#bigenderissues

[paleakatsu]

Meh...

Talking with a friend about weddings. I want a wedding. I want a fairytale wedding. Big band, gorgeous guy, the BEST location.

And me. In THE most fabulous wedding dress ever made. All frills, bows and lace. White and pink. All the accessories, perfect hair.

Only one problem. I'm a guy. A bigender guy, but a guy nonetheless. Everyone I know knows me as a guy. The guy side of me isn't concerned with the actual day of my wedding. The girl side of me is. SHE wants this wedding.

It'll never happen for me this way. How do I explain to my family, my friends why I'm in a dress? And why the hell can't I wear a dress anyway? I should be able to get married in a wedding dress if I want to! It's just society and it's stupid views that get in the way!

I love weddings. I really do. The love of two people, sharing the rest of their lives together. But they also make me incredibly sad. Because I know I can never have that wedding I want so much.

[paleakatsu]

Its the little things.

I don't often show my femininity to many people, so getting the chance to sleep in my little chemise/nightie thing after a night shift, is one of the best feelings in the world. :-)

[paleakatsu]

Wow...unreal.

Further to my post earlier tonight about switching, I only went and switched!!!!

Now I hate my body hair again, and wanna dance around to cheesy pop songs!

What a life I lead.

[paleakatsu]

Switching

Now here's something that interests me. I tend to go quite a while in dude mode, and then only spend a little bit of time in girl mode, before switching back.

I wonder if that's to do with my environment/people around me/be not being comfortable showing it to people?

It seems like other bigender people switch more often than I do, and I'm trying to figure out why I don't switch so much...it's confusing, but maybe its normal?

[paleakatsu]

You know what the worst thing is right now?

I live with people. Granted those people are my boyfriend and my best friend, and (at least my best friend) is more than cool with my bigenderism, but I STILL don't feel comfortable wearing my femme clothes around them. I don't even know why, maybe I don't feel like I pass enough to let them see me yet? I don't know...and also, something else - I get WAY too embarrassed to go and buy clothes....:/

[paleakatsu]

Sigh...

Thought I was feeling really manly today, heading to work...then I walked through the city centre to get to work and saw all the women in their gorgeous outfits going out for the night....wish I could look half that good as those woman...:-(