Who: Jeremiah and Blaine What: They meet up for coffee When: March 18th, evening Where: Lima Bean
Notes: Feels.
Jeremiah looked out the frosted window on Dave's front door. He twisted the knob for the first time in a month, stepping out into the cool air. He hesitated on the step for a moment before closing the door behind himself and starting on his way. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and made the trek from Dave's house where he lived to the Lima Bean. He thought about almost nothing the entire time, for some reason the night air clearing his mind and anxiety. He paused outside the entrance to the coffee shop, looking inside and searching for Blaine. He headed inside, spotting the other at a table and heading directly there. He stood idly there, hesitant but almost longing for the company. "Um, hey," he greeted quietly.
Blaine looked up from his coffee, from the book he was reading, just staring at Jeremiah for a moment. He wasn't sure the guy would actually show up. As a matter of habit, Blaine stood and then felt immediately awkward. "Uhm...hey. Do you want to sit down?" He motioned at the chair across from him as he returned to his own seat, closing his book with a mark on his page.
Jeremiah watched Blaine stand up and motion to the chair across from him. He nodded. "Yeah. Yes," he replied, pulling the chair out, making probably too much noise across the floor and sitting quickly. He adjusted himself and looked at Blaine's book, motioning to it. "I'm sorry if I interrupted you. It it a good story?"
Blaine pushed the book away a little, just to show that his attention was on Jeremiah. Always a gentleman, he thought to himself...goddamn it. Blaine shrugged at Jeremiah's question, "I haven't gotten that far into it, but what I have read is keeping me interested." He licked his lips, butterflies in his stomach at being near a newly-single Jeremiah. "So...I guess you're not doing so well?"
Jeremiah smiled a little at Blaine's response, nodding in understanding about the book and noting that the other had pushed it away. He shrugged glancing around a bit and folding his arms on the table in front of him. "Well... I just... I'm used to being outside a lot more than I have been lately. Actually this is the first time I've been out of the house since I moved in there. I made good friends with Dave's cat though," he said, shaking his head in a bit of a laugh as he looked at a spot on the table.
Blaine felt very awkward, nodding at Jeremiah's comments. "Yeah...cat's are fun." Oh god, Blaine, could you be more of a spaz? He shook his head, "D-do you want a coffee or something?"
Jeremiah blinked up at the other, shaking his head. "Oh... no, it's okay. I don't need anything," he replied. The truth was, he didn't have any money and he wasn't about to ask for anything else from Blaine. Never, ever again would he put someone on the spot like he had Blaine. He felt so guilty about it that he wished he had money to buy the other coffee. "So... how have you been?"
Blaine faltered, on his way to standing up and reaching for his wallet, "Are you sure? It's on me." He bit his lower lip, not sure how to proceed past casual, awkward sentences. "I'm doing fine - I'm gonna go get you a coffee." He stood the rest of the way up and walked past Jeremiah, handing a five to the barista and getting a medium drip. He lingered at the front of the store waiting for it, glancing back at Jeremiah.
Jeremiah shook his head as Blaine stood up, nervous for some reason that his attempt to change the subject hasn't worked. "Wait..." he started, but it was too late. The other was away, standing at the counter waiting for the drink he'd ordered for him. Jeremiah sat up straight in his chair, craning his neck to see further or more clearly or something. He couldn't help but feel flattered that Blaine wanted to get him coffee, but he also felt as though he didn't deserve it. And also that it made this kind of a date. His expression turned a bit softer as he waited, biting his lip and looking down at his hands, now in front of him.
Blaine took deep breaths and tried to collect his thoughts as he waited for the coffee. That's what this was, a moment alone to get his mind together. What was he supposed to say? Jeremiah was single now, away from Kyle - but both knew it wasn't the time to try and rekindle old feelings. So where they supposed to talk about the weather or current movies? It seemed so surreal to Blaine, and completely out of his element. He didn't know how to handle this, how to stay the dapper gentleman he had always been. The coffee was ready and Blaine took it, thanking the barista, and walked back to the table, placing the drink in front of Jeremiah. "There," he said, taking his seat and trying to keep his polite mask stable on his face, while internally he was lost.
Jeremiah glanced up as the coffee was placed in front of him. He looked up at Blaine, smiling a bit. "Thank you... you didn't have to," he said, reaching for the warm cup. He watched the other, an uneasy feeling in his stomach that he was sure reflected whatever Blaine was feeling at the moment too. He had to find something to diffuse the tension. After all, it had been Jeremiah that had wanted to hang out in the first place. "So um. Do you think my hair is getting too long?" he asked, looking up at it awkwardly. It had grown probably an inch and a half, maybe even two inches since he'd seen Blaine last, and he felt a little shaggy. "I mean, should I get it cut?"
Blaine looked up at Jeremiah through his lashes, expression soft as he evaluated Jeremiah's gorgeous hair and good looks. He shook his head, "No, I mean, I think it looks fine. You can manage long hair - it looks good on you." No flirting, he reminded himself. Jeremiah doesn't need that right now, so NO FLIRTING. He sighed, "Jere, this is weird."
Jeremiah shook his head just to make his hair swish back and forth, trying to see more of it. He stopped at Blaine's words, saying that he could pull it off. He did sort of agree that the longer hair looked good on him, but he was afraid of letting it get too long. Though, he knew he could pull it back then, and he liked doing that. His train of thought was cut short when Blaine called their meeting weird. Jeremiah blinked a few times, not knowing what to say. "I'm not trying to make it weird... How can I make it not weird? I really want to hang out with you..." he said, verging on whining but holding himself back. His hands had wrapped around the cup of coffee, but let go when he remembered that Blaine had bought it for him. He didn't know how he was supposed to act.
Blaine sighed, closing his eyes, then blinked at Jeremiah. "I don't know how to be just a friend with you, Jere. I don't know how to just...hang out. To me, before the GAP attack, it was dating - not just hanging out. And then recently, that wasn't hanging out either...not really. So I don't know how to do this with you."
Jeremiah frowned, looking up at Blaine. "I don't really know how to change that... Do you want me to tell you some gross story about myself so that you don't want to be with me right now?" he asked, unsure of himself. The thing was, he didn't want Blaine to not be interested forever. He did like the other, he just needed time to be normal again. His previous relationship wasn't ideal at the end, and he was nervous nearly all the time. Even around Blaine, though decidedly less so. "Can't we at least try?" he muttered, his voice soft and quiet, like his words were secret.
Blaine leaned in closer, since Jeremiah's voice had dropped, "I am trying, otherwise I wouldn't be here." He took a sip of his coffee, looking around the Lima Bean. "So what are we supposed to casually talk about?"
Jeremiah 's eyebrows lifted, and his face brightened just a tiny bit. He smiled a little and pressed his lips together for a second, reaching for the coffee once again. "We can talk about... um. Have you seen that show, The Big Bang Theory?" he asked, trying to come up with something, anything, that they could settle on that was completely neutral.
Blaine laughed softly at Jeremiah's topic choice, then nodded, "Yeah, I've seen it. Have all the released series on DVD."
Jeremiah smiled. "I pretty much watch TBS all the time. I'm positive that I've seen every episode, but I have no idea what order they go in. I like it cause I get the science jokes. Penny makes me feel smart," he commented, glad that he hadn't failed miserable at a topic.
Blaine cleared his throat, "I really like the show Archer, too. But don't tell anyone, it'll ruin my upstanding, dapper reputation." He smiled at Jeremiah.
Jeremiah shook his head. "You know what I think?" he asked, not leaving the other enough time to really speak in response. "I think that anyone should be able to like anything they want without being judged for it. I like South Park. And Friends. I really like Friends."
Blaine immediately thought of his father and squirmed a little uncomfortably, "Not everyone can just do whatever they want. You know that."
Jeremiah watched Blaine with a question mark on his face. "I meant... the tv shows... or even music..." he said, stumbling over his words. He realized what the other was talking about and tried to back track. "Nothing else... I'm not gonna like.. force you... to like Friends, I mean..." he stuttered. He knew exactly what it was like to be put on the spot. But that hadn't been what he'd meant at all.
Blaine eyed Jeremiah's reaction, and sighed. He was making it awkward again. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, if you prefer Katy Perry over Lady Gaga, people shouldn't call you names or think less of you for it. It's just a matter of taste."
Jeremiah glanced away and then back at Blaine. "I like Katy Perry over Lady Gaga. Hands down," he said, softly. He wanted Blaine's smile to come back. It had always put him at ease, and he wanted that again. He tried not to think about the night in the hotel room when he'd had no choice but to kick the other out. He wished that he'd have had himself together then.
Blaine nodded, agreeing "I'm a Katy over a Gaga. The Warblers hate when I make them sing her, especially since I don't change pronouns, but I love her music and I don't want to change them. Besides, I'm gay, so singing about loving 'him' makes sense to me."
Jeremiah smiled in a slightly goofy way as he pictured Blaine singing Katy Perry. "I love her music too. It always plays at the perfect time for whatever's going on, ya know? Like when I'm thinking about something a matching song will play. I have a favorite. Do you have a favorite?" he asked, settling in and taking a sip of the coffee Blaine had gotten him.
Blaine thought to himself, "It used to be Teenage Dream...but now I'm not sure. I kinda like the song If It's Not Like the Movies."
Jeremiah pursed his lips. He didn't think that the other would actually mention as his favorite song, what was Jeremiah's favorite song. He decided to skip over saying his. "Oh, yeah I like If It's Not Like the Movies, yeah. That's a good one. All of them are good, really," he said, quickly taking another sip of coffee.
Blaine smiled a little, happy that their conversation had lightened, "What's your favorite song?"
Jeremiah tried to think of another song that he might like more than what he immediately thought of as his favorite, but nothing came to mind. "This is gonna sound weird and I swear I'm not copying you, but it's Teenage Dream," he said, glancing up and hoping that it wasn't awkward.
Blaine laughed, "Well that was her first big song. And it makes you think of tight pants, so win-win."
Jeremiah smiled a little. "It does make you think of tight pants, but I really like the line about the missing puzzle piece," he commented truthfully.
Blaine finished the line singing softly, "I'm complete..."
Jeremiah blushed at the sound of Blaine's sung line and he locked eyes with the other for a moment. He wanted to sing the next line, and he almost did, stopping himself short. He and Blaine were friends. Just friends. Regardless of the fact that there was something completely magnetic about the other. A friend would sing it back too, he told himself, and that's when he heard the little bit of pre-chorus slip from his lips. "Lets go all the way tonight... no regrets, just love..."
Blaine was just thinking about the next lines of the song, how badly he wanted to say them, how much he wanted them to come true, and Jeremiah was looking at him with those gorgeous eyes...and then Jeremiah was singing the lines himself, and Blaine felt his heart do a flip fit for the Olympics. He licked his lips, sure his eyes were wide with surprise. He didn't know how to respond.
Jeremiah felt his heart skip a beat as time seemed to slow down. Blaine wasn't saying anything. Or singing anything. Just looking at him with those eyes. But, Jeremiah couldn't help but feel guilty about it- Blaine had said that he wanted to be friends, and Jeremiah was taking steps past that now. His voice was frozen and he blinked, forcing out a rushed-out sounding "Sorry..." as he glanced away and sipped the coffee once again.
Blaine shook his head, giving Jeremiah an encouraging smile, "No, nothing to be sorry for...I didn't know we were singing in a coffee shop."
Jeremiah found it hard to not smile in response to Blaine's smile. Always warm and comforting, and it was finally here. "Well, I guess we were... there are stranger places to sing," he commented, implying the Gap, with a joking little smirk in place.
Blaine got the reference to the Gap attack and internally groaned. Externally, he sighed and shut his eyes, then stood up, grabbing his knapsack. "I'm sorry...I can't do this, Jere."
Jeremiah shook his head and quickly followed suit, standing up. "No, no, it was a joke... don't... please don't go..." he said, wishing he hadn't made an attempt at all to talk to Blaine. Hanging out was too hard for the other, and it was turning out to be a disaster.
Blaine stopped, pursing his lips as he tried to figure out what to say to explain all the emotions running through him. He leaned in close to Jeremiah, his voice a whisper, "I'm still in love with you - or a crush - whatever. But I can't do this. I'm sorry. I tried."
Jeremiah already knew everything that Blaine said. He didn't really want anyone to be in love with him right at that moment, and it made his heart squeeze at the confession. He shook his head again, not knowing what to say in response, but so desperately not wanting to be alone. He could have easily called his roommates from OSU. But, he'd wanted to be around Blaine. And he didn't want to force the other to hang out with him. He swallowed, finally looking down, and backing off a little in defeat.
Blaine eyed Jeremiah, seeing that the boy wasn't pushing him to try and stay. He felt relieved. "Look...if you ever need something, you know I'm here. I'm a phone call away. Or we can talk on the phone...or text. But right now, I'm still getting over Kurt, and I'm dealing with my dad - I play pretend all day, pretending I'm fine, so I'm just asking you...not to make me pretend with you."
Jeremiah was certain that if they had been in a movie right that moment, that he'd have grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him in and kissed him like he meant it- and he would have meant it. And Blaine would have been happy, and Jeremiah wouldn't have to be alone. But it wasn't a movie. It was real life, and the blond knew what it was like to have to bend to your father's will. He'd done it for a long time. He shook his head and pursed his lips into a quick frown that only lasted about a second. "You don't have to do any of those things. I understand..." he trailed off, feeling his chest tighten. "Listen, I interrupted you. You stay. I'll go." Not making eye contact, he zipped up his hoodie and looked to the table, making sure he had his phone. "I'll just... I'll see you later."
Blaine wanted to apologize again, but felt that he would just be a broken record. He didn't sit back down, knowing he'd leave shortly after, once Jeremiah was out of sight. Instead, he just nodded, "Yeah...I guess so.See you later."
Jeremiah chanced a quick glance at Blaine and nodded, turning and heading for the door. He pulled the handle and went out into the night air, moving just far enough from the building that no one could see him just stop and stand, inadvertently, in the shadows between the parking lot lights. He didn't want to walk home yet, and stood staring at the road that led in that direction.
Blaine couldn't see Jeremiah out of the window anymore, so he threw his knapsack over his shoulder and grabbed his cup of coffee. Waving a goodbye at the baristas, Blaine exited the Lima Bean and stood outside for a moment, looking up at the darkening sky. He didn't want to go home - nothing there but questioning looks and awkward silences, the occasional homophobic statement and his dad asking if he had a new girlfriend yet. No, Blaine Anderson didn't want to go home, but he didn't have anywhere else go be. His car was parked across the street, up the block a little, so he check for cars and crossed, looking at the street, his mind racing. He put his coffee on top of his car as he fished for the keys, unlocked the door, and got into the drivers' seat. He just sat there for some time, looking out the windshield at the sky changing from orange to pink to that dark blue that meant it was almost night.
Jeremiah heard the bell tinkling from the door opening and closing on the coffee shop, and second nature had him turning to watch Blaine do almost the same thing that he had. He hesitated for a moment, following after slowly and waiting for the car to pull away, though it didn't. He stood in the oddly empty street, pretty sure, but not certain, that Blaine couldn't see him. Jeremiah had no idea what he was doing. He needed to turn around and just go home, like the other wanted. But something wasn't letting him. Instead, he found himself a little back, watching Blaine in the mirror on the side of his car.
Blaine tried to ignore his mind thinking about his father and how he was treated at home, how he was almost removed from Dalton and wasn't allowed to see Kurt. He thought of how that led to the boy dumping him, how the car he was sitting in was a reward for acting straight. How he tried to be kind and fair to everyone, and was sitting here alone and on the verge of tears. "Fuck!" The exclamation left his lips at the same time that he brought his fists down to bang on the steering wheel. He didn't usually have emotional bursts like that, but the situation with Jeremiah was tearing him apart.
Jeremiah could tell just by the look on Blaine's face that he wasn't okay. And it was made more obvious when the other slammed his fists down. Jeremiah found himself standing on the drivers side of the other's car, a couple feet back but in plain view now, looking in at Blaine. He wanted to help, but it almost felt like he wasn't there. The expression on his face begged the other to open the door.
Blaine's head had dropped to the steering wheel, his eyes crinkled in emotional pain as he fought tears. He wasn't going to cry. He wouldn't let himself anymore. After a moment, he sat up, sniffing to pull himself together, and started the engine. As he turned to grab his seatbelt, he realized there was someone standing outside his door, and he looked up. His eyes widened as he recognized...Jeremiah. Blaine hit the button to roll down his window, his face bearing an expression of concern. "Jere? Is everything okay?"
Jeremiah hated the way Blaine looked- so pained and upset as he sat there in the driver's seat. He was startled when the car turned on, but stood there all the time as the other turned to get his seatbelt, and finally noticed him. "I can't let you just drive away..." he said, quietly. "If I do, I'll never see you again. You'll drive down this street, and I'll never get another chance..." He was talking, but nothing he was saying was registering. He was emotionally attached to Blaine and he had no choice but to do this. Taking the few steps to the car, and taking advantage of the open window, Jeremiah put one hand on the edge of the door, bent down, and slid the other hand through Blaine's hair, leaned in, closed his eyes, and pressed a highly emotional kiss to the other's lips.
Blaine was about to reply to Jeremiah's statement, telling him that yes, they would see each other again. But then the boy was close to him, leaning in through the window and putting a hand on the nape of his neck, kissing him - oh god that kiss. Blaine couldn't help but respond to it immediately, his lips mashing against Jeremiah with a groan and his own hand moving into Jere's curls.
Jeremiah pushed all of his negative 'what if' thoughts away. He cleared his mind and just let himself enjoy the moment, kissing with such a passion that anyone passing by would have been impressed. He brought his free hand inside and his fingers sprawled across Blaine's cheek and neck as he leaned against the car and more into the kiss. It was like he needed it- couldn't live without it, without Blaine, right that moment. But he broke the kiss, his breathing staggered. He didn't open his eyes, just pausing. "Please don't leave me," he nearly whined in a whisper before pressing another kiss to the other's lips.
Blaine felt his heart sink at Jeremiah's words, words that should have encouraged him to keep kissing and pulling the boy closer. But they had the opposite effect - Blaine wondered if Jeremiah was really meaning those words towards Kyle, or perhaps just wanting companionship from anyone, or was worried Blaine wouldn't see him again that he was resorting to drastic measures - whatever the reason, Blaine turned his head. Jeremiah's lips fell on his cheek as Blaine whispered, "Stop."
Jeremiah held his breath and squeezed his eyes shut as he hesitated there, awkwardly hanging out of the side of Blaine's car. This was going wrong. And it felt horrible. He knew then that it was done. It had to be. Blaine was pushing him away, and there was nothing he could do about it. He pressed his lips together and pulled away, dragging the back of his hand across his lips. It smelled like the other's hair and he put it down immediately. "Sorry... I just..." he started and just as quickly as he'd started, he stopped. He turned away as the redness streaked up his face, prickling at the back of his neck and stretching to his ears.
Blaine closed his eyes and sighed, internally groaning at the situation. His heart burned in his chest. Without turning off his car, Blaine opened the door and stepped out, standing on the street with his hand on the car door. "Jere...I'm sorry. I want you - but not like this. I don't want to be a rebound for you. I want...so much more than that. And you can't give that to me right now, we both know that."
Jeremiah shook his head. He loathed the words that came from Blaine's mouth, because they were true. He thought so anyway. He didn't want the other to be a rebound either, but his chest was tightening by the second. "Blaine. If I walk away from you right now, I'm not gonna be able to call you again..." he said, slowly turning to look through his curls at the other. He could already see it in his head, him typing out texts and deleting them, dialing and hanging up, all because he'd feel so awkward.
Blaine immediately thought that Jeremiah was making a threat to take his own life. He stepped away from his car, walking briskly to the boy and grabbing his wrist, Blaine's expression was worried, near-panic. "What do you mean?"
Jeremiah's eyes darted to his wrist, where Blaine had grabbed him. His heart started to pound and he winced as memories of Kyle's abuse washed over him. He told himself over and over in his head that everything was okay, and that Blaine had never done anything to hurt him, and eventually it registered that the other had asked him a question. His voice was nervous and he tried to pull his hand back. "I'm sorry... I just meant... that I probably won't call... I-I'm not going out any time soon.... Please let go of my wrist..."
Blaine let go of Jeremiah as soon as the boy asked, taking a step away. "Don't say you won't call me. Don't say that." His heart felt like it was going to split out of his throat. "Jere...I love you. I want you, more than you might thing, but...you have to heal. You have to worry about yourself right now."
Jeremiah was frustrated beyond his own comprehension. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at the ground. He hated that Blaine was right, but he felt like if he didn't take advantage of what he could now, that it wouldn't get any further ever, and he'd lose his only opportunity. Shaking his head, he stepped back. "Sorry. Sorry... I need... I need to go," he said, not wanting to hear any more of Blaine turning him away or advice on what he needed.
Blaine wanted to reach for Jeremiah, wanted to press close and undress and kiss, but he knew they couldn't. Both of them wanting what they knew wouldn't be good for them at the moment. The timing was so wrong. "Hey...call me when you're ready. Okay? Promise me, you'll call me when you can love me. If you can love me..."
Jeremiah felt his heart tear in half when Blaine spoke. There was no way that he'd be calling. Being turned away twice in the same night was awful. Jeremiah felt embarrassed and, while rationally, he knew exactly why and agreed with the other's notion, he felt unwanted. His throat tightened in on itself and he nodded. "Sure," he lied, a little more whispery that he'd wanted. He nodded a little and turned full away, his emotions overwhelming as he started to walk.
Blaine watched Jeremiah walk away, eyes brimming with tears. "Jere - " His voice choked out as he raised it to be heard, although he didn't know what he was going to say. He had no words, but he had this horrible feeling. Without thinking, he said "I'll wait. I won't be with another guy until you let me know..."
Jeremiah squeezed his eyes shut, at the sound of the other's voice, wrapped in tears. He paused where he walked, wondering if Blaine really would wait for him, or if he was caught up in the moment. Still, he couldn't help but look back, thankful for the curls that shielded most of his face from view, including the tears that had tracked down his cheeks. He wanted to tell the other not to waste his time waiting- that he wasn't sure he'd ever be okay, but sentences were too hard right then. Instead, "Okay," and a nod was all he gave the other before turning back away and picking his pace back up, if only to my sure that Blaine wouldn't see him crying.
Blaine got into his car and drove away, sniffing back the tears coming to his eyes. So...he would wait. Which was fine, because he couldn't be gay anyway living with his dad, so he could be single until the point where Jeremiah gave him an answer.
