#body feels

[geegeecomics]

[adorablemarie]

Leggings and a tank top? Sure.

Feeling it.

[brigidelva]

🏳️

[pavlovpuppy]

i think it’s official

i actually like my body now

[timeforbeing]

strongly considering doing something undercutty and/or unnaturally colourful to my hair tonight... please encourage me

is it because we start antenatal class tomorrow and i desperately want to do something to alleviate the dysphoria of them assuming i'm cis and straight just because i'm gestating? ...........yes. yes that's pretty much it yeah.

i've tried the whole pretty/passing/feminine pregnancy thing so far because i thought it might be easier for some reason? like save time and spoons explaining to new healthcare professionals and whatnot? but instead i just feel increasingly uncomfortable and invisible and angry and aghhhh (and I also haven't really been bothering with makeup or any other femme work so attempting 'normatively pretty' has been a losing game. my skin is NOT glowing lmao.)

some of it is tied in with how people are already trying to forcibly gender my little one and that's making me extra dysphoric specifically as a nonbinary person? like i NEED to be more out as nonbinary for their sake, so people in our lives GET IT more? (I know a dyed undercut isn't the only way to achieve that, and that there should be no such thing as a 'nb hairstyle', i'm just going by how i've found myself feeling with my different cuts over the last few years.)

also some ptsd stuff got triggered at the weekend so i kinda want to do something to take ownership of my body. not belong to the male gaze or whatever. yay survivor feels still being dredged up from like seven years ago, love that.

and hey maybe i'll feel like i *look* like myself again enough that i'll take some hot selfies for y'all. i've taken so few pictures this year? damn it i just want to be a visibly queer cliché again. kinda necessary now Little Bear is getting noticeable to strangers and it's about to be even more of a 'women! ladies! mums! female things!' casual misgendering fest.

oh also got my first tiny drops of colostrum today. like, i'm friends with my boobs 99% of the time and I think it's super cool I can do the mammal nutrition thing, so it was exciting! but it's possible that it still contributed to these icky feels about my appearance/presentation. idk. it's just like, no, i don't want a drapy fashionable nursing top - i want my leather jacket to fit my chest again! and there isn't a maternity bra on this earth that is my size and actually comfy and wearable ugh. currently my dungarees (affectionately nicknamed bumpgarees) are my only joy. such a strong queer-90s-farmer LOOK. I'm just craving more of that affirming bumpgaree feeling, y'know?

[crushing83]

Can't afford a tattoo right now (and I don't have my back idea solidified enough to talk to an artist about it), but I'm craving that rush. Maybe I'll get something pierced. Maybe I just wanna hurt a bit. Maybe I'm just bored. IDK.