PARKER COUNTY HOSPITAL - MORNING @billyblueklein
God, she felt down today. Bogged down by the realities of living with Fibromyalgia. The pain was just... well and truly never going to end. She'd be suffering for the rest of her life. Living off of pain meds, spending the majority of the money she made on medical bills. Fuck. Sometimes it just got too much. It all felt too much, too overwhelming, too much like she wanted to physically crawl outside of her own broken body. And she felt so emotionally exhausted after her appointment with the pain specialist at the hospital that she just needed to sit for awhile. Regulate herself, maybe eat something. Self care, self compassion. Needing something to distract herself with.
It'd been a huge session today. They talked about ketamine infusion therapy for the first time, and Sara didn't know what to make of it. Didn't know if she had it in her to make space to even contemplate it. Not right now, at least.
She had to literally drag herself to the hospital cafeteria, her feet shuffling with as little effort as possible across the linoleum floor. The soles of her feet felt like pinpricks today. Felt like she was walking across crushed shards of glass with every step that she took. It wasn't fair. And she got hung up on that a lot: how unfair and inhumane it felt having to exist like this. She felt like that today. She felt sorry for herself. Exhausted and hurting. Emotionally and physically raw.
Food, food, she needed food. Her Sunflower lanyard swung off her neck while she slowly slogged along. It was annoying her today. But that made sense - she was overwhelmed and overstimulated. Hungry. Sara approached the cafeteria line feeling defeated. Her voice was monotone when she ordered a peppermint tea and eggs with toast from the counter. The lady served her with a sympathetic smile - which was probably standard, working in a hospital cafeteria. Sick people everywhere. For once, it didn't register for Sara. It didn't make her feel better like it normally would.
There weren't a lot of free or empty tables in the seating area of the cafeteria. The only one she could see that wasn't torturously located at the other end of the room was two small tables pushed together to form a makeshift four-seater. A man who seemed to be around her age was occupying one half of it, looking as sullen and downcast as she felt. There was an unpeeled banana on the table in front of him, and a barely touched bottle of orange juice set down beside it.
Sara didn't want to disturb him, but the pain in her feet (her whole body, really) was starting to become unbearable. It just never fucking ended. She needed to pop an immediate-release, and she needed to do it now. "Hi, I'm sorry." Sara said softly, catching the stranger's attention. Leaning her thighs against the edge of the table (her hands were full with her breakfast) in an attempt to keep herself standing. "I don't mean to disturb you, I'm sorry. Is it alright if I sit here?" She motioned to the other side of the table, the free one pushed up against his. Her eyes were wide, dark - pleading with him to agree and welcome her.
