#birdbracket2

[officialweezerelections]

WHICH IS THE MOST FUCKED UP BIRD???

Oilbird

Kiwi

Voting ended onJul 14, 2025

Oilbird

- Nocturnal cave-dwelling freaks alone in their genus, family, and order. They have the eyes of a deep-sea fish and huge whiskers. Their feet barely function. They echolocate but not to find food. They eat nothing but fruit. Their flesh is so oily they were made into lamp oil like sperm whales.

- Pollrunner note: what if a bird was a bat.

Kiwi

- Weird feather texture that lowkey resembles fur

- Closest relatives were elephant birds which is wild considering the size and the geographical space between these two

- They have nostrils at the end of their beak when most birds have them at the base

- also they have whiskers

- While most other birds have terrible smell and rely on eyesight, kiwi rely primarily on smell. Having terrible eyesight by bird standards (or being blind in some cases) does not negatively affect them.

- They have the largest eggs proportionate to body size.

- Despite the genus name they still have wings- which are just really really tiny. These wings have claws on them.

- i saw a model of this bird's skeleton with a model of an egg inside it and jfc. i just. girl, where. how. your organs. how do you even get that thing out of you and survive. jfc. jfc. jfc.

[officialweezerelections]

GET READY FOR BIRDBRACKET 2!!

Together, we will learn which bird is TRULY the most fucked up!

ENTER YOUR CHALLENGERS HERE!!

FUCKED UP BIRD BRACKET 2

WE’RE RUNNING IT BACK! This time, there are more restrictions on what’s allowed to be submitted! We can’t wait to get this started again!

Submissions are open until MAY 25TH, ONE MONTH FROM NOW!!

[officialweezerelections]

SEMIFINALS

Which is more fucked up??

Hoatzin

Kiwi

Voting ended onJul 6, 2025

EXPLANATIONS:

Hoatzin

- they eat exclusively plants, and they have the digestive system of a cow. they have specialized bacteria in the front part of the gut that break-down and ferment the foliar material they consume, which produces methane that they expel by burping. they smell like actual cow shit (sometimes called "stinkbirds"). the babies (which are SO fucked up looking btw) have claws on their wings they use to climb trees. the nests are built on branches hanging over water, so when the babies are threatened, they leap down into the water and then use their wing claws to climb back up into the nest. they're like dinosaurs.

- This bird, known as the Hoatzin, is very odd. It's babies have claws on its wings when they're little because it helps them climb. And the claws eventually disappear, but it's still very interesting. Another thing! It's sometimes called a stinkbird because the food they eat starts to ferment during digestion. This causes them to smell! Really bad! They're interesting birds.

Kiwi

- Weird feather texture that lowkey resembles fur

- Closest relatives were elephant birds which is wild considering the size and the geographical space between these two

- They have nostrils at the end of their beak when most birds have them at the base

- also they have whiskers

- While most other birds have terrible smell and rely on eyesight, kiwi rely primarily on smell. Having terrible eyesight by bird standards (or being blind in some cases) does not negatively affect them.

- They have the largest eggs proportionate to body size.

- Despite the genus name they still have wings- which are just really really tiny. These wings have claws on them.

- i saw a model of this bird's skeleton with a model of an egg inside it and jfc. i just. girl, where. how. your organs. how do you even get that thing out of you and survive. jfc. jfc. jfc.

[officialweezerelections]

WHICH IS MORE FUCKED UP??

Oilbird

Flamingo

Voting ended onJun 21, 2025

EXPLANATIONS:

Oilbird

Oilbird

- Nocturnal cave-dwelling freaks alone in their genus, family, and order. They have the eyes of a deep-sea fish and huge whiskers. Their feet barely function. They echolocate but not to find food. They eat nothing but fruit. Their flesh is so oily they were made into lamp oil like sperm whales.

- Pollrunner note: what if a bird was a bat.

Flamingo

- theyre just so pink... unnatural color for a bird to be

- Pollrunner note: Flamingos in general, not just the submitted American flamingo, are extremophiles. I’d highly recommend skimming the Wikipedia pages of the American flamingo and other members of the flamingo family in general. There’s this popular post that details how weird and wonderful flamingos are!

https://www.tumblr.com/bogleech/673222141431463936/revretch-iamthekaijuking-revretch

[officialweezerelections]

WHICH IS MORE FUCKED UP??

Shoebill

Brown-Headed Cowbird

Voting ended onJun 14, 2025

EXPLANATIONS:

- IT SOUNDS LIKE A GUN AND IT LOOKS LIKE A DINOSAUR!!! moves like a fucked up beast. very beautiful and very powerful. i cannot advocate much bc i am in a lot of pain but literally look at these guys

- IT SOUNDS LIKE A GUN AND IT LOOKS LIKE A DINOSAUR!!! moves like a fucked up beast. very beautiful and very powerful. i cannot advocate much bc i am in a lot of pain but literally look at these guys

- Pollrunner note: I personally like how they bow to the people who take care of them at zoos, and I hope your pain got better!

Brown-Headed Cowbird

- Brown-headed cowbirds (Molothrus ater) are obligate brood parasites, meaning that the parents never build their own nests or raise their own young but instead leave eggs in the nests of other bird species - over 100 different host species have been recorded. The males have nothing to do with the proceedings after mating, but the females stay in the area and keep track of the up to 40+ eggs they lay each breeding season. They will retaliate against host species if their egg is destroyed by destroying all of the other eggs in the nest and following host birds to a new nest if they abandon their parasitized one. Cowbird chicks grow faster than the chicks of their victims and with most host species the cowbird chick grows larger even than its host parents. The cowbird chick usually outcompetes all its siblings as the only survivor of the clutch. Cowbirds are passerines which are not born knowing their songs but instead must all learn their songs from their parents, and it was unknown until recently how exactly baby cowbirds learn that they are cowbirds instead of imprinting on their host parents: cowbird females have a specific call that, when heard, activates a special "learning area" of the chick's brain that allows it to learn how to develop as a cowbird. When the chick fledges, it starts roosting in the preferred cowbird roost of open fields at night, even while its host parents still care for it during the day. This ensures that cowbird fledglings get exposed to the adults of their species and learn how to be cowbirds.

- Pollrunner note: Great enthusiasm for our brood parasite representative!

[officialweezerelections]

WHICH IS MORE FUCKED UP??

Bearded Vulture

Oilbird

Voting ended onJun 14, 2025

EXPLANATIONS:

- These big guys are the only known vertebrates whose diet consists of 70–90% bones. They swallow bones whole. They bite through bones. They can digest bones because of their insanely powerful stomach acid. They'll drop bones from great heights onto the rocks below to break them and expose the marrow inside. They'll do the same thing with tortoises, which can be nearly as heavy as the vulture itself. They also dye their own feathers red, which is metal af.

- These big guys are the only known vertebrates whose diet consists of 70–90% bones. They swallow bones whole. They bite through bones. They can digest bones because of their insanely powerful stomach acid. They'll drop bones from great heights onto the rocks below to break them and expose the marrow inside. They'll do the same thing with tortoises, which can be nearly as heavy as the vulture itself. They also dye their own feathers red, which is metal af.

Oilbird

- Nocturnal cave-dwelling freaks alone in their genus, family, and order. They have the eyes of a deep-sea fish and huge whiskers. Their feet barely function. They echolocate but not to find food. They eat nothing but fruit. Their flesh is so oily they were made into lamp oil like sperm whales.

- Pollrunner note: what if a bird was a bat.

[officialweezerelections]

WHICH IS MORE FUCKED UP??

Chuck-Will’s-Widow

Helmeted Hornbill

Voting ended onJun 14, 2025

EXPLANATIONS:

- They mostly eat big beetles and moths but they also eat b a t s sometimes. They also eat small birds as well. There was a dead one found that had choked on a cape may warbler mentioned in an Audubon article. They also have that big ole mouth to make room for error on dark nights!!

- They mostly eat big beetles and moths but they also eat b a t s sometimes. They also eat small birds as well. There was a dead one found that had choked on a cape may warbler mentioned in an Audubon article. They also have that big ole mouth to make room for error on dark nights!!

Helmeted Hornbill

- They make their nests in hollow tree cavities which the female then seals up with mud and feces in a protective barrier, leaving only a small hole through which the male can pass her food while she incubates her egg and throughout the first 5 months of the chick's life. Most hornbills do that, but helmeted hornbills have another funky adaptation too! The casques on their heads are solid, and males use them to fight in midair by ramming into each other in an encounter called "aerial jousting."

[officialweezerelections]

WHICH IS MORE FUCKED UP??

Magnificent Frigatebird

American Dipper

Voting ended onJun 14, 2025

EXPLANATIONS:

- Sea bird that eats fish and squid but can't swim; their feathers aren't waterproof and their legs are too short to paddle, but they do have webbed feet; they have a 7.5 ft wingspan (larger than a bald eagle) and the largest wing to body size ratio of any bird; can withstand near-hurricane force winds; have a bright red throat pouch that males inflate (inflation can take up to 20 min) during mating displays (they mate every other year); they steal regurgitated food from other birds by holding the other bird's tail in their (the fregata magnificens) beak or feet and shaking them (in mid-air!) until they throw it up; steals and eats eggs and chicks from other birds; their chicks stay in the nest for 167 days after hatching and are fed by their mothers until they are one year old

- Sea bird that eats fish and squid but can't swim; their feathers aren't waterproof and their legs are too short to paddle, but they do have webbed feet; they have a 7.5 ft wingspan (larger than a bald eagle) and the largest wing to body size ratio of any bird; can withstand near-hurricane force winds; have a bright red throat pouch that males inflate (inflation can take up to 20 min) during mating displays (they mate every other year); they steal regurgitated food from other birds by holding the other bird's tail in their (the fregata magnificens) beak or feet and shaking them (in mid-air!) until they throw it up; steals and eats eggs and chicks from other birds; their chicks stay in the nest for 167 days after hatching and are fed by their mothers until they are one year old

American Dipper

- What if a bird became a fish

- Pollrunner note: dear lord this bird is a fish

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_dipper