I hate that I feel so guilty for not wanting to be Christian anymore.
This is so hard to say because I struggle to put my thoughts into words
I just hate it so much, I'm so miserable. I'm sick of always being told I'm living wrong. Everything I do is somehow wrong. I can't love a woman because it's a "sin". I can't act a certain way, I can't talk a certain way, I can't BE a certain way, because it's a "sin". And I can never fix myself and be perfect because saying I'm perfect is a "sin".
There's always someone telling me I'm doing wrong and that they have a solution for it and they can help me "live right" and it's just starting to feel so manipulative.
And I feel like I'm not allowed to have emotions. I feel like I'm not allowed to be human, because "God comes first" and if I'm miserable, it doesn't matter because "Oh well, at least I'm making God happy."
It's just so hard to wall this path in life and know that in the end I will NEVER be truly happy, because there will always be someone breathing down my fucking neck, telling me, "you're doing it wrong".
This sucks so much because if I voice all my thoughts on Christianity and how I feel, I'll just be told I'm too young to understand anything, or I'm just confused and I'll understand when I'm older.
And I can't leave because I'm still a minor and I'll have to live with these people for a good couple of years before I can move out.
I think you deserve to live your life the way you want to. Whether it be as a cristian, Jehovah's Witness, atheist, etc.
You may have to live your life a certain way for now but maybe if you wait it out? Remember the goal is what you want. As long as you want whatever it is you want and are willing to do whatever it is to get to it, that's what matters. In your case, it's leaving your religion (if I understood correctly) so to do that you have to leave, completely.
I hope things go the way you hope them to go. Remember it's temporary. I'm always here to talk. <3<3<3