positivity and advice for bigender and/or bisexual folk!

a bisexual & bigender safe space. send in positivity and don't shy away from asking any questions! we accept moodboard and affirmation requests!

[ikoruk-okomot]

“are you a boy or a girl?”

“well i’m actually multiclassing so i have levels in both”

[adrakichai]

my online child describing amphibians:

[shanti-ashant-hai]

no no, theyve got a point

[a-really-hot-caterpillar]

Reblog for the bi rights frog

[elodieunderglass]

So I think I might be bi? But if I am it changes almost nothing about my life because I am happily and monogamously married. But if it doesn't really matter, why do I have so many feelings about it???? Anyways, I am asking you because it seems like there is a 50/50 chance of a delightful and pithy answer or a picture of a bird as an answer.

[elodieunderglass]

ALTERNATE CONCLUSION

[makeadealwithdean]

i just love this so so much

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

i see so many younger queer people on here asking stuff like “am i allowed to use this label??” “is it okay for me to use this term if it doesn’t 100% fit me?” and “am i valid if i use these labels?” 

and like honestly WHAT has the queer community on this hellsite BECOME?? why have we created this weird thing of constantly wanting to be “valid” and “allowed” like kids!! you are allowed!! i promise you you’re allowed!! it’s okay!!

you are allowed to be a nonbinary lesbian you are allowed to be both bi and ace you’re allowed to use he/him pronouns and be transfem you’re allowed to be transmasc and lesbian you’re allowed to be transfem and gay you’re allowed to be both mlm and wlw at the same time you’re allowed to be nonbinary even if you’re a little bit a binary gender you are allowed!! it’s okay!! 

put down your phone and go for a walk and breathe in some fresh air!! you don’t need to ask a blog on tunglr dot hell if you’re valid!! you don’t need to ask some stranger on the internet for permission to be your authentic self!! live your life! you don’t need permission and you don’t need someone to tell you you’re valid. you can live authentically and use whatever labels and pronouns you want, okay? you’re allowed. i promise. it’s okay.

[cruelssister-moved2]

for real!

[unambiguouslybi]

hi, i thought i was a lesbian for the majority of my teenage years. i recently realized that i actually do like men, and that i was suppressing my attraction to them because i lived in a very homophobic environment and i felt like i had to be "fully gay" to justify an escape. i felt like if i liked men i could just settle down with one and live a safe life instead of leaving everything behind. i felt like it was "selfish" to want women if i had a safer option. how do i get over this shame?

This is the sort of heart breaking question that doesn't have an easy answer, and I get the sense that many m-spec folks have to grapple with it-including myself.

I think you realize this, but it is not selfish to want to live as your most authentic self. I would hope that this decision is made based on who you genuinely want to be with [regardless of if they're a man or woman] rather than external pressures one way or another. Unfortunately I recognize that real life is messy, and things like this are often much more complicated.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to get over the shame of your situation. It sucks to make these kinds of decision. If anyone else has any advice for this anon, please share, I'm sure they would appreciate it

[unambiguouslybi]

How do I know if I’m bigender or simply a masculine dressing cis woman?

I do have sexual fantasies about having a dick. Also could live without my boobs. But I don’t really have gender dysphoria.

How do I go about figuring this out without throwing myself into something I don’t belong?

Unfortunately, the questioning process for both gender and sexuality requires you to consider labels that might not apply to you, just the same as it requires you to consider labels that do apply!

Fortunately, there are plenty of reasonable folks in queer communities that are a-okay with people questioning their labels and coming to the conclusion that they had it right the first time.

If you join a particular community with genuine questions about yourself and an open mind, then the absolute worst case scenario is that you decide the label isn't right for you and now you understand a new group of people better.

That said, through personal observation I've noticed a lot of overlap between butch women and trans men [also femme crossdressing men and trans women, though they're less relevant to this question], and most of the difference comes down to the individual's personal feelings and examination of which differences matter. I'm in a similar place to you and for a while [had identified as pan since I was 15-16, didn't identify as bigender until 21-23] I thought I was a masculine woman, until I had a short haircut and was identified as a man by a stranger and realized it felt good.

So find the differences that matter to you, try out labels to see what feels best, and I wish you the best of luck in your journey!

-Mod Eli

[liveurqueerlife]

Nerdy Flag Edit

Left to Right

Trans; Nonbinary

Intersex; Genderqueer

Genderfluid; Bigender

[what-even-is-thiss]

People who don’t understand non binary stuff always make it so complicated

“Hello birthing person.”

They have a name you could use.

[breakfast-deadman]

If they're speaking like that, they're probably being dense on purpose

[what-even-is-thiss]

They act like this is what we want. I would personally like language to be accurate but that’s just something weird and quirky about me

[goblincrowe]

Like "individual who is capable of giving birth/birthing person" is along the same lines as "individuals who have an astigmatism" not everyone fits that criteria, those who do are variable in how they experience it. Some get surgery, some just live with it. But when you see me in the streets I don't want you to refer to me based on medical definitions. I want to be called my name, just like you want to be called yours.

I want my doctor/insurance to know that I'm an individual with a uterus though. Same with my astigmatism. It makes life easier when professionals know your problems.

But that based on how to treat my issues, not how to treat Me. My doctor should use my name/pronouns. I should be given that respect.

[what-even-is-thiss]

A lot of people seem to assume that everything we want or prefer should be taken to the extreme and that’s what I’m confused about.

[unambiguouslybi]

Hii! i recently came out as bigender and it’s been great not being in denial anymore! But i’ve been super indecisive about my name lol. i definitely wanna go by my birth name as well as either Venn or Connor.

I like Connor because it’s more masculine and my birth name is more feminine so it would be very gender of me to go by both, but Venn is a maths themed name (like venn diagram) and i’m kinda proud of coming up with it. plus it makes me sound smarter lmao. so yea idk which one to pick help

i also though of going by the name of some mcyts i like (for example Wilbur or Toby) but i’m scared i’ll stop liking them (<-has liked mcyt for 4 years and has no plans of stopping)

anyways that did NOT need to be 3 paragraphs. help?

First off, congrats anon!

ngl it took me a good solid 2-3 years to finally settle on [given name] + Eli + [derivatives of my most common username] + Lizard (which name is used depends on who I'm talking to)

in other words, you don't have to pick and it's okay if it takes a minute to decide! I love all of these names tbh, so I can't be much help there, but I say give them a try. Whether in person or online, the easiest way would be to tell one community to call you X and another Y and another Z and then see which name[s] end up feeling best.

-Mod Eli

[liveurqueerlife]

🦋

Left to Right

Trans; Nonbinary

Intersex; Genderqueer

Genderfluid; Bigender

[non-bi-narism]

ppl post this sort of positivity that’s like “bi ppl w a preference for women are valid bi ppl w a preference for men are valid” and yeah sure but also, hyperanalyzing your bisexuality is not necessary. the fact that you’ve dated or liked or slept w more men or more women doesn’t have to say anything abt your bisexuality. your bisexuality does not have to be measured and counted and have a pie diagram showing gender percentages. you can just be bisexual

[nekopathy]

iPod Shuffle 4th Gen: Hot Pink // Purple // Dark Blue

[gandalfs-mommy-milkers]

oh my god bisexual ipod shuffle

[gandalfs-mommy-milkers]

[unambiguouslybi]

im bigender (male/female) but i only like guys. does that make me gay or straight? i dont mind being either one but i am confused.

Male/female bigender folks fall into Schrodinger’s gay territory for sure, where they can use both straight and gay labels depending on how they feel about it. That said, there is the nonbinary equivalent with diamoric [nonbinary to any gender] or toric [nonbinary to men/masc-folks] that are more specific to the nonbinary experience!

-Mod Eli

[unambiguouslybi]

hello!! So I've been struggling with my gender identity these days and I came to the conclusion that I may be bigender (she/he).

When I'm feeling more masculine (the way I feel more honestly), is it okay to wear dresses? Boy in a dress hehe

Full stop, it’s okay to dress any way you want no matter how [gender] you’re feeling! Want to dress in a suit and tie when you’re feeling feminine? Sure! Dresses and skirts and makeup when you’re feeling masculine? Absolutely! As long as you’re dressing safely and comfortably then you’re good to go~

-Mod Eli

[unambiguouslybi]

can bigender be identifying as girl/boy/enby (all three) or would that be pangender or something else?

I believe that this would be one of those cases where the specific definition matters less than what feels most comfortable for you.

When it comes to the specific definitions I would say that bigender is more than 1 gender, typically 2 genders, while pangender is all/most genders. Polygender would be the most “accurate” if you’re defining enby as its own singular gender, while pangender is most “accurate” if you’re defining enby as all genders that aren’t binary.

BUT if you vibe most with the label of bigender and your personal definition of bigender is girl/boy/enby then that’s okay too!

-Mod Eli

[unambiguouslybi]

Can bigender people feel like a girl and a enby because all the bigender representation is just girl/boy and as a bigender person who identifies with girl/enby it makes me feel like I'm just faking. Am i valid?

Hey there! You're definitely valid! Bigender can be any two genders, not just 'girl/boy'. Unfortunately, like for many multigender identities and representation for gender identities, there's always one that is shown more and talked about more even though it's not the only one. This definitely makes it harder for those who don't identify as the stereotype to even consider themselves that gender, but they still are and are completely valid!

-mod Kitt