Wow I'm actually blogging on my blog Today was a day of both good and bad. Late last night my ex and I talked about the old days, specifically when we went to Disney world a few years back. I was filled with an uncontrollable shaking for the duration of the conversation. I refuse to call myself pathetic for still having feelings for her, but I do feel like it sometimes. Today around her I settled into a state of nostalgic wistfulness, wanting what could've been. We were at a cast party and years ago we'd, well, done couply stuff. I almost half wish she knew. And maybe she'll read this someday and know but I doubt it honestly. I just wish that the "break" we took was only temporary. Maybe I'll get up the nerve to ask her out sometime, even platonically. (No time soon of course) ANYWHO ENOUGH OF THIS SAPPY STUFF I got to see my amazing "mentor(?)"/friend(?if I may have the honor to call him that)/former idol (I say formal because it's bad to idolize people, they're just like you and me; I do really really look up to him though) today. I've been in his acting workshop for the past two days and the first day was shit mentally for me. But today was much better. We all had fun. I got to see some people I'd lost some touch with. I got to see and talk to Jonny. I learned a lot. Afterwards there was a party at this one girl's house, and that was fun. (Got bombarded with memories from earlier but it's whatever). I forgot where I was going with this because I've been answering texts. Not really sure to end this on a positive or negative note.. As far as negative, I don't know when I'll next get to meet with Jonny. And that saddens me. Tonight I had a chance to have just a conversation with him, but when confronted I had no idea what to talk about. Wasted. More people then came over and our own personal moment was gone. He's off back to LA tomorrow. We got him for shorter than ever this time. I feel hollow. I shed a few tears. But mostly... I'm just dreading school, the mundane, the fall from this acting high I get when working under him. I'm falling into a depressive state, I think. I don't want to go to sleep on a depressing note. Today I also found out I'm going to go to school (homeschool program) and hopefully hang out more with a good friend of my brother's that I really would like to be friends with as well. SO IM PUMPED FOR THAT HES SUCH A COOL DUDE. Also excited that I'll be getting my car soon, and that I've been showing the confident side of myself more to Jonny, and that he commended me for that. I'm going to try and FB message him more. (Wish me luck) Despite the sadness, it will get better. I've had fear and falls but also victories. And that's life. Gotta focus on the victories and good things to come. And I hope the rest of you do too. PS: the dad from Drake and Josh is not married to the mom from Drake and Josh