Reminiscence
It is a normal Tuesday night. A night that I found myself free from school works that I am usually filled with. As a familiar song plays to my soundtrack, I found myself thinking of you yet again. I wonder how you are doing. Or if I ever cross your mind. But I know that I’m far from the list of people you think about. Maybe.
As the song goes on with the rhythm and lyrics I am very much familiar with, what happened between us flashbacked before me, vividly and vague at the same time.
I still remember the words that you have said and the promises you have sealed for me. I still remember the first time that I talked to you and how it felt so casual and easy, I still remember how it became one the things I cannot live without. I still remember the first day you told me you love me, how I thought that you were just messing with me. I still remember the days when I was just watching you afar while you perform on stage and how I became the girl with the loudest of screams in the crowd. I was so proud of you. I was so proud of the fact that the boy performing on that stage was mine and mine alone.
I still remember the nights where we utterly missed each other it drove us crazy. And that one night where you couldn’t take it any longer that you decided to ask my mom if you can take me out. I still remember how miraculously, she said yes. I still remember how it felt like to be embraced by you. How you held my hand tightly as if someone would take me away from you.
I still remember the way you looked at me, the way I could feel the intensity of your love for me by just those beautiful eyes. I still remember how you would always patiently wait for me in bookstores, in football practices and even in shopping. You’d always be there to nuzzle my hair whenever I finished.
But the most vivid memory of all is how you slowly faded away from me. How you dreadfully approached oblivion. I still remember the day that I didn’t receive anything from you anymore. No more hugs, long messages and love that felt so true. Nothing. I still remember the grief. The grief the last time I saw you. You were with the new girl everybody was talking about. We had an eye contact but after a second, you trained your eyes back at her, putting me yet again into peripheral.
I still remember the last time we talked; it was the first time after the break up. You barely even noticed me, just a casual how are you. I still remember how you didn’t even wait for my response to you. You looked very different. You shaved the sides of your head and had your ears pierced. Your shoulders are broader and buffer and you wear this smug smile as though you’re the king of the world. Looking though how you clumsily put your ketchup in your burger or how you unintentionally look at your watch every ten minutes, I realized that you haven’t changed all the same.
It felt that the clock has already chimed millions of 12 midnights signaling another day. But in truth, it has only been eight months. Eight months and it feels like you have been kept in me, in my past for countless of years. As I dive deeper into the pool of thoughts, it feels as though you’re still with me but in reality, you’re far from getting near.
It is a normal Tuesday night, a night that I found myself free from school works that I am usually filled with. And as the song slowly comes to an end, it dawned upon me that I should be moving on to the next track.