#birthdayssuck

[livinginmyownworldx]

Crying on Pinterest is becoming my birthday tradition

[blazianazian]

ugh...worse birthday ever. Cant wait until this weekend is over. #birthdayssuck (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu0O0JdlfdE/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=40pkkcrkioee

[myinnervoiceoutloud-blog]

It makes me sad that after you get to a certain age you don’t really get birthday presents anymore. I catch myself thinking “oh I’ll just ask for it for my birthday” when I see something I want. But then I remember that I’m too old for birthday presents. Now people just write a post on your Facebook wall and if your lucky grandma will send you that big $20 like she does every year.

[indelexist]

So, today’s my birthday...

But it’s been really shitty so far. Most of my birthdays are, but this one’s been a real bitch. I’ve had about for hours of sleep, been awake and busy for about 10, and have another 11 to go before I can even think about sleeping. On top of all that, I’ve had the biggest panic attack in a long time because, while I’m only turning 25, I keep have nightmares (premonitions?) of dying at 28. Besides all that, I’m also sick with a cold that only seems to be getting worse.

I don’t want to be here anymore...

[kikrocks310]

Idk what it is maybe it's thee month and it's my birthday month but I always seem out of it this month every year. I feel plain and emotionless. Maybe it's because I'm counting another year gone doing nothing that but the same shit. Regardless of what I haven't done I still like I'm in good health and I have the things I want but not doing the things I want to do it hurtful I guess.

[datzu]

Happiness.

or why I hate birthdays. I’m 22! I’ve reached a proud number of years a few days ago. Looking back on my life, I don’t think I’m supposed to be that disappointed. I’ve had a happy childhood, a loving mother and enough to eat, was able to study and see the good sides of many human beings. Putting some cultural issues aside, my life was far better than it would’ve been if history didn’t determine the end of Soviet Russia. Still, life did get fucking depressive these last days. Running around drunk, only seeing people of whom you aren’t even sure if you really are that much of a high factor in their life on your birthday - being in the wrong environment on your birthday is capable of destabilizing your whole self-esteem. I wasn’t really destroyed by it, but I surely wasn’t prepared for the negativism of some people. And I still can feel their negativity inside of me.

It’s hard to understand how one is able to be influencable by other people to that extent that I sometimes am, in direct contrast to my ability to put things into perspective, making me a human with a weird combination of emotional and nihilistic. While always preaching that happiness is a state of mind one has to decide for, I always catch myself actively deciding against being happy. Am I a bad case of a drama queen or is my life philosophy just not that omnipotent that I wished it’d be?