#blahahahhhh

[beetlelunch]

Are you participating in Art Fight this year?

I WISH! im too scared lol

[bununuu]

I feel like a horrible person because im grandpa sitting while my mom takes my grandma grocery shopping and i can barely stand to be in the same room while he’s snoring and coughing because it reminds me of when my dad would be passed out drunk and i would make sure he was still breathing and ive never been able to stand the sound of people coughing because of my dad doing the same thing and i hate it i feel so awful. its making my anxiety so bad and i just feel so tense

yay for adult children of alcoholic issues~~~

[aomorikat]

Work update

Things are better between me and my coworkers. I feel like my supe caught wind of a bit and made a point to stress that we're all weird and he loves us all and wants to protect his house from the shit managers

Shit GM quit and the acting GM is getting so incredibly overwhelmed that tonight he started screaming and threatening to fire everyone. I wasn't there but it really stung because my department is really the one carrying our store review and they ignore that because we're behind the scenes. In fact I'm the highest ranked one for completing online sales, and I work 2 departments at once. My coworkers are finally helping me because it's been wearing me down to balance two equally important things going on at one time that I cannot juggle on my own, but I have been for months. And I know I'm not going to get a pay raise or anything of the sort for my hard work.  I don't know what hurts more...these explosive attitudes threatening my job every few days despite all the hard work I do, or getting bunched in with the lazy sales team and losing my job for their faults.

They're being insanely unreasonable about tardiness despite the horrific  snow storms. I understand promptness is key but when the weather is literally so bad...I can't. I've complained before. It's bullshit. I'm not late because I'm being lazy and irresponsible. It's because the roads aren't plowed and theres like 4 traffic accidents and I can't make a phone call because I'm trying to not add to the body count on the road side! 

Part of me wishes they'd just fire me or confirm my job was safe because being in limbo is making me triple anxious. I just want it over with.

Creepy Ass Canoe Fuck Face has not shown his fuck face around for maybe a week now. The last encounter I recall was that he attempted to return a DVD player that we didn't carry in store and that he didn't have a receipt for. We're not a pawn shop... At some point he called to speak with the GM who quit but has the same name as a guy who works with the cell phones so we got him to play along next time to pretend he's the only "J" at the store, and has been the only one. I mean, there's literally no way to reach the old GM.

We are fixing things the GM messed up. A lot of things are going smoother, but the acting GM and the other manager who applied for the official spot don't quite know what needs to be done, so there's a lot of back and forth and my supe has been scheduled for the opposite of his usual hours for some reason, just temporarily, but on supply days it means he isn't working with us and one of the managers who has no idea what to do is in charge and things get rather chaotic because we re-hired a kid who never works and department switched another kid who also never works so they just goof off together and never get any work done but somehow it's the least pressing issue..

I'm feeling really under-valued and nervous of certain things, which my supervisor found out I think when he came to ask me a question and I freaked out asking what I fucked up now and almost started crying. Actually, being a total basket-case from my anxiety and such lately is helping out a little bit because I think I slip under the trouble radar often, like today when a coworker was supposed to come in and finish what he didn't do last night, but then he never did and I didn't know and I saw the thing he was supposed to do but I didn't finish it because I thought something was wrong for a list of valid reasons, and when I was approached about the incident I got so panicky and the manager calmed down and assured me I was fine and it wasn't my fault and we just wanted to have communication. And I realized that several times managers have softened their reactions and I wonder if all the stress and the panic just glows across my freckled face and they don't want me to cry because pfffft none of them know how to comfort a cracked crying little squirrel-ish girl. They're burly geek men. I can't cry in front of people. But I don't deserve the rage they start to let out on me either and I just falter a little. I guess like it's important to know that my persona at work is that I'm quiet and informed and confident and have it all under control and if I don't I'll tell you upfront but add that I'm going to pretend it's under control. I'm very calm, cool, and collected, and sassy and generally unphased, so maybe it's odd to see me in my natural state of "oh god i'm so sorry i can do better and i can fix it all i can fix everyone" and just I shrink back and get quiet. Maybe it makes them realize they're being scary and unreasonable. Idk.