#bnnuirantingagain

[spacebnnui]

stupid thing to be happy about but positive bnnui ranting!!! because yes we need less,, melancholy over here jeez

i have. a little more tummy now yayyayaaya :D its rlly hard for me to gain weight bc i have a fast metabolism but liek,, im a bit chubbier now woooo!!

also

:]]] i am so so sooo proud of myself for keeping up with my eating habits!!! smiles sneetly,,, (<- the most niche reference ever)

[spacebnnui]

being a poc and having mixed ethnicities is hell on earth!! :]

why you may ask?? well ill tell you long yap warning

every interaction when people ask if im just “black” goes so horribly people think im making this shit up NO. im just visibly a black dude,,, cmon,,,

“theres no way youre part irish you dont participate in anything culture-wise/have an accent!! D:” have you ever heard of irish americans you dumbass not. EVERY mixed person is gonna sound “like their culture” thats actually terrible of you to expect,,,

then theres the latino part of me thats pretty small but its THERE. YOU CANT SAY ITS NOT THERE IT JUST DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT??? STOP.

“you were born in america youre not really a latino you dont even look like it/celebrate their holidays” hello my names bnnui and im coming in with the steel chair to hit you

it bugs me so badly. stop stop stoppp youre doing a bad job at accepting mixed people,,,

the ONLY reason i cant celebrate/embrace the parts of me that are special to me being a poc/irish/latino bla bla bla is because. my parents are actually evil!! they associate everything that isnt a religious holiday as a bad thing!!!

black history month?? go fuck yourself (my parents are literally poc hello??? what are we doing…)

the day of the dead?? satanic horrible ritual that has NO. meaning and is entirely bad stay home,,,

i don’t even know if there are any cultural holidays/celebrations that exist for the irish part of me and even some poc related stuff they keep me so naive and sheltered i want to embrace this please stop making me shove it down….

i feel caged get meoutttt

[spacebnnui]

me when i project my physical/mental health problems onto my favorite character and suddenly medkit has

-osteoarthritis (i have juvenile arthritis that came from my dad’s osteoarthritis but medkits an adult so suffer ig)

-eczema

-slight auditory hallucinations (i love when my mom is suddenly telling me to hurt myself in my ears..)

-scoliosis

-astigmatism that renders him legally blind (i canbarely see thats why i have alot of typos)

-clinical depression

-severe anxiety

-fainting spells

-paralysis spells (thank you arthritis for this!)

-weakened lungs (this came from my neighbors smoking too much around little me to the point i ended up at the doctor for breathing issues whoopsie)

-an absolutely ass immune system

-chronic pain (scoliosis when i catch you..)

-chronic migraines

-half blindness in one eye (i relate to medkit bc his left eye is gone and my left eye is pretty much useless because i can’t rlly see much out of that eye)

-possible pots

-mild pcos (this is helpful to me bc 🏳️‍⚧️)

-a weird ass deformity in his left wrist that genuinely feels like being shot (arthritis also gave me this)

-a veryyy slight overbite

-anorexia

-the weird ear ringing thing that shows up when anxiety (i think.. its tinnitus..)

-panic attacks

-bad memory (fuc you trauma)

-possible ptsd????

-audhd

-slight paranoia

-maybe anemia (i have.. an appointment for bloodwork soon.. im so cooked)

-and mildly high blood pressure

point is medkits gonna explode if i list all the problems i want to give him so i then throw it onto poor hyperlaser

also i might ask my mom to get me some sort of walking aid because my arthritis is making everything hard ugh..

[spacebnnui]

ok not a negative ranting thingy,, this is long

but

when im rlly close to someone for like

a few months/weeks. i usually feel inclined to give them my phone number bc i genuinely trust them and i wanna be able to talk to them more often without.. social media restrictions right?

i get SO NERVOUS. bc some people are uncomfortable with that and its such a random question and i dont want them to bloc me or

think im trying to do evil thing

i just love them enough to give them my number so i can spam call them at three am without worry of them suddenly getting banned and never seeing them again

which has happened,, i miss alot of my friends sm sigh

i do not want to mention anyone specifically. bc im worried about losing frens from me being weird

but i do wish i could just like

give a certain few people on here/other places my number without it seeming threatening if they dont wana say yes bc apparently im a fetus

or

desperate i thinkk,, i jus like the peace of mind that i can send you my art and whimsical memes without it getting flagged as unsafe stuff by a stupid ai or something

or them disappearing with no trace and never being able to come bac bc social media is iffy

i wish putting my number in my. bio was ok

but it not,, because people are EVIL,,,

ok bnnui out