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Stand by Me

Race to the Edge “Blindsided AU/Canon Divergence”

Ooooooh guys here we go.... okay so I have a few things to go over before we get into it. I feel like I have to manage expectations here because like, this whole thing is super indulgent as I’ve mentioned and honestly it’s probably OOC but long hair don’t care cause this is what fanfiction is for, damn it.

There are some trigger warnings for this one, however. One of the thoughts I had was “oh man, but like what if that time of the month hits right now, like what would they do?!” So I guess I wrote it, and then sat around and felt self conscious about it for four years and that’s what took me so long to finish this lol. I completely and fully understand if this puts people off; I split this with dividers that make it easy to see where to skip if that is a particular trigger for you or not your thing. I will say it is handled in a mostly caring and sensitive manner and I don’t go into a lot of description. On A03 I split this into three chapters so it’s easier to skip chapter two, if needed. Basically I just put these two through the intimacy wringer. Leans reeeaal heavy on the T rating. Uuuuuuggghhhh okay here just take it

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"Hiccup? Where is everyone, why is it so dark in here?"

It took everything in her to ask that question and gnawing dread settled in her stomach like ice.

"Ah, it's not dark at all?"

The ice spread to her tingling fingers and chills ran down her spine.

“It's... it's pitch black, I can't...”

“Astrid, we're right by the fire,” Hiccup said, confusion and worry in his tone.

“I can't, I can't see.”

She tried her best to hide it, but she could barely conceal the hysteria in her voice or control the hyperventilating breaths in front of the others as she got up and stumbled around.

A warm hand gently held hers and she gripped it like a lifeline.

“You're okay, you're okay, Astrid. I'm right here. What do you mean, you can't see?” The hand belonged to Hiccup and her terror eased just slightly.

“I, the lightning-” She couldn't finish; her voice trembled and her fingers shook. She tried to steel herself and remain as calm as possible. She must not show how incredibly frightened she felt, but Hiccup could see past any charades.

“Everyone out. I'll talk to her.”

No one seemed to move.

“Alone,” Hiccup stressed. The nausea in the pit of her stomach worsened as the others muttered assent and shuffled out of the clubhouse.

Hiccup squeezed her hand and placed his other on her shoulder. “Here, sit down and tell me what happened.” He guided her to a chair. His calmness washed over her and she took a few breaths, shaking out her fingers.

“A bolt of lightning struck the deck right as I was leaving the stables. It flashed so brightly everything turned white and that's all I remember.”

“Did it hit you?”

“I don't think so, but it was so close I could feel the crackle on my skin.”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm guessing the flash caused your current condition, then,” Hiccup mused.

Her sight. Of all the things that could physically impair her, the loss of her sight would be the worst. She'd rather be deaf or even lose a limb than her sight. Many a Viking was still fearsome even with an amputation- present company included, but how could she still be a warrior when she couldn't see? How would she even perform simple daily tasks? The thought she would need a keeper to help her, to go from being so highly capable to essentially helpless, made her stomach churn.

Astrid sucked in a shuddering breath. “What do I do?”

Hiccup sighed. “I'm sorry, I really don't know how to fix it. But I'm sure it's only temporary. This happened to Bucket too, remember? And he got his sight back.”

“Yeah, but he literally wears a bucket on his head because his vision was never the same and he can't stand bright light anymore.” She worried her bottom lip.

“I, I know, I'm just trying to... I don't know-”

“I get it,” Astrid said, squeezing his hand back. “I appreciate it, I really do.”

“You need to see a healer. Once this storm breaks we can fly back to Berk, but for now, you should rest. I'll take you to your hut.”

“What, no- the dragons are out there, Stormfly-”

“Astrid, they'll be fine.”

“But it's dangerous, they're all alone!”

“Astrid.” He rubbed her arms reassuringly. “I know they've been our pets for the past few years, but they were once wild dragons who survived all sorts of storms on their own. They'll be fine. I am way more worried about you.”

“But-”

“If you want to get better, you've got to rest. No protesting. It's late anyway, it's dark out there and the storm isn't over.”

After a moment of stubborn deliberation, she agreed to go to bed for the evening.

He guided her out of the clubhouse and held her body tight as he directed her over platforms and bridges. She'd think the contact nice if it weren't for how incredibly terrified she felt at the prospect of indefinite blindness.

Astrid spent her entire life training to be the best at anything she set her mind to, so it was with a flush of shame that she cracked and practically pleaded Hiccup and Toothless to stay with her, at least until she fell asleep. She didn't think the vulnerability was becoming, but the tenderness in Hiccup's voice reminded her there was no one else she would trust with this side of herself.

His company was a relief; he accepted her as a pinnacle of Viking warrior aptitude or just a scared little girl, sitting in her bed and hugging her knees, fighting every tear that threatened to fall.

She must've worn her emotions on her face because Hiccup hadn't let go of her hand and he offered all sorts of reassurances, which only calmed her slightly because he was so earnest, but also heightened her awareness of just how potentially life altering this predicament could be.

Still, his mere presence and voice were soothing and his warm hand in hers felt like an anchor in the storm. The affirmations he offered were her one consolation, because there was no one else she wanted more than him.

"Um, do you- do you mind if I clean you up a little bit?" She heard the hesitance in his voice. "You have soot all over your face and arms. Your clothes too but I probably shouldn't- well you know we- um I can't-"

"It's fine, Hiccup," she said. "You can clean me up."

He retrieved a rag and rinsed it in her water basin. He took her chin in one hand and tilted her face up so he could wipe away the grime. Even though she couldn't see, Hiccup's hands were gentle and she could almost feel his gaze on her. He passed the rag over her mouth and her heart welled in her chest.

Once he finished with her face he ran the cloth down one arm, lifting it up so he could clean her forearm and hand. Every point of contact with his skin tingled and she wondered if her cheeks were flushing, and if he noticed.

Her sense of touch heightened in the extreme with her vision disabled, and not for the first time did she wish his hands were on her for completely different and far less innocent intentions.

She had kissed him a few times in the past but he never initiated anything beyond an astonished dumb look on his face that she would bestow a fleeting sign of affection on him. She wondered why, when moments like these felt so intimate, when they already felt like something, but she didn't know what. Why he didn't take anything further or make a move of his own confused her, but she fervently wished he would find the courage.

When they were fifteen, especially before the dragon war ended, she knew Hiccup had a crush on her. His dopey love sick glances weren't fooling anyone, but she also felt nothing more for him than a sense of pity. He was not well regarded in their tribe and though she never went out of her way to be mean to him, as others had, she didn't make it a point to seek him out for anything other than blacksmith work, which was his job.

At that point in time, if someone had told her one day she would be internally begging Hiccup Haddock to make a move on her, she would have laughed and introduced them to the business end of her axe.

Then everything changed, her whole world view shattered sitting behind him on the back of a dragon, where he proved how wrong spending a lifetime judging books by their covers had been. She misjudged him, underestimated him, thinking there couldn't possibly be anything extraordinary beneath that clumsy exterior. The weakest member of their tribe had done what no other Viking could and the whole tribe almost lost him because of it, a foot the price to pay for their stubbornness.

Her heart broke every time she recalled the way their village used to treat him and her part in it. One of the most selfless and caring people she would ever know had been considered a nuisance by everyone, their eyes opened only after he sacrificed himself.

It was no secret Stoick and Hiccup's relationship was strained at the very best, and arguably Gobber had been the nearest thing he had to a confidant, but Astrid always felt she coveted the position of the person closest to him after he took her for a flight on Toothless. He let her, and only her, in on his deepest secret. Ever since that day the trust he placed in her was immense and he let her know in more than one circumstance that he relied on her, more so than any of their fellow friends.

They developed such a profound friendship they could almost read each other's minds, when it came to protecting the other in battle, discussing plans, or plotting their next move in Viggo's dangerous cat and mouse game. She was his support in everything.

So why did he fail to make their bond romantic?

No more dopey love sick glances her way. No more stumbling over his words in her presence, no more endearing clumsiness. She was so confused. Had his feelings for her changed? Did he replace his desire for a relationship with contentment of friendship?

She couldn't quite believe that was true, because his behavior toward her still held a sense of subtle intimacy. He touched her more often than the others, especially their female friends. It could be construed as platonic, it was always his hands on her shoulder, her arm, or the top of her hand, but she swore there was something more behind it.

All the gestures didn't help matters when she finally admitted to herself she found him physically appealing. She always thought his face was pleasant enough, cute even, but his wiry adolescent frame left much to be desired per Viking standards. Once she realized he was so much more than he appeared on the surface, she found plenty of things to appreciate about him. Then he started growing like a weed, quickly surpassing her in height. He lost the baby fat in his cheeks, his jaw and cheekbones more defined. He was still lanky, but his body was proportioned better, more toned.

Some of the other girls in their tribe started to giggle and whisper while they practically tripped over themselves around the window at the forge (she would never admit how much this annoyed her). She couldn't exactly place when it happened, but one day she looked at him and realized Hiccup was wildly attractive and it made her heart pound in her chest.

Spending time with him in the forge watching him craft weapons and doing tasks he was skilled at made her heart flutter. When they dragon raced his confident attitude and precision flying made her hot under the collar. Sometimes when he looked at her, really gazed into her eyes and said her name, shivers tickled low in her belly and she desired things particularly adult in nature.

Sometimes he would say things that made her heart race, things that felt just shy of a confession, especially after one of them had been in danger.

But to her frustration, he never took things further. Because of his reluctance to say what he actually felt she hid her own feelings too, only to be sussed out by the likes of Heather. She felt unnecessarily exposed and lied to cover herself.

Heather told her she and Hiccup would be a good match; she should talk to him, clear the air. It really was silly after all these years to keep revolving around each other and never meet in the middle. She could clearly see a difference in his behavior toward her than any other girls he interacted with. His refusal to define their relationship and start something truly romantic between them gave her enough pause to start anything on her own.

That didn't mean she couldn't be distracted by him, admire his hands and his beautiful face, which contained eyes she could get lost in for hours.

Pain lanced through her heart at the thought she might never get to see his face, and his eyes, ever again. Her mental image of him would forever remain nineteen. No matter how old they grew together, his handsome youthful features were the last she would remember. Maybe there was something poignant about that, but she was hard-pressed to find any true solace in it.

Something about this situation consolidated all the trepidation, every hesitation she ever had over their relationship. How many near death experiences would it take for them to realize it wasn't worth waiting?

She had to take a chance. If she was permanently blinded she was going to need him. He was the only person she could imagine allowing to assist her long term, especially with things of a more personal nature. Things, her cheeks flushed with the thought, a husband might help his wife with in a position like this.

She couldn't let it linger between them any longer. It took a healthy dose of swallowing all the pride she had, and she had a lot of it, but she could do this. Something drastic, something to propel them in the right direction. Something to show how much she trusted him.

"Um... your clothes are really dirty. I can't imagine you want to sleep in them and get your bed messy too. I can go get Ruff-"

"No."

"No?"

Curse her heart, practically beating out of her chest and making it hard to speak. She felt her courage faltering; her suggestion would be quite indecent according to their parents but she didn't care. It was about sending a message.

She cleared her throat and tried for nonchalance. "You're already here, there's no point in tracking her down to do it."

"Astrid... um..."

"Is there a problem?"

She yearned to see his face. He probably had that dumb open mouthed look, like he couldn't believe what she was asking him to do.

"Are you sure, you um, you... you want me to-"

She fought to keep the grin off her face. She hadn't heard him lose composure and babble like that in a long time, and she felt a smug sense of satisfaction that she had gained some sort of upper hand on him.

"I trust you, Hiccup," she said meaningfully. She stood up, cocked her hip and unclasped her skirt, letting it fall to the floor with a heavy clunk.

"Oh, gods," he muttered under his breath.

"There's a tunic I wear to bed in that chest over there." She waved vaguely in the direction.

"Ooookay." He walked over to find it. “Is it this white one?”

“That's the one,” she said. The one for hot summer nights, with linen woven so light it was somewhat see-through. She felt deliciously deviant when she heard his distinct steps come back toward her, a definite tentativeness to his walk.

“You're... you're sure about this?”

“It's fine. Help me off with my boots.” She lifted up a leg for him.

He knelt in front of her, one hand on her calf and the other tugging off her right shoe. He set it aside and took off the other one. She removed her pauldrons and handed them to him.

“My shirt?”

He swallowed hard. She lifted her arms and waited. His fingertips brushed against her waist, slipping under the hem, then slowly lifted it higher, like he was waiting for her to stop him. She wasn't about to stop him, trying to contain herself as his knuckles gently grazed her skin all the way up her sides, baring her stomach. She couldn't see his expression, but felt his hands on her body, setting her aflame, heat rising in her cheeks. He hesitated at her chest and she made a noise of impatience. He slipped it over her head and helped untangle it from her arms.

It was a wonder he didn't protest undressing her, because if he stopped to think about it, there was absolutely no reason she needed his help taking off clothes. All she really needed was for him to make sure she didn't put her tunic on backwards. Probably he was so distracted the logic of this escaped him, which greatly amused her.

She still wore a strip of cloth covering her chest, but she assumed seeing her in underclothes was doing things to Hiccup. Things she hoped would earn a confession from him.

“Can you pass me the tunic and help me put it on right?” she asked, her voice soft.

It sounded like Hiccup tried to speak, but nothing came out. She worked to hide the smirk threatening to break out on her face. He slid the nightshirt over her head and guided her arms through their respective sleeves. Once the tunic was on, she reached underneath and removed her chest wrap, and rolled her leggings down.

“Can you set these aside?” she requested. Hiccup took them from her.

Her sleep tunic only went to mid thigh and she wondered just how much he could see. The room was a tad chilly and she rubbed her arms. “Doing okay, Haddock?”

It took him a moment to find his voice. “I- uh, yeah, I um... fine! Yeah you're fine- I mean I'm fine! Everything is just fine... ugh, real smooth...”

He berated himself under his breath and this time she couldn't contain the grin.

“Tuck me in?”

She swung her legs up onto her bed. He pulled the blankets over her.

“You're going to stay, right?” she asked, apprehension finding its way back into her voice. Teasing him had been a great distraction, but her situation hadn't changed and her future still hung in the balance. Sleep wouldn't be easy tonight when so much turmoil rushed back into her mind. No matter what happened between her and Hiccup, the dark vision was instantly sobering.

The blanket covering her seemed to give Hiccup back his voice. “Hey, hey of course I'm going to stay. I would never leave you alone like this.”

He picked up her hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

“Thanks, Hiccup,” she said, rolling her head toward him.

“And honestly, this is just temporary, Astrid. I'm sure it is. Once you see Gothi you'll be fine, she'll know exactly what to do.”

She smiled at him. “You're sweet.”

He stuttered again and she tugged his hand to her chest, holding it with both of her own. His warm presence helped shutter the creeping feelings of terror, keeping them at bay. Silence only allowed her thoughts to take a worrying turn.

“Will you talk to me?”

“Talk to you?”

“Yeah. About anything. Just talk to me.”

“Oh- um, oh. Well, I don't know... um... what's been going on lately. Oh! I've come up with some new plans for the dragonfly. I think I've figured out why it wasn't working; my calculations were off. The wings were too heavy to catch the updrafts, and-...”

She eventually fell asleep gripping his hand and listening to his voice. She swore, in that hazy limbo where she wasn't quite awake and she wasn't quite asleep yet, his fingers tenderly brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

But it could've just been her imagination.

ooo

Astrid blinked her eyes open as she awoke and it took her a panicky moment to remember what happened. She had no idea what time it was, morning or night, or how long she had slept.

"Hiccup? Hiccup?"

He didn't answer and her hand was empty. A quick feel around told her he wasn't near the bed, but a leathery dragon nose snuffled into her palm.

"Oh Toothless," she said, relieved Hiccup had left him there to look after her.

She sat up in bed and swung her legs over the side. Toothless offered his head so she could pull herself up and get her bearings. She listened for sounds, if the others could be heard walking or speaking in the area, if dragons were active, to give her any sort of clue as to what time of day it was.

She decided her little pity party from yesterday was over, time to make the best of things and prove nothing could limit one Astrid Hofferson. Of course, she'd still take advantage of any opportunities in Operation Make Hiccup Confess, but that was her sneaky little side plan.

She almost requested Toothless take her outside, but she still wore her night tunic. While it was completely fine to tease Hiccup with its slight sheerness, she did not want the other boys, particularly Snotlout, seeing any part of that.

Right. Getting dressed.

She stumbled around, feeling out with her hands and mentally recalling her hut's layout, unsure where Hiccup placed her underclothes the night prior. An impending need to use the facilities didn't help her mounting irritation.

She perked up when she heard Hiccup's distinctive gait approaching.

“Good morning,” he said. “I brought you- oh...” He trailed off in a breath.

“I need help finding my clothes,” she said, turning her head toward the sound of him.

“Yes, you do. Clothes, need- oh, okay, right-”

“Is something wrong?”

“No,” he said strangely and she knew he was lying. He was a terrible liar.

“Hiccup.”

“You're- um... you're standing in the sun.”

“So?”

“Ah...”

Realization hit her. The sun spilling in from the window probably lit up her body enough that he could see though the light fabric. This was a little more exposure than she intended and she crossed her arms over her chest.

“I promise I'm not looking,” he said, and she believed him. With a mixture of relief and a little sense of disappointment.

“You didn't go outside like that, did you? I mean, I don't think Snotlout is up yet and Ruff and Tuff are getting ready for their morning show-”

“I haven't gone anywhere yet.” She couldn't help the sting of frustration in her voice. “I couldn't find my clothes.”

“I can help you with that. Um, here are your- your under... things.”

He placed them in her hand. “Here's a clean skirt and shirt, too. And your armor. Once you get dressed, I brought you some food.”

She shimmied her leggings up under the tunic and wrapped her chest.

“Can you help me put my shirt on?” she asked.

“Oh, um, yeah sure,” he said, and she felt almost amused to hear a bit more confidence from him than he displayed last night. She tossed the sleeping tunic aside and raised her arms. He wriggled the shirt over her head, arms through the holes, hesitated at her chest, and rolled it down to cover her stomach. His fingers ghosted on her skin and she shivered, moving quickly to hide it.

If it were anyone else, she would be loathe to admit needing help, the whole process would be agonizing and she'd insist on doing it all herself. She tolerated it for now, only because she could use it to her advantage to get under Hiccup's skin. It was certainly underhanded and manipulative, but it was about time they confront their issues. If she could get him to admit it first, all the better.

“Um, before I eat, I really have to go,” she said.

“Go? Go where? You're not going anywhere,” he said firmly.

She scowled at that and would address it later, after more pressing bodily functions were relieved.

“No, Hiccup... I have to go. Like, to the outhouse.”

“Oh... oh!”

“Yeah. Could you just lead me there? I can manage by myself.”

“Um, good, because otherwise I would definitely get Ruffnut for that one...” The squeak in his voice was back.

“Boots?”

“Right here, milady.”

She warmed at the use of pet name and he put them on her feet for her. “Thanks, babe,” she said, noting his stutter over her return sentiment. His loss of composure and bumbling hit her with a shot of nostalgia. She held up her hand and waited for him to take it. “Lead the way.”

Ruffnut was just leaving when they arrived.

“Oh, hey you guys! How are you doing this morning, Astrid?”

“Okay. Still can't see anything,” she said, dismayed.

“Bummer. I just want you to know, Tuff and I were practicing being seeing-eye Vikings for you this morning and we've almost got it down. Oh yeah and Tuff's gonna be okay.”

“Should I ask why Tuff would not be okay?” Astrid said with a grimace.

“Oh he fell into the boar pit, but don't worry, one of them broke his fall. So Tuff got some experience and we got some breakfast out of it! Want some bacon?”

“No thanks, I'm good. Hiccup already brought me some breakfast.”

“Suit yourself. Well I gotta do the morning show. See you later!”

“Bye, Ruff,” she said, amused. She turned toward Hiccup. “Under no circumstances are you to let either of those two guide me anywhere.”

Hiccup laughed while he opened the door to the lavatory and placed Astrid's hand on it. “Duly noted.”

“I guess it's sweet they're trying, in their own way,” she admitted.

“They care about you, Astrid. We all do. And-”

She smiled. “A very nice sentiment, I'm sure, but I really have to go.”

“Sorry! You're ah, you're right, it can wait until you're done.”

“Thank you.” She closed the door and heard him exhale. She snorted and spoke to herself. “Honestly Hiccup, choose a better time to pour your heart out besides right outside the door when I have to pee.”

She finished her business and once back at her hut, they shared breakfast.

“As soon as I'm done eating, I'm going to find Stormfly.” She patted around for her cup of water.

“I don't think that's a good idea. The dragons will probably come back on their own.”

“She was scared, Hiccup. I can't just leave her out there.”

“And I can't let you wander around in the woods like this. It's not a good idea, especially with the Triple Stryke still on the loose.”

“I'm not helpless,” she snapped.

“I didn't say you were,” Hiccup said carefully. “But I mean it, Astrid. It's not safe and another storm front on the horizon is moving in.”

“What? That means it's all the more important we find Stormfly now!” she said, standing up in a panic.

“Astrid, no! I'm not letting you go-”

“Hiccup,” she growled.

“I said no. And, and that's final. I'm putting my foot down.”

She set her jaw and glared.

ooo

Wind whistled past her ears and blew wisps of hair around her face.

“Remind me never to put my only foot down ever again,” Hiccup grumbled to Toothless.

“I'm blind, not deaf, Hiccup. But I definitely agree!”

She could practically feel him roll his eyes.

A gust of turbulent wind sent Toothless soaring on an updraft. Astrid felt the sensation tickle her gut at the sudden swoop and panic seized her chest when her body fell backward and her seat behind Hiccup faltered. He acted fast, grabbing her waist and hoisting her upright.

“Astrid, you gotta hold on tighter!”

“Sorry!” she said, wrapping her arms around his waist. She felt the tension in his shoulders loosen.

“It's alright. Truth is, I'm glad you're here. If anything, so I can keep an eye on you because I know you'd just go out on your own to look for Stormfly once I left anyway.”

“You know I would never do that. I regard your authority with the utmost respect.”

“Ha!” She felt him turn to look at her. “Bold face lies coming out of your mouth, Hofferson.”

She snorted and fondly rested her cheek against his back. She didn't ride with him all that often anymore since she had her own dragon, but sitting behind with her arms around him brought up fond nostalgia of that first amazing breathless ride on Toothless, the moment he changed their lives forever. Her heart ached against his back, wishing he could reserve some of his courage for her and make their bond a romantic one.

“Are you still gonna try to train that Triple Stryke?”

“I think it could be a really good asset for us if we can. Don't you think?”

“It could, sure. But it's been really skittish every time you've tried to approach it,” she said skeptically. “Are you sure you're not biting off more than you can chew? This dragon was abused and constantly fighting for its life. It's not even remotely the same as taming a wild dragon.”

“I know. I just want to attempt a rehabilitation. If we can't, well at least we tried, right?”

“Right, but we need to be careful. It's a powerful dragon and even Toothless has a rough time fighting it.”

“You know I'm always careful.”

“What, are you listening to yourself?!”

“Okay, okay-”

“Because I don't think I've ever met anyone as reckless as you-”

“Uh huh, but-”

“Jumping off your dragon and free falling. Or strapping on a pair of wings and diving off cliffs, giving me and everyone else a heart attack. Not to mention putting the burden of saving your sorry ass on Toothless when you drop out of the sky like a stone.”

“Are you done?”

“I guess.”

“Astrid, think about it though. We need all the help we can get fighting against the hunters. I can't... I can't allow it to go on if I can do something to stop it.”

She sobered, hearing the heartbreak in his tone. A week ago, they found one of Viggo's islands designated as a chop shop, where the hunters sent captured dragons to be processed. Slaughtered and butchered for their meat, tanned hides, teeth, quills, scales, along with any other harvested bits and pieces that could be sold for profit. It was one thing to hear the hunters boast about it, quite another to see it in action.

None of them had been prepared, for the amount of brutality involved, nor the amount of blood and discarded pieces of carcasses that couldn't be used.

They raided the island with every last ounce of fury they had, saving all the dragons that hadn't been killed yet.

Hiccup found a discarded dragon skull and marked an X on its forehead in dragon blood. He dropped it in front of a group of tied up hunters.

Give this to Viggo. Tell him I'm coming for him.

Astrid had never seen Hiccup more deadly serious. The look on his face still sent chills down her spine.

She squeezed him tighter and he patted her hand, appreciative of the gesture.

“Hey Toothless, take us down, bud. Sorry Astrid, but I didn't see Stormfly or the other dragons anywhere. I think we need to regroup.”

Toothless dipped and landed in a clearing. Hiccup hopped down and held out his hand, assisting Astrid off the saddle.

“So, you said the dragons were scared and flew away when that lightning strike hit the stable. My guess is they would've flown away from the storm, so if we head down toward the beach-”

“Wait, where are we?”

“The rocky ridge by the main stream, why?”

“Then we head upstream along the ridge. Stormfly got scared and flew away in the moment, but she'll be looking for me, which means she's trying to get back to the Edge.” She pointed into the air, determined to lead the way as she walked and listened for the trickling water.

“Astrid-”

“No, Hiccup, I know my own dragon, she won't be at the beach-”

“Watch your step!”

She cried out in surprise as her toes stubbed on a large immovable object, pitching her forward. Hands wrapped around her body, twirling her up, but her momentum and the loss of balance were too much to overcome. She fell to the ground on her back and a body landed on top of her.

A large warm hand cradled the back of her head, saving her from the impact, the other curled around her waist.

Hiccup leaned up on his elbow, breathless from the sprint. “Are you okay?”

Her response delayed from the shock, she nodded.

“Good,” he said, relieved, and she could tell his face was close to hers.

More noticeable however was the way his hips fit with hers, their chests just barely pressed together. The suggestive position was not lost on her and tingling heat speared through her core.

She restrained her hips from drifting up toward his on instinct, more than a little exhilarated at how naturally they fit together and how good it felt to be so intimately close.

He seemed just as reluctant as her to pull away, but their dragons were still missing. She cleared her throat. “We uh... should probably...”

“Oh, right ah... yeah we should. That's exactly what I was gonna... do. Uh...”

He gently rested her head on the ground, his fingers slipping through her hair. She arched her spine as he slid his arm out from under her. He was distinctly flustered as he helped her up, one hand on her lower back.

The sound of rocks skittering and tumbling down the ridge came from her left. She whipped her head toward it.

“Shh! Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

Astrid listened again. “Something's coming at us.”

Hiccup squeezed her hand. “Toothless, get ready-”

She took a few steps toward the ridge. “No, it's okay, it's Stormfly!”

“Astrid, don't go running off-”

A familiar rumble and squawk echoed off the rocks from above her.

“Stormfly! There's my girl, I knew you'd find me! She must have heard me shout when I tripped.”

A breeze and a thump indicated Stormfly had landed in front of her. Astrid reached out her hands and hugged Stormfly's scaly hide.

“Uh oh... she's not the only one who heard you,” Hiccup said, taking her upper arm and pulling her behind him.

“The Triple Stryke?”

“There's a rock formation ten paces to our left. I need you to hide-”

“Absolutely not.” He tugged on her arm and she resisted.

“Astrid, I'm not arguing, it's coming closer!”

“You need me, I can help.”

“Now is not the time to be stubborn,” Hiccup urged, both hands on her upper arms. “I don't want you to get hurt.”

“I'll be fine on Stormfly. Here girl!” She called over Hiccup's shoulder. “Stormfly?”

“Shit,” Hiccup growled, dropping her arms and sprinting away. “Toothless!”

“Stormfly!” Astrid called again. This time she responded, loping toward her. Astrid tried to find the saddle stirrup to climb up but Stormfly kept out-maneuvering her.

“Come on, why won't you let me up?” She stamped her foot in frustration.

Astrid startled when claws gripped her shoulders and lifted her into the air, dropping her again a short distance away.

“You, stay here,” Hiccup ordered, a downdraft gust of air swirled around her as Toothless took off.

She scrambled to her feet. “This is not fair, Hiccup!”

“You can yell at me later, right now I need to know you're safe, and I can't fight this thing if all I'm doing is worrying about you!”

She grit her teeth and sat down in a huff, crossing her arms and leaning against the boulder Hiccup had indicated earlier, listening to the ruckus of the battle going on without her.

“Stormfly, spine shot!”

“Stormfly, spine shot,” she mimicked, curling her lip and pouting. “That's nice, just order my dragon around, Hiccup.”

She heard the whir of Toothless's plasma blast and Stormfly squawking. A strange clacking noise punctuated the dragon growls and Hiccup's commands. Astrid furrowed her brow.

After a few tense minutes, she heard undergrowth rustling as large bodies ran through it and Hiccup's victory call.

“You can come out now, Astrid!”

“Great,” she muttered, standing up and dusting off her skirt. She walked toward the sound of his voice, gingerly testing out the path of her feet to avoid large stones.

“Stormfly managed to chase him off for now, but we should head to the Edge before he comes back.”

She brushed past him, listening for the sound of dragon snuffing. She placed a hand on the saddle, significantly lower to the ground than her normal riding partner.

“Um, that's Toothless,” Hiccup said. “Don't you want to ride Stormfly?”

Astrid lowered her head. “I think she's made it pretty clear she doesn't want me riding her right now.”

“Oh, hey.” Hiccup gently turned her to face him. “I know this is really hard, but she was just protecting you. Neither one of us want to see you get hurt when we could have prevented it, and she didn't want you to fight. It's pretty cool that she's looking out for you.”

Her heart ached and all the frustration and anger melted into despair. “I'm having a hard time finding anything cool about all of this.”

“I get that, I'm sorry. I can't even imagine what you're going through. You've always been so strong and invincible-”

“Not anymore,” she said sullenly. Fear and distress weaved through her ribs, strangling her breath. “What if... what if this is it? What if I never get my sight back and it's just this, for the rest of my life?”

“Astrid,” he said softly, in the tone that instantly invoked shivers down her spine. He trailed his hand down her arm into her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. Tingles followed in the wake of his touch that she could only describe as sensual. Her breath wavered and she felt a magnetic pull drawing them closer. Was this it, would he finally take the plunge?

“We'll deal with it. Just because you can't see doesn't mean you're helpless.”

She choked back her emotions. “But that's exactly how I feel. I'll never get to participate in anything we do at the Edge, every single skill I have has been taken away from me. All I am is a, a liability now.”

He stepped closer into her space, holding both her hands. “You and I have been through everything together, why wouldn't we be able to handle this? You're not a liability and I won't let you forget it. You have me, okay? No matter what. Whatever that means, whatever you want... you know, whatever you want it to mean...”

So close, so incredibly close it made her heart pick up speed, but still not the confession she hoped for. Why couldn't he admit it, why couldn't he say it. He was near enough to kiss her, his warm hands enveloped her own, this was closer than they'd ever been and the tenderness in his voice existed way outside the boundaries of friendship territory.

“I'll always be with you. Always.”

She sensed his face nearing, her heart stuttered, breath hitched, anticipating the press of his lips against hers, even as some part of her knew he shouldn't get away with a kiss if he was going to play it safe and avoid admitting how he truly felt. It placed the responsibility of defining their relationship on her and ultimately felt like a cop out on his part. And yet, she wanted his kiss so badly her heart ached to accept his advance, even as her rationale scolded her that it let him off the hook.

His breath neared her lips and she was split seconds away from letting him take it, when rustling and a click caught her attention. She turned her head toward the sound and played off the romantic tension like she didn't know his intention.

“What was that?”

“Wha- um, I don't know, I didn't hear anything?” Hiccup sounded flustered.

More brush rustled. Astrid breathed out, body tense and poised for attack. “Behind you,” she whispered.

The Triple Stryke burst from the bushes. Her body jolted as Hiccup pushed, wrapping his strong arms around her and spinning them as they fell so he broke her fall. She landed on top of him right as she heard three solid thumps, the Triple Stryke's tails piercing the ground where they had been standing.

“Okay, this guy has got to go, now,” Hiccup said crankily, helping her to her feet. So much for his plan of trying to train it. She would've found it amusing if they weren't in imminent danger. “Toothless, send up a distress call!”

Toothless whirred as he charged up his plasma blast and shot a beam into the sky. “We have to hold this thing off until the others arrive, okay bud?”

Toothless growled in response and she heard the rasp of leather and the creak of metal apparatus as Hiccup swung himself into Toothless's saddle. If only she had her axe, but Hiccup had forbidden her to bring sharp weapons she could potentially maim herself with, even after she pointedly reminded him that she could wield her axe blindfolded with one hand tied behind her back. He said something sassy in response and hid all her weapons on purpose, and she threatened to get him back for it.

She took a few steps and her toe knocked into something solid. She reached down and felt along a smooth object. One of Stormfly's spines stuck in the ground. She tugged it up, feeling her way to the right and found a second spine, collecting that one too. Several shouts caught her attention and it seemed the other dragon riders had finally appeared. Hiccup sounded grateful for the backup.

As the skirmish kept up, she heard the strange knocking sound from before repeated and one to three thumps directly after.

She listened carefully, attempting to block out the chaos and determine the pattern. The knocking had to be coming from the Triple Stryke. It used its deadly tail in its attacks, and the knocks must be how it poised its tail to strike.

Determined, she stepped out into the field, spines in hand. A squawk and heavy thumps alerted her that Stormfly had come to protect her.

“Astrid! What are you doing, get out of there!” Hiccup called, a tinge of panic in his voice.

“I'm fine, Hiccup. While you guys were getting your asses handed to you, I figured this guy out.”

She clicked the spines together and listened. The Triple Stryke paused.

“Stormfly, spine shot.” She drove the dragon back against the ridge, clicking the spines to mimic the sound it made with its tail.

“That's it, buddy. You're okay,” she soothed, reaching her hand out. “You don't have to fight anymore, you're safe here.” After a tense few moments, she felt rough scaly hide press into her palm.

The rest of her friends cheered behind her and she grinned. She turned around and pumped her hands in the air. “Who's the dragon whisperer now?”

Hiccup hopped down from Toothless. “I concede, you are, milady,” he said, mirth in his voice. “Let's get everyone back to the Edge. More storm front is moving in again and I bet this guy is hungry.”

The whole troop flew back to the landing. Astrid slid off Toothless and called for Stormfly as Hiccup and the other riders organized the dragons into the portion of the stables that hadn't been destroyed in the fire.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Astrid hugged Stormfly's flank, grateful to be reunited after the entire ordeal. As she pulled back, something didn't feel quite right. She shifted and internally panicked, mentally counting days. Oh no... oh no... she faced Stormfly again and surreptitiously felt between her legs.

“So, thank goodness that all worked out,” Hiccup sighed. “Now we can just focus on getting you better- Astrid. Are you okay? You're bleeding, you didn't tell me you got hurt!”

He grabbed her hand to inspect it and she yanked it away.

“Hiccup, take me to my hut, now,” she demanded in a low breath.

“What? No, if you're injured we need to-”

“Hic-cup. I'm not injured. Hut. Now,” she said between clenched teeth. “Please. Before the other boys see.”

“What? Why would it matter if- oh... oh. Um, ah, okay, um?” He panicked. “Shouldn't I get Ruff? Wouldn't she be better-”

“No. Please just take me to my hut, now!” Astrid said urgently. She grabbed in the air until her hand landed on his arm and she squeezed.

“Ow! Okay okay let's go.”

“Thank you,” she said stiffly.

“Fishlegs! Can you make sure the Triple Stryke is all set with food?”

“Sure thing, Hiccup!”

“Ready?” he asked her.

She nodded and waddled uncomfortably the whole way to her hut while Hiccup, highly flustered, verbally guided her along with a hand on her lower back.

Once they reached the privacy of her hut she allowed herself to break down.

“Shit,” she exclaimed, covering her face with her hands.

“Um, hey, hey... it's okay. It, it happens, you know?” His attempt to comfort was sweet even when his own discomfort was obvious.

“It's not okay, Hiccup,” Astrid said, her voice cracking. Emotions welled up in her chest and her useless eyes.

“We'll... we'll just get you cleaned up, it's not that big a deal. If you want Ruff-”

“I don't want Ruff!” she burst out.

He was shocked into silence.

“I'm doing everything I can to not let this affect me. But this is... the thought this is going to happen every month if I don't get better is... is... what am I going to do?!”

“Astrid, you are the strongest most capable person I know, and that's including my dad. I know this is probably embarrassing for you more than anything, but something like this isn't going to stop you from living your life. Um... isn't this, on a, you know, cycle or something? So maybe we just keep track of it better and you can prepare before it happens, you know?”

She sniffled. “Yeah. Yeah, I... you're right. I should've thought of that.” Something in her chest warmed at his use of the word 'we' and the implication that he would actively help her in the future.

“You've been thrown for a loop with all of this. It's hard to rationalize things like that when your entire life has been turned upside down. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't be afraid to admit when you need help. I'll always help you. Always.”

Her heart picked up speed. Another near confession, right under the skin. What would it take to break the surface?

A trickling sensation reminded her that she needed to do something about it urgently.

“I need to change.”

“Oh, um, right,” he coughed. “I- ah... okay. Okay. Let me be clear here. I will do anything you ask of me, whatever you feel comfortable with. I don't want to intrude on your personal space, so you tell me exactly what you need and I will do my best.”

If she wasn't dying of embarrassment, she would have made a joke about wanting him to intrude on her personal space.

“Okay. Can you find me some clean clothes? And... you'll need to go into my chest and find a small box. I'll need that too.”

“Clean clothes and a box, that I can do,” he said confidently.

While he was gathering her request she unclasped her skirt and peeled off her leggings with a grimace, keeping the underwear on for now.

“Alright, I found this box here- oh my gods.”

“What?” she asked, self conscious.

“Um... that... that is a lot of blood. Is that normal?” he asked in a high pitched voice.

She slumped her shoulders. “On the first day, yeah. It can be.”

“Really? I had no idea it... I...”

“Well what did you think it was?” she asked, annoyed.

“Hey, it was just me and my dad growing up, I didn't have a mother or any other ladies, that... well that I would've learned from, you know? Dad told me the basics but I mean, how would I know?”

She sighed. “Right, I guess that makes sense.”

“Um, not to be rude, but didn't you feel all of that happening?” he asked, curious. “It's all down your thighs.”

She felt her leg with her hand, noting the stickiness of dried blood. “Well, the problem is, it's the same temperature as your body heat. So a lot of the time, if you don't happen to catch the beginning of it when you're going to the bathroom it can leak for awhile until you notice it's wet. It sucks.”

“Ahh, and since you can't see right now, you didn't realize it had started,” Hiccup said, true understanding dawning on him. “So it just kept leaking.”

“Yes,” she nodded. She inhaled a breath. “So. I... I need help.”

“Tell me what to do.”

“Did you find me new underwear too?”

“Oh, ah no. You need that too, of course. Where-”

“Same chest. Under the shirts.”

“Found some,” he said after a moment, placing it in her hand.

“Thanks.” She pursed her lips. “I... need to get cleaned up.”

“O-okay. Um...”

“I'm giving you permission, Hiccup.”

He swallowed. “Right. I'll get the rag here...”

She perched on the edge of the bed. He knelt in front of her and she heard him set the basin of water on the floor next to them. He dipped the rag into the water and wrung it out.

“I'm going to touch you now, okay?” he said softly.

She nodded and jumped as the rag made contact with her skin.

“Sorry,” Hiccup said, pulling his hand away.

“No, no,” Astrid reassured him. “It's just cold.”

“Oh,” he said, relieved. She didn't startle the second time he ran the rag down her thigh.

His hands were gentle as he scrubbed. The fingers of his non-occupied hand lightly cupped the back of her calf.

She listened to his breathing, hyper focused on every touch of his hands on her, wrapped up in the intimacy of the moment. Every so often he would dip the rag back into the bowl and wring it out, the water cascading until it was a few drips, then he would continue.

His fingers flitted higher up her thigh until he reached a point where he hesitated to continue and started on the other thigh instead.

He handled the situation with such gentleness and care and something she could only identify as love flooded her heart.

This type of gesture was something a husband might do for his wife. This was something she couldn't picture ever trusting someone else to do.

He finished and cleared his throat. “Um. I got what I could, but maybe... sorry, but judging by your underwear, you might just, need to take a bath.”

“Honestly, that's probably for the best,” she admitted.

“I'll take you to the bathhouse. How about we just throw a shirt on over you and we'll head over as fast as we can?”

“Okay,” she nodded. “Hiccup? Thanks.”

“Astrid. It's no problem. I... thank you, for trusting me.”

She clung tightly to his arm as they hurried to the bathhouse between impending drops of rain. Hiccup whistled for Toothless, who conveniently offered a plasma blast to heat up the bath water.

“Guard the door, okay bud? No one comes in here,” Hiccup said. Toothless grunted in agreement and Hiccup shut the door.

“Okay. Let's get you into the tub.”

They had built a rather nice deep round wooden tub for bathing and relaxing in. A bench circled the circumference of the tub and depending on how deeply it was filled, the water could reach shoulder height.

Astrid raised her arms and allowed Hiccup to remove her tunic. Maybe it was her overreactive hormones, but she swore there was a current of electricity between them as his hands slowly swept up her body. He didn't just tug it off and toss it, his movements were deliberate and almost sensual.

She let out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding.

“Um,” he said, his voice heavy with similar emotion. “I'll just, turn around? If you need help...”

“I'll let you know.” As she slipped the wrap off her chest, a thrill zinged in her lower belly that he could be watching. She heard him shift, presumably when he turned around, but what if he actually didn't?

Despite Operation Make Hiccup Confess and all the teasing she had done, completely baring all in front of him was a little more than she bargained for. Especially because a moment like that should be special and she wanted to see his face.

Then the sobering moment came when that notion might be futile anyway- what if she never saw his face again, what would it matter?

She shimmied her underwear down.

“We'll have to wash those too,” Hiccup commented. “Um... if you want me to, I can do that...”

“Please. I hate to lose a pair of underwear. Make sure you use cold water.”

“There's a difference?”

“Cold water washes out blood. Warm water will set the stain.”

“It does?!”

“Who did the wash in your house all these years?” Astrid scoffed.

“Me. No wonder all my clothes were stained.”

She shook her head with a snort.

“Do you need help getting into the tub?”

“I think I can manage,” she said, forcing down the feelings of being exposed and vulnerable, one arm wrapped over her chest as she gingerly felt her way around. “I just, I know there's steps-”

“Little farther. Yep- there you go.”

“Are you looking?” she asked slyly.

“No!” he squeaked.

“Hmmm,” she said, a tease to her tone. She stepped over the edge of the tub and sank into the water with a blissful sigh. The heat helped dull the aching cramps that had come on, too.

“This is wonderful. I could stay in here for awhile.”

“Stay as long as you need to,” Hiccup said. “I don't have anywhere else to be.”

“Really, no rushing off to tinker around in your forge?”

“Of course not, not when- … ah, never mind.”

“What? What were you going to say?” Astrid asked.

“Ahh... a joke, but I, ah...”

“Oh come on, you can't say you were going to tell a joke and then not tell me.”

Hiccup breathed a chuckle. “I'm on the other side of the room so you can't slap me.”

“What were you going to say?!”

“Uuuh, just that I definitely would never run off to tinker in the forge when you're in here, um... naked.”

“Hiccup!” Astrid exclaimed with a laugh.

“Sorry! Do you see why I decided not to say it?!”

“You and your boy brain.” She shook her head with a giggle. If he was going to play it that way... “Oh hey, could you maybe tie my hair up for me? I don't want it to get all wet,” she said, aiming for as much nonchalance as possible.

“This isn't a ploy so you can punch me when I get close, is it?”

She laughed again and splashed the water toward his voice. “No! Just help me.”

“Okay, fine.”

She wrapped one arm over her chest as she heard him approach behind her. She rested the back of her head on the edge of the tub, letting her braid drape on the outside.

“Okay, so how do I do this?”

“You can use the tie at the end of my braid. Just gather it all up on the top of my head into a bun and use the tie to hold it.”

“Alright.”

He loosened the tie and combed his fingers through her hair to undo the braid. His touch felt incredible and a shiver slinked down her spine. She closed her eyes and tension melted away into the heat of the tub as he gently raked her hair and piled it on top of her head. He tried to tie off the bun but his first attempt didn't quite work, some of her hair spilling back down.

“You have so much hair,” he commented, a smile in his voice.

“Very sorry about that, guess you'll have to try again.”

He chuckled under his breath and began the process over. His fingers in her hair and his nails softly scraping her scalp made her tingle all over, unable to control her sudden arousal.

What if they were already a couple, what would he have done?

This whole predicament made her swing between using it to get closer to Hiccup as a welcome distraction or absolute despair should it remain permanent. Clinging to the distraction was far better to focus on, so she made a concentrated effort to keep the fear tamped down as much as possible and let herself get lost in the moment.

The things she imagined the two of them doing, in the middle of the night during restless sleep, leaked into her mind unfiltered. The whole situation was extremely sensual and she couldn't help herself.

His hands were in her hair, but what if those skillful hands of his traveled down her neck and massaged her shoulders... and maybe they would glide across her collarbone, testing how far he could push the boundary. If she dropped her arm away, he might slide his hand lower, brushing against her soft skin under the water. She'd tilt her head to the side and she'd feel his breath on the pulse point under her jaw as it turned into kisses, that hand dipping even farther down her chest...

She'd invite him in. He'd take off his leather and his shirt; she'd hear every article of clothing drop to the floor and the water ripple as he stepped in, heart and body thrumming in anticipation. He'd glide up in front of her, slide his hands on her hips and she would wrap her legs around his waist, delighting in all the hot bare skin on hers. He'd capture her mouth in a steamy slow kiss, dragging out everything on purpose to build up the tension between them, making her scrambled thoughts a series of begging and pleading for more.

His fingers brushed her neck to gather a few stray wisps and she imagined his hand sliding between her thighs as his tongue dipped into her mouth.

She hummed, breathing in steam from the water and biting her lip. The hand across her chest twitched.

“There, I think I got it,” he said softly, his hands reluctantly dropping from her hair.

She jolted out of her daydream and patted his makeshift messy bun. She cleared her throat and tried to sound normal, like she hadn't been thinking about them getting it on in the hot tub. “Great, thank you.”

She squirmed on the bench seat, willing the pulse between her legs to settle.

“Ah, no problem,” Hiccup said strangely. Her ears perked at his tone. Sounded like she wasn't the only one who felt the spark between them. She chewed on her lip to keep the smirk off it, pleased her ploy worked as intended.

They chatted for a while, giving her time to cool off figuratively and literally. The temperature of the water dropped and she just wanted to curl up in a warm bed.

“The water's getting a little cold. I think I'm ready to get out.”

“Alright, let me get you a towel.”

He walked a few steps away, rustled with some cloth and approached the tub.

“Okay, I'm going to hold the towel up and you can stand up and wrap it around yourself. I'll help you out of the tub so you don't slip and fall.”

She turned in her seat and reached her hand back, feeling the flat sheet of the towel as he held out each corner. She stood up on the bench and he wrapped it around her front. She adjusted it and tucked the end in around her chest. He took her hand and walked her round to the steps, a steadying hand on her lower back while she climbed out.

“You can dry off while I get your- oh, oh ah...”

“What?” she asked, wary of his hesitant tone.

“It's... running down your legs.”

She leaned her head back. “Seriously? It's that heavy today?”

“Guess so. Does this happen a lot?”

She sighed flatly. “To be honest, yeah. It's always a race after getting out of the tub on the first day. I usually have a rag prepared.”

“I am learning so many things today. There's some spare linens in here. Gimmie a second.” He opened a cabinet. “Alright, I'll just, ah, mop you up and-”

She could hear the joke in his voice and lightly smacked him upside the head. “You could word it a little better!”

He laughed and ducked. “Fine, I'll hose you down?”

“That's worse!”

He picked up her hand and placed one of the rags in it. “Put this... wherever so you stop bleeding all over our perfectly good floor,” he said cheekily.

“Hiccup!” she growled, clutching the towel around her chest and swiping at the air as he laughed and dodged out of the way.

“I'm kidding, Astrid! I'll clean it up, stand still.”

She complied, but not before she got a little punch in on his upper arm. He hissed.

“You deserved that.”

“I absolutely did,” he acknowledged. She could practically feel his smug smirk. He dipped the rag into the bath water, wiped her legs, and rinsed the rag out. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah. Sounds like it's still raining.”

“Toothless can walk with his wing over us.”

He helped her get the tunic back on over the towel. She tugged the towel out from underneath the shirt and Hiccup undid the drain on the tub.

They scurried back to her hut through the rain and thunder as Toothless shielded them from the worst of it.

Hiccup helped get her settled with fresh underclothes and her tunic to sleep in. Their teasing mood from before melted away as they became more comfortable with the intimacy they had created for themselves to weather her predicament.

“You ready for bed then?” he asked.

The weight of all her emotions came crashing in on her.

She wanted to see his face; she missed her sight and she prayed this would be over soon. But, she didn't want to let go of whatever this was between them, because honestly, he didn't make her feel helpless or weak, she felt... cherished. His actions spoke so much louder than the words he wouldn't say, and her heart ached to find an acceptable resolution. She wanted clarity and he couldn't give her that, but he gave her everything else.

Ask him. Just get it out in the open. This is silly.

She felt so entirely overwhelmed and instead of answering him, she leaned forward and rested her forehead on his chest, sneaking her hands up to cover her face.

“Hey, hey are you okay?” he asked, placing his hands on her shoulders in concern.

She breathed in deep and shook her head no, wrapping her arms around him and closing the space between them. She tilted her head and buried her nose in the crook of his neck.

He hugged her back tightly, just holding her and offering all of his support. The sheer relief she felt in his arms, inhaling the scent of his leather shirt and the hint of forge smoke the linen of his tunic always carried.

One of his hands cradled the back of her head, gently stroking the wispy strands of her hair falling out of the bun.

“You've been so brave,” he said.

“What?” she choked. “I don't feel like I have. This is the most helpless I've ever felt.” She squeezed him a little harder.

“Astrid,” he breathed, and she felt tingles shower down her spine at the sound of her name reverent on his lips. “You calmed a dragon we thought couldn't be rehabilitated and you couldn't see a damn thing. That's just plain amazing! You've kept your head held high and you prove over and over again that nothing can stop you when you set your mind on something. You're... you're just... you're Astrid. You're amazing and I'm so glad I get to be here with you.” He rubbed her back and hugged a little tighter.

Say it. Now's the chance.

“I couldn't do it without you,” she admitted.

“I couldn't have done any of this, all of this, without you.”

He feels it too. This isn't what “just friends” do. Why won't he say it?

“Will you stay with me tonight?” she asked softly.

“Of course. Wouldn't think of being anywhere else.”

She breathed and nodded against his neck. So, so close, but no confession.

They reluctantly parted and she instantly missed the warmth of his embrace. He helped her into bed. She didn't let go of his hand, instead tugging him onto the bed with her.

“Astrid?”

“You don't have to sleep in the chair. I don't mind the company tonight.”

“Alright, just don't get handsy on me, Hofferson,” he joked. She smirked and lightly swatted him.

He undid the straps of his pauldrons and his leather shirt rasped as he took it off. The metal of his prosthetic clunked as he removed it and set it aside.

Her heart fluttered as he settled in next to her. She rested her head on his shoulder and placed her hand on his chest, his body heat and soft tunic beneath her palm, no armor creating barriers between them.

Lack of sight made her appreciate all the sensation her other senses had to offer, feeling safe and comforted cuddling up as close to him as possible, rain tapping on the roof.

He wrapped one arm around her and placed the other on top of her hand. They drifted off together to the distant rumbling thunder.

ooo

Morning sounds filtered in from outside and Astrid cracked her eyes open, only to be met with the same darkness. No magical overnight cure. Disappointing. She mentally shoved the panicked thoughts aside and focused on the weight and warmth under her cheek and along the length of her body.

Hiccup still slept, his chest rising and falling evenly. She listened to his heart beat and decided she never wanted to sleep alone again, whether she got her sight back or not. Memories of her past convictions floated up and she laughed to herself. Five years ago, a fourteen-year-old Astrid had way too much pride and way too much to prove. She didn't need a man in her bed, and even if she entertained the remote possibility, she would not have thought it would be Hiccup.

How much had changed, all of it due to the sleeping boy currently wrapped up with her as she pondered the rest of her life with a major disability.

She had no doubt he would be there for her, he implied it as much in however many ways. She wished he would just come out and say it, take ownership of his feelings and clear the air. Most of the advancements in their relationship had been initiated by her and she felt just a hint of bitterness that he couldn't meet her halfway.

If he would just have a little more confidence...

She sobered and rubbed her hand on his chest as the realization washed over her. She wasn't the only one who had much to prove when they were younger, but the treatment by their tribe and peers had been vastly different between him and her. Hiccup was a humble person and his recent achievements never gave him an inflated ego. Possibly he struggled internally with his own self worth, making it difficult for him to make the first move.

She squeezed him a little tighter and he stirred.

This whole thing was silly. How much time had she wasted trying to drop hints and manipulate him into saying how he felt, when she could clear the air in two seconds. If he couldn't do it, she couldn't wait forever. She never had a problem taking what she wanted before, so why hesitate now.

Nerves prickled along the bottom of her stomach and she grit her teeth. This was practically a sure thing and yet the thought of asking still made her anxious. It wasn't like she was saying hey let's get married tomorrow and have a few babies-

Oh...

Her heart dropped in her chest. If she never regained her sight, it wasn't just his face she'd never see again...

The thought she'd never get to see the faces of her future children made tears pool at the corner of her eyes. Reality slammed into her so hard she couldn't breathe and the persistent darkness closed in on her. She had never been claustrophobic but all at once it felt like she was locked in a closet with no light source and she'd never be let out. She tried to control her gasps but Hiccup had woken enough to notice.

“Astrid?” he slurred, still groggy.

She couldn't answer, gripping his hand tight.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

She shook her head no, a short nervous jerk.

He sat up and hugged her. “I'm right here, okay? I'm right here.”

She sniffled and tears leaked into his shoulder. “I can't do this. I... I don't know what's happening, I'm trying to be brave but I can't-”

“You are brave,” he said, stroking her hair. “I'd be a nervous wreck. I honestly can't believe how well you've kept it together through this.”

“Not so much right now,” she said ruefully.

“Yeah you are. Astrid. You're allowed to be scared. This is, this is huge and you don't have to fake it for me. We'll get through this.”

She nodded and held him, feeling soothed by his embrace and his hand caressing her back. She soaked up his hug for a minute longer than she probably should have.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“A little.”

“How about you get up and we'll get you dressed, and I can make us some breakfast?”

“That sounds good.”

He scooted to the side of the bed and leaned down to put on his prosthetic. She felt the bed shift as he got up. “Okay, so I have a clean shirt, skirt, and leggings for you here. And you... oh.”

“Oh what?” she asked, recognizing that tone.

“We might need to wash your bed linens...”

She groaned. “It leaked during the night, didn't it.”

“Yep,” he confirmed.

She placed her head in her hands. “Son of a- I am so sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, milady! I'm getting really good at this,” he joked. “Here is your supply box and a clean wool.”

Astrid accepted it from him. “Gods I hope Gothi can restore my sight.”

“Speaking of that, the storm seems to have moved on. We can fly back to Berk today.”

“Thank goodness,” she muttered.

“I'm sure you're sick of me all up in your personal space.”

“No! You've been... you've been absolutely amazing,” she said fondly, smiling toward the sound of his voice. “I can't ever repay you-”

“Reciprocation is unnecessary, Astrid. I'd do it for you any time, and will continue to if you need me.”

“You're the best,” she said softly.

He picked up her hands. “Right back at you.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The flight to Berk was thankfully uneventful, but concerned villagers surrounded them once they landed. Hiccup found his father and Gobber and they called for Gothi.

She wrote instructions in the ground with her staff and Gobber translated. They placed a warm compress over Astrid's eyes, then blindfolded her and kept her in a dark space. Hiccup's workshop in the back of the forge was perfect, so he set her up with a cozy cot and spent the time with her talking and working on projects he had left behind.

Astrid felt grateful for the company; being cooped up in the dark with nothing to do was agonizing. She couldn't read, train, or do anything else useful and she prayed this wouldn't all be in vain. Hiccup stayed with her all day, so they talked about any and everything to help pass the time.

Hiccup went to bring her back some dinner and she smiled to herself, pressing a hand over her heart. They conversed so easily, being with him felt natural and inexplicably right. This whole experience made her love him even more than she already did and this kind of intimacy brought them closer than ever before.

He walked her to her parents' house that evening. The tension between them was palpable, unsaid words weaved around them as he hesitated before saying goodbye. She waited, she ached, she prayed he would finally say how he felt, but just as he took a step closer the door to her house opened and Hiccup sprang back in surprise.

Astrid's mother beckoned her inside and thanked Hiccup for looking after her. He exchanged the expected polite pleasantries and Astrid reluctantly followed her mother inside as Hiccup bid her a soft goodnight, squeezing her hand before he left.

The next morning Gothi allowed Hiccup to remove the blindfold. Astrid blinked in the bright light, but through her fuzzy vision she could just make out Hiccup's concerned face.

“Anything?”

“I think...”

“Are you-”

“Looking at you? Seems like it.”

“Oh thank the gods,” Hiccup sighed and she threw herself into his arms, squeezing tightly. He hugged her back just as hard.

ooo

Astrid dangled her feet over the edge of the landing platform, appreciating the spectacular sunset and marveling at all the colors she had missed.

Toothless soared overhead and dived down; Hiccup had finished the border patrol. He walked up and sat down next to her, scooching closer. She playfully elbowed him.

“How are you feeling?”

“Okay. Eyes are still a little sore from light, but at least I can see. You don't have to worry about me anymore.”

“I will always worry about you. That's just the way it is.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I guess that goes for me too.”

Her heart thumped harder, nerves tingling her fingers. Now was as good a time as any to clear the air. She had to open the conversation or they'd never get anywhere.

She cleared her throat. “Hey, um... Back in the woods, why did you say it's whatever I want? You know, about, um, about us?”

Hiccup's eyebrows rose. “Oh... well, I didn't want to presume anything, I guess?” He shrugged. “I needed to be sure you wanted it too. I think some part of me was, you know, ah, …scared of rejection.”

“Hiccup, I've kissed you at least three times.”

“Correct, but the first one was 'I'm glad you didn't die,' second one was 'thanks for getting my dragon back' and third was 'sorry you didn't win.' You never just came up and laid one on me for no reason.”

“Yeah, but I don't make a habit of kissing anyone else but you. How were you unsure about my feelings toward you?”

“Didn't you tell Heather we were just friends?”

Astrid turned to look at him. “How did you hear about that?”

“I have, um... sources.”

“Fishlegs,” Astrid scoffed. “Heather can't keep her big mouth shut. Is that why you never made a move?”

“That, and you know, everything else.”

“Hmm. Well I lied to Heather.”

It took Hiccup a beat to respond, a hopeful lilt in his voice. “Yeah?”

Astrid nodded. “You weren't very obvious with your feelings anymore. So I wasn't confessing to her how I really felt.”

Hiccup pursed his lip. “I see.”

“When we were in the woods, were you about to...?”

“Oh... so you did feel that, huh. I was hoping I got away with it,” he said sheepishly.

“Why didn't you?”

“Because I was cock blocked by an incredibly rude dragon.”

“Excuses,” she snorted with a laugh.

“Actually, I didn't get a chance because you turned away, technically. If you knew, why didn't you let me?”

She sobered a bit. “It felt, it just didn't feel right. You hadn't told me how you felt about me, or us, and I wanted, I don't know, more.”

Hiccup nodded. “You're right. It wasn't the right time. I've thought about it, a, a lot, and I wanted it to be perfect. That moment was far from perfect.”

Astrid looked out at the brilliant sunset, sheer gratitude that she could see it filling her heart and warming her chest. She turned to him, gazed at his handsome face, and smiled. “This moment seems pretty perfect to me.”

His crooked grin made her melt. “Yeah, you know what, it is.”

He brushed the tip of his nose with hers, making them both chuckle. His fingers glided over the back of her hand, his warmth familiar but the anticipation thrilling and new. He tipped her chin up just slightly with his thumb and index finger as he tilted his head and leaned in. Her heart fluttered at the first feather light touch of his lips against hers, gentle but solid sensation, sparks igniting in her stomach and tingles prickling the sensitive skin where their mouths met.

They deepened the kiss, neither of them willing to pull away. The pad of his thumb caressed her chin, fingertips trailing the curve of her jaw underneath her ear. His hand squeezed hers and he came up for air, she gasped too but didn't let him pull away, chasing his mouth and resealing their lips, kissing on his bottom lip. He breathed out through his nose, the hand on her face slipping around to cup the back of her head through the strands of her braid.

She lost track of the time, brilliant orange and pink clouds lit up on the horizon from a sun that had sank below the line of the sea.

They parted, both panting with passionate eyes locked on each other, satisfied and satiated with the conclusion to the tension that had built between them for years.

She grinned and whispered on his lips, “What took you so long?”

He shook his head and laughed, dipping in for another taste. As he pulled back he said, “I have a confession.”

“Go on.”

He leaned in and whispered into her ear. “I peeked. I couldn't help it.”

“I figured you did,” she giggled. “I have a confession too. I did pretty much everything on purpose.”

He pecked her lips, eyes full of devotion. “I know you did. I happily fell for it.”

#blindsided au

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