I love your Omiiii! I can totally picture him exactly the way you write him. I was also wondering if you have any unpopular opinions about him? or any hcs you’d like to share?
Hello anon,
I’m genuinely flattered that you like my take on Ominis. 😭Thank You so much! 🙏💖✨
And to answer your question : yes, I suppose I do have a few unpopular opinions about him.😅
One of my more off-the-beaten-path HCs concerns the cliché where Ominis “maps” people’s faces to know what they look like. I completely understand why this trope is popular (and I won’t lie, I’ve enjoyed a few works that used it myself): it’s very evocative, and it immediately suggests a form of connection. But personally, I just don’t picture Ominis being comfortable with that.
I want to stress that this is only my personal pov, not an absolute truth. Everyone is, of course, free to portray Ominis however they like in their own fanworks and to use whichever tropes resonate with them.
From what I’ve researched, blind people generally rely much more on things like voice, speech patterns, the rhythm of footsteps, behaviour, habits,or someone’s overall presence to form an impression of them. Touch does exist, of course, but it’s neither systematic nor necessary for recognition.
I also get the sense that this trope mainly works as a narrative shortcut: in our sighted imagination, touch is closely associated with intimacy, romance and… of course, eroticism. Touching a face then becomes a very readable way to signal interest or a connection between 2 characters.
Now, even without getting into the historical context -where physical closeness and intimacy were far more regulated- Ominis’s personality (ISTJ, in my view) is marked by reserve, self-control and a strong awareness of boundaries. On top of that, he grew up in an environment where the body and pain were instrumentalised, which, to me, doesn’t exactly encourage a casual relationship with physical contact. Quite the opposite: it implies caution, a lot of restraint, and even a certain wariness of gestures that close the distance too quickly; and touching someone’s face is a particularly intrusive gesture.
So if Ominis were to touch someone’s face, I’d imagine it as an intimate act in its own right, fully consensual and highly meaningful (in much the same way as touching any other part of the body), something that happens once trust and the relationship are already well established. Never as a way to “get to know” someone better or to “visualise” them.
That’s probably why my Ominis will never have that kind of scene with Evelyne (Lullaby for Cursed Seeds): it’s simply not how I imagine him functioning, nor how I enjoy writing his relationship to intimacy.
I hope it will still resonate with you regardless!
A Multi-Step Guide Written by a Visually Impaired Writer and Blogger
I’m hoping this blog will over time develop its own following, and when it does people will inevitably see my bio and notice what I included: I’m visually impaired.
Yes, a visually impaired writer, and I’ve written with two blind characters before so I have some practice in the field.
So, inevitably, someone is going to ask how to write a blind character.
Or, at least, I hope you’ll ask someone who’s actually blind or visually impaired about writing a blind character before you get too involved with your new WIP.
All parts will be tagged #blindcharacter in my blog, and I will add links to every post as I finish each part. Follow my blog for more writing advice.
Note, this post updates fairly often and old versions are still floating around out there. The most current version of this post is pinned to my blog with any new guides or links you might of missed.
As of 29 June 2022, this is the most extensive and screen reader friendly version of this post.
Part One: Crafting the Blind Character
In which I tell you how to begin making a blind character who is more than a cardboard cutout
Part Two: Narrative Choice, Visual Description, Verbal Description, Social Interaction
In which I give you a basic rundown on how to write from the perspective of a character who can’t see and still make the narration descriptive
Part Three: Tropes and Clichés to Avoid
Your blind readers will thank you for not being the 5000th person to do this and manage to actually finish your story. (Do you have any idea how many stories I’ve noped out of within two chapters because of these clichés? A Lot.)
Part Four: Canes, Guide Dogs, and O&M
Everything I can tell you about 1) how to learn how to use a cane 2) how a cane works 3) how to describe what your character experiences with their cane 4) everything I know on guide dogs
-New- Additional Advice for Writing Sighted Guides--another legitimate form of O&M
Part Five: Small Aspects of being Blind You Never Thought Of
5 January 2021 Edit: This link has been fixed to correspond with the correct post
Or, really, very normal everyday things for blind people, the inclusion of which will make your characters more real and authentic. It’s the tiny details.
Part Six: Should You Cure Your Character’s Blindness? (Short Answer: No)
There’s no way to write a cure for your blind character that doesn’t make blind readers hate you. Sorry. We came here to finally experience a relatable character who experiences the world like us, but none of us are getting cured so seeing this character we learned to love become something alien from us in the end feels like a slap in the face
-New- What about a Temporary Cure to Show the Character is Happy being Blind?
Why I’m Blind and What I See -NEW-
I thought I’d finally make a post explaining the complicated situation about my vision. Includes an explanation of visual snow and exotropia, two of the three causes for my vision issues.
Writing Blind Characters Falling in Love, an Advice Post:
Someone asked what being blind and falling in love have to do with each other. Honestly, blindness changes your perspective on everything and it makes an impact on every relationship you have. This includes some things that you definitely do not want your character’s love interest to be/do.
Writing Blind Jokes (Should You Do It?)
You know those flow charts of “should you do x?” going around? It’s like that, but screen reader friendly. Should you write blind jokes. It’s pretty complicated and there are a lot of possible scenarios and details to consider.
Advice for Writing Toph Beifong -NEW-
In this I discuss what I would like to see done in fanfiction with Toph’s character after ten years of reading Avatar the Last Airbender fanfiction
-New- Some Informal Thoughts About Toph and ATLA World Building based on a Throw-Away Line
A small essay addressing the frequently asked question on giving your blind character a superpower to help them “see.”
It’s became a popular question, so to make the answer easier/faster for everyone to access, I wrote what will usually be my initial answer. Below there are a few links to some notable past questions on this subject.
Mourning My Vision, it’s More than Depression.
A small personal essay addressing the nuances of the mourning period you experience with a new disability. The mourning period is mentioned in other guides, but this is more detailed.
Dealing with Heightened Senses, a video by Molly Burke with additional commentary by me
While Molly talks about the myths and truths about heightened senses, I talk about the correlation with blindness and neuro-divergency and how co-morbid disorders/disabilities might affect sensory processing.
Satirical Commentary on the phrase “that blank look in their eyes” used too often in fiction to identify a blind character
a:tla, I’m looking at you (and my eyes aren’t blank)
I Found a Lost Piece of Blindness History
My grandmother told me about her blind aunt and how she sent letters. It led me to speculate about all the O&M things people develop on their own but never get a chance to pass onto other blind people. Technology and techniques are lost in history and reinvented, including the white cane ad guide dogs.
Includes a little history on the introduction of guide dogs into the 20th century
The Following are Answered Anon Questions
Making Your Blog More Accessible
Making Links Accessible to Screen Readers
Reblogging to Add an Image Description to Someone Else’s Image
Why I Write Image Descriptions
Terms, Definitions, and Practical Advice
-New- What is the difference between Light Perception and Shadow Perception
Writing Blind Characters
Advice for a Character Who was Born Blind
-New- A More Recent Post about Characters Born Blind
Over-Protective Parents of a Blind Character, Why They’re Over-Protective and How to Avoid Crossing a Line
A Blind Character in Victorian Era Historical Fiction
Is It Bad Not to Have Guide Dogs in a Fantasy/Historical Setting Without Guide Dogs (short answer: it’s not bad)
Someone Asked About My Thoughts on a Medusa-like Character Blinding Herself to Avoid Hurting Anyone
-New- Someone Asked For Advice Writing a Character whose Eyes were Gouged Out--and Why Blindfolds are Not a Good Idea + Medical Alternatives
Characters Who Have Recently Gone Blind and Avoiding Inspiration Porn
-New- Inclusive Language in Dialogue: Is it appropriate for a blind character to use visual verbs like “I saw” and “I watched”
-New- Thoughts on If Characters Would Drink and Go to Bars
(In one of my original guides I said I was sure most blind people would not go to bars. A few years later, I’ve now realized that sentiment is influenced by my gender, not my disability.)
-New- Researching Blind Historical Figures
I took a disability studies class focusing on Helen Keller’s complicated legacy. My professor gave us the option to get creative with our final projects, so I gathered all the research I had for three blog posts.
How did Helen Keller Navigate her World
My extensive historical research on the accessibility tools Keller had in her lifetime
Who was Helen Keller: Her Passions and Interests
I talk about her writing, her politics as a socialist and suffragette, her love for animals and nature, her brief history as a performer on stage, and how she became the face for Blind Advocacy. This includes lots of photos of Keller with image descriptions I wrote.
The Controversies Surrounding Helen Keller
-This includes:
Her family history as the daughter of a Confederate Captain
Growing up on a plantation that formerly held slaves
How she met Alexander Graham Bell and the negative influence both had on the Deaf community
Her sexuality and falling in love (and why that was so controversial)
Her stance on eugenics and her internalized ableism
The Miracle Worker (1963) movie- how it became the most popular depiction of Keller, why it’s problematic, and how it damaged her legacy
The 2020 TikTok Controversy and #HelenKellerwasfake
Talking about Popular Blind Characters In Media
Does Daredevil’s Echolocation Negate His Blindness
-New- Is it Worth it to Watch All of Daredevil for the Research (It’s Not)
Someone Else was Asked How to Write Daredevil Fanfiction
Blind Characters with Superpowers/Fighting Styles
World Setting where the General Population has a Superpower
Superpowers that don’t involve sight, Five questions to ask yourself if this superpower is a bad idea or a good one
-New- Your character would not use a cane as a weapon, it’s a bad idea
D&D/Roleplaying Blind Characters
-New- Animal Familiars Acting as Service Animals and Advice for Communicating with Your DM
-New- Portraying Older Blind Characters + Causes for Vision Loss with Old Age
Toph Beifong - Avatar 💚 . . . 🇬🇧 I need to give this cosplay a serious photo set after the quarantine is over. I only have pictures from the conventions and I didn't have the wig at the time so I'm not quite happy with them. This is actually the first time that I try out the cosplay with this wig and I'm really happy with the results 💚💚💚 . 🇮🇹 Questo cosplay ancora non ha un set fotografico e mi dispiace un sacco, dovrò farne uno appena finisce la quarantena per forza 😍. Anche perché non ho foto decenti di questo cosplay 😂 le uniche che ho vengono dal Lucca Comics, e non avevo la parrucca all'epoca quindi non mi piacciono per niente. Sono bei ricordi però ❤️❤️ Wig: @dabcosplay_wig Cosplay: Me #toph #tophbeifong #tophcosplay #tophbeifongcosplay #avatar #avatarcosplay #thelastairbender #thelastairbendercosplay #cosplay #cosplaygirls #cosplayer #cosplayphotos #italiancosplayer #quarantine #blind #blindcharacter #whitelenses #green https://www.instagram.com/p/B-g_uYMC__a/?igshid=yivbo75t17d7
HC: Ominis Gaunt & his experience as a blind wizard
Picture Credits: @deathlysallows [link]
Hello,
I was talking to someone recently about Ominis' eyes, and it gave me the idea of publishing these HCs. 🙂
Please note that the ideas and interpretations presented in this post are my 'headcanon', some of which are mentioned/explored in my fanfictions. I respect and appreciate the different opinions and interpretations that others may have.
My intention is to share my thoughts, not impose them... I'd love to see yours btw. 😊💚
☆ Ominis’ eyes do not have pupils to let light enter his eye and reach the photoreceptors. As a result, he has no light perception and is totally blind. This lack of pupils, a phenomenon unique even among wizards, is the result of the marriage between his family's consanguinity and Dark Arts, which they practise shamelessly. (Quote: Ominis was born blind and no spell could reverse it)
☆ Besides this absence of pupils, his eyes are distinguished by their density of pale blue radial streaks, which start from the centre of the iris and radiate outwards, against a dark blue background. This pattern gives his eyes a fascinating, dynamic look. Ominis’ eyes are not opaque, milky or cloudy. These descriptors are so often associated with cataracts or glaucoma (i.e. Eye diseases Ominis does not have in my HC) that I avoid using them.
☆ Even when taking on the appearance of a sighted person thanks to the Polyjuice Potion or using Legilimency, Ominis remains unable to see, as his brain does not know how to interpret visual stimuli.
☆ If the Polyjuice Potion had worked, Ominis' parents wouldn't have hesitated to kidnap a child of the same age, sequestering him so that Ominis could take on his appearance, proceeding in the same way as Barty Crouch Jr did with Alastor Moody.
☆ Using a Pensieve does not negate his blindness either. He therefore perceives the memories consulted by this means in the same way as he perceives his everyday environment.
☆ Ominis has a well-developed sense of touch and smell, and his hearing is very acute. However, the acuity of these senses is not superhuman. He has only learnt to maximumly use his sensory compensatory means to make up for the visual deficit.
☆ During his childhood, his parents and siblings, who struggled for a long time to cure his blindness did not value his existence. As a result, Ominis tends to see himself as less valuable than a sighted person, despite what his Aunt Noctua says.
☆ Ominis has never let his blindness stop him from doing what he really wanted to do. On the other hand, as a good sneaky snake, he doesn’t mind using his blindness as an excuse not to do what he refuses to do or... to justify getting physically close to his heart’s desire. "I can’t work with my wand today, can you guide me to the Great Hall?" How can you say no to him when you know his wand [HC link] is so fickle?)
☆ When not using his echolocation spell, Ominis relies on his other senses to understand the world around him. As a result, surprise contacts can be disturbing for him as they abruptly disrupt his sensory perception. This generates anxiety, as he cannot anticipate the contact. But when this is done by people with whom he has no emotional bond, Ominis experiences it as an additional violation of his personal space, which can make him angry.
☆ Before she disappeared, his Aunt Noctua used to embroider hangings for him, which she would then hang in his bedroom. Ominis loved to run his fingertips over the raised patterns and different textures. Even without seeing them, Ominis could appreciate their creativity and aesthetics through touch. He still has a strong taste for embroidered fabrics from this period.
☆ Without concrete sensory experience of colours, his perception of colours remains a mental concept for him. At Hogwarts, he used to ask Sebastian if his clothes matched properly until he was familiar enough with fabrics to recognise them by touch.
☆ Before Ominis got his wand, he had to learn to organise his living space so that he could be as independent as possible. As a result, Ominis is very tidy and always puts his things away carefully so that he can find them more easily and navigate safely. Even in the most intimate moments, he folds and tidies his clothes before attending to his lover... firstly out of habit, and secondly because he finds it very exciting to play with their patience.
☆ For the Gaunt, the family’s image and reputation were of crucial importance. Having a blind child was a source of shame, as it could be interpreted as a weakness in their lineage or a sign of failure. When they gave up hope of curing him, they convinced themselves that a Gaunt could not be born deprived of sight without obtaining a compensatory magical ability, such as the gift of clairvoyance... Reality soon caught up with them.
☆ This umpteenth disappointment, combined with Ominis’s repeated refusal to adhere to supremacist ideals, or to practise dark arts, reinforced the hostility of Ominis’s parents towards him. As a result, the abuse escalated until the terrible episode recounted in the game (negative emotions + intolerance + misunderstanding + social pressure formed a detonating cocktail)
☆ His echolocation spell allows him to navigate independently, but it will never replace sight.
☆Capable of taking initiative, his wand has a will of its own that sometimes comes into conflict with Ominis. When this happens, it is very difficult for him to work with his wand and he may sometimes ask someone to guide him to where he wants to go. If he turns to you in this case, it’s a sign that he has a great deal of trust in you, something he doesn’t grant easily.
☆ The fact that people avoid certain words (see, or look for example) in his presence, or are embarrassed when he uses them himself, metaphorically or simply as a linguistic convention, amuses him and he doesn’t hesitate to play them up.
☆ If he’s not serving himself, he discreetly feels his plate to find out where the food is.
☆ Ominis is very concerned about his appearance because he wants to blend in with society to avoid attracting unwanted attention. Also, he feels more confident with having an impeccable appearance. His obsession: getting a stain on his clothes that he can’t detect. He used to ask Anne to check his outfit several times during the day.
☆ Although many classmates have asked him to touch their faces so that Ominis can “see” them, he has always flatly refused, as he finds it too intrusive. Sebastian and Anne are the only ones with whom he has allowed himself this familiarity... until his fiancée.
☆ Aloof and reserved by nature, Sebastian, Anne and his lover are the only people he accepts hugs from. These have enabled him to obtain information about their appearance, height, weight, hairstyle, morphology and much more...
☆ Wizards of their background were often evaluated on their elegance and their ability to fit into the society at the time. In addition to the classic upbringing of a member of the illustrious Gaunt family, Ominis’ parents insisted he acquire good social skills and impeccable manners, which was not always easy for Ominis.
☆ For he had “automatic, stereotyped and repetitive” gestures (blindism). Swaying his body or turning his head, or repeatedly rubbing his eyes were very severely punished, as were the various postural disturbances inherent in his blindness (head in profile because that’s the ideal listening position, shuffling gait to keep his 2 feet anchored to the ground maintain his balance more easily etc...). As a result, Ominis has become very aware of himself and his body language.
☆ Always with the aim of meeting their standards, his parents imposed a strict education on him, ensuring that he was fully educated in the history of Magic, that of his ancestors, that of the great pureblood families, the evolution of the bonds governing them and the dark arts for which the Gaunt are so renowned.
☆ In Victorian times, professional prospects were rather limited for blind people, even in the wizarding world, and even with the best education. What’s more, the family safe at Gringotts was just a leaky basket, so Ominis’s parents forced him to play the piano hoping he would become skilled and renowned enough to bail them out. As a result, he plays the piano very well, but he is not a prodigy. This skill is the result of long efforts and painful constraints. All washed down with tears.
☆ At Hogwarts, potions classes are the hardest for Ominis to grasp. Too much simultaneous olfactory stimulation, a method of learning ill-suited to the blind as the recipe steps rely on the precise colouring of the brew.
☆ When he's not using his echolocation spell, Ominis hates it when people leave him after a conversation without telling him they're leaving.
☆ Braille appeared in England in 1861, and Ominis learned about this Muggle system of reading and writing from his Aunt Noctua, who was much more open to the Muggle world than the rest of the Gaunt family, who refused to hear about it. He learned it on his own, with the help of his aunt and the house-elf who provided him with reference books.
☆ When he has to use a knife for cooking or in potions class, Ominis demands a perfectly sharp blade that offers a more precise cut with less effort, reducing the risk of slippage and injury, unlike a dull knife, which is potentially more dangerous as it requires more force to cut, making control more difficult.
☆ He doesn’t cut his fingernails, he files them to make sure he doesn’t cut himself.
(These last 2 HC are from anecdotes heard about my paternal grandmother, whom I never knew and who became blind because of cataracts that were inoperable at the time because of certain medical history)
Writing Blind Characters Falling in Love, an Advice post
Okay, let’s get down to business (to defeat the huns...)
Last May I wrote a long and intensive guide on how to write a blind character. The masterpost of that guide is here: https://mimzy-writing-online.tumblr.com/post/185122795699/writing-a-blind-or-visually-impaired-character
[Yes, I know I never finished part four, I feel bad about that]
Since writing that guide I’ve had a few of you wonderful writers contact me asking for more situational advice on writing your characters. Which I love doing. I love seeing people making a serious effort to get it right.
Last night someone asked me how to write a blind character falling in love...
...and I thought, wow, how did I forget to write about love and blindness. Especially since I had such an intense experience of falling in love for the first time while losing vision.
There’s a lot of thoughts I have on this subject, so it’ll take a bit to get through. In this guide we’ll talk about:
1) Is dating different when you’re disabled?
2) Are there problems with dating when you’re disabled?
3) How your characters meet
4) First things in a new relationship when you’re blind
5) The joy of falling and being in love while blind
Disclaimer: I am a visually impaired writer and blogger. I have been living with vision loss for two years now. I also fell in love during those two years, even if she and I are not together anymore. I also write blind characters of my own, including Ulric, from my current wip A Witch’s Memory
Is dating different when you’re disabled?
Well, yes. But also no. It’s a romance that involves a few more challenges than a romance between able bodied people, but at it’s heart it’s still a romance. Love is still the focus.
While planning and writing your book/story, you need to be aware of how much space you allow for a romance plot and how that space compares to other plotlines. If you’re writing an action story and your romance is only a subplot, then the space you have to establish your characters’ more intimate interactions is smaller. If the romance is one half of the plot, or most of the plot, it gets more space to work with.
In that time you need to establish how your characters meet and how they connected emotionally. Those are two separate things. How do they meet the first time, and what makes them want to keep meeting up. Meet-cutes are adorable and I’ve read a bunch, but your characters need something about them that makes them emotionally connect and want to see more of each other. Thinking they’re cute and jumping from first exchanged words to an offer for a date in two pages isn’t realistic and it’s too fast paced if you’re working with something serious.
Also a blind character won’t likely recognize if the character is cute, not unless their vision allows for it. What a blind character will latch onto is conversation and how they felt in the moment.
When writing a romance plot, the emotional connection is worth its weight in gold. You need to establish it, kindle it, and let it grow.
What will make a blind character (or anyone really) connect to someone new?
Here are your three basics for establishing a connection.
Conversation
Respect
Common Ground
You start with conversation to get to know each other, you establish if this is a person who will respect you as a person for being disabled or for being any other minority you are. Then you establish if you have common ground.
Respect is usually the thing that gets in the way of dating when you’re disabled.
Conversation: What connects people is their first conversation. This is where your character’s make their first impression with each other. If conversation comes easily, or if there’s a lot of humor, people will connect. It’s a lot easier to leave a stilted conversation than a flowing, easy conversation. Your characters also pick up clues about who that person is in the conversation, what their interests are, what their life is like, how they feel, what they think.
If your blind character is someone who misses a lot of facial expression and body language, they will be relying heavily on word choice and tone when determining someone else’s mood.
Respect is something you usually determine after the conversation has developed. Unless someone was off the bat rude to you the second they met you, or discriminated against you instantly, it will take a little longer to see how much respect someone has for both you and for a minority group.
Disrespect for the Disabled Comes in Multiple Forms
Discrimination: this is quicker for someone who is not disabled to identify. It’s garden variety discrimination. They don’t care that you’re blind and need help finding a door or elevator. They make jokes about your disability both in front of you and behind your back. They say they would never ever date someone with a disability, as if you’re a burden
(note: I’m not saying anyone has to date anyone, abled or not. But maybe don’t say to someone point blank that you could never date or be attracted to someone with a disability, because it’s just rude. Also these people were rarely asked)
Backwards Disrespect: “Oh, you’re so pretty, I would have never known you were blind” “You’re too pretty to be blind” “Wow, you’re so ambitious/hard-working for someone with a disability” “You talk really well for a deaf person, you sound almost normal”
If they sound like compliments to you, guess again. To be honest, I’m hoping you’re all reading those “compliments” and wondering what sort of person would think to compliment someone like that. But here’s the thing, those are all real things that have been said to countless people with disabilities.
My Personal Favorite, from my at-the-time class crush: “But you’re so sweet and nice, you don’t deserve to be blind. You poor thing.”
But people still think these are good compliments to say to someone with a disability, even though it thoroughly insults everyone else with that same disability as being of a lesser standard.
Savior Complex/Infantalize: This is where you see your savior complexes come out, and there’s a huge real-life reality that people with savior complexes seek out the disabled to help them, and that includes romance. It’s also where I fear many of you writers may accidentally venture into without meaning too.
Granted there is a lot of care giving involved when you are a close family member, close friend, or a romantic partner to someone with a disability. In a fresh relationship, a romantic partner would not be involved much/at all in caregiving because they don’t live with this person or have any experience with their disability.
Care giving for a loved one is great. What’s not great is if your blind character’s romantic interest starts babying them. Talking to them as though they are a child. Limiting that person’s activity or freedom on the basis of protecting them from harm because they can’t see what they’re doing. If your blind character’s romantic interest starts acting like an overbearing mother in a YA novel, you have some serious problems with that romantic interest and your character needs to get out of the relationship.
But this is a reality of being disabled and dating. Sometimes people stop seeing you as an independent person capable of making decisions, and start seeing you as an adorable, tall child who needs to be protected. It sucks. Never date someone like that.
Ignore: I’m referring to a very specific type of disrespect and I’m not sure what a better word for it would be. Here’s a straight forward example.
Your blind character says they don’t feel comfortable going to a club with their new date because they feel vulnerable in a dark, loud environment already filled with risks for danger. Your character’s romantic interest ignores that, thinking if they just try it out anyway, they’ll love it. And if your character decides they love being coerced or forced out of their clearly marked comfort zone to do this dangerous activity that scares them, you fucked up. Because nobody should be coerced or forced out of their comfort zone, they should be able to leave their comfort zone on their specific terms. Your characters love interest needs to respect that. Your character established a boundary/concern because of their disability, and they need to be listened to.
Or, on the other side.
Your blind character expresses what they can do on their own without help, and your character’s love interest ignores that. Bad. That goes back into the infantizing aspect, but in truth they’re two sides of the same coin.
There’s like five million other ways to discriminate against the disabled, but there’s your top four in social/relationship settings.
Common Ground I feel should be self explanatory. It’s things that connect your characters beyond looks or small talk. Their shared interests, shared humor, shared personality traits, shared life experiences, shared religion or culture, anything like that.
What are the dangers of dating when you’re disabled and how do you avoid them?
There’s a lot of danger to being disabled, to being an easy target in the eyes of others. It’s even worse when you’re a woman. Even worse when you’re blind or deaf.
[Note: please don’t use this as an excuse to include rape plots or domestic violence, those are actual triggers for many people, including myself. There’s already too many stories out there with rape scenes used to further plot when literally anything could have been done instead]
What are the dangers of dating when disabled?
Part of it is how you meet someone. For this reason a lot of people with disabilities might opt to only date people they’ve met in person before, sticking to people they know well. This means they won’t date online. That’s not a universal choice, but it is a reality. I have tried online dating since vision loss and I won’t mention I’m blind in my profile? Why?
There are people who would pick me specifically because I’m blind. Those people are: 1. People with savior complexes 2. People who want someone weaker than them to abuse, who they think won’t fight back or will be less likely to leave 3. People with a disability fetish. I’ve experienced 2 out of 3 personally.
So I’d prefer to date someone I met through school or through a friend group. Not been so lucky there, but that’s life.
How Your Characters Meet
Given the above, your character is not likely to go on a date with an online stranger. Though there are exceptions and they are taken with the precaution of having someone sitting in the corner of the coffee shop you’re meeting at, or something like that. Your character is also not likely to go on a blind date.
A note on blind dates: If your blind character is going on a blind date, you did it, you jumped into a cliche/trope. It’s not that you can’t write it, but it’s over-done and anyone who is blind will probably stop reading your story, or maybe never even start. Also, I’m not sure blind dates exist as a social practice after 2010, so there’s also that...
Your character, like most people, will find someone they want to date in the crowd of people they already know. I’m not saying they have to be a friends to lovers thing (although that is my fave trope) but they probably know their love interest in passing before things really get started. A coffee shop regular, a classmate they’ve only talked to a little bit, a friend of a friend.
The First Things
Over the course of dating your characters will have a series of conversations about disability that happen and are mixed in with other normal dating life.
Things your characters should establish on the first date:
-Your blind character will explain to their date how much they can and can’t see. You should be a little in depth if you can, because that’s honestly just a real thing about dating when blind. This might involve mentioning a diagnosis, but your character might choose to shy away from telling the full story if it was an emotional one
-Your character should establish their boundaries, what they can do without help or with minimal help, and what they can’t do. (and their date should respect that)
-The date should happen like most normal dates. They should still talk about all the things two able-bodied people would talk about on a first date. Interests, family, childhood, etc
In following dates:
Your blind character should be able to tell their date when they’re not okay with them doing something (making a blind joke, or trying to talk for them/over them to sighted people without permission, like “oh no, they don’t need a menu/straw/map/shopping bag/etc)
Like all couples, your characters should discuss physical boundaries. That means sex, physical affection, verbal affection, PDA, not touching personal possessions (such as cane, guide dog, or phone). This doesn’t necessarily have to happen on page, but it’s something all dating people should just have in the beginning of their relationship.
Your blind character will talk about small daily struggles with blindness and their date should listen, just listen. Listening is one of the biggest ways to help someone with a disability. Listen to what they say they feel, without telling them they’re overreacting. Listen to their struggles without trying to fix it all right away and without their permission. Listen to how they ask to be treated.
Your blind character will get comfortable with this relationship, and eventually rely on their partner a little more for small things.
The Joy of Being and Falling in Love while Blind
Falling in love with someone when you live with a disability has a unique aspect to it. You’re so used to struggling to do things yourself that now having someone who helps even a little is life changing.
Your partner (with your permission) will speak up for you when you face discrimination for your disability. It will feel fucking amazing to have someone tell others off on your behalf.
They help with small daily tasks. For example, I hate taking trash out to the bins because my outside vision is very bad, so I always prefer for someone else to do it. Or running an errand to the store is 10x less stressful because there’s someone sighted to help.
Your partner becomes someone you feel safe traveling with, and you’ll go on more adventures because now they’re by your side. I tried lots of new things while in my last relationship that I didn’t try with previous ones where I was sighted. I went to new places, tried new foods and new restaurants, saw movies that I’d never heard of. She and I even took a drive through rich neighborhoods in December to see all the decked out Christmas decorations.
There’s someone who makes you feel loved and cherished. Someone who makes this ablest world feel a little less rotten. A little more beautiful.
I think that’s what I have for now. This is a bit of a monster of a post, so I’m impressed if you got this far. If you have more questions about writing a blind character, feel free to message me or send me an ask. Feel free to interact with me in general, I love you all.
This is going to be linked into my master post as well. Like this and all my other posts on the subject, any post involving advice for writing a blind character will be tagged #blindcharacter
Follow me for writing advice, updates on my wip A Witch’s Memory, and writing memes or relatable posts.
