#bipolarparent

[christinesjourney8]

I have always tried to talk about the realities of having a family member with a mental illness as authentically as possible when it comes to Thomas weston Jr. ( my father) who died by suicide in 2012

The truth is he wasn't a healthy or emotionally constant father even before our estrangedment. when he walked out of my life abruptly in 2008. .

I can honestly say, given what I know now about the extremely unhealthy family dynamics at play coupled with the fact that he wasn't engaging in treatment for bipolar disorder.

It was absolutely that right thing to do to protect myself from him. Given how emotionally unhealthy he was. . Frankly, I am beyond grateful I did so.

The sad truth is he an example of what I should not tolerate in terms of how he treated women - I was even actually told as much by my original therapist.

The reason I feel it is important to share this is because his on the side of his family. There is an extremely deeply rooted tendency to present

situations or themselves in a way that are far from truthful. I want to encourage anyone who feels it necessary to protect yourself from a mentally ill family member to trust your instincts

Mental illness is an anexplanation ~ that in no way makes unhealthy behaviors ok . There is more to being father than DNA

[making-n-writing]

July 29

My mother was kind. My mother was creative. My mother was traditional. My mother loved animals. My mother was short. My mother cooked enchiladas with Wolf Brand Chili. My other was overprotective. My mother was brunette. My mother wanted to be a mother. My mother wanted to be a grandmother. 

My mother struggled with bi-polar disorder. My mother struggled with trust. My mother struggled with her past.

My mother is dead. 

My mother loved me. My mother took care of me. My mother confused me. My mother frightened me. My mother angered me. My mother challenged me. My mother changed me. My mother shaped me. 

My mother struggled to be the mother I needed. My relationship with my mother struggled. 

My mother is remembered. 

[making-n-writing]

Conquer: A Graphic Novella

I've been wanting to process my complex relationship with my mother in the form of a creative arts project. As a person working on her ATR (the credential for a Registered Art Therapist), taking on such a task makes sense. This urge crept up once again around the time of her death in 2011. I began toying around with a children’s story idea about a mother who develops superpowers once she begins a new medication and then begins to act like a supervillain when she stops taking the aforementioned medication. 

Obviously its a metaphor for how I saw my mother when she was taking medication for bi-polar disorder (seriously, she was super-mom: sewed my clothes, was a frequent field trip chaperone, had a cookie ready for me after school everyday) and how drastically she changed when she decided to stop medication (in the mind of a 10 year old, it was pretty unnerving). The main protagonist, a tween/teen girl, is faced with her mother transforming in a similar way and is confused, frightened, and angered by it. The girl must then make sense of this experience, without letting it damage her, as she grows into adulthood.

My hope is to also explore what my mother must have experienced as someone diagnosed with bi-polar disorder: struggling with its symptoms, then having to cope with the side effects of her medication (she was really sensitive to them), and ultimately choosing not to use medication - only to struggle with symptoms again. 

Please note: There are some MAJOR differences between my story idea and my real-life experience (and mental illnesses in general). The disorder the mother in this story is taking medication for is a neurological disorder, NOT bi-polar disorder (although the neurological disorder affects ALL brain functioning, including emotional regulation). Also just because the mother in this story exhibits violent, antisocial behavior after stopping her medication that does not mean that those with bi-polar disorder or anyone else with a mental illness are “villains” without medication. The superhero/supervillain juxtaposition helps illustrate the drastic transformation in my mother that I witnessed as a child. 

As I was writing, the story began to get much more detailed for a children’s book and the way I write is similar to a script/storyboard, so it made sense to change the format into a graphic novella - not a graphic novel, its not that detailed. I have most of the first part written and hopefully will finalize it while I’m on summer break (I teach full time on top of working on my ATR and LPC). I plan to write a second part and perhaps a third part in the future as well. 

Check back soon for updates! I just started a Twitter about this project: @Conquer_Novella.