look. listen. i need blind to be sitting in sphinx's lap, giving him drags from his cigarette. i need sphinx to be lying back in bed with blind curled up on top of him, holding a book open and turning the pages, while sphinx reads aloud to him. i need sphinx to be standing over blind's shoulder, scrutinizing and giving directions, while someone else carefully picks the ticks off of blind's scalp and the back of his neck. i need sphinx to scold blind about being dirty or bloodied or just for not taking care of himself and for blind to bear these tirades mutely and with an air of smugness. i need them to take showers together and for blind to wash sphinx's body thoroughly and reverentially, but not to bother with his own unless sphinx bullies him into it. i need blind with twigs and leafy debris and the occasional spider caught in his hair. i need him to always be giving sphinx small gifts and trinkets, wordlessly and with no fanfare. i need him to wear sphinx's t-shirts, which are too big for him, and to sometimes steal things of his just to keep them under his pillow and smell them. i need sphinx to constantly be staring at blind's hands. i need blind to constantly be putting his hands on sphinx in small ways. i need -