The Note
Description: Haunted by postpartum depression and the trauma of the attack, y/n begins to feel unheard and overlooked by those trying to protect her. Convinced the only way to gain back her peace is to leave with her baby, she prepares to disappear in the middle of the nightâuntil someone long-awaited finally returns.
WC: 3,965
TW: Postpartum depression, mentions of trauma, night terrors, sleep paralysis, angst fluffy stuff towards the end. (I am a giving creator, after all<3)
Listening to: Hey LoverâThe Daughters of Eve
Three weeks had passed since Y/n had been admitted to the hospital. Three weeks spent healing, nursing, and staring at the same pale walls around her.
Troup stirred in her arms, wriggling softly as he woke from his morning slumber.
A gentle light filtered through the sheer curtains, illuminating dust drifting lazily across the floor. Outside the window, mourning doves sang their quiet requiem, low and hollow, sad and beautiful.
The linen hospital blankets rustled over her legs as she shifted and loosened the front of her nursing gown. Troup found her quickly, latching on hungrily.
She squeezed her eyes shut as the familiar rush came over herâthe sudden wave of tingling and tightness as her milk let down. Anxiety fluttered briefly through her chest before fading. After a moment, she exhaled slowly and settled back into the pillow, her ribs ached and stung with every deep breath.
The stitches had healed, and the postpartum bleeding had slowed, though the doctors warned it would linger for at least three more weeks.
She couldnât explain it, but sometimes she just wanted to cry.
The sudden shift of hormones in her body was merciless. Waves of despair would crash over her without warning, squeezing her chest until she felt certain she might shatter. Intrusive thoughts crept into her mind like unwelcome guests, bringing a panic--restless anxiety that left her fighting the urge to break down into helpless tears.
As Troup nursed, she watched him closely.
Her mind immediately began searching for unbeknownst dangers.
What if he stopped breathing in his sleep?
What if he became sick?
What if something happened when she wasnât looking?
Or worseâŠ
What if someone tried to intentionally harm him?
Her body had recovered with remarkable speed.
Her mind had not.
Sleep had become unpredictable. Some nights she woke in a cold sweat, heart racing as her eyes darted wildly around the room. Other nights she found herself trapped in sleep paralysis, unable to move while the terrifying certainty settled over her that someone was climbing through the open windowâcoming for her, or for the baby.
Levi tried everything he could to help, but the night terrors came anyway.
More than once he had taken Troup and left for the scouts quarters across the street just so the baby could rest. On those nights Mikasa stayed behind with her, waiting for the inevitable moment when y/n would jolt awakeâgasping, screaming, and fighting shadows that werenât there.
I have to keep it together. For them.
She heard footsteps approaching, her heart raced.
It was Mikasa.
"Any news?" she implored, trying to sit up straight.
Mikasa came over, and propped a pillow behind her, and filling her cup with fresh cold water.
"Nothing yet...I'm honestly getting a little worried. Then again Armin and Connie wouldn't know where to contact us at, even if they could. We've moved around a lot."
y/n nodded slowly, disappointment was written across her face. She knew Armin could always transform if push came to shove, but if he was in range of Connie it would incinerate him and anyone else in the vicinity. She imagined Armin would rather die than take Eldian lives.
"I was supposed to be helping them...But I'm just useless--"
"Don't talk like that." Mikasa snapped. Her eyes gazed over to the door. "Levi would be upset to hear it... Besides, taking care of your child doesn't make you worthless, especially not someone as important as Troup."
y/n nodded, tears were escaping the sides of her eyes again.
Mikasa sighed.
"Don't cry...It's not good for you to be like this...It isn't like you at all." Mikasa gave her a concerning look as she cleared off y/n's side table of supper from the night before.
"Mikasa, I'm not myself." She sobbed, trying her best to hold back the tears. "I need to leave this place."
"You know its not practical...We've been over this." Mikasa warned.
"Oh my ever loving fuck! Stop patronizing me! I'm not just stir crazy, Mikasa, something in my bones is telling me, itâs time to leave!â
"Your broken bonesâ she retorted âBecause you realize those haven't healed, right?"
y/n gave her a menacing glare, daring her to say something else smart.
"I'll take the baby and leave myself!" she threatened, Mikasa chortled.
"No, you won't. Because you can barely walk for one minute without needing to sit. Besides, Armin won't be able to find us if we keep moving. We need to stay until he can make it here. We are as safe as we've been in a long time, we're right next door to the scouts HQ--"
"Oh yeah, the same Scout regiment that's been compromised. Lets not forget how I ended up in this situation." She spat.
"That's not fair, y/n. It was one bad apple, the Scouts as a whole are a fortress of protection around us, and Levi or myself have not left you alone even once." she reminded y/n.
"I wish you fucking would. You two are just alike, stubborn-headed and senseless! I need to get OUT of here!" y/n barked. Troup unlatched and began to cry.
"Stubborn-headed and senseless, huh?" Came a voice from the doorway. "That's the pot calling the kettle black."
It was Levi. Standing there looking bold and attractive, a smirk was barely visible on his face as he leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed.
"Don't be coy, you fucking snob! I am being serious. I need to get the fuck out of this place!" she shot at him, trying to settle the baby.
"What you needâŠâ he exclaimed, ignoring her insult as he pushed off of the doorframe, making his way over to her bed. ââŠis to heal. Don't get yourself upset, the baby can sense your distress."
Y/n didnât like this one bit.
"Oh give me a break, he'll really be able to sense it when I finally go insane. Not to mention I wouldnât be going nuts if I could just get. Out. Of. Here!â
"I won't let that happen." he said plainly, gently taking Troup from y/n, patting his bottom as he bounced him soothingly.
"Quiet the opposite, you'll be the cause of it." she sighed, swinging her feet over the bed, desperately attempting to stand up and make it to the toilet. Mikasa grabbed her arm, and assisted her. "I need to leave, Levi. This place isn't good for me anymore. We can take medication with us, I'm off the heavy painkillers, I don't have an IV, and therefore there is absolutely no reason to stay here." She begged from the toilet. Levi glared in the bathroom at her.
"We need to be here for Armin--"
"Oh FUCK Armin! Connie too, they'd be able to find us if we leave a location with the Scouts here..." she offered.
"What? And lead our enemies straight to you? You know I'm not going to do that after what happened." "UGHHH!" y/n groaned in response. "You two are literally impossible!"
***
Late that night, Y/n woke in a silent panic. Her chest was tight.
She had to leave. This second.
She needed to go back to Marley. Back to her horses. She missed sneaking to the barn in the dead of night, sleeping next to Bonnie in the warm hay. She needed to go back to her home. To Gabi and Falco. Back to when things were simpler.
Or perhaps to Sashaâs parents.
Where there was nothing around her but miles and miles of woods. Where she and Levi had once dreamed and fantasized about running away to when they first learned the truth of the outside worldâand of the Titans.
It didnât matter if it was on foot. Or horseback. Or carriage. She would do whatever she needed to do so she could leave.
And she would do it tonight.
She glanced over at Levi, who was asleep on the fold out bed across the room, snoring lightly.
Iâll leave a note. Buy a carriage. Disguise myself. I'll go right now.
She slipped out of bed, wincing at the pain in her ribs. She found a pencil and paper in her bedside drawer, scribbling down a quick message. She folded it.
Carefully, she gathered Troupâs sleeping figure into her arms. He didnât stir. Not even a little.
She placed the folded note into his bassinet. A pang of guilt struck her hard in the chest, and tears welled in her eyes. But she couldnât wait on Armin any longer. She couldnât wait on Levi to decide when she was ready to leave. She needed to make decisions for herself.
She needed out right now.
Y/n quietly crept out the door. She planned where she might find a carriageâand someone willing to drive her. There was no way she could ride a horse in this condition, especially with Troup. Her healing ribs were grinding painfully together as she moved down the hall as quickly as she could manage.
Mikasa would surely be asleep with Jean across the street, given that Levi was with her. It was the perfect time; there would never be another moment like this. As she moved through the empty building, she felt something she hadnât felt in a long time.
Rebellion.
Freedom.
The ability to do exactly the opposite of what authority told her to do. The same feeling she had before Erwin recruited herâwhen she had defied the crown and went rouge, when she had been determined to carve out her own path.
To say fuck the patriarchy and live however she pleased.
Levi would catch up to her. But she would die in her own head if she waited another second.
She hurried to the door, grabbing the handle and pushing it open.
She immediately bumped into something tall. Firm, solid and warm.
Green cloth brushed her cheek as she stumbled backwards.
A Scoutâs cloak.
âY/nâŠ?â a voice said softly. âWhere are you going? Is everything alright?â
She looked up.
Shoulder-length blond hair, blue eyes, and the gentlest expression she had ever seen.
âArminâŠâ she breathed.
And then she burst into tears.
âHey⊠hey, itâs alright,â he said gently. âCome here. Whatâs wrong?â
She couldnât answer. All she could do was sob.
Armin pulled her gently into his chest, careful to leave space for Troup, who grunted softly between them. Connie stood behind him, watching in concern.
Armin guided Y/n to a table in the nearby cafeteria, which was closed at this hour of the night. Her arms fell weakly at her sides as he carefully took the baby from her, giving her room to finally break down.
âY/n⊠just try to breathe for a second, okay?â Armin said softly. âYou donât have to rush. Can you tell me what happened? Why were you leaving like that?â
Now that she heard it out loud, it sounded ridiculous, selfish and careless.
Where would she go in the dead of night? Injured, alone, and with a newborn?
âI donât know, ArminâŠâ she choked out. âI just need to get out of here and they wonât listen to me. Iâve begged them to leave with me and they wonât hear me. Why wonât anyone just listen to what I need?â
As the words poured out of her, she slowly realized something.
She didnât actually need someone to understand the postpartum haze she was drowning in. Or the trauma of the attack. She just wanted someone to listen.
Someone who would accommodate her wishes, just for once in her life.
Then everything came spilling out.
It burst from her like water through shattered glass.
The kidnapping. The attempted murder. Giving birth in the forest. Dying in Leviâs arms. Hange guiding her through the Paths and back into her body. The worst physical and emotional pain she had ever experienced in her life. All of it.
By the time she finished, her eyes were swollen, her lips were puffy. Her face was blotchy, and her cheeks burned from the tears and the blood flushing inside of them.
But she had never felt better. Never more relieved or validated.
All because Armin and Connie had simply listened without interrupting or offering stupid solutions like Levi and Mikasa. They just sat with her and gave her the space to fall apart.
âAll of that⊠happened while we were goneâŠ?â Armin murmured quietly.
He swallowed.
âIâm so sorry, Y/n⊠we should have been here.â He looked stunned, completely at a loss for words. Troup suddenly began to wriggle in his arms, waking up and kicking free of his swaddling. His little gray eyes blinked up at Armin, and he let out a soft coo.
Armin laughed softly.
âWow⊠you really are Leviâs son,â he said with a small smile. âMaybe a little kinder, though. And hopefully better with words.â
They all laughed.
Connie took the baby next, though it was the most unnatural thing Y/n had ever witnessed. Troup immediately began thrashing his arms and legs, winding up for a screech. Connie instantly handed him back like the baby had bitten him.
Heavy footsteps echoed down the hall.
Y/n held her breath, knowing who it was.
Levi rounded the corner, looking as if his entire world had shattered. Her note was clutched tightly in his hand. When he saw them sitting there, relief flooded his face. His shoulders dropped, and he exhaled deeply.
Only long enough to wind back up again.
He held up the note, scowling at her, she winced, ready for the greatest lecturing of all time.
âHave you lost your mind?â
He started to fussâbut then he saw her face.
Tears swelled in her eyes the moment she looked at him. Shame twisted in her stomach for trying to run. Guilt. Selfishness. But the truth was simple: she just wanted to escape.
âCaptainâŠâ Armin said quietly. âCan we talk for a moment?â
Leviâs eyes flicked to him.
âLetâs talk then.â
âNot here,â Armin said gently. âPlease. Just for a minute.â
Levi shot him an irritated glanceâbut followed him nonetheless, leaving Connie and Y/n behind.
When they returned, Leviâs expression had softened.
The sharp edge of his anger had dulled, and was replaced with something much more calm and understanding. He looked at Y/n for a long moment before his gaze moved to the baby in her arms.
Armin understood immediately. He stepped forward.
âIâll take him for a little while,â he said gently, nodding toward Troup.
Y/n looked up in confusion.
Connie caught on right away.
âYeah,â he added quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. âMikasaâs across the street anyway. Sheâll probably want to see him.â
Armin carefully lifted the baby from Y/nâs arms. Troup wriggled sleepily but didnât fuss. Armin gave Levi a small, knowing look before turning toward the door.
âTake your time.â
Then he and Connie slipped out quietly, the cafeteria door closing behind them. The room fell completely silent.
For a moment, Levi didnât move. He just stood there, staring at her.
Then he walked over slowly.
âYou shouldnât be out of bed,â he said quietly. There was no anger in his voice this time, just exhaustion. Y/n stared down at the table.
âI know.â
Levi pulled out the chair across from her and sat.
His forearms rested on his knees as he leaned forward slightly.
The note was still crumpled in his hand.
âI read it.â
Her stomach twisted.
âIâm sorry,â she whispered.
Levi was quiet for a moment, then he shook his head once.
âNo.â
Y/n looked up at him, her heart was suddenly hopeful--hopeful that he would finally understand her.
Levi exhaled slowly through his nose.
âIâve been acting like a guard dog since you woke up.â His eyes flicked to her ribs, and guilt washed over his face once more.
âTo you, and the baby. About everything." His jaw tightened slightly.
âI almost lost you.â The words came out low and steady, but they carried weight. âAnd Iâve been trying to make sure that never happens again.â
He looked back at her.
âBut that doesnât mean I get to ignore what you need.â The admission sat heavy between them. âI didnât listen to you, and that caused you to run.â
Another quiet breath.
âAnd Armin made it very clear to me that there are things happening to your body right now that I donât understand.â
A faint, humorless huff escaped him.
âAnd its obvious that me barking orders and giving commands isn't helping you..."
Y/n let out a small, watery laugh.
Levi shifted his chair closer. Then, very gently, he reached out and wiped the tear sliding down her cheek with his thumb.
âCome here.â
She hesitated only a moment, swallowing her hurt pride before leaning toward him trustingly. Levi immediately pulled her into his chest, careful of her ribs. His arm wrapped around her waist while his other hand came up to cradle the back of her head.
He held her firmly, and protectively, but also with gentle love that was hard for him to express.
âIâm sorry,â he murmured against her hair. The words sounded rough, as if they didn't come to him easily. âI shouldâve listened to you.â
Y/nâs voice trembled. âI thought you didnât care what I needed...Levi, I have to get out of this place.â
Leviâs arm tightened around her.
âI care too damn much.â He rested his chin briefly against the top of her head. âI wasnât trying to smother you.â
A quiet pause passed between them as they held onto each other.
âI was trying to keep you alive.â His hand moved slowly through her hair. âBut that doesnât mean I get to decide everything for you.â
Y/n felt tears slipping down her face again.
Levi pulled back just enough to look at her.
His gray eyes were steady, and serious.
âI need you to forgive me, and let me try to do better, for you and Troup.â
He gave no excuses or defensiveness. Just honest humility.
âIâll do better.â He reassured her again. âAnd Iâll listen.â
Then Levi leaned back slightly in the chair, moving to stand. Y/n watched him in confusion, as they broke apart. Levi ran a hand through his hair once before looking back down at her.
âIâm moving you.â
She blinked at him.
âFirst thing in the morning.â His voice was calm and absolute. âArminâs right. You shouldnât still be here.â He stepped closer to her. âAnd from now onâŠyour needs will come first. Before anyone or anything else." His gaze softened in a way that was meant only for her.
Y/nâs throat tightened, and Levi continued quietly, âYou shouldnât have had to run away to make me listen.â She slowly stood, and her ribs protested immediately. Levi noticed and caught her by the waist before she could steady herself.
âCareful.â
His hand remained there, grounding her, and supporting her weight.
âYou really mean it?â she asked softly. Levi frowned slightly, like the question itself offended him. âOf course I mean it...It's going to be difficult for you in this condition, but you said you needed to Leave." His grip adjusted to keep pressure off her ribs. âSo weâre leaving.â
His voice dropped lower. âIâm not losing you again, for any reason.â He didnât need to elaborate. Instead, he took her hand and squeezed it once. Then he nodded toward the hallway. âNow come on.â His voice softened again, but only for her. âLetâs get you back to bed before you rip something open.â
She glanced back toward the door Armin and Connie had disappeared through.
âWhat about TroupâŠ?â she asked softly, the longing in her voice impossible to hide. Levi followed her gaze.
âLet Armin and Mikasa keep him for a few hours,â he said quietly. âSo you can sleep.â He reached up and brushed his thumb gently under her eye where another tear threatened to fall.
âYou can pump some milk. Iâll take it over to them.â His voice softened even more.
âYou need to sleep for a while.â
A small pause passed.
âIn my arms.â
Y/n felt the tension in her chest loosen slightly.
âThen when you wake up,â Levi added, âyouâll feel a lot better.â
She nodded tiredly.
Levi guided her back toward her room, keeping a steady hand at her waist to support her ribs. The walk felt longer than usual, her body was heavy with exhaustion now that the adrenaline and panic had faded. Once inside, he helped her sit on the edge of the bed.
âStay,â he muttered, already moving around the room. He found some leftover food from earlier and placed it in front of her. âEat.â
Y/n obeyed without argument, slowly working through the small meal while Levi set up the pump, and pumped for her so her arms didn't get tired, and she could finish her food. He didnât rush her, he simply worked the lever of the pump, watching to make sure she finished the food.
When she was done, he took the bottle of milk and stood.
âIâll take this to them.â
Y/n nodded sleepily. âDonât move, just lay back and rest, please.â he added. Then he disappeared down the hall. It wasnât long before he returned. He removed his boots, and glanced at the bed. It was barely large enough for one person, but he didnât seem to care, he climbed in beside her anyway. The mattress dipped slightly under his weight as he carefully settled next to her, making sure not to jostle her ribs.
Y/n immediately turned toward him.
She didnât even try to pretend she wanted space. She simply pressed into him, and clutched her fists into his shirt, breathing him in deeply. Levi always smelled the same: clean soap, fresh linen, and a faint trace of Jasmine tea that seemed permanently woven into his clothes. It was such a simple scent, but right now it felt like the safest thing in the world. Levi wrapped his arms around her without hesitation, pulling her close against his chest, strong, secure and protective.
His hand rested lightly along her back while the other cradled the back of her head.
âThere,â he murmured quietly. Y/n exhaled. The steady rise and fall of his breathing beneath her cheek was grounding and familiar. She felt so safe. For the first time in days, her mind stopped racing. There was no wailing baby, no night terrors and no panic rushing through her chest.
Leviâs fingers slowly traced through her hair. With his arms wrapped firmly around her and the quiet rhythm of his breathing lulling her under, Y/n finally drifted into a deep, peaceful sleep.
And Levi didnât loosen his hold on her once.
AN: For those of you who have been following the series, how would you feel about a prequel? Iâve been thinking about writing the story of how Levi and Y/n first met and everything that led up to this series once I complete it. Let me know what you think, leave me a comment or a message!
