in two days and I don’t think I could answer a single question right on it. I’m just going to try and get some homework done tonight and hope for the best. I’m finishing typing this and he’s already made me feel better so see how fast that turns around. As always, please pray for him if you can and if you’re curious as to what eyes with papilledema looks like, it’s under the cut :) (I don’t think it’s gross at all, but I’d rather be sensitive to some people who dont wanna see the veiny stuff)

[tophsbiggestfan]

My Ex-Boyfriend Might Be Dying Day 3

He’s been talking to me regularly, so he’s okay. He got that lumbar puncture but he didn’t tell me if they discovered anything from it. So far he said they still don’t know what’s wrong with him. 

I currently have a headache and feel nauseous (J’s symptoms before he started going blind in one eye) but I’m fairly certain it’s psychological because I’ve been reading so much about the condition. There’s almost no way it’d be contagious unless he has encephalitis/meningitis and passed it to me (which is unlikely and would also be pretty hard to do). Either it’s psychological or unrelated. 

I want to go see him but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t let me come even if his parents weren’t there because he doesn’t like to see me worried. I’m not that much worried anymore. I’m pretty confident it’s going to be Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension which is still not good but no matter what was causing it, it was going to be not good. They’re going to diagnose him, give him medication and instruction to make sure to exercise and eat healthier and everything will be fine. 

But everyday that passes where they don’t diagnose him scares me more. I wish I was there with him when he went through everything so he had someone to joke with. If anyone is religious, if you could please pray for him to be diagnosed and have a speedy recovery. 

[tophsbiggestfan]

my boyfriends gonna stay stuck in the hospital day 8 

i got excited too early. they literally took the diagnosis back. they don’t know what’s wrong with him. they’re just giving him random drugs now to see what works.