From childhood, I felt like I was always put atop an invisible pedestal, a high place where no one could reach.
My teachers would proclaim my name, singing me soft words of praise when I do even the simplest task. They would clap when I sing, and smile when I danced.
My classmates didn’t mind. In fact, they gave me just as equal attention, showering me with love and gifts on my desk every day.
“You’re an angel,” they said.
I always found it odd, so odd.
I did the same as any other student. My grades were all average, my skills were all decent. So just what made me deserve the praise worthy of a prodigy? What made me so special? Am I special? Do I deserve this?
It was only when I got my fifth confession did I find out why.
On a sunny afternoon below a shade, a classmate of mine had given me a gift, and proclaimed me his love. Of course, It was something I was used to. Something I did not care about.
But there was something that day that particularly bothered me, maybe because the summer heat had gotten to my head, or the sweltering warmth of my blazer seemed too much to bear, but without thinking, I let my true thoughts slip.
“Why?”
He only stops mid-rant, looking at me in confusion.
“W-why?” he stutters out. “Because-well—because everyone likes you! You’re like an angel! I’ve always thought so!” he exclaims confidently, his face flushed red. He was flustered, fumbling with his words, as if he wasn’t expecting this question.
His reaction only serves to make me stare at him blankly in disbelief.
“Because everyone… likes me?” I asked him, my tone filled with incredulity.
And he looked at me, eyes dripping with infatuation, and said the same words that would haunt me forever,
“Yes. You’re popular. That’s why I love you.”
In hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have let it get to me. Maybe I should have just brushed it off as some kid’s weird comment. But I didn’t.
I couldn’t forget it, not when everyone around me always reminded me of that fact.
Even in the present, my thoughts still linger on those words. Whenever people smile at me shyly, or when they stare at me for a bit too long. My mind wanders back to that sunny afternoon, below a shade.
Like today, where gaggles of girls and boys flock me, before I could even speak.
“Can you hang out with us today? Me and my friends really want to spend some time with you…” she says, hugging my arm tightly to her chest.
“No way! She’s hanging out with us today!” a boy exclaims, cutting in our conversation. He slings an arm comfortably over my shoulder, sneering at the other girl clinging to me.
She only glares back at him sharply, her pout twisting into a frown.
“Who wants to hang out with a rowdy crowd like you!?” the girl snaps at him, clutching my arm even more tightly.
Before they can argue any more, I cut them off.
“Sorry, I’ll be going out with her today,” I say with an apologetic look, and gently pry his arm away from my shoulder.
“Oh? Alright then. But you’ll hang out with us next time, won’t you?” he asks, and I nod my head at him in confirmation.
“Yeah. Next time.”
Satisfied at my answer, the boy then walks off, leaving me behind with the girl.
“Oh! Now that the brute is gone, I’ll introduce you to the girls! Come, come!” she says excitedly, locking her hands in mine and tugging me away from our spot.
“Oh, my friends will be very happy to meet you, you’ll see! They’ve always wanted to meet with you ya know?” the girls exclaims loudly. Her words make me smile awkwardly.
Once she saw a group of girls, she waves her hand wildly at them, calling them over excitedly.
I notice one girl in the group fidgeting awkwardly with her hands, timidly trailing behind her group, clumsily stumbling from time to time.
She was an odd one out, from the energetic girls around her, with bright smiling faces and laughter.
The girl who led me then claps her hands. “Alright! Everyone, she’s going to be joining us for today! So, let’s have good fun before the boys snatch her away again!” she says energetically.
All the other girls in the group agree enthusiastically, nodding their heads and greeting me with smiles, some even approaching to hug me.
After all introductions were done, I was now being led to their picnic spot, but I still couldn’t take my eyes off the timid girl, who, even until now, wouldn’t stop staring at the ground and fumbling with her fingers.
After a few minutes, we finally reach our destination. A hill top.
It was a nice spot. The girls quickly lay a blanket on the grass, settling down on it, and tugging you down too.
The moment you sat down, they started bombarding you with questions.
“So, how’s the new neighborhood?” one of them asks, leaning in to you.
“Err… It’s good.” I say apprehensively.
“Mhm, that’s good! At least you’re enjoying it here! It’d be sad if you didn’t feel at home here, haha!” they joke, laughing with each other.
“Yeah…” I mutter, weakly laughing along with them.
This repeats for a while. A question, a joke, and then laughter. It was tiring, but what could I do about it?
It was all fun and games until one of them speaks up.
“Hey, I heard that you’re the teachers favorite.”
Confused, my eyes dart around until they land on a girl who seems to be leering at me.
“Must be nice being the new girl,” she says, her voice in a condescending tone.
I only blink my eyes unsurprised, while her friends start scolding her for her words.
“Hey! Don’t act like that now!”
“Yeah, why’re you bullying the new girl?”
“Jealous much?”
Of course, she only rolls her eyes at them, keeping quiet for the rest of the conversation.
I wasn’t really bothered by it. It was something that was bound to happen often, so it wasn’t really unexpected.
However, while the others were conversing, I felt a small tap on my shoulder.
Confused, I turned to my side, only to see the timid girl looking at me nervously.
At my questioning gaze, she signs to me,
‘Are you okay?’
At her words, I freeze a bit, eyes widening a little in surprise.
I didn’t expect she’d care so much, especially since she seemed so… meek.
But nonetheless, it made me a little bit flustered, her attention.
Shyly, I signed to her back.
‘I’m fine, thank you for asking.’
My answer seemed to have made her perked her up, as she smiled excitedly at me.
‘You know how to sign?’ she questions.
Happily, I nod at her.
She beams at this, shoulders shaking in giggles.
‘I’m glad. No one really talks to me here because of my predicament, so I’m happy,’ she signs, relief visible on her face.
I smile along with her, but brows furrowing in a little sympathy.
I was about to sign once more until the leader claps her hands and grabs everyone’s attention.
“Alright! It’s getting late you guys! We should start heading home now.”
The others murmur in agreement, slowly standing up to gather their scattered belongings as well.
I follow suit, dusting off my clothing and fixing my things.
But this time, my eyes focus solely on her.
Signing, I ask,
‘What’s your name?’
Her eyes blink slowly, as if processing my words, before blushing and signing to me,
‘Sheila. My name’s Sheila.’
Sheila…
I hold out my hand to pull her up, helping her gather her bearings, and fixing her clothes.
When she finally finished, my hand reached out for hers,
only to be dragged in front by the others.
The girls were flocking my form and continued their interrogation, asking me questions about my life, school, and friends.
I was fumbling with my words, trying to look back at Sheila, only for the girls to crowd me even more, blocking my vision of her.
In the middle of my inner turmoil, I had failed to notice a girl’s leer when she put her foot in front of mine.
I felt everything tilt, and only when I saw the girls’ shocked faces did I realize I had tripped over the hill’s slope.
My back thudded harshly against the grass, pushing a sharp gasp from my throat. My body skidded against the hard soil. The world around me turned into a blur of colors as I felt myself tumble down the rocky hill.
When everything stilled, my hazy eyes looked up at the hill, where girls were shrieking and moving around frantically.
“Oh my god! What did you do!?”
“I didn’t do anything!”
“Guys you need to calm down!”
They were noisy, and my ears were starting to ring. Everything was fuzzy, and I felt numb.
Just as I was propping myself up, I heard the heavy steps of feet running towards me.
When I looked up, it was hard to tell, due to my dizziness, but then when the person firmly gripped my shoulders, did the familiar face of Sheila come to view.
She was looking at me with panicked eyes, patting every inch of me, as if checking for any severe injuries. It took a while for my disoriented mind to come its senses, but when it did, I gently put my hand on hers, reassuring her.
‘Are you okay? I’ll bring you home now, you need to get bandaged,’ she signed, hauling me up against her.
I was about to tell her that it was okay, that I could do this on my own, but she only looked up the slope with determination.
After finally making it up with struggle, the panicked girls finally decide to fuss over me, worrying about my cuts and whatnot.
But I didn’t care. I just wanted to go home.
I ignored them and pulled Sheila along with me, quietly stumbling along the pathway. She was quiet as well.
She silently guided me to my house, and made sure I was sitting comfortably with no pain.
