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Angela is an eighteen year old DDM in the making. She loves reading and writing. This is where she shares events of her ambivalent life and her writings.

[fouriahiwrite]

Hello!

I am finally out of the rock I have been living under the last semester. Summer’s finally here and I am more than excited to be having all the time in the world to catch up on the hobbies that school has been keeping me away from! But I am winding off a little to the blog about my life routine of this blog and instead, I am going to post my unsent letters and other writings here. The girl needs a little venting and breathing to do and I think it’s just about time to go out of that protective blanket and let my writings seize the world! (Kidding, but yes, I need to stop overthinking it. I am posting my only-my-eyes-are-supposed-to-see-writings)

Y’all have a good day!

[fouriahiwrite]

the last letter

I am not going to fool myself once more and swear that this is the last letter I am writing for you. No I am done with that lame excuse. I am not going to restrain myself from writing for you or to you no more because I realized this: that I needed something out. And since I don’t want to choose the bitter path to get from there, I am doing this. I am throwing away every feeling, every emotion, every hurt and pain to a piece of paper or two every day or every time I feel like it. It doesn’t feel so stupid and desperate now, it actually feels fulfilling, that beyond this mess of a ride, there’s something beautiful that will come out of it. I am writing to you and for you, not for the last time but for about many times after this one and leaving parts of you that you have left in me in every letter. And I don’t really care how many letters it would get but someday, somehow, I would write that one letter containing the last piece of you that I have left.

[amarperdona-deactivated20180311]

Yesterday a terrorist killed 41 people in a stadium in Al-Asriya, a few miles from Baghdad. It was a football tournament. Seventeen aged between 10 and 16 died. Had it happened in Europe, the entire world would be weeping; our politicians would spend hours saying how Islam hates the West and how we should ‘close the borders’ to refugees. But these boys died in Iraq, and some bombs are not as loud as others. May they rest in peace. 

[ninagpineda]

I am not sorry

Despite the fact that Sorry by Justin Bieber is my pop anthem of the year, I refuse to apologize. What do I mean by this? Let me explain.

Over the course of the past three years, I’ve learned that our culture breeds women under the belief that we must make ourselves small and quiet and polite. We must be dainty. We must turn the other cheek. We must leave the battlefield to our fathers, our husbands, and our brothers. As you can probably tell, for a girl who is big and loud and brutally honest (sometimes to the point of mild irreverence), this is a hard fact to swallow.

This isn’t a new or radical discovery by any means, but it’s a big one for me. You can only imagine my surprise when I learned that I didn’t have to be any of those things; that I didn’t have to suppress anything because I had a fucking vagina and people with their genitals hanging out said otherwise. My sexual orientation and/or gender had nothing to do with the kind of person I am. What a relief.

I am tired of feeling guilty about my emotions. I am tired of confronting people when they do me wrong, in hopes of fixing the situation, only to end up splicing my confessions with apologies, such as, “I’m sorry to dump this on you” or “I know this is shallow, but.” I’m tired of denying myself my truth, my growth, and my entirety, all because all I’m supposed to be good for is sitting there and looking pretty. My claws and my fangs are made for something more; if I want to rip my damn heart out and hold it out and say, “Look, look at it beating. This is how I feel,” then I will do so. I will do as I please because these are my feelings. They are not yours and you will not tell me what to do with them.

I will not censor myself. I will not apologize for the way I feel, and I will not allow myself to change it to make someone else feel better. If I’m going to have a resolution’s list for 2016, it will only have one item and it will be this: I will not shrink, bend, or change myself for somebody else. I will not deny myself my feelings because someone thinks I’m overreacting, or that I shouldn’t feel that way. 

All within certain parameters, of course, so as to avoid ending up as or seeming like a nihilist lol. If I accidentally nudge you in a crowded area, you can still expect an apology. Don’t worry. 

[fouriahiwrite]

IT’S HERE. THE TRAILER IS HERE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT, THE TRAILER IS HERE.

I can still remember the first time I watched the first movie of the Harry Potter series; I was only four years old. We watched only because of my parents, aunt and uncle’s interest of the movie. As child, I remember liking the movie very much albeit not understanding it wholly. After all, it was the epitome of what children dream of. Magic wands, flying brooms, a castle for a school, fighting villains using magic. It was everything I wanted as a child. Harry Potter was my first favorite movie series. My family and I would wait every year for the sequels of the movie. It was only when I turned eleven that Harry Potter changed me in a very huge way. I was introduced to its books. I found myself transported in the Wizarding world. Reading Harry’s adventure outdone the movies, for in the movies I could only see what his adventures were, but reading it, it felt like I was with him in those adventures. Maybe I was lucky that the first real books that I read were the Harry Potter Series, because if it weren’t for those books I wouldn’t be the bookworm that I am now. I would always be grateful of Harry Potter because it opened my mind into lots of things, and it made my childhood 100+++ times better.

So imagine my feelings when I heard that they will be doing a movie of Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. It was what I have been waiting for all these Harry Potter-less years. Though it doesn’t exactly include Harry, it is still great to witness the Wizarding World in the big screen again. I was already frantic when they first announced it, let alone when they released the teaser trailer earlier this morning. 

I WAS ALL-CAPS FREAKING OUT. They even started the trailer with “Lumos Maxima”. Way to go Warner Bros. Pictures, thanks for yet another flood of feels. Seeing Edward Redmayne cast a spell on that cobblestone street rekindled a sense of childhood wonder within me that has heretofore lain dormant since the series ended. The voice over even sounded like McGonagall. IS THIS EVEN REAL? This may have been the best 1 minute and 57 seconds of my 2015. That almost two minutes trailer made me all nostalgic of my Potterhead as F years. I cannot wait for November 2016! This is going to be the best movie ever. Thank you Warner Bros. Thank you Queen JK. 

Y’ALL HAVE A GOOD RAINY DAY!!!!! 

[fouriahiwrite]

Adrift

I have always wanted to become an author. To make stories of utter truth or write something so beautiful that it will affect countless of lives. But writing never came to me that way. It never came to me mindlessly. It came to me as a place where I can wrap all my sorrows and misery and trap them inside the surface of a piece of paper. I know somehow that writing can be improved when you do it over and over again. Or when you read. That’s practically what I’ve been doing but I would just get lost track of it all and soon abandon writing again. I get so consumed in life and love that I forget the things that I really want to do. But the foolish girl that I always am, I would come back whenever I need a space where I can throw all the feelings I couldn’t express in any other way. In other people’s point of view, that is totally fine, but for me, it isn’t. I want writing to become a part of me, not just when I’m confused or when I get my heart broken. I want to jot down everything my mind comes across to that has sense. So what am I going to do?

Here’s a list I ought myself to do to achieve such a fulfilling thing:

1.) Write. Write. Write.

(I read in an article that when you feel like you cannot sleep, write; anything and everything you think of without caring who would read it or how beautifully it is written. Just write and you’ll sleep sounder at night.) #Perks!!!!

2.) Read and feed your mind.

3.) Stop over thinking. Let your mind be. Stop pressuring yourself into writing something beautiful. Just write. Pour your soul and everything you could in that piece of paper. You’ll get to beautiful, in time.

4.) Find inspiration but never ever copy content.

5.) Write. Even on mundane moments. Even on the most unlikely scenes in your daily living.

6.) And finally, write some more.

So that, I will try to do. *fingers crossed*

[fouriahiwrite]

Reminiscence

It is a normal Tuesday night. A night that I found myself free from school works that I am usually filled with. As a familiar song plays to my soundtrack, I found myself thinking of you yet again. I wonder how you are doing. Or if I ever cross your mind. But I know that I’m far from the list of people you think about. Maybe.

As the song goes on with the rhythm and lyrics I am very much familiar with, what happened between us flashbacked before me, vividly and vague at the same time.

I still remember the words that you have said and the promises you have sealed for me. I still remember the first time that I talked to you and how it felt so casual and easy, I still remember how it became one the things I cannot live without. I still remember the first day you told me you love me, how I thought that you were just messing with me. I still remember the days when I was just watching you afar while you perform on stage and how I became the girl with the loudest of screams in the crowd. I was so proud of you. I was so proud of the fact that the boy performing on that stage was mine and mine alone.

I still remember the nights where we utterly missed each other it drove us crazy. And that one night where you couldn’t take it any longer that you decided to ask my mom if you can take me out. I still remember how miraculously, she said yes. I still remember how it felt like to be embraced by you. How you held my hand tightly as if someone would take me away from you.

I still remember the way you looked at me, the way I could feel the intensity of your love for me by just those beautiful eyes. I still remember how you would always patiently wait for me in bookstores, in football practices and even in shopping. You’d always be there to nuzzle my hair whenever I finished.

But the most vivid memory of all is how you slowly faded away from me. How you dreadfully approached oblivion. I still remember the day that I didn’t receive anything from you anymore. No more hugs, long messages and love that felt so true. Nothing. I still remember the grief. The grief the last time I saw you. You were with the new girl everybody was talking about. We had an eye contact but after a second, you trained your eyes back at her, putting me yet again into peripheral.

I still remember the last time we talked; it was the first time after the break up. You barely even noticed me, just a casual how are you. I still remember how you didn’t even wait for my response to you. You looked very different. You shaved the sides of your head and had your ears pierced. Your shoulders are broader and buffer and you wear this smug smile as though you’re the king of the world. Looking though how you clumsily put your ketchup in your burger or how you unintentionally look at your watch every ten minutes, I realized that you haven’t changed all the same.

It felt that the clock has already chimed millions of 12 midnights signaling another day. But in truth, it has only been eight months. Eight months and it feels like you have been kept in me, in my past for countless of years. As I dive deeper into the pool of thoughts, it feels as though you’re still with me but in reality, you’re far from getting near.

It is a normal Tuesday night, a night that I found myself free from school works that I am usually filled with. And as the song slowly comes to an end, it dawned upon me that I should be moving on to the next track.

[fouriahiwrite]

Book Review #2: The Heroes of Olympus Books 2, 3 and 4.

These books have been the reason why I don’t bore myself out this semestral break. I had to reread the second book of the series, The Son of Neptune because an awfully long time has passed before I got to get a hold of book three, The Mark of Athena.

Beginning at the "other" camp for half-bloods and extending as far as the land beyond the gods, this breathtaking second installment of the Heroes of Olympus series introduces new demigods, revives fearsome monsters, and features other remarkable creatures, all destined to play a part in the Prophesy of Seven... more here.

Narrated by four different demigods, The Mark of Athena is an unforgettable journey across land and sea to Rome, where important discoveries, surprising sacrifices, and unspeakable horrors await. Climb aboard the Argo II, if you dare.... more here.

They have no choice. If the demigods don’t succeed, Gaea’s armies will never die. They have no time. In about a month, the Romans will march on Camp Half-Blood. The stakes are higher than ever in this adventure that dives into the depths of Tartarus... more here.

One thing I could say is that; Rick Riordan is a genius. He had incorporated Greek and Roman mythology and the history of Greek, Roman and even Chinese empires very successfully that it made me think not only twice, but a lot of time of what it would actually be like if those were really the case back then. Being one that is highly interested with Roman and Greek mythology, it was such a delightful thing to be able to get a background and to get to read the differences and the transitions between the two, however fictional.

Having a second series connected to one of your favorites is the best thing ever. Being the fan of Percy Jackson and the Olympians, it was really nice to see the great and well talked about Prophecy of Seven come to life and be fulfilled. It was also nice to see Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase in action again. Of course the new heroes introduced in the series didn’t disappoint as well. The stories behind their lives and how they are all somehow connected still amazes me. All monsters defeated and all turn of events in Percy Jackson and the Olympians made sense in Heroes of Olympus. The plot twists were never ending and breathtaking as ever. And they were well thought of, Rick Riordan must love playing with his readers’ feelings that much. LOL.

The books were undoubtedly adventure-packed, that they sort of became mission impossible-esque. The only problem I encountered in reading these books that they talk too much and the sarcasm of the characters was taken too much. Like they were already running out of time to save Rome AND the WORLD and yet they decide to get lunch in a café beside a river because that is just the best thing to do when you’re running out of time saving everyone. Like really Percy and Annabeth??? Now????

Anyway the series is just a mind blown read, with all those plot twists and unexpected turn of events. Rick Riordan did a really great job in these books. If only I read this series earlier, then life would be better and feelings would be crushed and played with a little earlier. I wish I could rush to the nearest bookstore and buy the last book of the series. Rick Riordan has been successful and really doing great in the genre he has chosen. I am most certainly waiting for the next ones he would publish.

[fouriahiwrite]

Love; the most savage monster of all

Seven Word Story

[fouriahiwrite]

Book Review #1: To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before and P.S. I Still Love you

The first three days of my three week semestral break have been spent fending off monsters, going to different magical places, meeting varieties of creatures I could have never imagined myself and dating my new boyfriend, Peter Kavinsky. Yep that’s right, I have been reading (a lot) and catching up with my favorite series again, and I couldn’t think of anything better than this. I ought to blog about the things that made my September amazing right after our finals, but finally having the time to do what I cannot do because of school, overwhelmed me and I ended up not blogging about it.

Our finals week have been tough, deadlines and tests to study for have bombarded us simultaneously, making it much harder for me to squeeze in activities – hobbies even, to enjoy myself. Really, I think I just spent the last four months studying. And with that said it really was exhausting. So I am very much delighted and relieved to have three weeks of free time for myself.  Anyway, I am here to do reviews for To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and Ps. I Still Love You by Jenny Han. I better get on with it before I start blabbing again. Meh.

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before is about a girl, Lara Jean, who has written letters to all the boys he thought she’d loved, the letters were supposed to be just hidden in her hatbox for only her eyes to see but then one day she found out that somehow, her letters were sent and so found herself confronted by these boys. As she deals with how she would explain herself to these boys, she finds more about being in love and that maybe, having those letters sent weren’t so bad after all.

Lara Jean wasn’t supposed to be falling with Peter. They were just pretending, but she did. PS. I Still Love You shows how LJ and Peter made etheir pretend relationship official and how LJ strive to fight off her insecurities rowards Peter’s ex girlfriend, Gen. But that’s not about it. A guy from LJ’s past came back and nw she’s confused as ever. The book displayed how LJ learned more about love and choosing what her heart really wanted.

I liked these books so much. There aren’t so many things that made them so special but they’re just so light and mindless to read. I can’t remember the last time I was that kilig as when I was reading these books. I love Lara Jean’s character development from book one to book two. Knowing that she’d always been a shy girl, I was really proud of her for putting her head high even if she was handling a very humiliating experience and even if everybody was making fun of her. If I were in her place, I’d probably just curl up in my room and just cry. But Lara Jean wouldn’t let anything get to her, she knows how to move one. Way to go girl!

I most especially love Peter Kavinsky here, he had been really successful into making me feel all wobbly and tingly inside whenever I read the little things he do for LJ. LJ’s relationship with her sisters and father also made its way to warm my heart. I could relate to some of the things she’d do for her sisters and father because I am close to my sister and father too.

Despite the plot being messy, I still loved these books because they displayed it in a realistic way. I hope there was an epilogue tho, I wasn’t so satisfied with the ending. But all in all, these books really are good reads!  

[fouriahiwrite]

Massive Book Giveaway!

Bibliophile Soprano is giving away ten books (!!!) in celebration for the Book Discrimination Awareness month. Join here! :)

[sara-laughed]

A full list of my guides to college success!

How to get your best grades in college (x)

The ultimate guide to college organization (x)

How to write the perfect college essay (x)

The ultimate guide to packing for college (x)

How to stay calm and reduce stress during college (x)

45 tips for staying organized in college (x)

How to prepare for college over the summer (x)

5 best apps for college students (x)

How to make a study plan for finals (x)

College is not “one size fits all” (and that’s a good thing) (x)

[fouriahiwrite]

REBLOG AND SAVE A STUDENT’S LIFE

[fouriahiwrite]

Life Lately

Been a little busy these past two weeks because we’ve been bombarded with lot of school works and group activities for midterms already so I wasn’t able to blog despite wanting to. 

First photo was when we went to Mendiola to watch the volleyball game between CEU Makati and the College of Med Tech. It was so fun watching and to see the Manila campus for the first time!! Didn’t got to tour around tho, the next time I’ll go there, I’ll surely tour around! 

I’ve been catching up a lot with my squad despite our different and not so much hectic schedules lately. And we got to see Allyssa for the first time in months last Sunday! Wesley’s still the first person I call whenever I want to go out or when our classes got cancelled because the prof wouldn’t be attending or something and I’m glad he’s always all in for everything. And I got to visit Wesley’s condo again after a long time!! Good thing our schedules sort of match. 

This week, we also celebrated my sister’s birthday twice. The first was on Tuesday where we had dinner at Mercatto. And the second one was on Wednesday when she invited her friends to our house to have dinner and of course I invited Wesley and Grace to come over too! It even seemed like it was my birthday because Grace and Wesley were the ones who stayed late rather than my sister’s friends because they have exams the next day. Lol. 

Today, Wesley invited me to have lunch and fetch my sister at our high school. Got to see and talk to a lot of my former schoolmates that I actually miss! That visit made me miss LICS so much despite my hatred to its system lol. 

These past two weeks have been very great for me. I got to hang out a lot with my friends which makes me really happy. I was picked as one of the representatives of Dentistry to compete on Monday for the search in Best in Algebra (can you believe it!!!!!!!) and my scholarship grant has finally been approved by our VP and the very good news is that I can renew the scholarship until I finish the program I am taking in CEU if I just maintain the criteria they need. Didn’t asked for so much, but still, He still gave me do many. I cannot put into words how grateful I am right now.

[fouriahiwrite]

Received by far the best letter LICS have given me. I was recommended by my alma mater to one of CEU's scholarship programs and I am to go with my mom on Sunday to further more discuss about the requirements I need for the said scholarship program. I hope I'd get the scholarship for it will be a very big help for my parents. Unexpected things are just the best-est! What a very blessed day! 😊

[fouriahiwrite]

072415 // Fridate with the main bitch

Spent two hours or so roaming around the mall because Grace was late (again!) for she came all the way from UST and got caught up in traffic. Spent an hour in Power books canvasing what book shall I read next and another hour finding the optical shop (I wasn’t so familiar with the mall..) where I would get my new glasses. My eye grade is 325/300. What the hell right? 

Watched Paper Tows at 4:00 and it was great. Though there are a lot of parts from the book that wasn’t included and changed in the movie. But I wasn’t expecting that they’d be copying the book to every detail because that’s never gonna happen in a book to movie adaptation. There’s got to be changes somewhere. Nat Wolff’s silly smiles got to me the whole time. And that one cameo in the movie got me like: HOLY SHAKJAKKSJSA. Yep. Didn’t like Cara’s acting that much tho. And the movie didn’t get to be as moving as the book and as they want the movie to be. But anyways, they still did a pretty good job.

No decent photos yesterday, forgive our lame selfies. LOL.

[fouriahiwrite]

072115 // Spontaneous Night Out Diaries: Antman 

Told myself that I will be refraining myself from anything that might distract me from studying for our prelims exams, but when the Bubby went to our house and asked me to go watch a movie with them, all my self control has quickly vanished and found myself getting ready to go out that night.

Was supposed to watched the movie in 3D but we didn’t get to go there on time but was too early for the last full show of the 2D so we just messed around and took pictures with the posters. Lol. Found ourselves the only ones watching that night. It was really fun because I don’t have to silence Cholo and Cody whenever they get too excited and ask questions loudly for other people’s sake. But it’s kinda weird to only hear our laughter whenever something funny comes up because I am used to hearing the audience laugh whenever we watch movies. 

Since our uncle spoiled us that the movie will be having two end credits scenes, we waited for them. And daaamn! the credits were really long, the janitors were already inside just waiting for us to go out. Anyways, Marvels’ cliffhangers get me every time, I am so excited for the next Marvel movie!

[fouriahiwrite]

071715 // 17th Birthday

Was supposed to just eat dinner and watch a movie at Eastwood but my aunt initiated that she’d cook for my birthday and since the bitches didn’t want to spend money, we all agreed that we’ll be spending the day at our house. My plan was just to invite the squad but I ended up inviting my former classmates and everyone who asked me what will I be doing for my birthday. Lol.

I was excited for that day a little too much because it has been a long time since I have planned something for my birthday and because my bestfriend and sister accidentally spoiled me that they’ll be doing something to surprise me. I was preparing myself to laugh my ass out at their reactions that I already know that they’ll be surprising me, but when they came they only hugged and gave me a cake. Thought the surprise was cancelled or something. But after eating, Wesley blindfolded me and I wasn’t at all thrilled by the idea because when you get blindfolded by these people, you’re probably doomed.

It took a lot of flailing around and screaming that what they have for me better be good for them to finally succeed into dragging my ass down the first floor. (We were staying at our terrace) They let me count 10 seconds until I found myself being thrown by eggs and smothered by flour. They even hit my face with eggs, five times. Oh the horror and the smell! They were pretty clever into staying at my grandma’s house while they were throwing because I couldn’t come in. But anyways, I still got my revenged because I hugged them. Only got to hug Wesley and Grace tho, the rest of them ran away. Hahaha!

Love the gifts I received for my birthday, especially Sherwin’s. The skelly wasn’t able to come but was still able to leave a box full of gifts on our door! My frustration when I found out that he was already there but I wasn’t able to see him tho!!! Anyways, I got touched by the plaque with the “World’s Dentist” written on it, it just only shows how much he supports me on my dream. I mean come on! I haven’t even lasted 3 months of studying Pre-Dentistry and he’s already declaring that I am the world’s greatest dentist. Lol. And he finally got me a tote bag! Because whenever we go out and go to Fully booked, I always bug him to buy me one of the tote bags sold there and he just always shrugs me off because the tote bags there are really expensive for a tote bag. I also got a box containing the things they hate about me, a lot of styrofoam and their real birthday messages on the bottom. They just couldn’t stop giving the height jokes but their messages still got me in tears. (tho I tried my very hardest to not cry bec they’ll probably be too proud of themselves Hahaha!) Also got a frame in the form of a tooth and a very heart-whelming letter from Shigy. Loved the frame bec I’ll get to have something to put on my bookshelf again! I just love my friends, they know me too well. Huhu.

The squad stayed until 9 and Wesley stayed later than everyone (as usual) and we had our famous kwentuhan session with a lot of pep talks. He even helped me clean up the mess we made. I guess when it rained blessings of having the best set of friends, I was out in the open reading or doing who knows what. It’s just always a good time spent with these people!