#bisexual help

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

We've hardly been getting any asks since the Tumblr announcement so I'm wondering if it's harder to find this blog than before.

Because most asks are anon I don't know if it's from people who already followed the blog or if people searched for "bisexuality" and variations thereof and found us that way.

I'd really appreciate if some of you could comment how you initial found your way to this blog - through tumblr search, seeing a post of ours reblogged on your dash, otherwise?

My guess is that it's gonna get progressively harder to actually find resource and advice blogs on here about gender and sexuality so I'd encourage anyone to promo good advice blogs so they don't die out or get lost.

Maddie

[what-garden-are-you-from]

HELP

Can I have some lesbians and bisexuals or former lesbians who are now bisexual or bisexuals who are now lesbians comment below.

So for a long time I indentified as bisexual, because I found men attractive but I wasn't sexually attracted to them. The few men I've been sexually attracted to, I've had very strong romantic feelings for...it was these few men who have stopped me from calling myself a lesbian.

Recently I discovered that I'm no longer attracted physically to one of those men on my list, and that he works better as my friend. So there's literally one guy keeping me from calling myself a lesbian. But, I think that if maybe I found a guy who was liberal, and either in the LGBT community or an excellent ally, and open with his feelings and compassionate, that maybe I could like him too? But I feel like they are far and few to come by.

I know that labels aren't important, but I feel very lost in my identity at the moment. I know I prefer women, but I can also be emotionally and sexually attracted to certain men as well. I'm just super confused and I'm sure someone else has gone through this. Please help😭😭

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I like my friend, she knows I'm bi and she's questioning but I dont think she's at a point where she would date a girl. I've been really trying to not think about her in that way but I can't. She's away visiting family and her best friend from back home snapchatted me telling me that she was obsessed with me and talked about me a lot. This is giving me this false hope that maybe she could think of me in that way and I just really want to get over this to not ruin our friendship any advice?

This is a very difficult question to answer. Sometimes we just get over people, gradually. Like, it happens on its own. Sometimes they do something bad and that causes us to get over them. But if they’re already a good friend then that’s unlikely, and getting over a friend can be very difficult, especially if you see them on a regular basis. 

I think you might consider a few options. 

First, you could just go for it, don’t give up on her and take her friend’s snapchats at face value. Flirt with her, see how she feels, etc. BUT…I think you should decide for sure right now. You don’t want to be umming and ahhing about whether you want to pursue her at the same time as trying to get over her.

Second, you could try getting over her by avoiding her. It’s not an ideal situation, especially since she’s a friend. But sometimes distance is what you need.

Third, tell her about your feelings and that you don’t want to pursue a relationship because your friendship is too important to you. This is a bit risky though and could be awkward. I’m kind of basing it on the storyline from Faking It lol so idk if it’s really a good idea.

Lastly, you could try getting over her by looking for casual dates with other people. I guess, sort of like a rebound, even though you never dated her, but similar. 

I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful. My personal experience with crushes on friends is probably not a standard experience. I had a crush on a good friend for years and when he came out as gay (I was identifying as female at the time) I got over him immediately. I had another crush on a friend later on for a couple of years and then he got a girlfriend and I was over him immediately, even though we’d hooked up. But I am on the aromantic spectrum so, like I said, my advice could be bullshit.  Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide and sorry it took so long to get to your ask.

Max

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Ok so I've been aware of my bisexuality for almost two years now. I've gradually been able to sort out any issues i had about it and feel like i'm sick of being closeted. I'm incredibly lucky to be surrounded by people who aren't bothered by these sorts of things and i know they'd be nothing but supportive but i don't want to come out. Like i want to be out but i don't want to have to actually go through the process of coming out and i'm not sure why. Any advice?

You don’t have to have a formal coming out if you don’t want to! I never did and I don’t tend to make a point out of telling new people. I only mention it as it comes up in natural conversation and I treat it like any other aspect of my personality/identity. If you already know your friends and family will accept you, why not treat them like they already have? Just be Out, and if anyone asks, you can give them more information as you feel comfortable.

The ceremonial process of Coming Out isn’t for everyone, and it isn’t always necessary, and that’s fine! Especially if you’ve been closeted for a long time, and been analyzing your sexuality for a long time, the idea of having to focus on it even more and subjecting yourself to other peoples’ analysis can be exhausting. So go ahead and skip it if you want! You don’t owe anyone a big production.

KC

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

What do you think are the major differences between being bi-curious and being bisexual? Like someone who's questioning themselves, how would they differentiate between being one or the other?

I think bi-curious is just a word to describe the state of exploration, which I would generally expect to be pretty brief. That is to say, I think “bi-curious” is a more specific synonym for “questioning”. It’s up to the individual to decide what that exploration has taught them about themselves, whether they’re bi, hetero/homoflexible, gay/lesbian, or straight after all. The main differentiation between bi-curiosity and bisexuality, to me, is just certainty.

KC

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Hi i'm sorry to bother you but I was wondering if you have any ideas on how to present as bi? I want to try and be a bit more obvious to others whom are possibily LGBTQA+/Allies but not so much as to alert people whom I am not out to. Such as my parents. Is this possibile? Thank you.

Any queer coded presentation will certainly help, so gender nonconforming looks, even if they’re just small touches, may work. You can incorporate the bi flag or bi colors into your outfits or accessories. It’s tough for me to think of ways to specifically present as bi as opposed to queer/LGBT+ in general, particularly if you’re trying to be stealthy. But that clarification can always come after you get to know other LGBT+ folks and allies.

How about our followers? Do y’all do anything special with your appearances to reflect your bisexuality?

KC

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Hi, so I'm interested in finding more LGBT-related movies. I know that Netflix has a good selection of LGBT movies, but I'm a little nervous about in-depth sex scenes. Nothing against sex or people's choices regarding it, I promise. It's just watching it isn't really my cup of tea. Can you recommend any that focus more on the romance, or like, the personalities and minds of the people involved? I hope my phrasing here isn't stupid or offensive. Thanks for your time!

I’m pretty bad about LGBT cinema, but maybe our followers have some suggestions? I’d be interested in this kind of thing, too, tbh.

KC

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I've been wondering lately if I'd much rather date another woman than a man?? I've been in a relationship with a guy for 6 months and I've been happy this time, but we took a break a few months ago and during that time I thought a lot about how a relationship with another woman would be so much different from my current one, and like, in a good way. Not to say I don't love my bf with all my heart, but he's, like, a pretty typical straight guy, so to say. I feel bad about thinking this tbh :///

In my opinion, you don’t wanna waste your time on relationships that are less than perfect, because they can last for a really long time. If this guy is really worth it though, and you’re still thinking about relationships with girls, have you thought about telling him? He might be open to the idea of you experimenting with an open relationship or polyamory. You’ll never know if you’re missing something unless you try it out, and you’ve only been dating your bf for a little while. If he’s a reasonable guy he should understand that it’s best for the both of you that you don’t continue in a relationship you’re uncertain of with so many unanswered questions tugging at your brain. 

I don’t really get monogamy though, so my advice might not be the most helpful. In your situation I’d want to date a girl at the same time as dating my boyfriend, and if he insisted on monogamy then I’d know we weren’t right for each other. But that’s just me.

Max