#blueberrystudmuffin

[bouncingbluebeast]

Ho-ho...O-oh!

"Oh dear, it seems as though I've *ahem* miscalculated the square footage of this flue..."

The sound of scratching claws against mortar and fur brushing on brick echoed up and down the stack, as Hank pushed on the fluffy ball at the end of his Santa hat with a click,

"Call for base. Repeat, call for base: mission identification H0H-0H0, callsign 'Santa Claws'..."

While he had insisted on separate callsigns for a holiday mission, he'd started to regret his choices twenty minutes ago. With a clearing of his throat and a paw over the receiver, he put on his jolliest voice,

"Santa Claws here! Um, North Pole we have a problem..."

((A happy holidays and a safe and joyful new year to you all! I know I've been slow on this one, but I thought why not share some of that jolly holiday Hank with everyone?))

[bouncingbluebeast]

Who took that picture? The wrestling outfit one.

"Well, I believe it was the yearbook committee who took the wrestling one a few decades ago.

Bobby insisted that I try it on again 'for old times' sake' and swiftly had me in different poses for the camera."

He lets out a sigh.

"The things I do for love..."

[bouncingbluebeast]

DEAR FAT MAN DO NOT BE AFRAID TO GET ON TOP IF I DIE I DIE

XOXO

"O-oh, my stars and garters! Well, while I appreciate the valorous spirit - I think living bedfellows make for much better conversation partners afterward, don't you?"

He saunters over and gently pushes you backwards, climbing up and over until you see a great blue mountain of blubber looming over you with a kind smile just cresting over the peaks like the sun.

"Still, if you so wish, I can easily oblige. Tap twice for air, and more than that if you'd like to stop..."

[bouncingbluebeast]

"Roses are red, My fur's a deep blue. My working hypothesis: I'm in love with you!"

"Haha, just a little something from my younger days! Though I wonder if I could still do that sort of pose for a Valentine?

I'd worry that my pants might rip on me, though that doesn't seem to be as much of a tragedy as I'm led to believe..."

((Enjoy the hunky Hank valentine and feel free to use it/send it to loved ones! I also got a spicier version of it on my Patreon that I'll release publicly later this month~))

[bouncingbluebeast]

Any chance to see your voluptuous backside, han'some?

"Ah, I suppose it wouldn't do any harm. Beg your pardon for catching me in the midst of trying on my old wrestling singlet."

[bouncingbluebeast]

((Everyone I need you to look at Hank McCoy from the newest Avengers issue right now))

((HELLO?? WHERE DID DOMINO MASK GO AND WHO'S THIS COTTON CANDY DREAMBOAT?))

((Oh I would gladly pitch to him any day...))

He's so happy I'm gonna cry ;v;))

((Fuck off. Fuck all the way off you knew EXACTLY WHAT YOU WE-

Gosh the way that they managed to make him simultaneously in his prime AND a middle-aged man is fucking immaculate.

I thank you Avengers for this meal.))

From Avengers (2023) Issue #21 with Jed McKay, Valerio Schiti and Federico Blee

[bouncingbluebeast]

Your fur is always so soft and fluffy looking, what's your haircare routine like?

"Why thank you! It certainly pays to buy shampoo in bulk, I'll tell you that much.

In terms of routine, I suppose I'd best describe it as a half-day endeavour - usually at least twice a week. (Sometimes more if we were in a particularly nasty biome or against some sort of viscera)

First, I go for a full body wash with some fur shampoo. I enjoy some light scents, though I tend to avoid anything too fragrant. Then comes the rinse. Usually I go back and forth between lather and rinse three times to ensure I'm thorough.

For my head, face and shoulders, I add some conditioner to give it that volume and sheen.

Perhaps the most tedious part is the drying off, simply because of all the fur. I've attempted blowdrying, though that ends in...ahem...amusing results. And so I usually towel off and dry in my bathrobe.

Then, if I'm feeling daring, I do a little beard trim and a dab of cologne.

The first step to looking your best is to feel your best!"

[bouncingbluebeast]

So like, the X-Men have had a Best Butt Competition at some point, right?

((You put a bunch of superhuman hot people in a single mansion and have them living together for years - DECADES even - and surely someone like Gambit or Wolverine is getting ideas...

Scott's too much of a boyscout to admit any answers and calls it "immature". Mostly he's just insecure that he doesn't have that much for buns in the bakery. It's okay, Scottie, you have wonderful eyes...

Xavier wouldn't stand for it while he's still alive, having to empath around a bunch of hormonal gifted youngsters already.

Logan's a shortstack with a surprising amount of backbacon, though his leering and grumpy stoicism makes him pretty hot-and-cold as a judge.

Hank was an absolute hound-dog growing up, though I think he'd be far too concerned about disrespecting the ladies of the X-Mansion to participate. He did play football growing up, though. It builds the glutes very nicely.

Jean's pretty bashful about viewing her teammates in such a manner, though I think her ogling of Scott and Logan implies other priorities. I imagine she's a bit more willowy, but having a baby certainly changes the body and she's just as beautiful after. I think Jean Grey with freckles would be absolutely lovely. Give the Phoenix some stardust on her skin.

(It's difficult to guess a lot of the Marvel women's body types beyond "generically hourglass supermodel" because that's mostly what is viewed as 'ideal' or 'the pinnacle' of aesthetics. These superheroes are viewed more as concepts than people for designing their forms, especially in Marvel when it's a lot of Humans-Among-Gods)

Ororo. The Kenyan princess, Queen of Storms? Omega-Class Mutant, Alpha-Class Ass. The woman practically invented thunder thighs, and she is all the more powerful. I don't think anyone would dare disrespect someone who can smite you with a glance, but why even would you when she's so striking?

Colossus. Literal buns of steel. Points given for puns, taken for practicality. Only the bravest soldiers can claim those Russian peaks and I salute them.

Remy is a statistical wonder of Cajun cuisine while staying lean as a telephone pole. Not a single crumb of cornbread on this man's plate and it is the deepest tragedy. Secretly, I think this is the part Rogue was disappointed she couldn't feel-oop...

Anna-Marie the southern bell with hips to tell. With her hair and smile, you would be remiss to look lower and find less than if you stay in her eyes. I think a pear-shape makes sense for her, with a little pocket around her abs and very cute calves for when she wears a sundress.

Nightcrawler is a flirt and a charmer, but he is also a consummate and pious gentleman who is always seeing the good and beautiful in his companions. He'd never reduce his comrades - his found family - to something so base as the quality of their posterior. He knows that each and every one of them carries the beauty and the image of God, and he knows they are all winners in His sight.

((As he turns to leave, everyone agrees it's Nightcrawler.))