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BONES 11x11, The Death in the Defense: A Long Mess of Thoughts

Wow. Just…wow. Those words were the only thing I had written for the first 24 hours after the episode. I don’t even know why I’m surprised by my overly astonished reactions anymore. They have become more commonplace than sleeping or eating at this point. Is that wrong to say? I am always in such awe of Bones. Always. Whether it is a an episode dominated by frivolity and levity, or an episode darkened by sorrow, I am just constantly amazed. So my surprise, I suppose, is more about just how deeply I can still love an episode of a show that has surpassed 200 episodes. On the surface, this wasn’t necessarily the most depressing installment we have seen. Because Hodgins seemed to be in high spirits throughout most of it- considering the circumstances. There were some really sweet scenes, as well as some moments providing much-needed comic relief (thank you, Caroline). And yet, I found myself tense during the majority of the episode. Throughout it all, the characters appeared to be harboring a considerable amount of worry, sadness, and guilt over the sad turn of events, which occurred months prior. And while Hodgins seemed relatively hopeful for the majority of the hour, I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knew something had to come in to completely crush his dreams. And the moment it happened, it was even more devastating than I could have imagined.

Continue at your own risk (as i tend to drone on for hours)…

I find that it is easier to just skip over most of the case-related items, which aren’t necessarily pertinent to the characters. Not because the cases are not important. They are. And brilliantly executed. But mainly because my tendency to ramble about anything and everything would likely cause this to be twice as long. No one wants that…That said, the case does generally have implications for the characters’ stories. And there is usually some crossover and overlap.

I basically knew what to expect at the start of this episode. It was not like The Doom in the Boom, during which I spend the entire time trying to figure out what sort of pain the show was going to inflict on me and which character(s) it would directly impact. I read the teases for this one. I knew Hodgins was going to be somewhat optimistic about his rehabilitation. He was going to be enthusiastic about life just getting back to “normal.”. And he was going to want to immediately go back to playing with bugs and helping to solve murders. That is what he does best. That is where he feels at home. I’m jumping ahead, but I find it really telling that when Angela was ready to take him home, they went straight to the lab instead. I think so many of these people have found their home at the lab. Found their place in the world at a time when they were really alone. I don’t think it’s insensitive or inaccurate to say that being a scientist and or/solving crimes is a fundamental part of their identities Particularly in the case of Hodgins and Brennan. Anyway, I digress as usual.

We pick up two months later with Hodgins getting ready to leave the rehabilitation center. I was not-so-secretly relieved that we were not there to see him initially learn about his condition. I think there will be plenty of angst and drama coming down the pipeline, and I know my heart will ache plenty between now and the end of the season. But I believe that seeing that moment of realization would have broken me. Watching Angela learn the news was difficult enough. And that first moment of Hodgins being settled into his chair made it all the more real. We knew what was coming. We have seen photos of TJ on set. But it has been four months since the mid-season finale. We were able to store that bit of tragic information away for a while. Pretend as though everything was fine. But here we are. We, along with Hodgins, must face this new reality. It is really going to be about getting to that place of acceptance. Not giving up, but also not believing it to be a failure should he never regain the use of his legs. Because the truth is that it is not a failure. Hodgins was saved. He survived what could have been a deadly blast. But acceptance will take some time. Again, I’m getting ahead of myself here.

As I was saying, Hodgins is being helped into his chair. The camera work is interesting here, as we don’t actually see his face until he’s all settled in. The show is telling us that this is Jack Hodgins now. But his spirits seem relatively high, and he is quite optimistic about his chances of walking again. Apparently he has felt some tingling in his feet. But the doctor recommends he take it slow. There is still potential for further damage to his body. And having mobility above the waist is definitely preferable to none. Angela has a look of worry in her eyes, which sadly, remains in tact throughout the episode. Except for one moment at the end, which actually may be the most heart-wrenching of all.

Is there anything more glorious than Booth and Brennan car scenes? Few things, I would imagine. Car scenes can be such throwaway moments for other shows. But on Bones, car scenes are always meaningful. Whether it’s a serious conversation or just another light-hearted glimpse into our characters’ relationship, it’s always an integral part of the story. In this instance, it sets up Booth and Brennan’s opposite stances on Hodgins’ situation. Booth and Brennan see the world differently. That’s something we’ve always seen and have always known. They aren’t opposites per se, but they so often have disparate views on a single situation. In this particular instance, they are in disagreement about Hodgins. Brennan, of course, is leaning on the evidence. After studying Hodgins’ scans and conducting extensive research on spinal nerves, she can say with almost-certainty that he will likely never walk again. Booth, who so often relies on hope and faith to help him overcome his own issues, “knows” that Hodgins will work harder than anyone. And that anything is possible. Miracles do happen. He has seen it with his own eyes. Booth believes it is a positive sign that Hodgins is returning home. He has witnessed injured soldiers recover from war wounds. “There is nothing more important than hope.” What I love (one of the many things) about these two people is that they have always been able to look at a situation differently, and it doesn’t adversely affect their relationship. At least not ultimately. It’s a healthy discourse. They can bicker, they can even argue, but they know who the other person is. It may take a couple attempts, but they can eventually see from where the other is coming. They don’t always get to a place of agreement. But they at least get to a place of understanding and acceptance. The discussion is tabled, due to a body find.

Hodgins and Angela apparently hightailed it straight to the Jeffersonian. Brennan, Cam and Wendell are all pleasantly surprised to see him there. But apparently, Hodgins had threatened to hitchhike if Angela didn’t bring him by the lab. He helps Wendell (who has become an expert on bugs in the last few weeks) determine the discrepancy in his time of death conundrum. Everyone is pleased, and Cam wants to get to a stopping point so they can all grab lunch together. But Hodgins has other ideas. With a smile on his face and a sparkle in his eye, he announces that he will be be working the case. Everyone else adopts a concerned look.

(After the credits) Hodgins pays a visit to Cam in the autopsy room. He doesn’t know how she’s gotten along without him. But Cam is still concerned. As a friend, she wants him to take care of himself. She knows that if Hodgins isn’t careful, he could sustain further damage to his nerves. But the King of the Lab is persistent and eager. He finds yet another case clue. “See, you need me.” Cam relents. “You can help us. But this doesn’t mean you’re back at work.” Seeing Hodgins so happy puts a smile on my face. But an uneasy one. Because again, I just know something is going to come in and obliterate his hopes. For now, he’s back.

Booth and Brennan are meeting with a priest who was acquainted with the victim. Brennan, of course, says something wonderfully questionable. You’ll be hard pressed to find any Brennan moment I don’t adore. Most of this scene is case-related. But the priest does posit a question that hits close to home. “How can something so ugly happen to someone so good?” Life is random. And unfair. These characters we love so dearly, they are all good people. Each and every one of them. The best people, really. And yes, I understand it’s a television show, and there will always be a heightened level of drama. But all of them have faced more horror in the last decade than so many of us will see in a lifetime. And Hodgins, so good, so compassionate, and a lover of life- he doesn’t deserve what happened to him. No one deserves that. That is one of the things we all have to reconcile- Why do these bad things keep happening to such good people. It’s random. It’s like a game Russian roulette, this job they do. But Hodgins is not an FBI agent. He was never supposed to be exposed to that level of danger. Same with Vincent. And Sweets. Well, perhaps Sweets put himself in harm's way a bit more. But he was a good person. They all are/were. None of them deserved their fates.

Hodgins, still in a cheery mood, brings more information to Cam and Angela. Angela remains quite wary. She tells Hodgins she should have refused to allow him to come to the lab and work. But ever the charmer, Hodgins responds “but you didn’t because you love solving cases, and you love me so much.” Just to make sure everyone is clear on the terms, Cam reiterates that Hodgins is to go home once the bones are recovered. They do immediately figure out where the bones should be located, but Hodgins still isn’t ready to go home. He wants to go out there and retrieve the bones himself. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Poor Angela just wants to get him home safe, before he can inflict more damage upon himself. She tells him that his wheelchair won’t make it through the mud. Looking at Hodgins’ face in that moment, my heart just sank. I think his did too. Because as much as he wants things to go back to the way they were, and as much as he is still an invaluable asset to the team, everything is not the same. It cannot and never will be the same. And to have that plainly stated to him is sort of jarring. He seems to recover from it quickly, and still wants to help.

Caroline’s back, and I couldn't be more thrilled. She’s at the FBI working with Aubrey on some casework. But she notices that Aubrey is “in a different solar system,” and asks what’s on his mind. Well, Hodgins is on his mind. He cannot stop thinking about him in a wheelchair. “Dr. Hodgins will watch his son grow up, thanks to you. You’re a hero.” Seems as though Aubrey is holding onto some guilt over the blast, and Hodgins’ resulting paralysis. Caroline has said her peace, and she doesn’t want to hear any more about it. Her no-nonsense demeanor is comforting to me, at least. Aubrey feels the same, as he forms a small smile. It’s not his fault. In fact, he saved Hodgins’ life. Without his quick thinking, Hodgins would almost certainly be dead.

Wendell has taken over Hodgins’ fieldwork for the time being. He’s out searching for the bones, while Hodgins observes via video feed. Still not bogged down by his earlier disappointment, he even has himself a laugh when Wendell slides down a muddy hill. “Enjoying yourself Hodgins?” “Yeah, I really am.” Wendell finds the bones and in a moment of excitement, Wendell turns the camera back on himself and says “King of the Lab.” Once again, Hodgins has that look in his eyes, like he just received another punch to the gut. But he goes along with it. Because at this point, he is still holding onto that little bit of hope.

More case stuff. Wendell finds Brennan in the bone room. As they are further examining the remains, Wendell makes sure to mention Hodgins’ contributions to the case several times over. Finally, Wendell poses the question of Hodgins staying at the lab. But Brennan tells him that Cam believes it would be detrimental to his recovery. Wendell is concerned about Hodgins staying home, being forced to think about everything he cannot do anymore. Brennan replies that there is no quantitative method to evaluate that question. Wendell doesn’t want Hodgins to give up. He mentions his struggle with his own diagnosis a few years ago. He wanted to give up, let the disease just run its course. But Booth told him not to give up. He needed to fight. And Wendell listened. “That metaphorical concept will not give Hodgins the use of his legs.” Because Hodgins’ recovery is so unlikely, Brennan is concerned that he might even be offended by the implication that he can “will” his legs into functioning again. Wendell’s recovery was unlikely as well, but he fought and made it into remission. Brennan is happy about that, but this situation is different. Perhaps some may think Brennan is being harsh or cold here. They could not be more wrong. She cares so intensely and so deeply about the people she loves. She loves Hodgins. He is part of her family. But she is a firm believer in evidence- what she can see and touch. The tangible. The evidence tells her that Hodgins may never walk again. She doesn’t want to devastate him. Giving him hope and then taking it away would be detrimental to his recovery. She doesn’t want to do anything that may offend or upset him during this time. She is not uncaring. She is not cold. Wendell knows this. He has seen firsthand just how much this woman cares. I’m sure thinking back to the beginning stages of his Cancer, he could recall quite a few times when he became privy to just how big Brennan’s heart muscle is. Like Wendell, she will help Hodgins in any way that she can. She just doesn’t see the logic or practicality of giving him a misplaced sense of hope when that is not what he needs. If you know Brennan, then you understand her thought process here.

Cam walks into Angela’s office to check in and see if she’s found anything pertinent to the case. As they are waiting for results on the Angelatron, Angela wants to make sure Cam is sticking to what she said earlier. She wants Hodgins to be done with this case. Cam is trepidatious, as it’s going to be too difficult to have that conversation with him. “It’s been hard for me too, you know.” I know that what happened to Hodgins was nothing short of a tragedy, but think about Angela here too. Finding out about Hodgins’ diagnosis, probably needing to be in the room if not being the one who tell him about his legs, not being able to be home with him for those two months, taking care of their child, and living in a constant state of worry. Their lives will never be the same. That’s a lot for a wife to handle. But she is also just grateful that he’s alive. Hodgins could have so easily died that night. If it weren’t for Aubrey, he likely would have. Or he would have sustained far more life-threatening damage. He is still breathing, and he’s still Hodgins. She wants to keep it that way. She wants to protect him, and protect their life together. Angela tells Cam that before the accident, they had been talking about having more kids. How can life change so significantly on a dime? But still, it’s not about her. It’s about Hodgins. She doesn’t want to see him suffer another setback. She cannot watch him endure any more pain. Cam will talk to him. And there is really no scenario where that will go over well.

Cam finds Hodgins in the Ookey Room “exercising” his legs. He’s proving to her that he can work on his recovery AND work on cases at the same time. But Cam doesn’t want the liability involved with him exercising without a therapist. Hodgins continues with this eager attitude, wanting to keep moving forward on the case. He announces that he is going to swab for more evidence, but Cam stops him. “Dr. Hodgins, no, you are off this case.” Immediately dejected, Hodgins begs her to reconsider. “I need to be here. It’s who I am.” “You are so much more than this job.” I’m always conflicted in these moments. Moments when people tell Hodgins and Brennan that there is more to life than work. On one hand, yes, I agree. A full life is more than just a day at the office. It’s about relationships- love, family and friends. But it’s also about purpose. Drive. Speaking from experience, job fulfillment can really affect all facets of one’s life. If you’re not fulfilled at work, that feeling can bleed heavily into your personal life. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone. And I’m not saying that work is everything. But purpose, that’s vital to people like Hodgins and Brennan. And Booth, really. Booth and Brennan tried retiring. They failed. Of course they love their family and their life outside of the lab/office. But neither of them could stay away. It’s not all that they are. But it’s part of them. A significant part of them. Ingrained in the very fiber of their being. And that goes for Hodgins as well. Thinking back to when Hodgins and Angela were going to move to Paris, I’m reminded of that moment when he was playing with one of his new “toys” on the platform. Angela took one look at the pure unadulterated joy on her husband’s face and knew she couldn’t take that away from him. This job makes him happy. It fulfills him. And with this job and his family by his side, he wants nothing more from life. He has everything he will ever need. This injury took away something that was physically a part of him. There is a part of him missing. His world doesn’t make sense right now. Why did this happen? How can he come back from it? But getting back to work, doing what he loves, that’s a little bit of normalcy he can grasp onto. He’s in his element. He’s Jack Hodgins, King of the Lab again. So yes, he’s so much more than this job. But this job is also a vital component of his identity. Cam gets a harsh tone to her voice. Not because she’s insensitive. Quite the opposite. She wanted him to hear her. She needed him to hear her. And looking as though he is about to burst into tears, he finally leaves. I hate this. And I love this. I hate that I have to see this character in such pain. But I love that this is something we haven’t yet explored in the show.

Glossing over some more casework, Aubrey is once again talking to someone acquainted with the victim who tells him that the victim “needed an outlet. We all do.” And that ties right back into Hodgins as well. He needs something in his life. Something that’s his. That’s what work is. But right now, he’s sidelined. And that’s a definite setback.

Hodgins is at home and he and Angela are video chatting. Angela starts nervously chatting about the case, but Hodgins tells her that talking about the case isn’t helping. It’s making things worse. I’m not sure she really knows what to do. Hodgins understands that she only wants to do the right thing. But what is that? Two months ago they were so happy. Two months ago they made plans to have another child. They were celebrating life. Life is fleeting and precious, and it can be taken away at any moment. Especially when you do what these people do. And it did change in an instant. It will never be the same as it was. Hodgins has so much with which to contend. Why did this happen to him? He is so lucky. But at the same time, so unlucky. He will surely get annoyed and even upset with those he loves because they cannot possibly understand what he’s going through and what was taken from him. And Angela, she’s going to get the brunt of it all. She seems to be tiptoeing around him here. She only wants to help- to do the best thing for him and their family. But does she know what that is? Does he?

Diner scene! Booth, Brennan and Cam are initially discussing the case. Booth notes that Hodgins would have loved this part. But Cam tells him that she sent him home. “I had to.” Booth asks her if she’s sure about having him leave. “Hodgins didn’t have a choice about what happened to him. You should let him decide how he’s gonna come back from it.” But Cam could never forgive herself if something worse happened to Hodgins. Booth feels that work will only help him. It will keep his “hope” in tact. Brennan chimes in, as she fails to understand why Hodgins needs hope. Again- she is not being cold or cruel. She legitimately cannot understand why Hodgins would need to be deluded into having any “misguided” sense of optimism relative to his condition. To her, it is what it is. The rational thing to do would be to accept it, and figure out how to live with it. I can understand where each character is coming from. Brennan is practical, as always. Booth has faith. And Cam feels guilty, and somehow responsible for Hodgins. I’m not sure there is a right way to feel here. But I’m inclined to at least agree that at the end of the day, Hodgins should get a choice in something. He should be able (so long as he is exercising caution) to make an informed decision about his own life. Because yes, this was not his choice. His right to choose was taken away. And he is still Hodgins. And he is still very much alive.

Angela finds Brennan in the bone room and wants to show her something pertaining to the case. Brennan takes the opportunity to ask how Hodgins is doing. Angela’s answer- not great. “He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.” Brennan talks about the myth from which that idiom originated. It’s not necessarily a comforting tale, so Brennan then tells Angela she’s going to hug her. I know we saw this moment in one of the promo videos, but in context, it was just so lovely. Brennan is not always able to read people. Though, over the years she has vastly improved. But she does have a talent for knowing how to read those closest to her. And she can see that Angela is really struggling. She too is stuck between a rock and a hard place. What should she do? Does she give Hodgins the freedom he yearns for, knowing full well that there is the risk that he could get worse? Does happiness come before safety? It’s really hard to know what to do. So Brennan comforts her best friend in a language she knows Angela will understand. There will be more moments like this coming up. The friendship between Angela and Brennan is basically the longest-running relationship on the show. Sure, now they are both married with kids. They do not always get to spend as much time together as they used to. But that doesn’t mean their friendship is any less important. It has just evolved, like every relationship does over time. Angela has been there for Brennan through so much. Supported her in any way that she could. Now it’s Brennan’s turn again to be there for her friend. With Hodgins spiraling, she is really going to need someone to lean on. A shoulder to cry on. Angela is strong, but there is only so much a person can take. I love moments with just the two of them. I believe this is what some people call friendship goals?

Back at the FBI, Booth and Aubrey are talking about the case. Not much to say here except I have to side with Aubrey on the cinnamon issue. Cinnamon is my absolute favorite spice. And I too put it in my coffee. That’s all.

Angela comes home and brings Hodgins some conspiracy theory journals to cheer him up. What a loving wife. She knows her husband. Though, in this case, it’s just not enough. She catches him talking to Wendell about the case. Angela sits down to speak to Hodgins. “I know that you’re essential to the team. I’ve never doubted that. But you’re also essential to me.” She’s just worried about him. She loves Hodgins. She has loved him for a long time. And she almost lost him. But she didn’t. And she doesn’t want anything to take him away from her. Not now. Not ever. Hodgins asks her what she loves about him. Angela tells him that he’s passionate, smart, curious, and open-minded. Hodgins says his work makes him that way. “And without it, I don’t know how to be the man that you fell in love with.” That’s a huge and startling statement to make. As I mentioned previously, some people really are defined by what they do. I don’t think Hodgins is a workaholic in the traditional sense of the word. But his work is his passion. His work fulfills him. His work is really such a huge part of his life. It’s always been. He’s been rich and he’s been poor. But he’s never felt poor because of his love for his job. And then later, his love for Angela. That’s not a bad thing. He isn’t saying that his work is all that he is and all that he has in his life. But it does motivate him. It gets him out of bed every morning. It gives his life meaning. When you take away such a big part of someone’s life, it’s not abnormal for them to have an identity crisis. Who am I without this part of me? Where do I belong? Angela will go to work every day. Michael Vincent will go to school every day. Aside from Hodgins, their lives are essentially unchanged. But for Hodgins, everything has changed. He has to learn how to adapt to this new reality. Things he previously took for granted, like walking or moving up a floor, he can’t do them anymore. Adjustments have to be made, both physically and emotionally. Hodgins’ comment to Angela was persuasive, and she seems to reluctantly support his need to help the team. For now.

A few breaks in the case later, Booth and Brennan show up on the now-prime suspect’s doorstep. Let’s just take a moment to appreciate Booth and Brennan. On the other side of a door. Nothing thrills me more than seeing these two people, partners in both work and in life, doing what they do best. David and Emily are so natural in this scene. I don’t even know if they realize how close they stand or how often they touch. It’s so genuine. They are just brilliant. Brennan finds blood and that’s all the evidence they need for this case I’ve barely mentioned. Another case closed. Another murderer caught.

Came pays a visit to Hodgins. She tells him that she sent him home because of her. Not because of him. Apparently, since that fateful day two months ago, she has been holding onto a lot of guilt. She let him work that day, even though she knew he was hurt. If she sent him home, he wouldn’t be in this position. This wouldn’t have happened to him. But Hodgins wanted to be there. He wanted to work. Just like he does now. That’s a choice he, himself, made. He’s an adult. Cam, Angela, Booth, Brennan, and Aubrey- they aren’t responsible for him. They can’t make his decisions for him. Sometimes we make choices that lead to terribly unfavorable consequences. That’s part of being an adult. We don’t always choose correctly. It’s no one’s fault. Well, it is that psychotic kid’s fault from The Doom in the Boom. But Cam couldn’t have stopped Hodgins from working that day. When Hodgins showed up so soon after leaving rehab, Cam was scared. If she couldn’t protect him from his paralysis, she wanted to at least prevent him from sustaining any further damage. She eventually concedes that this is not her decision to make. And that if he wants to come back, the lab could of course use him. Angela is still worried. How could she not be? But she leaves the choice to him. And Hodgins of course wants to come back.

Over at Booth and Brennan’s, Booth is cleaning up Christine’s mess from coloring earlier that day. Brennan enters and informs him that Angela called. Hodgins will be going back to work the next day. Booth sees it as good news. Hodgins has something to look forward to. But Brennan is uneasy. She is worried about both Angela and Hodgins. Booth tells her that the two will be fine, and that Brennan should have a little faith. Faith is hard to come by for Brennan. But we have seen her acknowledge it as something she’s felt in the past. The Life in the Light comes to mind. She has faith in Booth. But I think that faith was still reinforced with evidence. Evidence that Booth was working hard. Tangible proof that he had made it 30 days sober. And almost a decade of evidence supporting Booth’s perseverance and character. This situation seems different. There are wild cards involved. It’s hard to have faith in what she sees as a hopeless situation. After all, the science in this instance is not favorable. It’s not on Hodgins’ side. Brennan tells Booth she believes in the certainty of science. “But in this case, the science makes me sad.” This line was actually quite devastating to me. Something that usually provides such comfort to Brennan is the same thing that is now causing her pain. At that moment Brennan seemed a little hopeless as well. Science has always been there for her. It’s supposed to be objective and certain. But right now it’s just cruel. It’s not in her favor. It’s rational but it’s not.

Booth tells Brennan that it’s going to be okay. FAITH. But then they hug. And it’s really just such an indulgent moment. At least for me. I know there are people out there who believe that if these two don’t kiss, it’s a letdown. I’m not one of them. I will never be one of them. These two people are just so ridiculously in love with each other and their life together. The proof is right there in front of us. That hug is not just a hug. Look at their body language. Look at the way they are reluctant to let go at the end of it. And look at the way they look at each other for the rest of the scene. It’s incredible. It’s astonishing. I say it constantly, but it is real mature true love. Kissing is lovely, and they somehow do it better than anyone else on television. But there are so many other ways to convey love. And they constantly do it in every other way possible. They are what every couple should strive to be. To further illustrate my point, Booth says “Did you ever think you’d have an amazing, great husband like me. And three beautiful kids who like, love you crazy.” That line murdered me, emotionally speaking. No, she did not think that this was a life she would ever have. “That was an unlikely turn of events.” She is not living the life she expected. Life threw her for a loop. Booth threw her for a loop. Perhaps this was a life she dreamed of as a child. After all, she did save that photo of the wedding dress. But after her parents left, she had to change her life. She had to change the way she lived. It was about self-sufficiency and survival. She would never put herself in a position where she could be hurt again. Love makes you vulnerable. She would never be vulnerable again. But, as so often happens, life took an unpredictable turn. Booth entered her life, and turned it upside down. She isn’t living the life she expected. She is living a life that has exceeded all expectations. She loves her life. She loves her children. And she loves Booth. It’s not perfect. But it’s perfect to her. She is living a wide life. I also applauded the inclusion of Parker in Booth’s statement. And the fact that he acknowledges that Parker is as much her child as he is Booth’s. The life they are living now is just beyond anything I could have envisioned for them. I’m so grateful that we’ve gotten to see life after one baby. Life after marriage. Life after two babies. It’s been so fulfilling. And so much more than other shows will give you. That’s really just a testament to the relationship between Booth and Brennan, and David and Emily.

Booth tries to assuage Brennan’s concern. He tells her that Angela and Hodgins will be okay. Because they are strong, and because they love each other. She seems to take his word for it for the moment. I think she can at least agree that she knows what love can do. She understand its power, and that it can often transcend logic.

She then notices out of the corner of her eye that Christine drew a skeleton. Brennan is extraordinarily impressed, even though Christine failed to draw an appropriate number of ribs and phalanges. But it is a skeleton, nonetheless. “Like mother, like daughter.” I love how happy this makes Booth. Brennan does not always see herself clearly. She knows she’s brilliant, but I think it has always worried her that her children may turn out like her. Not with intelligence. Of course she wants them to be highly intelligent. But she doesn’t want them to have her perceived emotional shortcomings. Quite frankly, I think she doesn’t give herself enough credit in that department. She connects with people on a very deep level. She just sometimes does it differently than how one would normally expect. Seeing the look on Booth’s face, he wants nothing more than a house full of mini-Brennan’s. She is the person he fell in love with. He loves her, everything about her. So why wouldn’t he be anything less than ecstatic if Christine turned out like her. But Brennan wants Christine to have some of Booth’s qualities as well. “I hope she grows up to have faith like you.” From what I’ve seen, Christine is already a perfect mix of both her parents. The best of both. What more could they ask for? Neither of these characters can really see themselves clearly sometimes. But Booth and Brennan can at least always see the truth of the other. They recognize the good in each other. They see things that no one else can see. They know each other like no one else. I lost my point somewhere in there, but Booth will be happy if his children are exactly like Brennan. And Brennan would be thrilled if they turned out like Booth. Because they love each other for who they are. And their children will ultimately reflect that.

The moment is over and Booth decides he wants to bring Christine’s drawing to work. Brennan wants to make a few corrections first. I love the fact that she is going to correct a six year old’s depiction of a skeleton drawn with crayons. “You don’t adjust kids’ art, Bones.” The fact that they are even having this conversation thrills me. They are still the same people they were when they met. Always love a good bickering session. Except the topics have shifted a bit.

Sadly, I thought that scene was the last. I was going to at least end the evening with a sense of happiness, and even a smidge of hope. Usually a sweet Booth and Brennan scene does close out the episode. But not this time. We are taken back to Hodgins’ house where he gets a phone call from his doctor. He is excited for her to tell him that there are signs of regrowth in his scans. But she is calling with bad news. There were no signs in his MRI. His tingling feelings are actually due to a phantom sensation, and not indicative of neural connectivity. Looking at Hodgins’ face in that moment- the moment when all his hopes were essentially crushed and buried- is like getting hit in the stomach with a baseball bat. He asks the doctor if there is still a chance he could still recover use of his legs. But she once again crushes all hope. In her opinion, no. This is the catalyst that is going to push Hodgins into that downward spiral. The first sign comes quickly, with Hodgins immediately lying to his wife. Angela is anxious to hear what the doctor had to say. And Hodgins tells her that everything is great. Angela initially appears to be relieved. But Hodgins darkly repeats that “it’s really great” and leaves her standing there in confusion and quite concerned. I don’t think she knows what to do or how to help. And Hodgins, well, it’s really difficult to fault him for his attitude. When you lose the last of your hope, bitterness ensues. I think we are going to see a lot of “angry” Hodgins. The same man we met at the beginning of the show. Only, it will be intensified. He will start to notice and fixate on all the things he cannot do anymore. He will take note of all the negative ways his life has changed instead of being grateful that he has a life. I don’t know if, when or how he will regain perspective. Will someone eventually get through to him? What will be his epiphany moment? It made me nervous when Emily said it was hard to act in some of the scenes with TJ because Hodgins says such harsh things. It’s going to absolutely crush me to see Angela and Hodgins struggle during this period of time. They have been so stable for so many years. And they are such a wonderful loving couple. It’s going to be excruciating. But I am completely blown away by TJ and Michaela this week. I know they are only going to impress me more as circumstances get increasingly more dyer. In the words of Sondheim, I’m “excited and scared.”

I know this week was perhaps not everyone’s cup of tea. I myself am a Booth and Brennan fanatic. I live for these characters. I live for that relationship. It is everything to me. But I adore each and every character in the Bones universe. They are all so important. And I also love these actors. It was really time for TJ to get an important story like this. I’m hesitant to say “arc” because this isn’t going to be solved in three episodes. The bulk of the emotional journey may. But I don’t see him ever walking again. So it will be more about acceptance. How can he get to that place of acceptance? What’s it going to take to make him see everything he still has? The acting by everyone was incredible this week. Every time I think the bar cannot get any higher with these people, they raise it. Eleven seasons and they are not slowing down. Each episode is better than the last. People can disagree with me, but this is my opinion. There is nothing wrong with giving other characters compelling arcs. Nothing. It doesn’t mean you see Booth and Brennan any less. For this particular arc, we are reminded of the different ways Booth and Brennan see the world. And we are left to choose what’s right. Because neither of them are wrong. It’s a matter of perspective and outlook. I know my heart is going to metaphorically break several times over in the coming weeks. I’m going to cry for the characters I love so dearly. Because it hurts to see them in pain when they deserve only happiness. I also know I’m going to smile and laugh with them as well. Because “happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.” Yes, I just quoted Harry Potter. But it was relevant. This will be one of the darkest things this “family” has ever had to face. But they will eventually come through the other side stronger and better than before. They will get to a happier place. It will just take time, courage, and yes, even a little faith.

There is so much to look forward to for the rest of the season. I can’t even pick what I am most excited about. I do not think anyone has to worry. Whether you’re a fan of Booth, Brennan, Angela, Hodgins, Cam, Aubrey, or the squinterns- everyone will get a story. Everyone. No one is being left out. No one is getting less screen time. Anything that affects one character affects all of them. That is what it means to be a family. So you will see how each one of them deals with an issue. Even if that issue technically directly impacts only one person. It will ultimately affect all of them in some way. I cannot wait to see how this all plays out. I am just so happy to have the show back, to have something to look forward to each week. This show is my compass. These characters are my home. Bones is my guide in life. It is my best friend. It is my family. This is season 11, and it is still nothing short of incredible. Season 11 and I am still on the edge of my seat, laughing, crying and loving every moment. This week was another “hour” of beautifully poignant performances. I’m sure what’s to come will be even better. Because every episode is another chapter in these characters’ lives. And every chapter we learn something new. I will never get enough of this show. I will never want to stop learning and growing with these characters. To me, they are perfect. To me, they are life.

Congratulations if you made it to the end. I truly appreciate your dedication to this nonsensical rambling mess. Until next week!

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