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I've been struggling with my identity for a while. I feel like demisexual describes me the best, and I've fallen into the trap where I only develop feelings for someone after I think or know they have feelings for me. My gf feels like it isn't real, and that I only dated her because she likes me. And right now when I asked her what she thought about demisexuality, she says it isn't any different to her from ace, and that means in these months she hasn't tried to understand. (tag as birdwire)

What you described actually sounds like recipsexual, which is where you only feel sexual attraction in reciprocation of someone else’s sexual attraction to you. Demisexuality is where you feel sexual attraction only to someone you have a close bond with already. It’s certainly possible that both apply to you, but what you described sounds like recipsexual.

Anyway. I’d point out to your girlfriend that she’s invalidating you and not listening to you explain your feelings, which is at the very least rude and at the worst a sign that this relationship isn’t working out. Talk about all the reasons you decided to date her, the reasons you like her, all that. And if she’s not receptive to talking about this, I might ask her point blank if the only thing that matters to her is that you were sexually attracted to her first or not.

-Kiowa

#recipsexual #relationships #queued #birdwire #Anonymous