She had been crying for days. She had willingly been on the phone with her abuser constantly. She was all teeth and snapping since I took her away from him. She was pushing me away. Not only was she hurting herself, she was consciously preventing anyone from helping. I snapped at her. She snapped back.
“I’m going through stuff, too, you know,” I mutter, brokenly.
“Yeah? Well, at least you have a place to live. To keep your stuff. At least you have a car and your boyfriend didn’t beat you up. What the fuck do you want from me. You want me to walk around smiling and pretend everything is fine?”
“I want you to try. Like I try. Find your fucking backbone. Find some nerve. Find something to keep you from being this pathetic reduction of yourself. I don’t want to be here either. Do you know how draining it is for me, to be this broken and still be there to support you every time you need me? That’s why I try. Because you need me. I get up every day, I don’t cry, I don’t complain or flinch at any of the bullshit I deal with. I deal with it. And I keep moving, I keep clocking in, I keep waking up and getting shit done because I still have some self respect. Do you even realize that maybe I need you as much as you need me, but you need me too much, so much I can’t even rely on you? Who am I supposed to lean on? Who has my back? Not you. Not right now, not for a long time.”
She stared at me. She began to cry, in a guilty, self-loathing kind of way. Her tears were an apology, but I didn’t want an apology. I wanted her to be as strong as I was. I wanted to know if my knees gave out, there would be someone to catch me, too.
Rule 2: Answer the question of the person who tagged you and write 11 new ones
Rule 3: Tag 11 people and link them
Rule 4: Let them know you tagged them
1. How old were you when you first joined Tumblr?
Uh, I was about fifteen. So like, five years? Well, I had a hipster blog back in high school, but then I deleted, and when I remade, I became a fandom blog.
2. Dream travel destination?
I'd really love to go to Florence and London. Or just Europe, period. I know it's pretty cliche to want to go there, but y'know, there are legitimate reasons why. It's beautiful.
3. If you could trade lives with any one person in the entire world (any gender, age, etc.) who would it be and why?
I would trade lives with Ellen Degeneres. Do I really need to say why? 'Cause come on. Ellen Degeneres.
4. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Gross, mornings. I like nights. I'm normally wide awake at night, even though my shifts normally start at 6 or 7 in the morning. Oops.
5. Chocolate or vanilla
Come on, man, don't ask me this. Uh, it just depends on my mood. But normally, it's strawberry, oops.
6. Would you rather: be hot or cold?
Cold. 'Cause when you're really hot (pls, i live in arizona, i know heat) you can't rip off your skin and you just gotta sweat in your body and it's gross like rly come on.
7. Guilty Pleasure song?
OH MAN. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY. I listen to that fucking song every day. I jam out to that in the car, no shit. I sing every fucking note of that song. Instrumental and all. I even have voices for every part. Honestly. Ask my coworkers. That's when they know I'm at work. They can hear that song blaring in the parking lot.
8. Name one silly insecurity?
LOL just one? Uh, I guess I'll say my feet. (tbh i hate feet, so maybe my insecurity feeds into that or vice-versa idek)
9. Biggest Pet-Peeve(s)?
I have a ton, I'm sorry.
Incorrect usage of everyday, simple words (i.e. you're/your, to/too/two, there/their/they're, who/whom, who's/whose, times when you need to use 'AN' and not 'A', etc.) Please get them right.
Spitting. It's gross. Please don't do it in public.
Chipped nail polish. It makes your fingers look disgusting, tbh. Sorry.
Poor hygiene. Do I rly need to explain this.
Lack of manners. I work in customer service and you'd be appalled by how many people don't know the words 'please' and 'thank you'.
Texting while on a date/in front of family/etc. Okay, this is situational though. Like if we're having a nice one-on-one dinner and we're talking to each other, please don't take your phone out and start texting other people. Or doing whatever on your phone, period. That can wait until later. Or if your mom's talking to you, don't take out your phone and stare at the screen. That's rude. She's talking to you. Give your mother respect. But I mean, if we're just kind of hanging out and doing nothing but relaxing and stuff, go ahead and use your phone. Just don't do it if we're doing something together. Basically, if you're with people at some sort of outing, give them the attention. If it's not an emergency, the text can wait. If you're just a group of people sitting around doing nothing, then go ahead and beat that level of Candy Crush. Just don't do it when you're supposed to be spending quality time together.
This also applies to driving. Don't text and drive. I hate when I see people doing that.
Not signaling when changing lanes, turning, etc. Seriously. It holds up the whole line, it confuses people, it can cause accidents. JUST FUCKING SIGNAL. IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
Hitting the brakes when the stop light is like, half a mile away. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but seriously. Don't step on the brake when you're so far from the stop sign/light, etc.
DISRESPECT. Like honestly, just respect other people. It's not that hard. Speak nicely. Have manners. Smile at people. Do not yell at them. I don't care if you've had a bad day or if you've received bad news. No. I don't care. It's called karma, and it's a bitch. Spread good around, receive the goodness tenfold.
are these even pet peeves anymore or am i just ranting
y'know what i'm done bc this is making me angry wow
10. Worst smell you’ve ever smelled?
OH MY GOD AT WORK, THERE'S THIS DRAIN IN THE KITCHEN AND IT'S WHERE ALL THE WASTE GOES LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN IN THE KITCHEN IT'S TOWARDS THE BACK BY THE GARBAGE LIKE HONESTLY IT'S LIKE SOMEONE DIED AND HIS BODY'S JUST CHILLIN' THERE, DECOMPOSING AND SHIT SERIOUSLY NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU CLEAN IT IT JUST SMELLS BAD SERIOUSLY I JUST WANNA RIP OFF MY NOSE SOMETIMES LIKE YOU CAN'T EVEN BREATHE THROUGH YOUR MOUTH 'CAUSE YOU WILL TASTE THAT NASTY SHIT OH MYG OD
ahem.
11. Last movie you watched that made you cry?
Freedom Writers. I just. It's one of my favorites, and I saw it again on TV last week and I just. I always cry whenever I watch movies though, so.
Fuck, now I have to come up with eleven questions. Jesus Christ. Uh.
My Questions to You:
What's the funniest thing to ever happen to you? (Yeah, you gotta tell at least the gist of the story. If there are too many little details, take 'em out, but at least tell what happened and why it's funny to you or other people or whatever.)
What's your desktop background right now?
What's the last text in your inbox say?
If you could travel back in time, who would you talk to and what would you say to that person? (It could even be yourself, yo.)
On a scale of 1-10, what would your day today and why?
What's the best thing in the world to you right now? (It could be a person, a song, a place, whatever. What's something that makes you smile/happy/etc.?)
If someone wrote you out a check for a million dollars, what would you do with that money?
What's your drink of choice right now? (Holy shit, I could go for some sweet tea right now, ugh.)
It's seven in the morning, you're hungover as fuck, and you have to be at work in thirty minutes. What do you do?
NAME THAT TUNE: "You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees." (Sorry, it's been stuck in my head all day.)
I don't fucking know anymore, this was long. I hope you have a good day. I love you a lot, and know that I'm telepathically sending you people hugs and eskimo kisses *u*
majestichobohair- Cherry! We haven’t talked in a long time, and I miss her :( I see her posting on facebook sometimes and I’m like “oh, I should talk to her!" and then it doesn’t happen oops I’m a bad friend
blakelynn- Rachel’s a cutie pie and I love her blog :))
confusedastronaut- wowow Alexa okay. I’ve been following her since before I was even into big time rush, and we’ve never talked or become friends(she doesn’t follow me aha), but she seems really sweet and i lovelovelove her blog :)
i love you, never feel bad about feeling sad. it’s okay to feel sad once in a while, just know that the happiness will soon come and that makes the sad, the mad, the hurt, feel better :)
this just made me feel a lot better actually thanks bby i love you too! :')
blakelynn replied to your post: Five tv shows you are interested in watching!!
No I mean tv shows that are on that you are considering watching like if you wanted to start watching doctor who or something hah
OH!!!! none lol i watch the shows that interest me i mean i guess maybe awkward. but too lazy to start it lol and i tried getting into bates motel but eh
