✿Send this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the game going, make someone smile!✿
This one’s for you babe, because you put up with so much of my drama and still you answer when I call.
Special thanks for @smittenwithsugden for the quick beta.
Take All That I Am - AO3
Robert didn’t know what he should do, they’d been avoidingeach other for weeks and now Aaron was heading straight for him.
Robert didn’t want to give inor give up but it hurt too much seeing Aaron around the village every day.Rebecca clearly wasn’t going anywhere and Robert couldn’t be responsible forAaron self-harming again, so he’d rung his real estate agent and asked him tolook for a cheap flat in Hotten.
The agent had tried to push him towards something fancier,‘a more secure investment’ he’d said, but Robert didn’t care what the placelooked like and he didn’t need a bunch of empty rooms mocking him. He justneeded to get away because he was glad that Aaron was happier, he was. That ithad happened because Robert was out of his life hurt like hell, but Robert knewhe couldn’t hang around and watch Aaron move on with someone else. He wantedAaron to have everything, he’d just clung to the thought that it might one dayinclude him and it was long past time to let that fantasy go.
He’d given Rebecca a hundred thousand pounds for the baby. He’dkept a bit for the purchase of the new flat and some start-up capital for a newbusiness, for when he finally pulled himself together, it might happen oneday…maybe in like ten years or something. Robert had done all this and therest with his solicitor shaking his head over what he called Robert’s 'boneheaded stupidity.’ In the grand scheme of things he’d been called a hell of alot worse.
He’d signed all the paperwork and then gone back to Diane’sand sobbed with his head buried in her lap like he never ever remembered doingin the past. She was the only one who seemed to notice Robert withdrawing intohimself, the only one who knew he was leaving.
“I understand, pet, but I wish you’d stay close where Ican keep an eye on you,” she’d said running her fingers his hair.
“I…can’t. Livwill be home soon and it’s bad enough Aaron hates me, I couldn’t stand it fromher too, we were meant to be a family.Her and Aaron, they were meant to be mine,” Robert had said, feeling morealone than ever.
And now here he was, standing outside in front of Jimmy andNicola’s with Aaron heading for him with what looked like anger on hisbeautiful face. Robert didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what he’d done toupset Aaron this time, but it was the first bit of attention Aaron had shownhim in weeks. Something other than blinding pain and emptiness swirled aroundin his belly and it hurt to breathe.
“What the fuck is this, Robert?” Aaron spat outwhen he got close enough to fling an envelope at Robert that he hadn’t even realised Aaron was holding.
Robert bent to pick up the envelope and opened it up. Ofcourse, well, he had been expecting Aaron to be pissed about Robert’s littleparting gift, but he had not expected Aaron to actually approach him about it.
Robert leant over andtucked the envelope and its contents in the pocket of Aaron’s hoodie.
“Just think of it as a divorce settlement,” Robertsaid feeling every one of his years.
Aaron just looked at him for a moment and then said:“You what? This is most of your money, Robert! What do you think you’replaying at, transferring all this cash into my account?”
Robert felt himself shrug, “I don’t need it. I don’twant it. I only invested it because I wanted to make sure I could always takecare of my fam…of you and Liv. So, use it to pay for Liv’s schooling, keep itor don’t, I don’t care but I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want any of itanymore.”
“You think I want it? I never wanted money, Robert. You have to take it back, we…weren’teven married, I’m not entitled to a divorce settlement. What did you do withthe rest of it?” Aaron argued, an unreadable expression on his face.
Robert shrugged again, not wanting to speak Rebecca’s namein Aaron’s presence.
“Rebecca?” Aaron asked, sounding resigned to thevery fact that she still existed.
“A hundred thousand pounds, the rest is for me to get aflat away from the village,” Robert hating that this was what they hadcome to.
“Robert, there’s barely anything left, the only flatyou’re getting with that is gonna be a teardownor the size of a shoebox. Why are you doing this?” Aaron said with a frownon his face.
Robert wanted to smooth the mark away but he knew his touchwould be unwelcome. He lost the right to touch, or to be concerned. “It’swhat you wanted, isn’t it? Me to leaveyou alone, to let you go? But I can’t watch while you move on and build a lifewithout me.”
“So, you’re just going to leave? When? What about thescrap yard and Home James?” Aaron said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Robert was aware they were gathering a small audience. Cain,Belle, Chrissie and Rebecca were all within shouting distance and Robert reallydidn’t want the whole village knowing his business but sadly he was gettingused to it. Belle, bless her, was theonly one even trying to pretend not to be listening.
“I’ve got to find a place yet and you should be gettingsome paperwork about the scrap yard, I signed my share over to you and, well,Home James, Nicola wants to keep me as part of the company. I will just workfrom home, where ever that ends up being. I tried to break my partnership withHome James but Nicola told me to stick it, who knew, but apparently she likesmy business acumen,” Robert let out a sigh. “I’ll try and be gonebefore Liv gets home, okay?”
“Robert, you don’t have to leave, and I’m going to havethe bank transfer this money back to your account,” Aaron said, taking astep closer to Robert and lowering his voice a little.
“You can’t, the account has been closed along with theone you used to use to transfer the scrap yard profits. Just take the money, Aaron, you don’t want to think of it asa divorce settlement, then think of it as compensation for all the pain andsuffering I put you through since wefirst met,” Robert said taking a step away from Aaron keeping him out ofarm’s length. The last thing he needed was to try and grab ahold of Aaron andnever let go.
“Fine, then I want my ring back Robert, it’smine,” Aaron said, folding his arms across his chest, which just madeRobert want to hold him even more.
“You gave it back to me, besides technically Ipurchased both rings, so it’s mine,” Robert said, not even sure why Aaronwould even want the damn thing.
“Robert, if this is a divorce then I want it back. It’smy ring,” Aaron said, his 'I’m super pissed at you, Robert face’ firmly inplace.
“No,” Robert insisted.
“Why?” Aaron asked, as Robert unconsciously put ahand on his chest.
“Because it makes me feel close to you, there, are youhappy?” Robert explained, feeling two inches tall and completely exposed.
“No, you know what, I don’t care, I want it back,”Aaron said, stepping into Robert’s personal space again and advancing untilthere was barely any space between them. “Hand it over.”
“Fine!” Robert shouted, he didn’t mean to but thethought of being without Aaron or his ring, of the ring just being tossed carelessly in a drawer and forgotten about,made things in Robert’s chest shift and shatter painfully.
Aaron watched as Robert pulled the necklace he’d beenwearing for weeks from around his neck and Robert saw the flush of shock andsomething else unreadable on Aaron’s face when he realised that Robert had kepthis ring so close all this time.
What was he going to do without it? It was his only tangibleconnection to the only man he’d ever loved, the only real family he’d everknown.
“Oh, and I want your car and the rest of the money too,”Aaron informed him like it was anafterthought and he took back his ring from Robert where he held it out.
“You what? What doyou expect me to do? Where do you expect me to live? Do you want me to behomeless?” Robert asked, totally confused at what Aaron was playing at.
“No, you can move intothe second flat at Mill until we sort all this out,” Aaron said, turning awayleaving Robert standing, bewilderment bleeding through every pore.
“Sort out what? I thought we were done? I thought that waswhat you wanted?” Robert didn’t want to push but this was the most Aaron hadspoken to him since he’d told Robert theywere done and this didn’t feel done, damn it.
“Sort out all of this,” Aaron said, turning back to faceRobert and pointing to his ring that he’d somehow managed to slip on his ringfinger without Robert even noticing. “And I was wrong…I’m not sure we’ll everbe over… I’m not done being angry with you yet, Robert, and I’m not done beinghurt, but I’m also not done loving you and I will work out a way to live witheverything that has happened. I’m not giving up this time.”
“I don’t understand what you want from me, Aaron,” Robertdidn’t dare to hope, to even begin to assume what Aaron wearing his ring mightactually mean for them.
“I just want some time and then maybe till we’re eightywouldn’t hurt either,” Aaron replied and gave him a small smile before turningonce again and leaving Robert standing alone again, but for the first time in months, he didn’t feel so alone.
Aaron didn’t want his money, he just didn’t want Robert tobe able to leave the village. He wanted Robert close. He’d asked for his ringback, demanded it really and Robert didn’t want to be happy yet, too afraid itmight all fall apart on him again, but Aaronwas wearing his ring and he said he wasn’t giving up.
That had to be worth something, right?
Robert could feel his face trying to smile, he couldn’tquite get there yet. There was too much pain and hurt, too much worry and fear,but maybe soon, maybe in some time, hemight be able to smile again with Aaron.
You have no idea how much I look up to, on every level - the way you write fic, the way you are so passionate about the things that matter and you don't apologise for that, how candid and real you are as a blogger, and also pushing yourself outside your comfort zone w a yr abroad too x pls try to remember that you're incredible x
I’ve been honestly sobbing over this message since you sent it to me. thank you so much for being so gorgeously kind, you have no idea just how much this means 💖💜
I could literally smoosh you for your positive Rebecca stance, give us bebbie, also I just like her in general but boy the fandom hate is a strong and scary beast 😘😘
Aww, thanks Matty. I guess I´ve just decided that since she´s going to be around at least for the rest of the year, I just can´t be bothered to hate on her anymore? So instead I´ll sigh heavily through all of her scenes with Robert and Aaron from here on out, hope for some consistent characterisation once they get her away from them and try to focus on the positive. (Also, I desperately need some wlw representation on Ed and they would be great together and so much better off than pining after Ross and Robert)
secret fandom compliment here, I didn't follow you beforehand (honestly why the hell didn't I??) and the first time I clicked on your blog I combusted because seriously how cute is that icon, I adore it! then moving on to your bio I felt personally attacked "when your fav characters basically control your every mood you know you're in trouble" ME??? I've never related to anything more, it's how I'm going to describe myself from now on!
I absolutely love your 'my robron obsession' tag and I may have got sidetracked by it one day, drowning myself in emotion so thanks for that lmao. In fact I love all your tags, they definitely portray your love and excitement for robron and that's so nice to see!
I adore how happy and positive your blog is, following you has been like a breath of fresh air these last couple of weeks! you seem so sweet and friendly and I'm so grateful that I found your blog, it's a 10/10 addition to my dash; stay awesome✨
oh and you should definitely write more, that little robron cuddling ficlet melted my heart, so adorable!
@bluewinseverytime replied to your post “Rewatching Robron’s first dance for the 84284282784th time and can we...”
Ikr when I clocked I cracked up ! ���� x
@sugdone replied to your post “Rewatching Robron’s first dance for the 84284282784th time and can we...”
omg this is one of the best things ever
I love looking at other people’s reactions (Sam also has a quick little look but then turns away bless him) but Cain is just so.....CAIN. And I love it!!!!
1. Babe, I'm with you - the negativity is v draining rn, what I see is - they love each other, they're developing, they've chosen to get through the struggles together, its chaotic and its messy and its them! Danny & Ryan are as powerful as they always have been in evoking emotional response, robron is still on our screens breaking up and making up, making us laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time - it hurts cos its a struggle and a rollercoaster, and itll make the climax ever more satisfying
2. I respect and understand people’s frustrations and opinions, but for me it’s still worth it, because ultimately the incredible scenes (like Thursday’s) rely on the painful, ugly bits (like the ons) to evoke relief/happiness, we are so happy to have those reunion/development moments because they follow the mistakes and the angst. For me, I am enjoying it all becaause ed aren’t giving me what i want all the time, they push my buttons as a viewer and a fan, they test the boundaries
3. I have faith, they will give us (in some form) what we want, until the next pleasurable torture comes along in the shape of a new storyline. This won’t last forever, and in the meantime, I’m enjoying the ride. Okay so I’ve just ranted for ages - I apologise, I just have a lot of feels about positivity. It only hurts because we care, I dont know about you, but this sl has taught me alot and made me feel a hundred emotions. What is entertainment for other than that? Ed is still winning imo -Mxx
honestly what can i add to this perfect perfect message?! like you said, its a struggle and a rollercoaster and it’ll make the climax all the more satisfying (i just keep thinking of how amazing the reunion was honestly) and ed has me watching every night so something is working, right?!
anyways thank you so much for this gorgeous message lovely! you’ve improved my evening massively!
