Hi! If I recall correctly, one of the mods of this is both a man and a woman, but I don’t remember if they fluctuate between one and the other or if they change appearance depending on which gender they’re that day, but in the case they do: what are your different experiences between being seen as a man or as a woman? Honestly I wish I could be comfortable looking like a man so I’d feel better about myself and I could escape the problems women face for being women. Ik people don’t transition for those reasons but still ;-;
Hello yes you're likely referring to me, Mod Eli, certified wo/man
For clarity and to describe my general "look": I'm always 100% man and 100% woman-I think if I fluctuated between the two I'd likely id as genderfluid. If I had the option, I would "wear" or "perform" my gender in the same way that someone chooses between shirts in the morning. I always have both shirts, but sometimes I wanna wear one shirt more than another. It may look like my id is fluctuating and wouldn't mind if people adjusted pronouns based on my presentation that day, but I'm always a wo/man. That said, I work at a lab so I end up needing to wear pants every work day, and my days are long enough that I generally can't bind safely [good ol dfab boobs] though I'm getting comfy with the idea of having "man boobs" and not wearing a bra! I have one of those stereotypical nb haircuts with the short undercut and medium length wavy bangs. I think I probably come across as a lazy butch most of the time.
Honestly, my gender goals are to make people pause when they try to assume my gender, to trip them up on which binary pronouns they use for me, to have "bearded lady" or "man in a dress" vibes. My voice is generally too feminine to maintain the illusion for long, and because I dont hide my boobs I have to be wearing pretty baggy clothes to conceal my silhouette. And it'll likely be that way for a while unless they invent a genderbend toggle where I can flip a switch and poof suddenly diff bits and a beard haha
All that said, even if you COULD fully escape the problems of being one gender, you're gonna run into the problems of any other gender identity. Even cis men have to deal with the toxic masculinity that punishes them for performing being a dude the wrong way. The grass may seem greener but while your grass is full of poison ivy, theirs is full of thorns.
This may not be from personal experience, but listening to the stories of others has filled in these blanks for me. As with anything else, I believe the most important things are to have a support group of friends and family that can help you identify and present in a way that makes you most comfortable. It's ok if you don't have that or only have it in small ways like online communities-it can be hella lucky to be comfortable in your own skin. But if you don't, then think of what would need to change to make you just a little more comfy in life. My therapist asked me "Imagine you went to bed right now, and when you woke up all your problems were solved. What's different?" And I realized that the gender stuff [for me] would be solved by me feeling more comfy in asserting my identity, even if people didn't understand.
I know this probably wasn't the answer you were looking for, but I hope it was at least a little enlightening. As always, feel free to follow up with other thoughts. Things have been a little busy for us mods of UB but we definitely care a lot about this place.
-Eli