#bonesohbones

[spacedancer1701]

I just love when he’s being so protective! 💙

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Imagine seeing Leonard in a kissing booth

Came from this post by @spones-in-my-bones and I went from there. 

You heard the rumors, hardly could believe them. But as you walked into the huge mess hall that was decorated like a carnival, like ones you had seen in in those old movies, your face beamed in delight. Wanting to see if what you heard was true, you started working the room, stopping at each booth; playing a few games and sampling a oddly shaped sweet delight called cotton candy.

And then you got to the last booth and saw a huge sign that said Kissing Booth, with a long line of woman waiting in front of it. Waving hello to a few crewmembers in line, you noticed the looks of anticipation on their faces and you followed their gaze to the front of the booth.

Leonard McCoy was standing there with his hands across his chest and his usual cantankerous frown. You laughed and walked right up to the booth, ignoring whoever shouted, “Get in line!”

“So the rumors are true,” you leaned into the booth and playfully patted the side of his face. Leonard’s entire composure relaxed and he smirked, “It’s for charity.”

“So Jim’s making you do it,” you raised an eyebrow and looked behind Leonard to Jim who was standing a few feet behind his friend, watching the whole situation unfold with a shit eating grin.

“Smug bastard kept telling me it was for sick children and how could I say no?”

“You’re a good man, Leonard,” you smiled and glanced over to all the women waiting impatiently behind you. “Maybe I’ll get in line and pay for a kiss.”

The doctor’s mouth twitched into a smirk, “Oh really?”

“Or maybe I’ll just take my kiss right now,” you reached over and pulled Leonard down by the neck, pressing your lips against his roughly. He stilled for a second before melting into your mouth, moving his hand around your waist and bringing you closer to his body. Slipping your other hand around his neck, you tugged at his dark locks and he groaned into your mouth. A few hoots and someone yelling, “Do I get a kiss like that!” brought the kissing session to an end. Your body flushed when Leonard’s eyes pore into yours, his lips plumped and swollen from the kiss. “So I better let you get to it.”

Leonard’s eyes flickered to the women behind you, before landing his gaze back onto you. “How could I possibly do that, when the only person I want to kiss is standing right in front of me?”

Grinning like an idiot, you told the doctor to get Jim and you turned to the kissing booth enthusiast. “Okay, so I know you all were excited to kiss this handsome hunk,” you pointed a thumb to Leonard who was dragging Jim over. “But why have the prized pony when you could have the stallion? Who wants the chance to kiss the Captain!”

Leonard pushed Jim forward and the crowd cheered. The captain glared at you and you just shrugged innocently, “Go get em’ tiger.”

Leonard laughed and reached down for your hand, “I’m a prized pony, really?”

“Well, I had to make you sound unappealing, I don’t like sharing,” you retorted with a smirk.

Jim glanced over his shoulder and his eyes soften at the sight of you two holding hands and he sighed contently before turning to his crewmembers. “Alright ladies, whose first?”

It’s terrible, sorry.

Tagging just a few: @bkwrm523 @outside-the-government @feelmyroarrrr  @yourtropegirl

[spacedancer1701]

”There’s nothing disgusting about it. It’s just another life form, that’s all.“ (from 'Metamorphosis‘)

🥰💙 That’s the Bones I love! 💙🥰

[spacedancer1701]

On Borrowed Time  a Star Trek fic (Chapters 11 - 20)

Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (AOS) Pairing: McCoy x Original Female Character (Dr. Jennifer Hope) Characters: The Crew of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) Rating/Warnings: None Tags: Friendship, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Mild H/C, Caring/Protective/Tender/Comforting/Happy/Grumpy McCoy Word Count: This is a long one 😄 (61 chapters - 120k)

Read it on AO3: On Borrowed Time 

Chapter 11

The next day, after Hope had told him the name of the ensign she’d been so concerned about, and he’d again promised to take care of the matter, McCoy was happy to see her flitting about sickbay, back to her happy self.

And once again, he had the opportunity to admire her way with people, when two of his obviously bored patients started a noisy argument about something or other, and Hope managed to restore harmony in sickbay in less than five minutes.

Hearing the commotion, he’d come running out of his office, only to see Hope already standing between the two beds, hands on hips, like a displeased mother. In her cheerfully bossy way, she insisted on them communicating civilly, made them find something they had in common and eventually let them both come out of the argument as winners.

Watching the two men, both tall and burly security guards, hang their heads in shame and obediently do as they were told, was a sight to behold. And after making sure that everything was quiet again and Hope had it all under control, he quickly returned to his desk, closing the door behind him and letting out a loud guffaw.

How many trained psychologists could never achieve what Hope accomplished with sheer intuition? he wondered fondly.

No wonder, she was so successfully involved in the intuitive enhancement of the universal translator, whatever that was exactly.

Hope and Uhura had tried to explain it to him several times, and he could certainly appreciate its usefulness, especially when encountering new species whose language might not even be based on actual words. But he just didn’t see how it could work.

They’d compared it to him knowing what was wrong with his patients before they even said a word, just by observing them, reading their faces, their body language, and so on. And when he’d pointed out that he’d had years of experience to get there, Uhura had immediately refuted that by reminding him how many aliens he’d already helped, even though he hadn’t had the first idea about them.

That, admittedly, was true. He’d surprised himself more than once in that regard. But at the end of the day, the universal translator was still a machine. And in his book, that just didn’t go together with intuition or empathy.

Cobbler, stick to your last, he thought contemplatively, and safely leave the universal translator and its further development to the experts.

********************

Towards the end of Alpha shift, there was a lull in the constant stream of people coming to sickbay for more or less urgent medical attention, and McCoy, Chapel and Hope sat around the doctor’s desk, nibbling on some delicious biscuits a grateful patient had left them earlier.

“How can you be so happy all the time?” Chapel wanted to know, looking enquiringly at Hope. “You are so balanced and well-adjusted. And so full of energy. I’m jealous! What’s your secret?”

Hope laughed and took a moment to think about it, while McCoy gazed at her with interest, often having wondered the same thing.

“I do a lot of yoga,” she finally explained.  “A little every day. Breathing exercises, too. But basically, I think, it’s a matter of attitude. I want to be happy, so I am!”

“Just like that, huh? So easy,” Chapel scoffed, clearly not satisfied with Hope’s explanation.

“Well, what else can I say, Christine?” Hope chuckled, shrugging helplessly at McCoy. “I try to appreciate the good things in life. There are plenty, at least in mine, and they clearly outweigh the less pleasant ones. Besides, dwelling on the bad stuff helps no one. Least of all me. I don’t want anything to spoil the happiness in my life.”

“But don’t you ever get annoyed or upset or anything?” Christine questioned.

“Of course, I do!” Hope laughed. “I’m not a saint! But I try to deal with it as quickly as possible and then just let it go. I believe in the law of attraction. You attract what you send out into the universe. If you expect bad things to happen, they eventually will. So, I endeavour to keep my thinking positive, and it usually works. It’s all about good vibrations!”

Nurse Chapel seemed impressed, and even though McCoy was not really inclined towards the esoteric or supernatural, he respected Hope’s belief and even gave it some thought. The way she explained it didn’t lack a certain logic. But real or not, it certainly seemed to work for her, and that was all that really mattered.

********************

That evening, long after his shift had officially ended and there was still no end of dealing with all the bureaucratic stuff in sight, McCoy had developed an annoying headache. He was rubbing his temples and just about to take a painkiller out of his desk drawer, when Hope stopped him.

“Don’t! There’s no need for drugs, Doctor! I can help you with a tension headache.”

“You can?” McCoy spun around, surprised that she was still there. “How? Are you going to kiss it better?” he asked wryly, immediately regretting his cheek when he saw her blush furiously.

But then again, he rather liked the way she blushed over silly little comments like this. It was adorable, how she couldn’t help it, even though she knew he was just teasing her.

“Not quite what I had in mind, Doctor, but I can always give it a try, if you’d prefer that method,” she quipped, smiling sweetly at him.

“You spend too much time with Spock,” McCoy grumbled. “You already sound just like him.”

But secretly, he was impressed. She was learning to give as good as she got. He liked that. Just as he liked her sense of humour in general. She was great fun to be with. She was great – full stop.

But before he could get carried away by the image of this lovely girl kissing away his headache, he put on a more serious face again and asked her what she’d really had in mind. His headache had almost vanished already, simply by her soothing presence, but the physician in him was curious as to what she was suggesting instead of ‘drugs’, as she’d called it.

“Lean back, close your eyes and relax,” she ordered.

Now it was his turn to glance at her warily, which she acknowledged with a satisfied grin.

“No kissing, Doctor, I promise,” she giggled, a warm and cheerful sound that delighted McCoy every time he heard it.

Then, thinking that the no-kissing promise was almost a shame, he leaned back in his chair and relaxed.

Hope stood behind him and touched gentle hands to his temples, cool fingers massaging in circular motion. And even though he’d already been feeling much better before, he could now feel all the tension ebbing away. He relaxed completely into her tender touch and felt invigorating energy flooding him. It was an immensely pleasant feeling, as if all her kindness and positivity was pouring into him, relieving him of any pain he might have been feeling. The sensation was so strong that, for a fleeting moment, he was afraid he was somehow draining her.

An involuntary sigh of contentment and wellbeing escaped him as he opened his eyes again. And when Hope took away her hands, smiling enquiringly at him, he was relieved to see that she was her usual energetic self and didn’t seem drained at all.

“Unbelievable,” he blinked, shaking his head in amazement, “It’s completely gone! That’s amazing! Where did you learn that?”

“It’s …” she hesitated slightly, a faint shadow crossing her face, gone again so quickly that he might have imagined it, “just something a friend taught me. I’m glad it worked.”

“You can work your magic on me again anytime, my dear!” McCoy smiled at her gratefully, hoping that she would, since he had enjoyed the connection very much.

“If your headaches are a regular thing, maybe you should go to the gym to loosen up more often?” Hope suggested.

“You might have a point there, young lady,” the doctor conceded. “With all that’s been going on in sickbay lately, I haven’t made much time for exercise.”

“I’m headed to the gym right now! Why not come with me? Otherwise you’ll just put it off again,” she smiled at him encouragingly.

How could I resist such a charming invitation? he thought, revelling in a feeling of lightheartedness brought on by her beaming smile, then nodded, turned off his computer, and followed her out of sickbay.

********************

A few minutes later, McCoy joined her in the gym, where she was already doing some yoga exercises with a group of people. As always, she looked gorgeous in her gym suit, and with the touch of her gentle fingers still fresh in his mind, it took the doctor some effort to keep his thoughts on the straight and narrow.

His own not entirely platonic feelings, however, were completely forgotten the moment he overheard two young lieutenants from the biochemical lab shamelessly discuss Hope’s hot outfit. Outraged, McCoy swung around and glared at the two men who, unfortunately, couldn’t take a hint.

“Have some respect, you louts!” he bellowed, attracting the attention of the whole gym.

The two men looked at him, perplexed, but turned around and swiftly left anyway. Even though they hadn’t known the doctor to mind a little man talk up to now, they knew better than to cross their superior over something so trivial.

McCoy exhaled deeply in an attempt to regain his composure and turned back towards the yoga group. Hope shot him a questioning glance, but when he smilingly shook his head and raised his hand in an everything’s-just-dandy gesture, she quickly went back to focussing on her yoga.

Yoga, however, was not for him, he decided after he’d watched her a little longer. The way she moved and twisted around on the mat, he just couldn’t believe how flexible the human body was. Not to speak of her impressive ability to keep her balance, taking the most strangely tangled postures without as much as a wobble. No wonder, she was so balanced in her personality, too.

Remembering that he’d actually come here for some workout, he finally tore his eyes away from Hope and her yoga group, and made for the nearest treadmill.

Chapter 12

Ever since she'd so magically taken away his headache, Hope had taken to giving McCoy gentle massages whenever she saw him hunched over his desk, tense with worry or fatigue. It was life-transforming, his headaches all but gone. Not to speak of what the touch of her tender hands to his head, neck and shoulders did for his soul.

As CMO, he was used to looking after everybody else, but it felt so good to just let go, relax and be taken care of once in a while. He'd even stooped to pretending being tense once or twice, if it had been too long, craving the warmth and vigour that filled his body and soul by her simply standing close behind him.

He didn't feel too guilty about that, though, because, however giving she was, he sensed that she, too, enjoyed these moments. While she soothed away his worries and frustrations, she also drew strength from their physical contact, which he’d often draw out by gently placing his hands over hers to give them a grateful squeeze, before she pulled them away.

He knew that underneath her mature and confident personality, she was hiding the tender soul of a very young woman, a girl really, desperately in need of warmth and affection. And this was another perfect way for him to get her a little of that.

********************

Right now, however, McCoy was anything but relaxed. In fact, he was so tense, he was afraid he was going to snap any minute. Feeling his blood-pressure rise to new heights, nearly popping the pulsing vein in his jaw, he gripped the handles of the treadmill he was currently maltreating so hard, his knuckles went white.

Next to him, Scotty was puffing away at a steady pace, and he could sense the Chief Engineer’s bewildered gaze on his face.

“Who rattled your cage, laddie?” Scotty couldn’t help asking after a while. “Got a problem with Hope and Chekov dancing together?”

McCoy didn’t take his eyes off said pair, practicing on the far side of the gym, wincing every time Chekov lifted Hope off the floor.

“They can dance all they like,” he muttered through clenched teeth, “but this has nothing to do with dancing. Rock’n’Roll is acrobatics, and it’s suicidal!”

“Well, there sure is a lot of jumping and throwing and summersaulting involved, but it’s splendid to watch, and they certainly know what they’re doing.”

“I’m happy, you’re enjoying the show, Scotty, but as for me, it’ll give me a heart-attack any moment now.”

“Ach, don’t be such a sourpuss, Doctor!” Scott laughed, slowing down his treadmill to catch his breath. “Let them enjoy what they’re obviously so good at.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” McCoy rounded on him, thinking about Hope’s brittle bones and what a fall from that height could do to them, then nearly falling off the treadmill himself, as he watched Hope throwing herself over Chekov’s shoulder, dive head first towards the deck, only to have Chekov grab her by the hands and pull her up again through his spread legs in the nick of time.

“And you’re not the one who has to patch her back together again, if something happens,” he finished in a hiss.

Scotty just looked at the doctor, flabbergasted. He was used to the doctor fretting and railing all the time, of course, but this level of agitation over nothing was a new high, even for him.

“Sorry, Scotty, but I can’t watch this any longer,” McCoy growled, hit the stop button of his treadmill hard with his fist, and, with a last angry scowl in the direction of Hope and Chekov, stomped out of the gym, leaving a baffled Scotty behind.

********************

Chekov watched Dr. McCoy leave the gym in a huff and wondered what he’d done to make the doctor throw him such furious glances. Up to now, he’d always felt that McCoy rather enjoyed their little dancing shows.

He didn’t want to let that spoil his evening, though, and quickly turned his eyes and thoughts back to the woman of his dreams. He was in heaven. As always when she was so close to him. Dancing with her, holding her, was the highlight of his evenings. They made a great pair.

And as much as he enjoyed every kind of dance with her, Rock’n’Roll was special. The way he could lift her slight form around, her lithe body rolling across his chest and shoulders and back so excitingly, sent hot shivers down his spine.

And the way their movements blended together with perfect timing, her trust in him to catch her just in time, were absolutely thrilling. Not even Salsa could top that.

But they didn’t just dance together. Chekov relished every minute he spent with Hope. She was so much fun, so interesting to talk to, and simply the most adorable woman he’d ever met. He would sit through the dullest film again anytime, just to be close to her. There were certainly worse things than watching ‘Dirty Dancing’, right?

They often met in the mess – and mostly not by chance, either, but she didn’t have to know that – and had breakfast or dinner together. And sometimes, he would still go to sickbay at lunchtime, where he could be sure of Dr. McCoy’s support. Always worried about Hope losing weight, the doctor didn’t miss a chance to order her on a lunchbreak.

The only fly in the ointment was that she kept emphasising how much like a brother he was to her. That irked. But one could still hope, no?

Chapter 13

Sulu had the conn on nightshift, when the Enterprise received urgent orders to set course for one of the newest planets to the Federation.

Four diplomats, who had spent the better part of the last three months there, had been kidnapped by members of the resistance, who just couldn’t accept that their government had finally joined the Federation and wanted to blackmail them into leaving again. The diplomats’ five children had been left behind, and the Enterprise was supposed to pick them up and take them to the nearest starbase.

Given the seriousness of the matter, Sulu had notified the First Officer right away, and was not surprised to see Spock enter the bridge, closely followed by the captain, mere minutes later.

Swiftly taking the centre seat, Kirk had the communications officer on duty open a channel to the planet’s government, and had a long conference with the local governor. The diplomats’ lives were not in danger, the governor assured him, but since they couldn’t be sure how long the negotiations would take, he thought that the children – all humans – would be safer and better taken care of back with their own species.

A little while later, the captain, Spock and a still yawning McCoy had a meeting in Kirk’s quarters to establish the best way of proceeding.

“The children must be terribly afraid and traumatised,” McCoy stated the obvious, his face full of compassion after he’d been filled in on the full story.

“That’s why I need you and your team to take care of them. You’ll know how to give them the psychological support they’ll need.”

“Of course, Jim,” McCoy nodded, his face lined with a mixture of sadness and rage. “I think I’ll put Hope in charge of taking care of them. I can’t think of anyone better suited to the task. I’ll prep her first thing tomorrow morning and ask her to meet the children in the transporter room.”

“Won’t you be there, too?” Kirk asked a little worried.

“No, Jim,” the doctor smiled at him. “Believe me, Hope, security and the transporter operator will be more than enough. They’re only little, and they’re scared. Too many strangers waiting for them would just frighten them more.”

Kirk looked at McCoy and nodded. That made sense. Now, more than ever, he was glad that the Enterprise had such a kind-hearted and compassionate CMO. The children would be in good hands.

********************

Jenny was appalled when McCoy filled her and her colleagues in on the facts of their current mission the next morning, her face mirroring the doctor’s emotions exactly.

They arranged for one of the bigger guest quarters to be turned into child-friendly accommodations, setting up a direct intercom line to Jenny’s quarters and a communicator she was going to carry on her at all times.

When the children arrived on the Enterprise, seeing this bunch of terrified, pale-faced kids standing on shaky legs on the transporter platform, almost broke Jenny’s heart. But knowing that tearful pity would do nothing to help them, she put on her most cheerful smile, asked them to step off the platform and squatted down to warmly welcome each of them individually.

Then she took them to their quarters to get them settled, memorising their names on the way, and trying to make them feel at ease, asking all about their favourite foods, animals, stories, anything she could think of to take their minds off the scary situation they were in.

By the time everyone had chosen a place to sleep, the first smiles had appeared on the kids’ faces, and when she asked if anyone would like a hug, because she suddenly felt very much like hugging, she was happy to see them eagerly taking her up on the offer. All but one. Ella, the eldest, was still looking at her a little warily, but Jenny noticed that she, too, had stepped closer, and just gave her a beaming smile and a wink.

********************

The next stop was sickbay, where Dr. McCoy was already waiting for them, needing to give them a medical check-up. But even though the doctor was as warm and gentle as she’d ever seen him, the sterile surroundings clearly scared the children.

Jenny cheerfully introduced them to the CMO, trying to make them comfortable around him, but when he smilingly asked, “Right, who wants to go first?” they just huddled together and avoided his gaze.

Seeing that he could really do with a little help there, she quickly yelled, “Me, Doctor! Please, can I go first?” and eagerly started towards the biobed.

McCoy chuckled and, grateful for her support, played along. He liked how he could always count on Hope to save the day with some whimsical idea. She was resourceful, he had to give her that.

With a big affectionate grin on his face he grabbed her around the waist with both hands and easily lifted her onto the biobed, where he pretended to check her, making a big show of tickling her ears and neck with his scanner.

Watching her have so much fun with the doctor, the children forgot all about being afraid and eagerly demanded their turn at being examined, McCoy of course taking great care to keep up the tickling and fun throughout the complete check-up.

Watching the probably noisiest physical ever, Jenny beamed when the doctor, between patients, gave her a wink and a thumbs-up mouthing “Thank you!”

She was glad she’d had this idea to make the children more comfortable around sickbay. And she’d rather enjoyed her own ‘examination’, too, always relishing being close to the doctor. The way he always looked after her, along with the gentle touch of his hands, which he ever so often casually bestowed upon her, never failed to make her feel wonderfully cared for.

He knew next to nothing about her, of course. Couldn’t know that there was no one else to care about her. But then, maybe, she thought, being the kind and compassionate man he was, he just somehow sensed what she needed.

She could have watched the doctor like this all day, her heart brimming over at his gentle and affectionate way with the children. He was so sweet with them, and she could tell that the kids enjoyed his attention immensely.

McCoy, in turn, was enjoying himself thoroughly, too. He loved the way the children had taken to him, wanting them to feel safe and cared for. Loved the way they let him examine them so trustingly.

And, if he was honest, he also liked how Hope watched them, her sweet face so full of love and tenderness for the children. What a great team they made, he thought fondly, smiling at the memory of the ‘check-up show’ they had put on for the children earlier.

********************

That evening, after his shift had ended, McCoy went to the children’s quarters to look in on them and found them singing ‘Five Little Monkeys’, one of Joanna’s favourite songs when she was little.

Apart from her cheerful personality and loving way with the kids, Hope had turned out to be a true well of children’s songs, games and stories, and McCoy was happy to have been right in assigning her to be the children’s official caretaker.

He stopped in the doorway and smilingly watched the children jumping around on the biggest bed like mad. They hadn't noticed him yet, but when towards the end of the song they all chanted, “Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,” he ventured farther into the room and shouted at the top of his voice, “Put those monkeys back in bed!”

They all came bounding towards him, jumping up at him like eager puppies and dragged him over to the bed, where they fell into a giggling heap around Hope, and he joined in their tickle fight.

McCoy was very relieved to see the children so cheerful. They seemed to be okay, considering. Having fun despite the circumstances. And it was all Hope’s doing. He gave her a sidelong glance. Her hair had come a little undone, and she looked adorable.

He felt an intense surge of gratitude and affection for her, and thankfully, she didn’t seem to mind that she probably got even more tickled and cuddled by him than the children.

Afterwards, he stayed to help her put the children to bed, monitoring trips to the bathroom and teeth being cleaned, the air filled with warm affection and tenderness. He even stayed on to listen to her reading them a bedtime story. The way she read, putting on all kinds of different voices, quite obviously enjoying herself, too, you'd think she'd done this her whole life.

She really is a remarkable young lady, he thought fondly as the children, one after the other, fell asleep.

Hope quietly finished the story, and before they left the cabin, she brushed the softest good night kiss on each of their foreheads. McCoy’s heart was melting and he found that, at that moment, he felt surprisingly envious of the children.

********************

Having enjoyed the evening enormously, and wanting to keep her a little longer, McCoy asked Hope to join him for a nightcap coffee in the mess, where they continued to talk about the children.

He told her how great he thought she was with them, at which she blushed adorably, like she always did when he paid her a compliment. And she said how much she loved taking care of them, having realised that one of the things she really missed on the Enterprise were children.

“They’re all coping differently,” she went on, “but one of them, Cal, started to show rather aggressive behaviour. That’s why I thought a little action, like jumping on the bed, was a good idea.”

“It was a great idea,” he agreed, “I couldn’t have recommended anything better. They need to let off steam. And tickle fights are perfect, too. Give them the chance to work off their aggressions and get some cuddles at the same time.”

“My thoughts exactly, Doctor,” she smiled. “I’m trying to give them as many hugs and cuddles as I can, anyway, because I feel they really need a lot of tender love care.”

Just like you do, he found himself thinking affectionately, remembering how her eyes lit up with every little touch she received.

“What else can I do for them, Doctor?” she asked, drawing him back to the present. “Do I talk to them about the situation? Or had I better take their minds off it?”

He thought a little about it, touched by her deep concern for the children.

“I think you’re handling it perfectly fine, mostly taking their minds off thinking about their parents. But if they start to talk about them, take up the conversation. Be gentle but honest, don’t promise things it’s not in your power to keep. Try not to scare them more than necessary, of course, but don’t tell them everything will be alright, either. Just make it clear to them that, whatever happens, they will not be alone, they will be taken care of. And if you feel out of your depth, just take them in your arms – you were right about them needing a lot of TLC, then call me and I’ll take over.”

Jenny nodded, smiling gratefully at McCoy. As always, she found it immensely reassuring to have the kind and experienced doctor at her side. Sitting here, across from him now, nursing her coffee, Jenny felt completely at peace, regarding him with growing fondness. She’d long figured out, of course, that underneath his crusty shell lived the softest, kindest heart.

He’d been ever so gentle with the children, tenderly taking care of all their medical needs. But obviously a little at a loss how to entertain five to eight-year-olds, he had been perfectly happy to leave the playing and general taking care of them to her.

All the greater her surprise, when he’d so enthusiastically joined in the fun that evening. She’d enjoyed the warmth and affection he’d shown the children – and her – immensely. Being so close to him, his fingers gently tickling her, his hands so naturally caressing her, had left her wanting more.

And when they’d worked together to get the children ready for bed afterwards, she’d felt a new familiarity between them, which she found incredibly pleasant.

Chapter 14

The next afternoon, Jenny was playing ball games with the children in the gym, when five-year-old Marc fell and hurt his knee, immediately begging to have Dr. McCoy check his injury. After their Little-Monkey tickle fight the evening before, he had taken a real shine to the doctor.

Carefully checking the boy’s knee and finding it perfectly all right, Jenny realised that Marc was just looking for a chance to see the doctor again. And hoping McCoy wouldn’t mind, she decided to indulge him.

She left the other kids with Uhura and Chekov, who’d eagerly volunteered to help her entertain the children in their free time, although probably for different reasons, and took the boy down to sickbay.

There, Jenny winked at Christine and quickly explained that Marc’s knee needed Dr. McCoy’s personal attention, at which the nurse smiled knowingly and went to fetch the doctor from his office.

McCoy entered with a big smile on his face and, after exchanging a quick glance with Hope to make sure there was really nothing wrong with the boy, crouched down in front of Marc.

“All right, young man, I hear you hurt your knee?”

“Yes, Doctor,” the boy smiled shyly, “I fell catching a ball, but I didn’t cry!”

“Is that true?” McCoy made a very impressed face and looked at Hope as if for confirmation.

“Yes, Doctor,” she nodded, smiling. “Marc here is a very brave boy.”

“And my team won, too!” Marc piped up.

“I see!” McCoy could hardly hide his amusement this time. “So, you’re a really good player, as well. Congratulations!”

Straightening up, he gently hoisted the boy up onto a biobed and started to carefully probe his knee with his hands.

“Does that hurt?” he asked, softly squeezing a little here and there, at which the boy shook his head and started to giggle.

“No, Doctor, it just tickles!”

“Oh, does it now?” McCoy said, feigning surprise and squeezing a little more, making the boy giggle again.

Then, glancing sidelong at Hope, he suggested, “I think you’ll need to have an ice cream with your friends now, and your knee will be as good as new. What’s your favourite flavour?”

“Strawberry!” Marc’s reply was instant, delighted at the prospect of ice-cream.

“That’s perfect,” McCoy said with a straight face, “because chocolate or lemon just wouldn’t have done.”

Hearing Chapel’s and Hope’s muffled guffaws next to him, he ruffled Marc’s hair affectionately and was just about to lift the boy back down, when the latter launched himself at the surprised doctor and wound his little arms tightly around McCoy’s neck.

“Thank you, Doctor!”

Quickly recovering from his surprise, McCoy hugged the boy tightly to his chest for a few moments, then drew back a little and said, “Know what, son? Why don’t you come back tomorrow afternoon, so I can check your knee again? Just to make sure?”

“I will, Doctor,” Marc promised solemnly, and McCoy was touched to see the boy’s eyes light up at the thought. Jenny, who had watched the scene with rapt attention, felt her heart melt at the doctor’s kindness and Marc’s delight. Sometimes, she was thrown by all the warmth and kindness she experienced on the Enterprise. It really was a special ship with a very special crew, and she was forever grateful to be here.

When McCoy had released Marc from his embrace and gently put him back down on the floor, she threw the doctor a warm glance, which he returned just as warmly. Then she took the beaming boy’s hand and led him out of sickbay. McCoy watched them leave with a warm feeling in his heart. The little boy’s trusting affection had deeply moved him. Those were such sweet children, they deserved a happy and carefree childhood. He’d really like to give their parents’ kidnappers a piece of his mind.

Christine suddenly appearing at his side startled him out of his thoughts.

“I didn’t know you had such a great way with children! Always thought they’d be scared of a grouchy doctor like you,” she teased. “But that little one really seemed to like you.”

“Don’t act so surprised, nurse,” McCoy grumbled, “You know my bedside manner is faultless. I’m always a great hit with my patients – big or small.”

Nurse Chapel just snorted at that and turned back to her work.

********************

That evening, after Jenny had put the children to bed, she was delighted to find McCoy waiting for her outside the children’s quarters.

“It was so quiet inside, I thought you’d be out any minute,” he smiled. “Care to have coffee with me again?”

“Of course, Doctor!” Jenny beamed, trying not to sound too enthusiastic.

She’d really enjoyed their conversation over coffee the evening before. Being around the doctor always made her feel so good.

When they were seated at a table in the mess, Jenny glanced at McCoy over her mug and smiled.

“You were brilliant today, Doctor, thank you! Marc really adores you. He wouldn’t talk about anything else but you all evening, telling everyone that he’s going back to sickbay for another check-up tomorrow. You really made his day!”

“Well, he’s a cute little boy,” McCoy shrugged, a little embarrassed by her praise, then grinned mischievously, raising an enquiring eyebrow at her, “I hope his knee isn’t giving him too much trouble?”

Jenny laughed, regarding him fondly.

“You’re a very kind man, Doctor. Children can sense that. Marc feels safe with you. Can’t say I blame him, I always feel safe with you,” she added softly.

McCoy looked up from his coffee, deeply touched by her words. Where most other people saw a difficult and cantankerous man, she seemed to see only kindness.

Clearing his throat, he reached out and, for a moment, gently cupped her face in his hand. It was only the lightest touch, but so tender that Jenny thought her heart would burst.

“You sure know how to flatter an old man, Dr. Hope,” McCoy chuckled as he pulled his hand away again.

Then he continued more seriously, “But we’ll have to be careful. Sweet as the children are, we mustn’t let them get too attached to us, or they’ll have a hard time leaving again next week.”

“You’re right, Doctor,” Jenny nodded, grateful, as always, for the doctor’s prudence, then sighed, “but that’s not an easy feat. There’s a very fine line between making them feel cared for and getting them too attached.”

“True, but if there’s anyone who can accomplish that, it’s you, my dear.”

His voice was soft, his eyes on her even softer, making his gaze feel like a gentle caress.

“Thank you for your trust, Doctor,” Jenny replied, looking a little doubtful.

“Anytime, my dear,” McCoy smiled. “And while we’re here, do me a favour and have something to eat with your coffee. You’ve lost weight again. And impeccable as you are in looking after the children, you obviously need someone else to look after you.”

Jenny grinned at him sheepishly. She knew a rebuke when she heard one, but seeing the doctor looking out for her like that still sent a warm glow to her heart.  

********************

Joining Hope and the children before bedtime whenever his shift allowed it, had quickly become a much-loved routine for McCoy. Just like having that ‘debriefing coffee’ with her afterwards, when the kids were asleep. He would certainly miss that when the children were gone.

The evening before the Enterprise reached the starbase where the kids would be taken care of, he entered their quarters to the heart-warming sight of Hope with the children all huddled up against her on a big bed of mattresses, watching a film.

He’d had a rather busy day in sickbay thanks to Scotty and one of his ‘worst case’ drills in engineering, so he’d come here for a more positive end to his day, and this was exactly what he’d had in mind. A peaceful, loving scene.

Just as he was about to sit down next to the little group, eight-year-old Ella got up and went to sit in a corner all by herself. Hope immediately tried to untangle herself from the other children to go after her, but the doctor motioned for her to stay put, lifting a hand and mouthing, “I’ve got this!”

Then he went over to where Ella was sitting, squatted down next to her and put a gentle hand on her back. When she shrank away and shook her head, he sat down next to her on the floor, not touching.

Jenny watched the doctor quietly talk to the girl, who didn’t react at first, but then shook her head vigorously. His face so full of tenderness, it made Jenny’s heart flutter, and his eyes never leaving the girl’s face, McCoy kept talking until Ella started to cry and let herself be pulled into his lap. Wrapping her tightly in his arms and tenderly rocking the sobbing girl, he kept murmuring soothing words to her until her tears subsided again.

Jenny couldn’t hear what he was saying, but whatever it was, it had obviously worked. She watched, enthralled, as McCoy gently wiped away the last of Ella’s tears with his thumbs, then offered her a tissue, which he’d seemingly produced out of nowhere, waited for her to blow her nose, and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and smiled, and they both got up to rejoin the others.

McCoy sat down on the edge of a mattress with his back leaning against the bulkhead, and Ella quickly climbed into his lap again, nestling snugly into his arms, quite obviously feeling comfortable there.

Jenny’s heart melted at the sight, and she couldn’t help thinking how good it would feel to be right there in McCoy’s arms, being held so tightly and lovingly. Envying a little girl whose parents had been abducted was very wrong, of course. And yet...

Cradling Ella tenderly in his arms, McCoy had a hard time keeping his rage under control. Seeing how this adorable little girl’s sense of basic trust had been so cruelly corrupted and replaced with fearfulness and distrust, he was overcome with murderous feelings of hatred towards these thoughtless kidnappers.

It took a few minutes of conscious breathing, until he finally felt calm enough to meet Hope’s eyes again, certain that she’d watched them closely all the time.

If he hadn’t been so angry, he’d probably have basked in her attention, the realisation of how much he thrived on her approval a little unsettling at the back of his mind.

Finding Hope glancing questioningly at him, clearly concerned about Ella, he nodded reassuringly at her to let her know that the girl was all right.

But when she kept gazing at him holding Ella, he also saw the yearning in those soft brown eyes, wondering if she longed to be held like this, too. And feeling another surge of the by now familiar protective tenderness towards her, he wished there was a way for him to give her all the tender affection she so longed for.

Maybe that’s why she enjoyed dancing with Chekov so much, he mused. That definitely involved a lot of touching and holding. And even though his feelings for Hope were nothing but fatherly and platonic, the thought nagged a little at him.

*********************

It took longer than usual to get the children to sleep that evening, having to leave the Enterprise the next day making them a little anxious. But McCoy managed to put their minds at rest by telling them that he had a friend there, who was going to take care of them. That ‘friend’ was just an acquaintance, really, but he knew her to be kind and trustworthy. So, surely a little white lie was ok, if it took away some of the kids’ fear.

Hope smiled at him warmly when the children started to relax, and gave in to the request of a second bedtime story. It was their last evening aboard, after all.

A little later as well as a little more subdued than the days before, they found themselves sitting in the mess, nursing their coffees, and McCoy watched Hope absentmindedly stirring her mug, even though she’d put neither sugar nor milk in it.

“What was Ella so upset about, Doctor?” she broke the silence eventually.

Still simmering with rage, McCoy tried to choose his words carefully and hesitated just long enough to worry her.

“Something I did?” she asked quietly.

“No, not at all, my dear,” the doctor was quick to assure her. “She was just scared about tomorrow. And a little disappointed because you can’t come with them.”

“So it was my fault, after all,” Hope hung her head. “They got too attached to me. Exactly what you warned me about. I’m so sorry I let them down.”

“Don’t be, Hope,” McCoy reached across the table and put a gentle hand over hers. “It’s hardly your fault they like you, is it? You gave them love and security when they needed it most. They had a wonderful week because of you. It was unavoidable that they would be sad to have to leave again.”

She looked at him despondently, obviously not quite ready to forgive herself.

“So what did you tell her?”

“I told her that she was a lovely girl,” McCoy smiled, softly squeezing Hope’s hand, “and that everyone at the starbase was looking forward to having her and would like her just as much as we do. And then I asked her, if she thought my hugs were as good as yours.”

“They obviously were,” Hope chuckled, and McCoy was glad to see her cheering up again.

“Well, I honestly wouldn’t know, because she never said,” he grinned, “but at least she wasn’t complaining, either.”

They finished their coffee in silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts, comfortable in each other’s presence. It was only when they got up to say good night, that they realised that the doctor’s hand was still resting on top of Hope’s.

Chapter 15

When the Children were gone, everything went back to normal. Hope spent most of her time in sickbay again, and McCoy couldn’t get enough of watching her interact with the patients. Her buoyant personality brightened sickbay no end, and the grown-up patients appreciated her infectious liveliness just as much as the children had.

They’d never talked about the ‘hand-incident’, as McCoy called it in his mind, after that evening, and he’d since convinced himself that it wasn’t really such a big deal at all. They’d grown closer during their time with the kids, she’d been upset, he’d wanted to comfort her, end of story.

Just another gentle touch, another opportunity to give her a little of the physical affection he knew she craved. That one had just lasted a little longer, so what? It had seemed like the most natural thing at the time, had, in fact, felt so right that he hadn’t even been aware he was still holding her hand.

And Hope hadn’t seemed embarrassed or uneasy, either. She could have pulled away anytime, after all. But when he’d stood up and let go of her hand, she’d just smiled at him in her sweet, affectionate way.

What he didn’t know, however, was that Jenny had enjoyed his soothing touch, his thumb absentmindedly drawing gentle circles on the back of her hand, so much that she’d been sitting completely still, afraid that if she moved, she’d startle him out of his thoughts and draw his attention back to his hand still protectively covering her smaller one. The contact had somehow been so intimate, yet felt so right, Jenny could have sat like that all night, savouring the warm and comforting feeling.

The evening had really worn her out – getting the overexcited children to sleep, covering up how sad she was to see them go again so soon, watching Ella in exactly the place she hadn’t even known she desperately wanted to be, and then learning that she’d got the kids too attached despite her endeavours to the contrary, had simply been too much.

But when the doctor had so tenderly reached for her hand, talking about love and security, it had felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. A simple touch of his hand had taken away her pain, and Jenny had wanted to hang on to that wonderful feeling forever.

When he’d eventually pulled his hand off, Jenny had been incredibly relieved to find that the awkward moment she’d been half expecting, never happened. Instead, the doctor had acted as if they did this every day, smiling at her in his sweet, distinctive way, and giving her hand a final affectionate squeeze before finally letting go.  

********************

A couple of days later, Jenny was carrying her dinner tray across the mess, heading to where Sulu and Chekov were sitting, when she heard the captain’s voice calling her name. Surprised, she turned around and saw him beckoning her over to his table, where he was just having dinner with Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy.

“Dr. Hope! Why don’t you join us for dinner?” he smiled. “I haven’t yet had a chance to thank you for taking such good care of our recent young guests.”

Tilting her head in appreciation of his words, she put her tray down on the table and sat in the chair next to Mr. Spock, immediately regretting her choice of only salad for dinner, when she saw the doctor’s disapproving face.

“How often do I have to tell you to eat more than just a salad for dinner?” McCoy scolded her.

“Why do you never say that to me?” Kirk complained, grinning.

“I’m all for a healthy diet, Hope,” the doctor continued, with a warning glance towards Kirk, “but if you plan a career as a starship officer, you just can’t lose any more weight! I really don’t want to be a nuisance, but if I can’t trust you to look after yourself, I’ll have to supervise your eating habits. Meaning you’ll have to eat with me for the time being.”

Before Jenny could decide whether this was actually a good or a bad thing, the captain chortled, then laughed out loud.

“Bones, this is by far the worst chat-up line I’ve ever heard,” he scoffed, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, while the corners of Spock’s mouth twitched almost unnoticeably, too.

“Very funny, Jim,” the doctor grumbled, “you’re hilarious!”

Jenny was surprised to see McCoy actually blush a little before turning back to her and putting on his sternest doctor-face.

“I really mean it, young lady,” he went on. “No more unsupervised dinners for at least a week. Until the scales show me what I want to see. And now, chop, chop, go back and get some meat and potatoes to go with your salad.”

Feeling like a naughty schoolgirl caught out by the headmaster, Jenny glanced at Kirk and Spock, who were both sitting straight-faced and very still, and obediently got up to do as she was told. McCoy could be really quite intimidating, if he wanted to be.

When they were done eating, Spock and the captain took off for a game of chess in one of the rec rooms, while McCoy asked her to stay for coffee. Jenny was more than happy to continue their tradition of ending the day with a comfortable chat over coffee, even now that the children were gone.

“Sorry for that earlier,” McCoy started the conversation with a nod in the direction of where Kirk had been sitting. “Jim just loves to embarrass me, he can’t help it. But he certainly didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Doctor, I know he likes to tease you. But he adores you. How long have you been friends with him?”

“Well, for quite a while now. We’ve certainly been through a lot together already.”

“I really like him, I think he’s great,” Jenny said, sounding almost a little surprised. “And so very different from what I expected a starship captain to be like.”

“He certainly is,” McCoy smiled fondly. “He’s one of a kind. Keeps me on my toes, mind you, with all his harebrained ideas and the risks he takes. But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. In fact, I’d probably even grow more of an ulcer, if I couldn’t be around to patch him back together every single time he goes and does something stupid.”

Jenny smiled at McCoy’s display of loyalty. There was certainly no better friend to have than the doctor.

“You know, when Admiral Dakunia first told me that I was allowed aboard the Enterprise, I never thought I’d even get a chance to talk to the captain, let alone have the occasional dinner with him.”

“Yeah, Jim wants to know everyone in his crew, wants to really get to know people. That’s how he sees command. To lead, and not just to rule.”

“He’s really awesome.”

“Of course, he is. Everybody aboard loves him.”

"I know! And it really surprised me at first. I somehow expected people to complain about him behind his back – as people usually do, seeing their boss as too demanding, or unfair, or whatever. But people here never do. They adore him and wouldn't put up with anyone talking badly of him. They'd go through fire for him."

"And a lot of them literally have,” McCoy chuckled wryly. “But yes, you’re completely right. That's the special thing about Jim and his ship."

"But what makes him so special? Why would people give their life for him?"

"That's very simple to answer, my dear. Because he would give his life for each of his people's. He asks a lot, but he gives a lot, too. And he'd never order anyone to do anything he wouldn't do himself."

********************

The days on the Enterprise seemed to go by so fast. There was always plenty to do, but McCoy and Hope still tried to find time for sharing a late-night coffee whenever their shifts allowed. Even though neither of them would openly admit it, they were more and more drawn to each other and treasured their easy conversations immensely.

One evening, McCoy even told her about his daughter Joanna, something he rarely talked about to anyone, even Jim. It was too hurtful a topic for him. But he found that he actually enjoyed talking to Hope about it. Enjoyed her listening so attentively to his tales of Joanna as a toddler, not judging or commenting on his divorce or the ensuing neglect of his parental duties.

On the contrary, she saw how badly he missed Joanna and even encouraged him to try and rebuild their relationship.

“Your problems were only with her mother, Doctor. And I get that it was difficult when she was little. But she’s almost grown up now, she understands things. You should just talk openly with her. She needs her father in her life. In fact, she has a right to have her father in her life. You’re a wonderful man, a renowned physician. She can be more than proud to have you as her father.”

McCoy was deeply touched by Hope’s fervent speech and that she should care so much about him and a girl she didn’t even know. And, of course, she was right, too. He really should make more of an effort to become closer to Joanna again. He’d been so hurt by how things had ended with her mother, by months and years of not being allowed to see his daughter, or, sometimes, even talk to her, he guessed he’d just started to accept it as the way it was.

For so long, he’d had to be content with birthdays, graduations, maybe even the odd weekend, grateful for every little chance to see his girl. And seeing her become more and more of a stranger over the years. That had hurt the most. But Hope was right! He’d been so caught up in his pain, his sorrow, he’d never even thought of doing something about it now that she was no longer a child under her mother’s influence.

Well, he’d definitely start doing something about it now. And he couldn’t be grateful enough that Hope had pointed it out to him. It was incredible in what ways this woman kept changing his life.

********************

Jenny saw the doctor in a different light after that conversation. Maybe that's why she felt so comfortable with him, so safe, so taken care of. He had a daughter nearly the same age. And he was a very proud and doting father, the love for his little girl shining from his eyes with every word, every story he told about her. Once he’d started, he couldn’t stop talking about her. It had been heart-warming.

To think that there was a young woman out there who had a wonderful, loving father like McCoy and might not even realise what she was missing. Jenny just had to make sure that the doctor really did start to make an effort now. His daughter surely deserved to have him in her life again, to get more from him than the occasional birthday or Christmas card.

So, after that evening, Jenny kept making little comments on how proud Joanna would be, or how lucky Joanna was to have such a wonderful/kind/gentle/brilliant father. She never stopped pestering McCoy, although she liked to think of it as inspiring him, until he finally sent a message to Joanna. And another one. And then regular ones, turning into real-time conversations, whenever he got the chance.

Jenny was really happy to see him become a regular part of his daughter’s life again, to see the love and the joy in his eyes whenever he told her about any of Joanna’s news.

And she was deeply moved to find a message from Joanna herself on her computer, one evening, simply saying “Thank you for looking after my dad!”

Chapter 16

McCoy was in high spirits. His staff was already gossiping about possible reasons for his ever-improving mood, as word got around that he actually smiled at people who brought him reports or requests to sign. Even he was aware that it got harder and harder to keep up his cranky image.

Incredible, he thought to himself, shaking his head in wonder, his eyes repeatedly darting over to where Hope was busy disinfecting and restocking hypos. There were no recent casualties, he was talking to Joanna on a regular basis, and he’d even adopted Hope’s habit of humming to herself while doing desk work.

Life can be really good, he realised, and happily started on the next report.

It was very quiet in sickbay when he finally shut down his screen and tidied his desk. Unbelievably, there were no patients, and McCoy assumed that everybody else had already left. He got up and went over to lock up the cabinets, softly singing one of his favourite classical country songs.

Just when he started on the chorus, a second voice joined in. He whipped around, startled, and came almost face to face with Hope, who laughingly gestured for him to keep singing. They finished the chorus together, and McCoy was thrilled to find that they made a pretty good duet. Her normally crystal-clear voice was strong, yet somehow suitably husky for the song.

Of course, she’d be the perfect country singer on top of everything else!

“You know that song?” he asked incredulously when they’d finished. “I was pretty sure I was the only country music lover aboard.”

“Faith Hill and Tim McGraw,” she smiled wistfully. “My favourite Nashville couple.”

“I don’t believe it!”

“I didn’t know you were into classical country music, either. Let alone that you have such a great singing voice. You should join our ensemble! Uhura’s not really a fan, but I’d love to do a few country classics for a change. If we get on it right away, you could be the star of our Christmas gig! Are you in?”

“Oh, no, no,” McCoy shook his head and laughed, raising his hands in defence, “I’m not much of a performer. But I’m very good audience. What other kinds of music do you like?”

“Well, I’m a sucker for the really old stuff. From Bach and Mozart to Pop and Rock. And country music, of course, as you now know. You?”

“Pretty much the same, we seem to be kindred spirits in music,” he smiled at her. “I have quite a good collection, actually. We could do a music and drinks evening in my office some time.”

“I’d like that,” Hope beamed at him, a strange feeling of excitement gripping her stomach at the idea of spending some time alone with him.

********************

Christmas was approaching fast, and with the crew being mostly Terran, it was always a big event. Not necessarily a religious one, but mostly about having a party and presents.

With all the smaller department parties going on, Hope and Uhura’s band was fully booked, leaving them not much time for other activities. But the two women didn’t mind. Singing and making music was the best recreation for them, anyway, and the lads they played with were a lot of fun.

The only one not happy at all with the situation was Chekov, because for him, of course, that meant no dance practice with Jenny. To compensate, and being quite popular really, he managed to get invited to most of the parties, for then only to mope about in some corner and give the male members of the band the evil eye.

The main event, however, was going to be the big, ship-wide party on actual Christmas Day. A big fake fir tree had already been put up and decorated in the great assembly hall, and Hope had learned that it was customary for the senior officers to hand out the presents that had arrived on the Enterprise from family and friends and were stored all around the big tree.

Although certainly a nice tradition, Jenny’s first thought was about the crew members who might not receive anything and feel left out. And, of course, being Jenny, a plan began to form in her head immediately. She’d ask Pavel to help her with it. That would keep him busy and happy.

Chekov, of course, didn’t have to be asked twice, and spent the next couple of days putting together a collection of little Christmas presents. So, on Christmas Eve, having volunteered for the late shift, Jenny spent a quiet evening in sickbay wrapping and labelling small presents with Pavel.

That’s how McCoy found them, when he came over after the senior officers’ Christmas Eve dinner with some non-alcoholic punch for his staff on night duty.

“Who are these for?” he asked, looking over Hope’s shoulder and watching her write ‘Santa sends his love’ on the card.

“We don’t know yet, Doctor!” Chekov grinned, then, seeing the doctor’s puzzled expression, cheerfully added, “We’ll find out tomorrow.”

“OK,” McCoy drawled, clearly not understanding any of it, but prepared to let it go, when Hope smiled at him reassuringly.

“You’ll see, Doctor. All for a good cause, though.”

********************

On Christmas Day, after the band had accompanied the crew in their ambitious rendition of a number of popular Christmas songs, it was time for the presents.

Hope positioned herself close to the tree, armed with part of the now beautifully wrapped gifts. Seeing her standing there with her arms full, McCoy beckoned her closer, holding out his hands to take the presents off her.

But she just shook her head, pointing out one of the still blank name tags to him, mouthing, “Not yet!”

And as he looked around and found Chekov and the young men from Hope’s band each standing close to one of the other senior officers, holding a bunch of similarly wrapped presents, it finally dawned on him what they were doing. The thought made him feel all warm and soft inside, and he gazed at Hope with endless tenderness. Sometimes, he just couldn’t help but wonder, if she was for real.

Sure enough, when all the other gifts were gone, Hope’s little presents had magically appeared under the tree, each now neatly labelled with a name on it. By the time he was done distributing those, too, the band was already back on stage, getting ready to rock as soon as his fellow officers had finished as well.

When the music started again, McCoy grabbed a glass of punch off a tray and went over to where Jim, Spock and Scotty were standing around Chekov and Uhura, talking animatedly.

“I know that this has been a tradition on the Enterprise since long before I was in command,” Jim sighed, “but there was always someone left after the last gift was gone, and I hated that.”

“Exactly,” Uhura nodded. “And it wasn’t about not getting a gift, either. It was about being exposed as someone obviously without friends or family, that was so humiliating. Even though your presents might just have arrived late, which is not unheard of in the midst of nowhere out here in space.”

“That’s why Jenny came up with this plan!” Chekov explained proudly.

Uhura nearly spluttered her drink when Kirk deadpanned, “Do they not come up with plans in Russia anymore?”

And Scotty couldn’t help but add, “Ach, Captain, who needs inventions from Russia as long as there’s still Hope?”  

Chekov sighed good-naturedly, a long-suffering grin spreading across his face, as everybody around him just cracked up. Everyone but McCoy, he noticed, who gave him a fond smile and a sympathetic pat on the back instead.

“You did well, Chekov,” he smiled approvingly. “That was an excellent idea. You and Hope have just made some of your crew mates really happy!”

Chapter 17

With Christmas and all the extra gigs involved over, Jenny could finally make more time for Pavel and their dancing sessions again, and Chekov was back to his happy self at last. To make up for lost time, he also made a point of having at least one meal per day with her, and she was all right with that.

He was really sweet, always making her laugh, and he had been a great help with the Christmas presents, after all. Chekov was definitely one of the good guys. Besides, he was always happy to finish her meals for her, if she once again couldn’t manage to eat everything McCoy had put on her dietary card.

Usually, she’d scan the mess thoroughly before quickly swapping Chekov’s empty tray for her own. That evening, however, she’d obviously been careless, and had failed to notice the doctor sneaking up on her, making her jerk and nearly topple her glass when his booming voice suddenly sounded right behind her.

“What do you think you’re doing, young lady?” he rumbled, sounding genuinely pissed off.

Jenny froze. She knew, of course, that the doctor was just worried about her, and had, admittedly, put a lot of thought into her nutritional plan. But that didn’t give him the right to yell at her like that, did it? It wasn’t as if she’d committed a crime.

She just didn’t need that much food. It all tasted pretty much the same, anyway. She ate when she was hungry, and she was really comfortable the way she was. She certainly didn’t need scales to tell her how healthy, strong, or energetic she felt.  

Taking in her defiant expression, McCoy relented a little and even managed a weak smile.

“I’m not doing this for fun, Hope,” he sighed, “you really need to take this more seriously.”

“I know, Doctor,” she conceded, “but I just can’t force down all this food. Please, believe me, it’ll just make me sick. And that would be really counterproductive.”

Looking defeated, McCoy sat down heavily in the chair across from her.

“You make me sound like a bully,” he grimaced, “when I’m really just trying to look out for you.”

“I know that, too, Doctor, and I’m sorry.”

Hope smiled at him ruefully, and McCoy had to laugh at her puppy-dog face.

“All right. Maybe we can think of something tastier, less healthy. There’s got to be something you actually like! What about chocolate?”

Hope looked at him, frowning and shaking her head.

“No. Chocolate’s not the same anymore, either,” she began and then stopped abruptly, as if realising she’d just said something wrong.

“Not the same anymore?” McCoy and Chekov echoed in unison.

But seeing her face fall and not wanting to upset her any further, the doctor decided to let it slide for the moment, got up again and left her and Chekov to finish their dinner in peace.

********************

Running into her again on the observation deck later that evening, he knew he’d been forgiven when she came up to him carrying two mugs of coffee and settled down comfortably on the couch next to him without even asking. Kicking off her boots and curling her legs underneath her, she turned to face him and proudly pulled a little bag of nuts out of her pocket.

“See, Doctor?” she grinned impishly, opening the bag and putting it down on the little table in front of them. “I’m really going out of my way here to make you happy.”

“Atta girl,” he chuckled his approval, grateful for the opportunity to take their earlier conversation back up.

“Talking about food, what was that about chocolate not being the same anymore?” he asked casually, watching her closely over the rim of his coffee mug.

It was an innocent enough question, and he was surprised to see Hope hesitating, almost looking cornered.

"I just meant I used to like it, but now I'm not that keen on it anymore," she said cagily, making it sound more like a question.

With a pang of conscience, McCoy realised that, apart from what was written in her file, he really knew very little about her. Sure, he knew what music, films or literature she liked, that she was a gifted singer and dancer, what sports she was into, little things like that. And, of course, he knew what a thoughtful, caring person she was.

But after all their time working together, all their cosy chats over coffee in the evenings, he still had no idea where she came from, how she’d grown up, or what her family was like. She just never talked about herself or her past, and to his great shame, he’d never even really noticed before.

"I'm curious,” he tried the direct approach. “You know practically everything there is to know about me, while I know hardly anything about you. Tell me a little about yourself, Hope. Why did you become a linguist? What made you join Starfleet? What about your family? They must be awfully proud of you!"

Her reaction caught him completely off guard. Her eyes filling with sudden tears, Hope quickly turned away, on the verge of losing her composure for a moment.

McCoy was stumped. Wishing he could take back the words that had so obviously hurt her, all he could do was run a comforting hand gently up and down her arm.

"I'm so sorry, dear, I didn’t mean to upset you. You don't have to talk about any of this, if you don't want to."

Recovering almost instantly, Hope turned back towards him, smiling and blinking away a few unshed tears.

"It's all right, Doctor, I’m sorry. It's just, I don't have a family," she explained almost matter-of-factly, then quickly changed the subject before McCoy, who was still processing what he’d just heard, could say or ask anything else.

And recognising the hurt still clearly visible in her eyes, the doctor just went along.  

Chapter 18

After Hope had dropped the bombshell about not having a family, she started babbling, chatting away merrily about all sorts of things from Scotty’s latest invention to Sulu’s newest floral experiment. As if she hadn’t just revealed one of the probably saddest aspects of her life.

And while McCoy could see what she was doing, he was only half listening to her chitchat. Still reeling from the news, his mind was working overtime connecting the dots, as a lot of things suddenly fell into place.  

Like why her medical issues had not been treated properly. Or why contributing to the tight-knit community that constituted the crew of the Enterprise was so important to her.

Maybe it was also the reason why she seemed so mature for her age. The way she talked, the way she treated people, her sense of duty, her thoughtfulness, her empathy. If it weren’t for her young face and endless vitality, he could easily forget about their age difference when they were together.

It certainly explained why bringing Joanna back into his life had mattered so much to her, and why she’d put her heart in making the ambassadors’ children feel loved and cared for. Not to forget about why she relished every act of kindness, every little touch, every physical contact so much. Even though she tried so hard to conceal it.

His heart broke a little at the thought, and he had a hard time refraining from taking her in his arms or even just touching her cheek. Normally, he would have grabbed the chance, any excuse for a gentle touch. But seeing her determination to keep up her happy façade, and guessing that inside she was just hanging on by a thread, he was afraid that any expression of kindness right now might undo her.

********************

Even later, when he was already lying in bed, his mind was still whirring, his thoughts circling around Hope incessantly. He looked at her with different eyes now. The cheerfulness, the happiness, were certainly in her nature, which was a good thing as it helped her cope where others might despair.

Yet, it also helped her prevent others from discovering that she, too, had issues. She’d even tricked him! And she’d made a good job of it, too. He was ashamed to admit that he'd never really considered the possibility of her being unhappy or facing problems of her own up till now.

Today, however, he’d seen another, troubled side of her. A side he’d already seen glimpses of during her physical when she’d first come aboard the Enterprise, but which he’d mistakenly attributed to her simply being nervous about being on a starship for the first time.

But the way she’d reacted to his simply mentioning her family today, if only for one careless moment, had convinced him that there was more to it than just that. And he was going to find out what it was. Even though she obviously didn’t want him to. But right now, he felt like he’d somehow failed her, and he wouldn’t let that happen again. He’d pay closer attention from now on.

********************

Jenny was pacing the tiny space of her quarters, trying to calm her nerves. Her mind replaying the day’s conversations with the doctor over and over again, as she tried to remember her exact words.

She’d slipped up before, but never that badly. Usually, she managed to cover up her mistakes as jokes or slips of the tongue. It always worked with Chekov and the others. Even with Uhura, who wasn’t easily fooled.

But today she’d blown it, she was sure of that. The doctor hadn’t bought her feeble excuse about chocolate. He’d become suspicious. Or rather worried. Especially after her accidentally giving away that she had no family. She’d really tried hard to avoid situations like that. But his mentioning her family had been so unexpected, the pain of missing them too intense.

Of course, they’d be proud of her! And so glad to see how far she’d come, how happy she was.

She’d seen the shock on the doctor’s face, as well as the compassion, the kindness. And it had taken every ounce of her strength to keep from just throwing herself in his arms and letting him comfort her, as she knew he would have. But then he’d have asked questions, would have wanted to know every little detail, and she couldn’t have that.

All she could do was pretend that she was fine, and hope that he’d let the matter drop. She was under no illusion that he might not have noticed her distress, but she sincerely hoped that he would respect her wish not to talk about it.

It had been so much easier with her friends at the Academy. She hadn’t been as close to them as she was to her friends here on the Enterprise. It was getting increasingly harder to keep her secret from the people she cared about and who cared about her.

But Starfleet had been very clear about the dangers of people finding out and had prohibited her from telling anyone. She’d agreed to those orders. Only now she wasn’t so sure she could do it much longer.

********************

Desperate for some caffeine and conversation after a long morning of deskwork in his office, McCoy grabbed a coffee in the mess and went over to join Uhura and Hope for lunch at their table.

However, seeing that they were deep in conversation, he decided not to intrude and quietly sat down at the table next to them. They were discussing linguistics, totally engrossed in the topic, and McCoy could not but smile as he overheard them talking so passionately.

“Intuitive enhancement is such an interesting area of linguistics,” Uhura enthused, “and so important, too! All the misunderstandings that can be avoided if the translator gets the meaning across rather than the wording.”

“Oh yes, Nyota, and think of all the words that are just impossible to translate, because they don’t have an equivalent in other languages,” Hope agreed. “And I’m not even talking about xeno-linguistics. There are plenty of examples just looking at different Earth tongues.”

Uhura nodded thoughtfully as Hope went on, “Take the German word ‘geborgen’, for example. There’s a myriad of nuances to this word, impossible to translate into just one single word of standard.”

“It basically means ‘secure’, doesn’t it?” Uhura asked, intrigued, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Basically, yes. But that’s just a little part of it, really. It’s more of a feeling, actually. It means to feel secure, sure, but also loved and accepted, safe and protected, comfortable and at home. It’s the feeling children have when they are in their parents’ arms. Or what partners feel, when they are in a stable and loving relationship.”

“I never knew your native language was German,” Uhura looked at Hope in surprise.

“Well, I have Austrian ancestry,” Hope quickly explained.

By now, McCoy was listening intently, slowly spinning his coffee mug around in his hands. He was extremely touched by Hope’s passionate explanation of everything the word ‘geborgen’ embraced. And he knew it wasn’t just a random example, either. It held deep meaning for her. Something she really longed for.

What a beautiful word! he thought, and found that he absolutely wanted her to feel that way.

Chapter 19

Still glowing from his ‘linguistic lunchbreak’, and hoping to squeeze in a quiet word about Hope with Kirk, McCoy went up to the bridge for a look at a huge, unknown rocklike something that Spock had just recently discovered in their path and was currently drooling over. In his restrained, Vulcan way, of course. But having known him for years, McCoy could always tell when Spock was really giddy with excitement.

So, obviously, could Jim, judging from the fond grin on his face, as he looked at his first officer’s back, hunched over his station, and listened to the constant stream of precisely expressed information.

McCoy’s amusement was short-lived though, as the rock suddenly started to glow, then expand, and finally simply vanished in a massive explosion, shaking the Enterprise like a tin can in its wake.

As soon as the doctor had picked himself up off the floor and made sure that the bridge crew was unharmed, he hurried back to sickbay for a busy afternoon, all thoughts of Hope and her sorrows gone from his mind.

There were plenty of casualties, but luckily no really severe injuries. It still took three whole days to get all the patients out of sickbay again, and even longer for Scotty to restore the ship to its full functioning glory.

Three days of nothing but working at full stretch and then falling into bed, exhausted, for a couple of hours. Three days of working closely with Hope, grateful for her efficiency, and no time to exchange a single private word. Three days of quietly wondering, if she was all right.

When the pressure finally abated and the sickbay staff could relax again, the first thing McCoy did was ask her how she was, gazing at her long and meaningfully. But Hope just smiled at him and simply replied that all she needed was an extended yoga session and a good night’s sleep, deliberately referring only to the mad rush of the past few days. She was clearly not planning on opening up to him anytime soon.

After how their last evening on the observation deck had gone, and her obvious reluctance to acknowledge her unresolved hurt, McCoy was a little afraid that Hope might start to avoid him altogether. But between all her dancing and singing, he was happy to see that she still frequently made time for their evening chats.

And although he was certainly looking more closely now, he had to admit that she appeared to be perfectly all right. Vivacious, charming, happy to be alive. And brightening his and everybody else’s life simply by being there.

*********************

“Are you even listening to a word I’m saying?” Kirk asked, his tone amused, following McCoy’s gaze to where Chapel, Hope and Uhura were having breakfast together.

“Sorry, Jim,” McCoy returned his attention to him, “you were saying?”

“Actually, I wasn’t saying anything,” Kirk laughed. “There’d have been no use, anyway, seeing as our lovely Hope has you hypnotised once again. I could have choked and died right here in front of you, for all I know. You certainly wouldn’t have noticed.”

“Oh, cut the crap, Jim,” McCoy grumbled. “I was just checking on her diet. She isn’t very good at sticking to the plan, as we know.”

‘Keep your hair on, Bones!” Kirk grinned. “I’m just kidding. You’re entitled to a little romance in your life. Or a little heartache, as it seems you prefer that. You always put up with mine, after all.”

McCoy rolled his eyes at the captain and was just about to come up with a snarky reply, when he was momentarily distracted by Sulu approaching the ladies’ table holding some kind of flower that looked like a cross between a lollipop and a giant willow catkin in a lovely shade of purple. Presumably a new breed, judging from his proud face and his long, excited speech before finally giving the flower to Hope with a gallant little bow.

Kirk, who’d been watching the little scene, too, saw Hope beaming at Sulu delightedly, as she reverently took the flower from him, her eyes lighting up as she admired its beauty.

“I can certainly see, why you have a soft spot for her, Bones,” Kirk smiled at his friend. “Just watching her is heart-warming. She can be so happy about little things like this flower. And she always has a friendly smile, a word of comfort for everyone. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen her in a bad mood!”

“OK, now you’re exaggerating a little, Jim,” McCoy chuckled. “Like everybody else, Hope has her problems, too. She’s only more skilled at hiding them than most of us.”

“Well, nobody can be happy all the time, can they?” Kirk shrugged his shoulders. “We all have our bad days.”

“It’s more than that in her case,” McCoy was suddenly serious, “I’ve seen a sadness that goes deeper, something to do with her past.”

“What are you talking about, Bones?” Kirk was surprised. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“Well,” the doctor began. “I was actually about to tell you just before that rock of Spock’s exploded.”

McCoy quickly filled Kirk in on what he’d found out and told him of his determination to get to the bottom of this.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the captain said, “but don’t you think that you’re exaggerating a little now? I mean, just look at her, she seems genuinely happy. In fact, thinking back to her first day aboard and how shy she was then, I’d say, if anything, she’s become more confident and happier since then.”

McCoy couldn’t object to that. Now that Kirk had mentioned it, he could definitely see how Hope had blossomed over the past few months.

Chapter 20

It was only two days later, that Kirk got to see for himself what the doctor had been talking about.

Unable to relax in his quarters, and hoping to unwind in more beautiful surroundings, he’d come to the arboretum late at night, fully expecting to be alone, when he saw Hope standing there. And for the short moment before she realised his presence, he saw this heartbreakingly sad and lost expression on her face.

But when he stepped to her side, and she turned around to face him, her trademark beaming smile was back in place.

“Hello, Captain,” she said softly, “I didn’t expect to meet another insomniac here.”

“Neither did I, Hope,” Kirk smiled at her. “I like to come here for some peace and quiet when I need to clear my mind.”

“I can leave,” she began, but Kirk quickly cut her off, shaking his head.

“Not at all, please stay!” he assured her, sitting down on an old-fashioned park bench and motioning for her to join him. “I’d like a little company.”

After sitting there in companionable silence for some time, Hope started to talk.

“Thank you for allowing me to come on the Enterprise, Captain. I really love to be on this ship. The legends about it are certainly true.”

“What legends?” Kirk wanted to know, always eager to hear his ship being praised.

“You know, about the crew, how skilled and competent everyone is, the team spirit, the respect you have for each other.”

“Why do you say ‘you’?” the captain interjected. “Don’t you feel part of our crew?”

“Well, I do feel very welcome here, Captain,” Hope replied, her eyes radiating nothing but happiness, “but I’m not really part of the crew, am I? I still have a lot to learn before being allowed to serve under a captain like you.”

“A captain like me?” he chuckled.

“You know what I mean,” she grinned, “famous, successful, legendary.”

Kirk just raised an amused eyebrow at her.

“Seriously! I always imagined a starship captain to be sort of aloof, distant. But you’re so approachable, so,” she tried to find the right word, “human. Everybody aboard adores you. They all trust you implicitly, like children would trust their father.”

Kirk was deeply touched by her words.

“And that’s exactly what makes the Enterprise so special,” he said, eyes shining with pride. “I appreciate and respect my crew, they appreciate and respect me. And I’m happy every time I’m reminded of it.”

Then, looking kindly at Hope, he continued, “But there’s no reason for you to feel like an outsider, Hope. No one on this ship is more or less important than anybody else. That’s the actual charm of the Enterprise, really. Everybody contributes in their own way, according to their strengths and abilities. Everyone has a special talent. I may be the captain, but I certainly couldn’t run the ship on my own.”

Hope looked at him, captivated, seeing that he really believed in everything he’d just said, and understanding that loyalty and respect were the key to the Enterprise’s success.

“You’re very kind to say that, Captain,” she smiled, “but seriously, what do I do to help run the ship? What’s my special talent?”

“You mean apart from being kind and caring and spreading happiness wherever you go?”

Hope’s eyes grew wide at his words, a slight blush colouring her cheeks.

“Err, yes, actually,” she chuckled self-consciously, “I was thinking more in terms of things they teach at the Academy.”

“Just teasing,” Kirk grinned, “but I certainly don’t have to remind you that you’re a highly qualified linguist, do I?”

“No,” hope blushed again, “but that’s not been of much use on this mission, so far.”

“Maybe not yet,” Kirk admitted, “but then, we never know what we’re going to encounter out here in space. We need to be ready for anything. But let me tell you about your special talent now.”

Hope looked at him expectantly.

“You’ve repeatedly proven yourself capable of working outside your field of expertise. From helping out in engineering to actually working in sickbay.”

“My dabbling in engineering with Scotty kindly teaching me some basics hardly counts as work, Captain,” she made light of his praise. “That’s just me being curious.”

“Exactly,” Kirk laughed, satisfied to see her catching on to what he was saying. “You’re not only capable of doing various jobs, even more importantly, you're willing to do them. You've completed your Ph.D. in linguistics, and yet you work as an orderly in sickbay without complaining, because we need you there. And you don't always point out that you are actually overqualified, either. You’re not ashamed of doing something you’re still new at."

“But everybody would do this,” Hope was astonished.

“And that’s where you’re wrong,” the captain countered. “Not everybody would. But McCoy keeps telling me what a quick study you are, what an asset to his team. Besides, you really have this special gift to make people feel good. Even Mr. Spock has repeatedly stated that the general mood aboard has improved noticeably since your arrival. You’re a breath of fresh air on the Enterprise, Hope. So, you see, you're anything but dispensable."

Hope lowered her eyes bashfully at that.

"Your officers are shamelessly exaggerating, Captain! Especially Dr. McCoy has a far too high opinion of me. "

"McCoy is usually a really good judge of character."

Kirk tilted his head, then, remembering the doctor’s words, tried to find out more about her past, carefully avoiding any mention of her family in the process.

“But tell me, what’s your fascination with linguistics? What made you choose this field in the first place?”

“I think it started when I was still really young and impressed my English teacher with my glottal stop,” Hope began passionately, then broke off mid-sentence, a hint of alarm crossing her face.

“Your glottal stop?” Kirk echoed in bewilderment, failing to see the connection there.

“I’m so sorry, Captain, I’m not making sense anymore, I think I really need to get some sleep now.”

And just like that, Hope ended their conversation, and with a murmured, “Good night, Captain, it was really nice talking to you,” hurriedly left the arboretum.  

Baffled, Kirk stared after her for a few moments, then decided that Bones hadn’t been wrong, after all. There was definitely something in Hope’s past that she was embarrassed about. He’d talk to McCoy about it in the morning.

********************

“Have you got a minute, Jenny?” the harried-looking young ensign from engineering asked, looking first pleadingly at Hope, then apologetically at McCoy, who was frowning at her, pointedly looking at Hope’s still untouched lunch.

“Of course, Rita,” Hope said cordially, pushing back her chair to stand up and throwing the doctor an intense glance. “Anytime, like I said.”

McCoy subtly nodded his understanding, then followed the two women with his eyes, as Rita pulled Hope into the far corner of the mess for some privacy.

Looking at Hope’s abandoned meal slowly cooling down in front of him, he fondly thought about how she never hesitated for an instant, if someone asked for her help. He might have frowned at the interruption, but it was actually one of the things he liked most about her.

Watching her now, calmly talking to the agitated young woman, then giving her an encouraging hug before sending her on her way again, he felt a warmth spreading through his body that only ever Hope could evoke in him.

“You have advice and comfort for everyone, don’t you?” McCoy said fondly, when Hope returned and started on her lunch at last.

“Everyone but myself, it seems,” she sighed almost inaudibly and McCoy’s heart sank when he saw her face fall ever so slightly.

“What is it?” he asked concernedly, touching a gentle hand to her cheek.

She just shook her head, looking away.

“Something you’d like to talk over with someone?” he persisted, gently turning her face back towards him, only to feel his heart breaking as her lips decidedly said, “No,” even as her eyes clearly said, “Yes!”

Swallowing hard, and looking into her eyes intensely, he let his hand slide off her cheek and dropped it to her hand on the table, giving it a tight squeeze.

“If you ever want to talk, I’ll be there.”

Hope nodded her thanks almost imperceptibly, then pulled her hand away to finally finish her lunch.

********************

Knowing perfectly well how dangerously close she’d come to revealing too much to McCoy again over lunch, Jenny just couldn’t find the strength to keep away from him. With her emotions all over the place lately, she needed to be near him, longed for his soothing presence so badly.

Maybe it had to do with the anniversary of her grandmother’s death coming up, that had her feeling so melancholy recently. She’d absolutely adored her grandmother, who had died shortly after her 20th birthday, and she missed her cheerful personality and perceptive advice dearly.

Maybe she could talk to the doctor about her? That would be harmless enough, maybe even keep him off her back with other questions for a while. But then again, every mention of her past could lead to trouble. It was too risky, just not worth it.

So, having recovered at least some of her balance after a couple of relaxing yoga exercises, she made her way to the observation deck, counting on finding McCoy there and hoping to draw strength from his endless kindness towards her. And thankfully, he was already there when she entered, spotting her immediately and delightedly waving her over to where he was sitting.

Jenny got herself a coffee, then slumped onto the couch beside the doctor, seeing his affectionate smile and thinking there was no place she’d rather be at that moment.

Looking out at the stars, her thoughts returning to her granny, while she enjoyed the quiet and her coffee, Jenny suddenly became aware of McCoy studying her. Really studying her.

She was used to him checking up on her all the time. Had she eaten enough? Had she got enough sleep? That sort of thing. But this was different.

“What is it, Doctor?” she asked curiously.

McCoy exhaled noisily, then blinked, obviously thinking about how to phrase his next words.

“I wish I could just ease away your sorrows,” he said softly.

“What sorrows?” Hope asked, seemingly perplexed. “I couldn’t be happier!”

McCoy just kept looking at her, his gaze gentle and kind.

“I don’t know where this is coming from, Doctor,” she became flustered, “but I can assure you, there’s really no need to worry. Sometimes you worry too much.”

“I don’t worry, I observe,” was McCoy’s quiet reply, but, seeing that she wasn’t taking the bait, he let it go.

He didn’t want to spoil a cosy evening, and he felt that he had accomplished what he’d intended to. That’s to let her know that he didn’t buy her ‘I’m always happy’ act anymore and would be there, if she wanted to talk.

********************

Continue to: Chapters 21 - 30 Chapters 31 - 40 Chapters 41 - 50 Chapters 51 - 61

Go back to: Chapters 1 - 10

Or read it on AO3: On Borrowed Time 

********************

Disclaimer:

Nothing of or associated with Star Trek is mine – it all belongs to Paramount / ViacomCBS (or whoever else is currently holding the rights). This is a work of fanfiction, no infringement intended.

[spacedancer1701]

On Borrowed Time - a Star Trek fic (Chapters 51 - 61)

Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (AOS) Pairing: McCoy x Original Female Character (Dr. Jennifer Hope) Characters: The Crew of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) Rating/Warnings: None Tags: Friendship, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Mild H/C, Caring/Protective/Tender/Comforting/Happy/Grumpy McCoy Word Count: This is a long one 😄 (61 chapters - 120k)

Read it on AO3: On Borrowed Time

Chapter 51

When McCoy woke up the next morning, he went out on the balcony to enjoy the sun and the view. Hope was already on the beach, doing some yoga exercises, and he watched her for a while, mesmerised. She was doing the sun salutation, he dimly remembered her explaining this particular combination of moves, supposed to recharge body and soul with energy. But by golly, were those moves hot.

Stop thinking like that, Leonard!

He’d often enough watched her doing yoga on the Enterprise before, admiring how flexible she was, how she could twist and bend her body. But he’d never before realised quite what a turn-on those moves were. Now she was doing the tree. He recognised the pose from the times he’d watched her doing yoga with Christine in sickbay, apparently to find peace and calm in the middle of a busy day.

The calm way she stood there, unwavering and totally in control of her body, was fascinating. He tried to copy her, but gave up again right away, realising that standing on one leg just wasn’t for him. Shaking his head, he smiled to himself. The things he did because of her.

He briefly thought about going to join her on the beach, but when he glanced down at the fly of his shorts, he realised that he’d better stay where no one else could see his reaction to watching Hope move her delicate body in those alluring yoga poses.

It was getting more and more difficult to keep his feelings fatherly and platonic. But all he really wanted was for her to be happy, to be there for her, to be her friend, to be near her, to touch her, to kiss her…

Stop! She doesn’t want a relationship. Not with anyone, and especially not with an old fool like you, he reminded himself.

He really needed to get a grip. But truth was, it was much more than just her body moving enticingly, that attracted him so incredibly to her. It was her whole being, her personality. Not taking his eyes off her, he thought about everything she'd already been through at her young age. Things that would have left a lesser person complaining and unhappy with her life. But Hope had taken everything in her stride and come out the other side stronger. She was so in tune with herself and her life, and seemed to have endless energy and love to give and share. She was truly admirable.

The positive energy that she emanated, this joy of life, this humble gratitude for all the good things in her life, this infectious happiness, like right now, as if she were embracing the whole world with her yoga moves. He’d often wondered how she made everybody around her feel good, where she drew all that energy and love and joy from.

She’d told him before, that it was all about yoga and trying to keep in a positive vibration, and he’d smiled at that. But now, watching her on the beach, inviting all the energy of the universe into her body and soul with those thrilling moves, he suddenly thought he understood.

Life was wonderful. The universe was wonderful. Looking out at the sea on this beautiful morning, watching this incredible woman, he felt a peace and happiness inside him, like he’d never felt before. This must be what she called ‘being in good vibration’. It most certainly didn’t mean he was in love.

When she was done with her yoga exercises, and, looking up, spotted him standing on the balcony, her whole face lit up, making his heart skip a beat and flooding his whole body with warmth. Right then, he felt like the happiest man in the world, admittedly not a familiar feeling for him. There was just no way he could be grumpy when she beamed at him like that.

“Are you coming down for breakfast, Dr. Sleepyhead?” she called, breaking into a run. “I’m ravenous!”

He laughed out loud, letting her happy mood wash over him and fill his heart with the same joy of life she radiated.

“I’ll be down in a minute, Dr. Bendybody,” he replied, shaking his head indulgently.  

And stepping back inside, looking forward to another wonderful Hope-filled day of shore leave, he chose a rather long shirt that he kept untucked over his shorts, just to be on the safe side.

********************

After breakfast, they went back to the beach. Ever the concerned doctor, he asked her, if she’d remembered to take her sun protection pill, as they stripped down to their swimsuits and made themselves comfortable on their towels.

“Yes, Doctor, don’t worry,” she replied, then wistfully added, “although I quite liked the sun lotion we used in my time. It was nice to have someone rub it into your back for you. A little massage, just like that.”

And to demonstrate, she knelt behind him and started spreading imaginary sun lotion across his shoulders and back. Her touch shot through him like electricity, and he wondered if she felt it, too. They’d touched hundreds of times before, and even though he’d always enjoyed their closeness immensely, something had changed. Every little touch thrilled him to the bone. He could hardly refrain from turning around to grab and kiss her, tasting her full lips on his.

Get a grip, Leonard!

It didn’t get any easier once they were in the water. She dived and swam around him, trying to pull him under water, sensuously sliding her smooth body along his skin. Did she not realise what she was doing to him? He was immensely grateful that the water was rather cold, or else everybody on the beach would have seen what he felt for Hope.

Everybody but the woman herself, he thought, smiling wryly to himself. For Hope, bless her, seemed completely oblivious. But then again, if the alternative was for her to stop doing all those things to him, he’d rather keep enduring the sweet torture and for her to stay blissfully ignorant of her effect on him.

********************

Jenny was lying next to McCoy on her beach towel, reading. Or pretending to read. She couldn’t really concentrate on anything other than him lying so close to her that she could feel the heat radiating off his body. She’d only have to reach out her hand a little to touch him, to feel his skin. Or move her head slightly and kiss him. Heavens! She was totally gone. More in love than she’d ever have thought possible. She wanted him. Badly. And in every sense of the word.

She still cherished his friendship, of course. His kindness, his caring manner, the feeling of being safe and protected whenever he was near. But she realised that she wanted, no, needed, more than that. She wanted to make him happy. As a man, not just as her mentor. She wanted him to see the woman she was rather than the girl, the friend. She wanted him to want her just as badly. Forget about their difference in age or rank.

What did she have to do to make him react? She'd tried all the seductive things she could think of. Granted, maybe she was too subtle, too innocent and inexperienced. But still, his emotional control must be at least as good as Spock's! Or was she just imagining that he seemed to more than like her? Had she got it all terribly wrong? Were his feelings for her really nothing more than paternal affection and friendship? Was she making a complete fool of herself?

But then he would have told her. She knew him that well. If he realised that she harboured such deep feelings for him, and he didn't reciprocate, he’d tell her right away. He'd find the right words. Kind words, but frank and unequivocal. He'd never want to hurt her, and he'd nip things right in the bud, before she'd get in too deep. He was kind and thoughtful like that. And he loved her enough to want her to keep her dignity. She was quite sure of that.

So, what was keeping him? Did he not realise? Did he not see how she felt about him? Was he that immune to her charms?

********************

That evening, McCoy and Hope took the first of many moonlit strolls along the beach, with long, quiet conversations they both enjoyed immensely. They could talk for hours on end, and yet there was still so much to be told and learned about the other's life and time.

Possibly the happiest he’d ever been, McCoy wished for this shore leave to never end, as he was again and again overcome with gratefulness to the powers that be for bringing this wonderful woman into his life.

Quite naturally weaving her fingers through his, as they were walking side by side, Hope asked him to tell her more about life on earth as it was now.

“Are there really no more starving and homeless people?” she wanted to know, her face incredulous.

The doctor’s heart melted, when he saw the tears of joy in her eyes, as he explained that everybody was being cared for. The sick, the poor, the elderly, orphans, everyone.

“I'm so glad, I get to see this,” she smiled happily. “To know what the future holds. That it’s truly marvellous. Mankind has obviously learned its lesson. To think that all the hardship and pain, that were still so common in my time, have been eliminated!”

Hope went on to tell McCoy all about it. Families not having enough to feed their children or heat their homes. People living on the streets, sleeping rough, even in winter. People, children, starving all over the world. Refugees, trying to escape cruel and brutal wars after having lost everything, not welcome in the richer countries. Victims of nuclear fallouts receiving no help, because the authorities denied there even were accidents. Animal species becoming extinct because of people’s greed.

Her list was endless and now brought tears to McCoy's eyes. Tears of compassion, revulsion, horror and rage. And great sorrow that she'd had to live in those barbaric times, mixed with wonder at how she could even have survived twenty years of that.

But when she started to tell him about her life, he found that it hadn’t been barbaric and horrible at all. Quite the contrary, from what he heard, it had been a really beautiful life. And as he lay in bed, later that night, he found himself wishing he could go back in time with her, if only for a day, to see for himself, what her life, her family, her friends, had been like.

********************

The next morning, McCoy joined Hope on the beach. A few other people were already there, and he could see them watching Hope with fascination. Especially the men. And who could blame them? She really was a sight for sore eyes. Delightful.

Someday, she was going to make a young man very happy. He only hoped that this young man would fully appreciate how lucky and blessed he was, that he would treat her with all the love, respect and consideration she deserved. And that it would be a long time before he’d have to see her with another man.

Oh my, what a selfish piece of work I am! he thought, ashamed of himself.

Just then, she finished one of her yoga exercises, opened her eyes, and beamed at him. And the sun rose for the second time that day.

“I wish everybody could feel this joy of life as you do. This love of life,” he smiled at her.

It certainly rubbed off on him, McCoy thought fondly.

“Well, at the end of the day, it’s all about love, isn't it?” she replied softly. “Love of life, love of the beauty surrounding us, love of the people around us.”

“Oh yes,” he said, trying to keep his voice from trembling with emotion, “it's all about love.”

He could do this. He could love her without compromising her. Without needing her to love him back the way he longed for.

********************

Just hearing him say the word sent a shiver down Jenny’s spine and butterflies to her stomach. The way he’d said it. Reverently and almost wistfully. Maybe she could still hope. Or was it just wishful thinking? He certainly had more than enough love to give. It showed in the way he treated people. In the way he treated her. How loving and caring he was in his friendship.

How much more would he give as a lover? She'd better not follow this train of thought, or she'd end up weak-kneed and talking gibberish. She really needed to be content with what he so generously gave her, with everything he did for her. As it was, he made her feel more loved than she could ever have hoped for, even if their relationship remained as platonic and innocent as it was now.

Chapter 52

When a gentle tap on his shoulder startled him out of the article he’d been engrossed in, McCoy looked up from his medical journal, straight into Hope’s twinkling eyes.

“Sorry, my dear, did you need something?” he asked, immediately feeling guilty for neglecting her over the latest findings on Andorian brain research, something his ex-wife would definitely have given him hell for.

But Hope just smiled at him, giving his shoulder another pat.

“Relax, Doctor, you can go straight back to your journal. I’m just getting a bottle of orange juice from the beach bar and was wondering if you’d like something, too?”

“Orange juice would be nice,” he smiled, amazed that she didn’t seem to mind him reading up on medical stuff on vacation at all. “Do you want me to come?”

“You just get back to your read,” she chuckled, shaking her head. “I’m pretty sure I can manage to carry two bottles on my own.”

And turning around, she sprinted off towards the beach bar, leaving him staring after her, the sight of her tanned, slender figure in her swimsuit, moving so gracefully, her dark hair falling softly about her shoulders, going straight to his groin.

Forgotten was the Andorian brain research, as his eyes were glued to her ordering their drinks at the bar and immediately being surrounded by a group of men. Handsome men, young men. The kind of men she should be spending her time with.

Don’t go there, again! he thought, angry with himself. You’re not holding her back, she’s free to do as she pleases. If she chooses to hang out with you, just enjoy it!

But in his heart of hearts he knew that it was wrong for her to spend so much time with him, a man old enough to be her father. And that hogging her all to himself was selfish, no matter how delightful she was to have around.

Just then, he saw her talking animatedly to one of the young men at the bar, laughing out loud at something he said. She really seemed to enjoy herself, their drinks completely forgotten, and he was glad to see her so happy. Hope deserved to enjoy every single minute of her shore leave. And yet, it hurt. The young man was tall, blond, and built like an athlete.

They say dark girls go for blond men, shot through his mind, immediately followed by, This is just stupid, now you’ve lost it completely! and mentally rolling his eyes at himself.

When Hope finally grabbed the two bottles of juice, and started walking back towards him, the young man remained at her side. She waved a hand in the doctor’s direction, presumably to show her new friend where she’d left her things, and McCoy wondered, if the blonde took him to be her father.

He quickly abandoned that thought again, however, and pulled himself together, putting on a cheery smile. He didn't want to spoil Hope’s good mood, nor did he want her to find out about his silly jealous feelings. She’d just laugh at his foolishness.

Only a few steps away, he heard her say, "See you around!"

And leaving the young man just standing there, she skipped the last few steps towards McCoy. Setting the bottles down in the sand, she brushed a very quick and shy kiss on the surprised doctor’s lips and swiftly lay down beside him.

McCoy was left momentarily speechless. He had no idea why she’d done this, but watching the young man's face fall as he slunk away, filled him with a pathetic, yet most satisfying sense of victory.

When he found his voice again, the doctor turned towards Hope and quietly asked, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

She blushed deeply and kept her eyes closed.

“Please forgive me, Doctor,” she replied, her voice a little squeaky, “I just couldn’t think of another way to get rid of him.”

Somehow that sounded like a weak excuse.

“Why did you want to get rid of him?” he asked, genuinely confused. “I had the impression that you were enjoying yourself!”

“He's not my type,” was the curt answer.

“But maybe you could have come to know other people of your age that way,” he just couldn’t leave it.

Hope finally opened her eyes and shot him an almost angry look. Then her expression softened, and she gazed at him intensely for a few seconds.

“I just wasn’t interested, okay? He was nice, but certainly nothing to write home about. Or get jealous over,” she added, almost as an afterthought.

This time, it was McCoy, who averted his eyes. He'd been so sure that she hadn't noticed. A comforting warmth engulfed him. She was such a dear. Of course, she’d noticed, she’d always been very perceptive. But she was much too tactful to let on that she knew. So, she’d just acted, even though they both knew that he had absolutely no right to be jealous. And she'd even tried to disguise it, to save him the embarrassment. He was ashamed that he’d actually considered her laughing at him. He should really know her better by now.

When he looked back at her, she’d already closed her eyes again. He leaned towards her, kissed her on the cheek and whispered, “Thank you!”

********************

Jenny was lying on her back, feeling the hot sun on her skin, but her body burning even hotter. She could hardly lie still and keep from shouting out with glee. She’d just kissed him. Kissed him! A real kiss, on his lips, if only a very short and light one that she couldn’t even properly recall. And he hadn’t told her off right away, either. He’d been surprised, sure, but not shocked or appalled.

And what’s more, the reason for her boldness was that he’d shown definite signs of jealousy, when she’d talked to that yummy young man. If she hadn’t been sure about his slightly jealous behaviour where other men were concerned before, she most certainly was now. The look on his face, when he’d seen her and that guy approaching, had been unmistakably jealous. Oh what a joy! He did care for her as a woman after all.

This changed everything. Safe in the knowledge that he cared more for her than he wanted to admit, Jenny was content to just leave things to take care of themselves. If only this shore leave would never end! She’d be happy to go on like this forever.

Unable to keep still any longer, Jenny asked McCoy to come for another swim with her, and he happily obliged. They engaged in their usual swimming competitions and water fights, trying to pull each other under water, but this time, Jenny felt a new level of tenderness between them, as they chased each other around, laughing and spluttering, every now and then pausing for a moment, just to quietly enjoy being close to each other.

********************

When they were getting cold, they decided to go for a coffee and a little snack. McCoy’s stomach was rumbling, and even Hope felt a little peckish. But on the way back to their towels and parasol, she stopped short and grabbed the doctor’s arm, when she spotted a rather old woman desperately trying to help an even older man, who had obviously taken a fall, back onto his sun-lounger.

McCoy followed her gaze and instantly started to run, only a step behind Hope.

How typical of her, he thought affectionately, always watching out for other people.

When they reached the couple, he knelt down to check on the man, while Hope told the agitated woman, “It’s all right, we’re here to help.”

Together, they carefully lifted the old man up and gently eased him back onto the lounger. He seemed a bit dazed and gave a little moan, while the woman looked on, her face edged with concern. McCoy quickly felt the man’s pulse and checked for bruises or other injuries, while Hope put a hand on the old lady’s shoulder and gave her another encouraging smile.

“Don’t worry, he’s a doctor.”

“Oh thank God, you’re too kind!” the woman exclaimed gratefully. “My husband’s a little shaky on his legs, and, unfortunately I’m also past my prime and not as much help to him as I’d like to be.”

She chuckled ruefully.

“Your husband’s fine, Ma’am, no harm done,” McCoy said, straightening up and smiling reassuringly at her.

“Thank you so much!” The old lady was relieved. “It’s our last day at the seaside, you see, and my husband so desperately wanted to be in the water and feel the waves at least once before we go home, didn’t you, honey?” she looked at him lovingly, then added sadly, “He feels it might be his last chance. But it’s just too far, and the sand’s too uneven. Thanks again for helping us out!”

McCoy gave her a friendly nod and was just about to take Hope’s hand and politely say goodbye, when Hope looked at him pleadingly.  

“What do you think, Doctor? Can we help this lovely lady and her husband across the beach into the water and back?”

He’d known what she was going to suggest even before she’d said it out loud and nodded good-naturedly.

“Of course, we can,” he smiled at the couple.

His coffee and snack would have to wait.

The old man, who’d finally recovered from the scare of his fall, spoke up.

“Oh no, we couldn’t ask that of you. You’ve already been kind enough. Thank you once more for your help. Now go and enjoy your afternoon!”

McCoy and the old lady looked hesitant, but Hope was having none of it.

“Oh, but we’d be happy to take you, in fact, we were just heading back in the water ourselves, weren’t we, Doctor?”

She shot him a quick glance, defying him to say anything different.

“Yes, we were,” he said, sounding very convincing, even to himself. “It’s no bother at all. Come on, let’s get you there!”

And with that, he started to help the man get up from his sun-lounger again.

Hope smiled gratefully at him, and with a fresh pang of affection for her, he realised that he really didn’t mind. On the contrary, he felt strangely proud of this woman who would so willingly dedicate her time – and his – to making two complete strangers happy. And it made him feel good to be able to share in her endeavours.

The four of them made their way slowly across the sand. McCoy easily supporting the old man who probably didn’t weigh much more than Hope, and Hope guiding the old lady who, as he realised now, was almost as unsteady on her feet as her husband.

When they were up to their chests in the water, Hope and McCoy let go of their charges, and left them to their own devices. Hope smiled broadly at the doctor, as they watched the old couple fooling around in the sea like teenagers, and he thought his heart would spill over with emotion. She really was an extraordinary woman.

“Thank you, Doctor,” she beamed, swimming over to where he was standing and giving him a fierce hug. “And I’m sorry. I know you were looking forward to that coffee, but we’ll have one right after. I’ll even buy you some cake to go with it.”

“Why, thank you, how very generous of you,” he quipped, returning her hug and feeling stupidly pleased.

“When it’s that easy to make someone happy, you simply have to do it, don’t you?” she asked, smiling up at him. “And I knew you wouldn’t mind, really. For all your grumbling and grouching, you’re such a softie at heart.”

She kissed him on the cheek impulsively, sending a little shiver down his spine.

“It’s no big deal for us, but I think we totally made their day,” she gestured in the direction of the laughing couple, her eyes moist and her face aglow with happy delight.

“Yes, we most certainly did,” McCoy smiled, squeezing her a little tighter, “and I’m glad about it, too. Thank you for doing this, Hope. For being you. For making the world a better place. You’re the most generous and caring person I know.”

Jenny heard the warmth and affection in his words, blushed a little and looked down bashfully.

“Strange,” she said softly, “I’ve always thought the exact same thing about you.”

Still with one arm around each other, they went back to watching the couple in companionable silence. As they stood there, enjoying the skin-to-skin feeling they had come to cherish on this shore leave, they both thought how terribly they were going to miss this intimate connection once they were back on the Enterprise.

When the old lady signalled that it was time to get out again, they swam over to their respective charges and helped them return to their sun-loungers, graciously accepting their effusive thanks.

And when they’d said goodbye and were already a few steps away, they heard the old lady say to her husband, “Such sweet people! Aren’t they a lovely couple?”

Hope and McCoy glanced at each other, chuckling sheepishly, but each of them secretly thinking that, yes, they did make a lovely couple.

Charter 53

With his much longed for coffee finally in sight, McCoy decided that they deserved more than just a quick cup and biscuit at the beach bar, and suggested going to one of the nice cafes in the main shopping street instead. Jenny readily agreed, even though she didn’t care either way. As long as they were together, bread and water would be fine by her.

They got dressed, dropped their swimming gear off at the hotel, and headed towards the shops. The doctor found a nice little café off the main street, and they sat down at a cosy corner table in the lovely garden.

Their waiter happened to be one of the group of young men from earlier at the beach bar. Beaming at Jenny as he took their order, he pointed out a sign next to the door advertising a summer ball.

“That’s the ball we were talking about. Townhall’s right over there,” he said, vaguely indicating the direction with a wave of his hand. “It would be great, if you’d come! I could take you!”

His invitation clearly directed only at Jenny, he looked uncertainly at McCoy, who regarded him impassively, and Jenny was quick to reply, “Thanks for the offer, but I don’t think we’ll be able to make it.”

They went on to order, the doctor treating himself to a cappuccino and chocolate cake, while Jenny went for an Americano and apple pie.

“A ball, huh?” McCoy raised an eyebrow at Jenny, when the waiter was gone. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I’m not going.”

“Why not?” he wanted to know. “You love dancing!”

“I don’t know, I just didn’t think you’d enjoy it,” she shrugged. “Or would you?”

“I actually would,” McCoy smiled, thrilled, if a little ashamed at the thought, that it hadn’t even occurred to her to go without him. “I’d be happy to take you. Unless you’d rather go with someone else.”

Jenny just rolled her eyes at him.

“All right, Doctor, summer ball, Saturday night. It’s a date!” she beamed at him, just as their coffees arrived, McCoy’s chocolate cake turning out to be an extraordinarily huge piece that would probably last him until the next morning.

The doctor had just taken his first forkful of cake, savouring the flavour on his tongue with closed eyes and an exaggerated grin that made Jenny laugh, when a teenage boy sidled up next to him.

“Hi! I'm Stuey!” the boy shouted, as if he weren’t standing right next to them, his smile a mile wide, and Jenny realised that he had some sort of mental disability.

McCoy, although startled by the sudden noise close to his ear, didn’t miss a beat.

“Hi Stuey! How’re you doing, son? My name's Leonard.”

Jenny watched him raptly, as he took the boy’s extended hand and shook it in greeting, then patted his shoulder in a chummy manner. There was no hint that the doctor had even registered the boy's handicap, and Jenny could have kissed him for his kindness.

Right then, Stuey's embarrassed mother came hurrying over, apologised for her son’s intrusion, and quickly steered the boy away again, guiding him back to their own table.

“Didn’t you say that mental disabilities were all but gone, Doctor?” Jenny asked, as McCoy looked over at Stuey’s table, returning his friendly wave.

“I said that we can cure a lot of things prenatally, including some chromosomal defects,” he corrected her, returning his gaze to her face, “but the human brain still holds a lot of mysteries.”

“That’s sad,” she said quietly, feeling a little disappointed with the 23rd century. “I’ve somehow imagined that everybody’s living a happy healthy life now.”

“Why would you think that Stuey’s not happy and healthy?” McCoy asked softly, searching Jenny’s face with kind eyes, but she still felt the gentle reprimand in his words. “He’s just different. And I think he might be happier than a lot of people I know.”

“You’re right, of course,” Jenny admitted, feeling ashamed of her ill-considered comment.

“I’m sorry, Hope, I didn’t mean to be patronising,” the doctor apologised. “I just don’t like people assuming that someone who’s different is also inferior and needs to be pitied. Although it’s probably often quite a challenge for his mother, mind you. Even in the 23rd century, society doesn’t always treat people who don’t fit in kindly.”

Jenny nodded, touched as always by his deep respect for life and all living beings.

It took maybe five minutes, until Stuey reappeared at McCoy's side, and Jenny could see – and easily empathise – how drawn he was to the gentle-hearted doctor.

“What are you eating?” the boy asked, peering curiously at McCoy’s plate.

“Chocolate cake,” the doctor smiled, leaning back in his chair to give Stuey a better view.

“Stuey loves chocolate cake!” the boy grinned widely, his eyes lighting up.

“Would you like some?” the doctor chuckled and pushed his plate a little towards Stuey, who nodded eagerly.

And just like that, McCoy speared a little piece up on his fork and offered it to the boy.

Stuey ate it greedily, the delight clearly visible on his face, and once again, Jenny's heart melted as she witnessed the doctor's generosity and kindheartedness.

Stuey’s mother came running, terribly embarrassed, telling Stuey off and trying to prise him away.

“I’m so sorry he keeps bothering you!” she apologised.

McCoy put a soothing hand on her arm, telling her not to worry, and then surprised both Jenny and the mother by suggesting, “Why don't you just leave him with us while you go back and enjoy your meal? We'll be fine, chatting a little and sharing this delicious cake, won’t we, Stuey?”

The boy nodded eagerly, and his mother’s eyes grew wide in astonishment. Jenny could almost see her inner struggle, the idea of having a relaxed meal out obviously very appealing.

“Are you sure?” she asked uncertainly.

“Quite sure, Ma'am. We’d be delighted.”

When Stuey’s mother had told him to be a good boy and returned to her table, McCoy looked at Jenny, doubt crossing his face.

“You're alright with this, aren't you?”

“More than alright, Doctor,” she assured him, smiling warmly at him. “I think you're terrific!”

McCoy blushed a little at that, his skin glowing under her approving gaze.

“I just thought, well, how many undisturbed meals can she have?”

“Not many, probably,” Hope sighed.

While they talked, McCoy was lovingly feeding Stuey forkfuls of cake.

“Now Stuey, tell me, what else do you like?”

Stuey didn't need any more prompting, and happily launched into a detailed account of all the things he liked to have or do, McCoy listening attentively while Jenny watched them both, her heart brimming over with affection and admiration for the sweet-natured doctor.

She observed Stuey trustingly drawing ever closer to McCoy, fully understanding his desire to be close to this kind-hearted man. The doctor, eventually, put his arm around the boy’s shoulders, and the three of them chatted away comfortably.

When Stuey’s mother finally returned and told him that it was time to go, thanking McCoy and Jenny again for their kindness, the boy said goodbye to both of them with a sloppy wet kiss on the cheek.

As soon as mother and son were out of sight, they both grabbed a napkin to wipe their faces, laughing at the simultaneity of their action and looking fondly at each other, as they finished their coffees in companionable silence.

********************

On their way back, they passed the jeweller’s shop again, and Hope stopped to look at the ring once more, her face taking on a wistful expression that tugged at the doctor’s heartstrings.

“Do you wish you could go back to your time?” McCoy asked quietly.

Hope didn’t even take a moment to consider the question before turning to look at the doctor and shaking her head.

“No, I wouldn’t want to go back,” she said very decidedly.

“Not even to be with Tom again?” he inquired softly.

This time, Hope took a little longer to answer, and he could hardly believe how much the thought of her longing to be with someone else hurt. He’d definitely have to get over this uncalled for jealousy.

Her face towards him, Hope was looking right through him, her mind cast back to a place and time he couldn’t see, nor would he ever be able to. Watching her like this and waiting for her answer was unbearably hard. But he’d asked, so he obviously needed to know.

After what seemed like an eternity to him, but had probably been no more than half a minute, Hope’s eyes focused again, and, smiling fondly at him, she shook her head once again.

“No, I wouldn't want to miss this life here and now. Tom and I probably wouldn't have lasted anyway. We were so young, we didn’t even know what love really was, then.”

“But now, three years on, you know?” McCoy asked, lifting a mocking eyebrow, but really only half-teasing.  

Her gaze didn’t falter as she slowly nodded.

“It’s more like three hundred years on, but, yes, I think I do,” she smiled.

He knew it was a bad idea to pursue this thread of conversation, but he couldn’t help himself, curiosity and, of course, jealousy, getting the better of him.

“Who’s the lucky guy then, my dear?” he asked, trying to sound casual and cheerful, only to see Hope blush a deep crimson.

Great! Well done, Leonard, you’ve managed to embarrass her.

“Uh, no one in particular,” she chuckled, trying to cover her uneasiness with a dismissive shrug. “The men I’m in love with are usually not interested in me.”

“That’s impossible,” McCoy exclaimed indignantly, “you’re every man's dream!”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Hope laughed, seemingly flattered by his outrage, “but you're my friend, you're biased. And anyway, you're not interested either.”

“Don't be so sure! If I were a little younger...”

“Oh please! Don't give me that rubbish about age difference!” she bristled. “People always say that. And it’s total nonsense. What's age got to do with love anyway?”

McCoy was glad she was so focused on her rant about age difference, that she'd completely missed the implication of his last words. They'd been out of his mouth before his brain had caught up with his tongue. But Hope was really angry and raged on.

“How is it possible, I ask you, that in a world where everything from gay to interracial love is completely normal, age difference is still an issue? I mean, please, you haven't moved on from my time at all in that respect!”

“Well, maybe it’s not an issue when both partners are still relatively young. But what about when one gets old and the other is still in their prime?” he let himself be drawn into a discussion.

“So what? Do you stop loving someone, because they can’t pull off acrobatics in bed anymore?”

She was on a roll now, and, in her fervour, he found her more attractive than ever. Even more so, when she realised what she'd just said and blushed furiously, a mortified grin on her face.

McCoy smiled at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“No, of course you don't stop loving them,” he continued appeasingly. “But if I were in love with someone younger, I'd be afraid to burden them with my aging. Not to be able to offer them the life they deserve, or be there for them when they need me.”

“You've had that problem before, even though you were the same age,” she accused him bluntly, then cringed immediately realising her lack of tact.

“Oh, shoot, I’m sorry! That came out all wrong!” she apologised sheepishly. “Please forgive me, I was way out of line.”

McCoy just smiled at her good-naturedly, yet again glad that she hadn’t made the connection.

“Well, what can I say?” he grinned, lifting his hands in defeat. “You're right. Who am I to contradict you?”

Hope chuckled at the gesture, then went on, still passionately trying to make her point.

“Really, though, with all due respect, in your line of work you could die any day and leave them behind. Regardless of your age. So could I, by the way, no matter my youth,” she added as an afterthought.

Stopping short, as she realised what she'd just implied, she turned an adorable shade of pink again. It was a shame that he didn't know if it was because she hadn’t meant it or because she had.

Anyway, his jealous heart was immensely relieved to learn that maybe Tom hadn't been the love of her life after all. But then, remembering what she’d just said before, who else could have shown her the real meaning of love? Someone from her past life? Or someone in the here and now? But if it was someone still alive, who the blazes could be stupid enough to let this wonderful woman slip through his fingers?

Chapter 54

Ever since he’d learned about her past, McCoy had made a point of introducing Hope to some new characteristic of 23rd century life every day. Mostly just little things, whatever came to mind. Because he knew how important it was to her to acquaint herself with every aspect of modern life. How, even more than being respected as the brilliant linguist she was, she wanted to simply fit in. And he also knew how much she appreciated his support.

Confident and carefree as she might appear to the rest of the world, it was quite obvious to him that she still felt a little insecure in everyday life. Having someone by her side who knew her well enough to answer many of her questions before she even had to ask them, gave her security. And making her feel secure had become one of his greatest joys. That morning, when he’d suggested visiting a state-of-the-art entertainment centre that would make everything the Enterprise had to offer seem outdated, Hope’s eyes had instantly lit up like fireworks, and he’d had to put on his sternest doctor’s voice to make her finish her breakfast. In her enthusiasm, she was really like a child sometimes. One more thing that he adored about her. So, here they were, in the middle of a crowded VR standing-up holo-arena, with Hope frantically clinging to him. Not that he minded feeling her body tightly pressed against his, of course, but he cursed himself for not having anticipated the effect the holo-arena would have on her eyes and, consequently, her balance. What kind of doctor did that make him? Granted, she was the first – and probably last – nystagmus patient he’d ever come across, but he should still have seen it coming.

The show had only just started, when she’d lost her balance, completely taken by surprise. She’d blindly reached for his arm for support, and thankfully he’d had the presence of mind to grab her waist and catch her before she’d fallen to the floor, to be swallowed up by noisy darkness and stamping feet.

“I’m so sorry, my dear,” he’d shouted into her ear, realising his mistake and trying not to show his alarm, “just hold on tight and I’ll get us out of here.”

But Hope, being Hope, wouldn’t hear of it and shook her head vehemently in the almost dark.

“Can we please stay, Doctor?” she shouted back at him. “I was merely caught unawares. Just don’t let go of me!”

Heaving an uneasy sigh, he reluctantly nodded and tightened his grip around her waist. It took some time for him to lose his worried frown, but hearing her whoop and laugh, with her back safely against his chest and holding on tightly to his arms around her waist, he finally relaxed and even enjoyed himself. Back outside after the show, he tried to apologise once more for his oversight as her physician, but she just laughed it off.

“Oh Doctor, stop worrying! That was the highlight of our shore leave so far. Thank you so much for bringing me here!” she beamed at him.

“And for keeping me safe,” she added softly, taking both of his hands in hers and squeezing them affectionately.

McCoy swallowed hard, wondering if she even knew, what little gestures and words like this did to him.

But before he could think of a response, she’d already let go again, clapped her hands together excitedly, and asked, “So, what’s next? With my own personal hero by my side, I’m ready to take on anything!”

Another shiver went down McCoy’s spine. The way she kept stirring up his feelings for her, truly took his breath away.

Just don’t let on how much she affects you, Leonard, and everything will be all right. You want to keep things as they are, not see her running off scared. “Well, there’s this other holo-theatre I thought you might enjoy,” he tried to sound casual. “A sitting down one this time,” he added quickly, probably more for his own benefit than hers.

“Perfect, let’s go!” she almost squealed with delight.

“I’m not sure about today’s show, though,” he warned. “Might be a little scary, it’s a thriller.”

“I’ll only be scared if you are, Doctor,” she laughed. “So?”

“Well, there’s a challenge if I’ve ever heard one. Let’s go!” he grinned.

********************

Jenny was absolutely excited to go to the next show. Even though it had been a little taxing, what with her eyes and balance, she’d immensely enjoyed the first arena. After her initial moment of terror, she’d had the time of her life. Being safely ensconced in the doctor’s arms throughout, of course, adding more than a little to the pleasure of the experience.

How he managed to be so close to her, so caring and affectionate, and yet stay so calm and undisturbed was beyond her. She was constantly fighting the urge to just fall into his arms and never let go. She’d never really cared for scary movies, either, but here was another perfect opportunity to snuggle up in his arms, and she was determined to make the most of it.

She loved him. Simple as that. How she was going to survive another day back on the Enterprise, not being allowed to touch him or be this close to him anymore, she didn’t know. She’d cross that bridge when she got to it. But for now, she was going to lap up every morsel of tender love that the doctor was willing to give her.

The show was scarier than McCoy had expected. But again, Hope was determined to stay. They were more or less huddled together, laughing and screaming, throughout the show, and he was amazed by how enjoyable being terrified could be. Hope, of course, was the one thriving on all this cuddling and hugging. And yet, he knew he’d miss it too, back on the Enterprise, with all the restrictions that starship duty entailed.

********************

It was late afternoon by the time they left the entertainment centre, and to McCoy’s delight, Hope was ravenous and suggested an early dinner. They found a cosy French restaurant, and, since it wasn’t actually dinner time yet, were seated at a table with an incredible view without having a reservation.

The doctor’s body was still aglow with the warmth of holding her, and he felt like embracing the whole world. In his celebratory mood, he even convinced Hope to share a bottle of exquisite French wine, and by the time they left the restaurant after a really delicious dinner, she had a joyful sparkle in her eyes and a rosy glow to her cheeks. Enjoying the last rays of the warm evening sun, they took their habitual evening stroll along the beach, comfortably walking hand in hand, as they’d got used to. They were always holding hands or having an arm around each other these days, and McCoy enjoyed it immensely, knowing it was all right to be more intimate on shore leave, and that it was his chance to give Hope the tenderness she craved. There would be no more public handholding back on the Enterprise. They chatted away cheerfully, marvelling at the beauty of the scenery, and he revelled in Hope’s boisterousness. She was beaming from ear to ear, more skipping than walking, when she suddenly stopped and turned to face him, taking his other hand in hers, too, and intertwining their fingers.

Looking up at him, her eyes brimming over with emotion, she prepared to say something. Something important to her, he guessed, dreading her next words as much as he wanted to hear her say them. “Doctor, I…” she began hesitantly, then cast her eyes down for a moment while his gaze was glued to her beautiful face. “I wanted to thank you. For taking me on this incredible shore leave. I feel like shouting my happiness out to the world. In fact, I don’t remember ever being happier.”

McCoy went week at the knees, and his heart soared at seeing her so overjoyed. No one could express happiness more vividly than Hope, and he was immensely relieved, if also a little disappointed, that she’d just wanted to thank him.

“And it’s all thanks to you,” she went on. “There I was, only weeks ago, dreading this shore leave, and now here I am, having the time of my life. You’re simply the best. Don’t ever think that I take you for granted.”

She stood on tiptoe to put a lingering kiss on his cheek, then quickly turned away again and pulled him further along the beach.

Of course, that wasn’t what she’d meant to say, at least not all of it. But she’d lost her nerve. Probably a good thing, too, Jenny thought. No matter how fervently she loved him, he could never know. She’d have to come to terms with that. She certainly didn’t want to risk losing him, because she couldn’t keep her feelings to herself. But later, sitting in the warm sand, looking out to sea and watching the most beautiful sunset, she couldn’t help but try again.

Leaning against him and resting her head on his shoulder, she dreamily said, “Isn’t this the most romantic view? Feels like paradise. I wish, we could stay here forever. Do you think one could die from too much happiness?”

“I hope not!” he laughed, his own heart swelling with the beauty of the moment and her contagious joyfulness.

McCoy put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and tenderly burying his face in her hair that smelled of sea and vacation, sighing contentedly.

Melting into his tender embrace, she smiled to herself, then boldly asked, “Have you ever been in love, Doctor? So in love that you think your heart might explode? So in love that it just takes your breath away? I mean really in love, not just a crush. When you’ve known someone for a long time, and every day they seem even more special to you? When your heart is filled with happiness just being near them? When you know you’d do anything for them? When you’re grateful for every single day they’re in your life?”

McCoy froze, hearing her put all the things he felt for her into words. This was a very delicate topic. He didn’t feel comfortable at all, discussing love with her. And yet, he just couldn’t help himself. He had to be honest. He needed to say it.

“Actually, yes,” he replied quietly, his voice muffled by her hair.

And in his mind, he added, I feel all of that for you. And so much more.

“Of course, you have, Doctor,” she chuckled sheepishly. “How silly of me to ask. You’ve been married after all.”

“Funnily enough, I wasn’t thinking of my ex-wife,” he murmured softly. “Much as I thought I loved her when we got married, I didn’t discover real love until much later.”

Dangerous territory, Leonard!

“Really?” Hope asked, gazing at him intently.

Was there a flash of ... something in her eyes? Disappointment? Curiosity? Jealousy even? Or was that just wishful thinking on his part? Why had she started on this topic anyway? Sometimes she was so incredibly naive. Or wasn’t she? Was she trying to tell him something? His heart skipped a beat at the thought, but he quickly dismissed the idea again.

“Why didn’t it work out?” she wanted to know, breaking into his thoughts.

“It...” What could he say? “She’s out of my league.”

“Did she say that?”

Now Hope was outraged on his behalf, it was almost funny.

“No, she didn’t have to,” he mumbled. “It’s perfectly clear. I haven’t even told her of my feelings for her.”

“Oh, that’s so sad!” Hope exclaimed, hugging him spontaneously, nearly making him lose his cool. “But no one’s out of your league, Doctor! And if she didn’t even realise what she was missing, she didn’t deserve you anyway!”

McCoy couldn’t suppress a snort, this was getting too bizarre.

“Thank you, my dear, for being such a loyal friend,” he murmured, giving in to his urge to nuzzle her hair and feeling her snuggle closer.

“You’re welcome,” she replied softly, looking up at him quizzically, a strange, inscrutable expression crossing her face. But whatever else she was going to say, she bit it back. Maybe this conversation had turned out too touchy for her, too? If he didn’t know better, he could almost think she was making fun of him and his feelings. But she didn’t have a single cruel streak in her and would never ridicule his feelings. Maybe the romantic setting had got to her. Or, more probably, it was simply the wine they’d had with their dinner, that had gone to her head.

Whatever. He did the only sensible thing he could think of. Getting to his feet, he pulled her up with him. Time to get moving again before either of them said something from which there was no turning back. Time to get back to safety.

Jenny let herself be pulled back to her feet and to reality. What had she been thinking?

No more wine for me! Ever! she vowed, and was grateful for McCoy once again taking charge and saving their precious friendship.

They walked quietly side by side, arms lightly brushing against each other with every step, but not holding hands. It was as if they needed to put some distance between them, but it made Jenny feel uneasy. Had she made a fool of herself? What was he thinking of her now? She had obviously overstepped a line, and she desperately needed to make it right again.

“I’m sorry, Doctor, for getting all maudlin back there,” she said self-consciously. “No more wine for me. Promise! Please tell me I didn’t say anything to offend you. Tell me that we’re all right.”

Her voice sounded desperate and whiny, even to her own ears. She bit her lip. Could she dig this hole any deeper?

But McCoy turned towards her and, gently taking her hand in his again, let his adorable smile slowly spread across his face, assuring her with the kindest look in his eyes, “Of course we’re all right, Hope. How could we not be?”

And just like that, Jenny’s world was whole again.

********************

Later, alone in his room, McCoy thought about everything Hope had said that evening. From thanking him for this wonderful shore leave – Yes, it really is wonderful, but why would a young girl like her be this happy on shore leave with an old man like me? – to describing what crazy in love felt like.

Sure, he felt everything she’d mentioned, and more, for her, but he didn’t dare to think that she could feel anything like that for him, too. Or could she? Just the thought gave him goose bumps, and he indulged in a few wonderful moments of daydreaming. But in the real world, of course, it would be foolish of him to assume that her feelings for him could be anything of that kind.

Chapter 55

Early Saturday evening, Jenny put on her favourite flower print sun dress, which she knew would swing nicely around her legs when she danced, and slipped into her high-heeled sandals, the perfect dancing shoes. She was looking forward to the ball immensely.

Just thinking about how close she and McCoy had grown over their shore leave made her feel so happy and alive that she had to take care not to grin like a lunatic, or romp about like an overexcited puppy all the time. Jenny could hardly wait to be swept into the doctor’s arms for a dance or two – and hopefully more.

Life can’t get any better than this, she thought happily, her whole body tingling with joy and excitement.

She quickly brushed her hair and put on some light make-up. Not too much, since she felt that the doctor preferred her natural look, and the make-up wouldn’t last long when she danced, anyway. Then she stepped out into the hallway, where McCoy was already waiting for her with a relaxed smile on his face, and her breath hitched in her chest at the sight of him.

She’d always found him good-looking, liked him in uniform where the blue of the medic tunic brought out the beautiful blue of his eyes. And seeing him in his civvies on shore leave, paired with him being much more laid-back, not as tightly wound and keyed up as on the Enterprise, she’d thought him even more attractive. But tonight, dressed up for the occasion in a sand-coloured linen suit and pale blue shirt that perfectly complemented the colour of his eyes, he was breathtakingly handsome.

“Wow, Dr. McCoy, I say,” she grinned, fluttering her eyelashes at him, “with you at my side, I’ll be the envy of every girl at the ball!”

The doctor blushed endearingly at that and, looking appraisingly at her, said, “Well, you look pretty amazing yourself tonight, Dr. Hope. But then, you always look beautiful.”

He smiled tenderly at her, thinking that she looked absolutely stunning, and that he couldn’t ever get used to her beauty. Then he gallantly offered her his arm and led her out of the hotel into the busy streets full of happy tourists on their way to their evening entertainment.

“Shall we get a lift, or can you walk all the way in your dancing shoes?” he asked, looking doubtfully at her footwear which made her small feet look even more delicate.

‘If I can dance in them, I can walk in them,” she declared, squeezing his arm affectionately. “And it’s such a lovely evening for a little stroll.”

“All right,” he chuckled, protectively putting his free hand over her smaller one resting on their linked arms, “You just hold on tight, and I’ll get you there safely.”

McCoy took a deep breath, absorbing her infectious happiness, her closeness as she clung to his arm making him giddy and lightheaded. So far, their shore leave had been nothing short of amazing, each day better than the last.

With Hope, everything was so straightforward and uncomplicated. She simply told him what she wanted and what she didn’t want. No wearisome guessing games with her. No unspoken expectations he felt he had to live up to, no capricious demands. He could just be himself, knowing that she was happy and enjoying herself.

The only downside was, that he was constantly playing with fire, in permanent danger of getting carried away by romantic feelings that came up so easily in a picturesque setting like this.

********************

When they arrived at the ball, McCoy was not surprised to see that all the men’s eyes were on them. And, once again, he took enormous pride in being the man at Hope’s side, secretly pleased that she didn’t even seem to notice how many heads she turned.

While he was busy showing her off, she found and secured a table for them. And as soon as they were seated and had ordered their drinks, the waiter from the cafe the other day appeared at her side, looking handsome in a summer suit, thrilled that she had come. When the young man asked her to dance, Hope shot the doctor a hesitant glance, but McCoy insisted that she go and have fun.

“Go and enjoy yourself, dear!” he encouraged her, raising his glass. “I’ll be happy to sip my drink and watch you dance.”

“All right, then,” she smiled, getting up and resting her hand on the doctor’s shoulder for a long moment, before following the young man to the dance floor.

Savouring the lingering ghost of her touch on his shoulder, McCoy couldn’t tear his eyes away from her, hypnotised by her graceful movements. The happiness she radiated filled his heart with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. No one deserved to be happy more than Hope.

Right now, he didn’t even feel jealous watching her dance with another man. Nobody could ever take away what they had, what they’d shared. And seeing her dancing partner’s amorous look, knowing that man didn't mean half as much to her as he did, actually made him smile. So did Hope, who took every chance to fondly glance at him, thus confirming his thoughts.

When the last in a row of young men brought her back to the table, McCoy decided it was time for him to take her to the dance floor himself. It had occurred to him that, despite all the times he’d watched her dance with others, they’d never really danced together before. Not properly, anyway, if you counted that time in sickbay.

Holding her in his arms like that was the strangest feeling. So familiar, and yet so new. He’d held her on so many occasions before, to comfort her, to soothe her, to protect her, to keep her warm, even in their pretend fights in the water. But never like this, just for the sake of it, although dancing was as good an excuse as any. And it felt so right.

Their eyes were locked on each other’s. They were not talking, just smiling at each other and enjoying the moment. And while they danced, they unconsciously moved closer together, McCoy enjoying the feel of their bodies touching, fitting together so perfectly, her lovely form nestled tightly against him.

He told himself it was wrong, but he was powerless to resist his feelings. Feelings that he thought he’d lost with his marriage, but which, in fact, he felt more keenly with Hope in his arms than he could ever remember feeling before. Being close to someone physically and emotionally and never wanting to let go again.

When the music stopped, he released her, but left his hands resting gently on her shoulders. She looked up at him fondly, and the utter happiness in her eyes moved him so deeply, it made him wonder, if all this was really as wrong as he believed.

And when she dreamily said, “Oh Leonard, I want this evening to go on forever,” he thought that was exactly what he wanted, too.

Hearing her say his name for the first time almost made him gasp out loud. He’d offered to call him by his first name when they were off-duty a long time ago, but she’d somehow always stuck to ‘doctor’ and he’d given up on correcting her. In fact, he’d often thought that her calling him ‘doctor’ sounded far more intimate than most other people calling him Leonard.

The music started again, the band playing a very slow and beautiful love song, and without thinking their bodies moved back together in a tight lovers’ embrace. Hope rested her forehead against his chest, and when he inhaled the lovely scent of her soft hair, his heart was fit to burst with love for her. Love that he now, for the first time, didn’t try to push away and ignore. Yes, he felt responsible for her, and protective, and affectionate, but most of all, and he could no longer deny it, even to himself, he felt love. Purest, deepest love. Adult love. And the realisation equally exhilarated and scared him.

He briefly wondered if Chekov felt like that when he held Hope in his arms dancing. Probably. Not a nice thought, though. In fact, the thought hit his chest like a blazing ball of fire, making his stomach flip. And even worse, did Hope snuggle up to Chekov and look at him that way? Mentally shaking off the notion, he ordered himself to stop thinking along those lines. Here it was again, this jealousy he felt when it came to Hope. So pathetic. And so uncalled for. He just didn’t have any right to feel jealous. Hope was free to do as she pleased. They were only friends. Somehow, he kept forgetting that.

Holding her so close, another realisation hit him. No matter how intimately he knew her body, how familiar, as her doctor and as her friend, he was with every curve, every dimple, the texture of her skin, the scent of her hair, right now, it felt like touching her for the very first time. As if he’d never touched her before. As if he hadn’t held her for a whole night in that cave. As if he hadn’t spent the better part of an afternoon with her tightly ensconced in his arms in the holo-arena just the other day. As if he hadn’t checked and treated her as his patient a million times before. He knew her so well, and yet, this was totally different.

Halfway through the song, Hope raised her head to look up at him, a strange expression on her face that he hadn’t seen before and couldn’t quite read, but so full of love and trust, that his heart melted and he felt the last of his reticence dissolving. And when she closed her eyes and tilted her face up towards his, his lips found hers, and he lost himself in the most tender kiss.

As soon as McCoy realised what he was doing, he pulled back, only to miss the feeling of her lips against his immediately.

“I’m so sorry,” he stammered, completely at a loss for words, not sure what to feel or think, appalled and wistful at the same time, “I had no idea how much I’ve longed to do this.”

Jenny looked at him, dazed. Lost in her own emotional turmoil, because she, too, was overwhelmed by the strength of her feelings for him. Of course, she’d been in love with him for a long time now. First as her friend and mentor, and more recently in a rather romantic way. She’d dreamed of situations just like this, but she’d always been unsure of his exact feelings for her.

She knew, of course, that he felt affection and friendship for her. That he liked her company and cared for her very deeply. And here on shore leave, particularly, she’d often felt that it was more than just that on his part. Especially when he’d started showing signs of jealousy, which she’d found really endearing.

But still, she hadn’t been sure. Not until this kiss, the intensity and tenderness of which had just blown her away. It was all she’d ever hoped for, all she’d ever dreamed of, and more. The way he looked at her, held her, was like a dream come true. And then his words registered.

“What do you mean, you’re sorry? You’ve longed for this, but didn’t know it?”

Her face was a picture of confusion and McCoy had to smile in spite of himself.

“Doesn’t make any sense, does it?” he laughed ruefully.

“Not really, no,” Hope agreed.

McCoy looked into her hopeful, yet apprehensive eyes, and his deep feelings for her hit him anew with full force. She was the sweetest, most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He could not but smile and draw her close again. He needed to hold her, to feel her. His desire for her, and, yes, his need to be close to her frightened him. And yet, it was the most heavenly feeling.

“Let’s go for a little walk and talk, all right?” he said, his voice a bit shaky, and put a hand to the small of her back, gently steering her in the direction of the door.

Hope was more than happy to follow him outside, still looking at him expectantly.

********************

Away from the crowd and the music, in the quiet of the night with only the sound of the waves lapping softly against the shore, the doctor gently took her hand in his and led her towards a bench facing the sea. Hope sat down quietly beside him, recognising his need to collect his thoughts and find the right words.

McCoy put his arm around her shoulders, rubbing them a little, ostensibly in an attempt to keep her warm, and drew her close, burying his face in the familiar scent of her hair, glad that she couldn’t see his face right now.

His thoughts were racing, exhilaration and dread fighting for predominance in his knotted stomach. The kiss had been incredible beyond words. It had felt so right, and yet, it was so very, very wrong. He wasn’t ready for a relationship. And she was way too young.

Suddenly, it hit him that she’d been kissed by an older man before, and that had scarred her for life.

My God! What have I done?

Chapter 56

Jenny felt close to tears, wishing the doctor would finally say something, and at the same time dreading what that would be. They’d just shared the most divine kiss, they should both be walking on air! Instead she was sitting here, feeling as if she’d done something wrong. She loved him with all her heart. Why did this have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t he just love her back?

The way he had his arm around her, holding her tight, his hand absentmindedly rubbing up and down her arm, was so familiar and felt so right. She couldn’t help snuggling a little closer. This was where she felt safe and at home, where she belonged. Couldn’t he see that? These arms and these hands, along with his eyes and smile and voice, had taken away every sorrow, every fear, since her very first day on the Enterprise. She was overwhelmed by a painful sense of loss and loneliness just thinking of him pushing her away.

McCoy felt Hope nestling deeper into his arms, his instincts telling him to pull her even tighter. But he had to keep a clear head. She certainly thought she wanted to be close to him now, but he couldn't let her put herself in a position that she would, eventually, regret. She was only a girl. But then again, she wasn’t, was she? She was a woman. And an extraordinary, beautiful, brilliant one at that. When he was with her, talked to her, she was so incredibly mature, it was too easy to forget how young she really was.

But at the end of the day, she was just a girl. And he was a foolish old man to be so attracted to her in this completely non-paternal way. He had to try and find a way out of this to save her dignity. His dignity. And maybe even recover some of their friendship. The thought of losing her as a friend was so unbearable, it made him feel physically sick. He had to fix this terrible mess he’d got them into. He had to find the right words. Now.

“I knew you were special from the moment I first met you,” he began, his voice gentle and much calmer than he felt. “I don’t know what it was or how you did it, but you stole my heart within moments of our first encounter. You radiated such warmth and kindness, and I just wanted to be near you. When you volunteered to work in sickbay, I thought I was the luckiest man in the universe.

“Then I watched you with my staff and my patients, the way you could bring colour to exhausted faces, smiles to people in severe pain. And I knew there and then that you were the most beautiful person I’d ever met – inside and out.”

The doctor paused for a moment, and Hope gazed up at him, her eyes moist with emotion. But she remained silent, waiting patiently for him to continue.

“I’ve grown fonder of you by the day,” he went on, smiling tenderly down at her, “getting used to having you around rather too quickly, enjoying your presence and your company in and out of sickbay. I laughed with you, I flirted with you, I worried about you, I enjoyed our playful banter as much as our in-depth conversations. But all this time I told myself that my feelings were purely those of a fatherly friend, a mentor, because that’s what you saw in me.”

Hope looked as if she wanted to say something, but thought better of it and just shook her head gently, briefly touching a hand to his cheek. Then she rested her head back against his chest, sensing that he wanted to say more and found it easier to talk not looking at her.

After a while he continued, his voice even softer than before.

“I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for you.”

Oh great, he thought as soon as the words were out, this is going in the exactly wrong direction.

And sure enough, Hope turned towards him again, raised her face up to his, and before he even knew what he was doing, they kissed again. Just as tenderly as the first time, but even more deeply. All his self-restraint was gone, he couldn’t help but give in to his yearning, feeling that she wanted it just as much as he did.

Jenny had never kissed like this before. Never felt like this before. Never heard words of love like these before. She trusted McCoy from the bottom of her heart, knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would never intentionally hurt her. The kiss was perfect. The moment was perfect. There was no place she’d rather be than in the doctor’s arms. And yet, she was somehow waiting for the ifs and buts.

So she pulled back a little and, unable to help herself, asked, “So what’s the catch?”

McCoy was brought back down to earth but not really surprised by her question. She wasn’t one to play games, but would always get straight to the point. Another trait that he cherished and loved in her, calling for him not to beat around the bush any longer.

Taking a shuddering breath, he looked deeply into her eyes.

“We mustn’t, Jenny. It’s simply not right.”

A million emotions flashed across her face in an instant, settling on incomprehension, and McCoy fought the impulse to kiss them all away.

Only one word escaped her lips.

“Why?”

There was no anger in her voice, no reproach, only sadness and confusion. And it broke his heart. Yet he went on explaining, because it was what he felt was right.

“Because I’m not the one for you, Jenny,” he said as gently as he could, while his heart screamed, Just kiss her again, you idiot! “I’m not what you want, and most certainly not what you deserve.”

“And you know that how?” she asked, her face pale, her voice barely a whisper.

“I just do, Jenny. And you know it, too. You have feelings for me, because I was kind to you, when you needed it. Because I was there for you, when you felt lost and alone. Because I helped you through a difficult time.”

Jenny suddenly tore away from him, shaking his hands off as if they’d singed her, then set her jaw angrily, piercing him with fiery eyes.

“I have feelings for you, Leonard, because you are a wonderful person, an amazing man. Yes, you are kind, you help people, you’re a doctor with all your heart. And of course, that’s part of why I feel for you like I do. But why is that a bad thing? Why would you belittle my feelings like that?”

“I don’t mean to belittle your feelings, Jenny, but maybe your feelings are a little misguided?” McCoy ventured. “You’re a beautiful and brilliant young woman. You can have every man in the universe!”

“There’s only one man in the universe I want!” Jenny said petulantly.

He almost had to smile at her childlike stubbornness, only to be completely taken aback the next moment, when she threw her arms around his neck, pressing hot lips to his and her body against him. There was no innocence in her kiss, only need and desire, and it took his breath away. Along with all rational thought, it seemed, as his body responded of its own accord. He had to sum up all his willpower to finally drag himself away from her again.

“Jesus! Jenny, we need to stop right there!”

He pulled away a little more forcefully than he’d intended, and it broke his heart to see her shrinking back, embarrassed and tearful.

Trying to compose himself and get his own feelings under control, he gently put his hands on her shoulders and held her at arm’s length, his eyes boring into hers.

“Don’t, Jenny! Please don’t! You’ve already had an older man take advantage of you. You don’t want to repeat the experience. And I can only apologise. I don’t know how I could do this to you after what you told me that night on Paradise Earth.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, looking at him in dismay as realisation dawned. “I was only 15 then, I’m a woman now! This is something else entirely!”

A flicker of desolation crossed her face, as another thought hit her.

“Tell me, Doctor, is that what I am to you? Just a little girl?”

Her calling him ‘doctor’ again was like a punch to the gut, and he had to fight for breath before he could answer.

“No, Jenny, you’re a woman alright. You’ve got no idea how hard I’ve had to fight my feelings for you.”

“Why fight them at all?”

“Oh, Jenny, please, don’t make this so hard,” he pleaded, shaking his head in exhaustion, then added, “Never in a million years would I have dreamed that you might think of me in that way.”

He waved a hand around in a gesture to indicate intimacy between them.

“You even told me how happy you were on your own, and that you were grateful that I was there for you when you needed some warmth and affection.”

Exhaling deeply, he tenderly cupped her face in his hand, like he’d done a million times before, and held her gaze with moist, sorrowful eyes.

“Oh Jenny,” he sighed, his boundless love for her once again getting the better of him, “you need and deserve so much love, and I’m more than happy to give you all I have, but I’m not the one for you, believe me.”

Jenny was dumbstruck. She felt as if she were on a rollercoaster ride, but not a fun and pleasant one. Dropping from an ecstatic high to rock bottom in seconds, rising and falling again with a speed that made her head spin. One moment she was in heaven, immersed in the deepest kiss, feeling the doctor’s love enveloping her like a soft blanket, and the next moment he pushed her away, angrily telling her to stop and get a grip on her misguided feelings.

From deliriously happy to utterly mortified in the blink of an eye. Why did this have to be so difficult? He did love her, she was certain of that. If he really didn’t, why would he get so riled up? She’d seen him livid before, he was a very passionate man, but never directed at her. It was not like him at all.

He was scared, she concluded. But of what? Of her? Of his own feelings? Of not being good enough? Her for him or him for her? Or of commitment? But then she hadn’t even demanded anything of him.

She just loved him. No more, no less. Why couldn’t he simply accept that? Was he really this insecure, this damaged when it came to his private life? Because as a doctor and Starfleet officer he was always so confident and sure of himself.

Having calmed down a little, she decided she’d have to convince him, show him what a wonderful person he was. What an attractive, brilliant, desirable man. How proud she’d be to be his partner.

“Maybe it’s not my feelings that are misguided, but yours?” Jenny asked, her eyes still sad, but her voice calm and reasonable again. “Why is it that you are so incredibly confident as a doctor, and yet seem to have no idea how wonderful you are as a person?”

McCoy swallowed hard, Jenny’s words, once again, going straight to his heart. What was she doing to him? What was she seeing in him?

She was offering him happiness on a silver platter, but he couldn’t take her up on it. She didn’t know him, not really. Didn’t know what she was getting herself into, didn’t know the hurt and disappointment that a relationship with him inevitably ensued. He owed it to her to save her from all that, to save her from herself.

“Jenny, be realistic,” he said gently. “I’m too old, too set in my ways, not likely to change.”

“Not nearly as old as I am,” she smiled wryly, attempting a joke.

McCoy gave her a half-smile and sighed indulgently but went on undeterred.

“I have my quirky ways…”

“Every one of which I love,” she interjected with a gentle smile.

But McCoy continued undisturbed.

“You are so young, so inexperienced in many ways, it would be very wrong of me to take advantage of you.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but he silenced her with a pleading glance and went on, “You have your whole life ahead of you, a brilliant career, so many experiences to make, so many people to meet yet. Men much more suitable for you than I could ever be.”

Jenny couldn’t hold back any longer.

“And with ‘more suitable’ you mean younger? Why would you think that someone younger could make me happier than you already have? Why would any other man make me happier? Or is this just your way of letting me down gently? Of letting me know that I’ve got it all wrong, that your feelings for me are, after all, only friendship and affection?”

Her voice grew more urgent with every sentence, and it cut McCoy to the core.

“No, that’s not it at all,” he cried in frustration, desperately wanting to make her see his point. “I just don’t want to be in your way. I know you, Jenny. If I accept your feelings, you’ll feel committed to me. And when you go out into the world and find someone more suitable, you’ll feel obliged to stay with me. And I couldn’t bear to be a burden to you.”

Jenny was outraged.

“So, basically, you’re saying that just because something could go wrong between us – just like it could go wrong between people of similar age, by the way – you’d rather shy away from what we have, or could have?”

Put like this, he had to admit, it did sound silly. He just wanted what was best for her, but was he wrong?

Seeming to read his thoughts, she said, “I know you just want what’s best for me. But I find it rather patronising of you to think that you know what that is better than I do. I know I’m young, but give me some credit, please!”

Maybe she was acting more mature than he was at the moment. He’d give her that.

“Jenny, you’re so full of youthful vitality,” he tried again. “You’re ready to take on anything. You’re going to change the world. I know you will. You’ve got it in you. And I just couldn’t keep up with you. I’ve seen you with other men, younger men, men who can offer you the life you deserve, who can make you happy. And believe me, it hurt to watch you with them, but I’ll gladly step back if that means you are free to lead the life you deserve. Take Chekov, for example, I’ve seen how well you two get along, you speak the same language, the language of the young.”

Jenny couldn’t help laughing at that.

Shaking her head, she asked incredulously, “So this is about Chekov, is it? Do you really consider him ‘suitable’? No, don’t answer this one!”

She sat up straight, putting a finger to McCoy’s lips, back to her usual confidence and determination, all confusion and fear gone from her eyes.

“Hear me out. I’ve listened to you, now it’s your turn to listen.”

McCoy gave a quick nod, she was right, it was her turn to say her piece.

“Yes, I love Pavel dearly.”

The words didn’t fail their intended effect. McCoy felt a hot stab of pain at her declaration but let her continue uninterrupted.

“I love him like a brother, a friend. I also love Captain Kirk, or Scotty, or Mr. Spock. They are my heroes, my role models. I trust them with my life, just as I hope they’d trust me with theirs. I want to make them proud, I want them to think highly of me. And there are other people I deeply care for, too. But I have no desire whatsoever to hold them, or kiss them, not Pavel, not the captain, not Scotty, nor anybody else.

“There’s only one man I want to be close to. Only one man I see in my dreams. Who can make me go weak at the knees just by looking at me. Who can make my heart leap just by saying my name. Who I can just be myself with, knowing that he's seen all my flaws and still likes me, and that I don't have to try to be more than I am just to impress him.

“You. Are. Amazing. Leonard! You make me happy! Being near you makes me feel alive. This shore leave has been the most wonderful time of my life. Both my lives,” she added softly.

McCoy was stunned into silence. And incredibly relieved that she’d used his name again. But could she be right? Could he really be the one to make her happy? Could he give her what she needed? Just the thought of a life with her by his side made his heart leap with joy and longing.

Oh boy! he thought. Looks like I’m ready for a new relationship after all!

Jenny seemed to guess his train of thought. Sliding onto his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and searched his eyes intently.

“Can’t you see how much you mean to me?” she asked. “How deeply I care for you, how much I enjoy every moment with you?”

With that, she put her lips to his and kissed him with a passion that matched his desire for her. McCoy gave up all resistance and lost himself in their kiss.

Of course, she deserved better, and he definitely didn’t deserve her, but this was more than he’d ever dreamed of. He was just a man after all, there was only so much resistance he could put up. Her lips were soft and demanding, her body pressing against his so sensually. And when her tongue started to explore his mouth, McCoy just let go and abandoned himself to their kiss.

He lost track of time and his surroundings, as his whole world was filled with the sweet taste and scent that was Jenny. His Jenny. Finally! Jenny thought, feeling tremendously relieved, as she let herself be swept away by his kiss, his touch.

He was everything she’d ever imagined him to be. Passionate, yet gentle, strong but tender, his mouth demanding, yet so giving. She wanted this moment to go on forever. The bliss of finally being where she belonged!

Shivering with desire and excitement, she thought back to all the occasions she’d already got a taste of what it could be like. All the times he’d held her, caressed her before. His kind eyes, his soothing voice. He was one in a million. And now he was hers. And she was all his.

Chapter 57

McCoy could have stayed on that bench, holding and kissing her, forever. But when it was getting chilly, and he felt Hope starting to shiver, he got up and wrapped his arms around her.

“Shall we go back to the hotel?” he asked, his voice thick with emotions he had yet to sort out.

Hope just silently nodded. She was all talked out and, like him, probably still trying to get her head around what had just happened.

Holding hands as they walked had become quite natural to them over the past few days, but now it was so much more than just a connection between two, admittedly very good, friends. They just couldn’t let go of each other. And every couple of steps they had to stop to embrace and kiss, getting ever more urgent in their need to touch and be close to each other.

When they finally arrived back at the hotel, Jenny saw McCoy hesitate, and was quick to voice what had been on both their minds for the whole walk home.

“My room or yours?” she smiled, and gave the answer before he could even open his mouth. “I think my room has the nicer view.”

McCoy chortled at that.

“Because the view is definitely foremost on my mind right now!” he chuckled.

But when he saw Hope blush, the doctor instantly regretted his quip. Of course, she’d be nervous. Why did he keep forgetting how young and green she really was? The last thing he wanted to do was to embarrass her.

There was no need for him to worry, though, because Hope, typically, had already recovered and said determinedly, if a tad shyly, “My room it is!”  

Then she quickly opened the door and pulled him inside.

********************

As soon as the door had closed behind them, she started to kiss him hungrily again, and they stumbled blindly towards the bed, as she hastily removed his jacket, while he fumbled with the unfamiliar, old-fangled contraption of hook and zipper at the back of her dress.

She flopped down on her bed, pulling him down with her, and, chuckling at his futile attempts, put her hands to the back of her neck to help with the hook.

“Here, let me help,” she laughed, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “The great Dr. McCoy’s skilled fingers beaten by a simple old-fashioned zipper.”

McCoy had to laugh, too, delighting in her high spirits. And at the same time grateful that she had unwittingly roused him from his haze of lust. There were definitely things they should talk about before engaging in something that could never be undone.

So, when she swiftly began to undo the buttons of his shirt, he took both of her hands between his and caught her attention with a deep, soulful look.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, love?” he asked, his voice husky. “Because we don’t have to do this, if you’re not. There’s no hurry. We can wait. I can wait. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

Hope’s eyes softened at his attempt at restraint, giving away how much she appreciated and relied on his chivalry and consideration.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she smiled at him, then added a little shyly, “although you’ll have to bear with me, Leonard. It’s been ages, literally. But then, I didn’t exactly have a lot of experience to begin with.” McCoy felt a fresh surge of tenderness towards her, her insecurities tugging at his heart. He found her shyness most endearing, but at the same time realised that he, too, was rather apprehensive. He might be more experienced than she was, but this was special. She was special. And he wanted to do everything right by her, wanted to make her feel how much she really meant to him.

The next few hours passed in a blur for McCoy. Everything was new, and yet so familiar. And although he’d seen her many times in nothing but her skimpy bathing suit before, he realised that she’d suddenly become quite self-conscious.

So, before gently sliding her dress off her shoulders, he dimmed the lights, then gave her all the time she needed, assuring her of the flawless beauty of her body in words that he couldn’t remember ever having flowed from his lips so freely. And she was beautiful, incredibly so. Glowing from inside, her smooth skin like velvet to his touch.

They took their time, slowly and gently exploring and savouring the feel of each other, and McCoy paused repeatedly, making sure she really wanted this, assuring her over and over again that, if she wasn’t ready yet, he could wait. Once again, he was taken aback by the overwhelming tenderness he felt towards her. A tenderness like he’d never felt before.

Jenny was extremely nervous and anxious at first. She wanted nothing more than to be close to McCoy, to be intimate with him, but at the same time was afraid he might find her cluelessness a turn-off.

She hadn’t asked, and he hadn’t volunteered, but seeing how charming and attractive he was, how even haughty women like Irene Sloane fell under his spell, she was pretty sure the doctor had had more than a little ‘action’ since his divorce. And she’d only ever had Tom. Tom, who’d only ever had her. And even that had been centuries ago.

Silly, she realised as soon as she looked into McCoy’s kind and understanding face, knowing that he would patiently and tenderly teach and guide her. She trusted him implicitly. And the way he kept asking if she was really ready for this, made her feel absolutely safe.

His loving eyes were continually searching her face for clues, ready to stop whatever he was doing at the smallest sign of discomfort. He needn’t have worried, though. His gentle hands set her body on fire, touching her in ways and places she’d never thought could feel so good.

Soon she forgot all about her insecurities and gave herself to him completely. His nimble fingers, lips and tongue sending her to unknown heights, doing things to her she hadn’t thought possible before.

He only stopped when she was completely exhausted. Cradling her tenderly in his arms, and covering her face in gentle kisses, he smiled down at her with the content look of someone who knew exactly how much pleasure he’d just given.

It was then, that she decided to return the favour, and found that, from some unknown depths of her unconscious, elaborate ways of pleasuring him came to her quite naturally. She had no idea where it all came from, and was amused to see her own surprise mirrored in his eyes, as she did things to him that she’d never done to anyone before, but which obviously surpassed his expectations by far.

It gave her immense pleasure to see him gradually lose control, to hear him gasp, moan, and sometimes even cry out with lust. And by the time their bodies joined for a phenomenal finale, she felt powerful, a skilled lover, the hesitant and shy girl gone completely.

It was an incredible experience. And all because of the gentle and considerate man he was. And the best teacher to boot.

********************

Afterwards, totally spent and happier than he’d ever felt, McCoy lay awake for some time, tenderly holding her sleeping form in his arms. Hope had fallen into an exhausted sleep within moments, but he was far too agitated. He lovingly watched her beautiful face, completely relaxed in sleep, with the smallest smile playing around her lips, and he thought he’d never seen anything sweeter in his life.

It had all happened so suddenly. His whole life had been turned upside down in only one evening. He could – and would – never go back from that. Their bodies had fit together perfectly, almost as if they’d known each other intimately before. He could hardly believe the incredible sensations Hope had evoked in him, showing no trace of inexperience at all.

She was a natural, he thought fondly. Or, maybe, they were just completely in tune with each other. Because the pleasure had been much more than merely physical. It was as if their souls had touched, too. He’d never experienced anything like it before. So tender, so pure, and yet more fulfilling than he’d ever known.

Now, almost 50 years into his life, he finally understood the real meaning of ‘making love’, because that’s exactly what they had done. No, even more than that. It had taken him almost 50 years until someone had shown him the real meaning of love.

He’d been in love before, of course, but like everything else with Hope, this was different. A different level of ‘in love’. He couldn’t even pinpoint what it was, he only knew that he’d never felt this good before. Higher than on top of the world. Completely at peace with the universe and himself. And whole. Yes, that was exactly the word he was looking for. For the first time in his life he felt whole. Complete. As if a part of him had been missing, and now Jenny’s love made him complete.

He must have done something right after all, he mused, maybe in one of his former lives, to deserve this kind of happiness, of completeness. And with those thoughts warming his heart, he finally drifted off to sleep.

********************

When Jenny woke up in the morning, it took her a second or two to realise that she wasn’t still dreaming. She’d had some rather vivid dreams about the doctor before, but this was the real thing. The warm skin of his arms enfolding her, his soft breath caressing her face as he peacefully slept so close to her.

Jenny slowly propped herself up on one elbow, careful not to wake him, and studied his dear face, so relaxed and serene in sleep. Her thoughts went back to last night, and the memory sent pleasant shivers down her spine. She could hardly believe that they’d really done it. It had been amazing. More so than she could ever have imagined. On top of everything else, he was obviously also an incredible lover.

Nevertheless, she couldn’t help a little soul-searching. Was this really what she wanted? Or did she feel remorseful in any way? They had crossed a line, from which there was no going back.

She’d known the doctor for almost a year now. A year in which her fondness of him, her trust in him, her respect and admiration for him had constantly grown. A year in which he’d not once said or done anything to make her question this trust and respect, but had unfailingly been there for her, giving her countless treasured memories.

No, it had been the right choice. There was nothing she wanted more than to be with this wonderful man. For better or worse.

But what about him? That was the real fear that was nagging at the back of her mind. Would he have second thoughts? Had she roped him into something he wasn’t ready for? Had she seduced him? Had she lured his body into giving in before his mind could catch up? Had she made him cross this line without really thinking it through? And if so, would he resent her for it? Even worse, could they ever recover from that? Or had she lost the best friend she ever had?

The longer she thought about it, the more uneasy she got. He’d told her time and time again, how he felt about relationships. What he thought of age difference. How could she have been stupid enough to persuade him? And yet, when he’d told her what he felt for her, it had sounded very much like love.

Whatever, she’d know soon enough. No use getting all riled up over something she couldn’t change anymore. With that in mind, she went back to studying his beloved, familiar features, letting the incredible memories of the things they’d done only hours before fill her with love and happiness.

And when McCoy finally opened his eyes, and she saw them light up instantly at the sight of her, she let herself be drawn into the warm sea of blue and knew that everything was going to be all right.

Chapter 58

When McCoy woke up again, Hope was already awake, propped up on one elbow, gazing at him with tender eyes and a broad smile. She looked so happy. Positively radiant. Had he done this to her? Had he made her this happy? She’d most certainly made him happy, he thought lovingly, and was rewarded with a gentle kiss.

“Good morning, Leonard!” she beamed at him, and he could hear the love in her voice.

“And a good morning to you, too, my love!” he smiled, then added with a playful twinkle in his eye, “You’re practically glowing. Had fun last night?”

Was that how it was going to be? Him waking up to this wonderful woman’s smiling face every morning? Could he really be so lucky? Was that what he wanted, what he needed, what she needed?

But before he could continue this train of thought, she softly said, “Oh, Leonard, I never thought it could be like this. Thank you so much for showing me!”

Deeply touched by her words, he tenderly tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Well, I can assure you, love, I never knew it could be like this, either. So I guess I’ll have to thank you for showing me, too!”

Her answer to that was a little blush, and then, with a wondering shake of her head, she murmured quietly, almost as if to herself, “And there I thought, if it doesn’t hurt, that’s as good as it gets.”

The words were uttered airily, yet a tiny tear ran down her cheek. It took McCoy a second or two, but when her words sank in, they shocked him to the core. He didn’t trust his voice to speak, so all he could do was tenderly kiss away the tear and pull her into a tight, protective embrace.

His thoughts were racing. Who had hurt her? What had she experienced? How could anyone be anything but gentle and considerate with this woman? Did they not see how precious and delicate she was? Never before had she seemed more vulnerable and fragile to him.

And then he realised with a jolt, that what he had mistaken for shyness the evening before, might, in fact, have been actual fear. Fear of him hurting her. The thought nearly tore him apart.

His voice was barely a whisper when he asked, “Did I hurt you last night?”

But Hope had already bounced right back to her cheerful self, like she always did.

“Of course not, Leonard! You could never hurt me. You were – you are wonderful!”  

She sounded genuinely surprised at the question, and if it hadn’t been for the lonely tear, he might have thought he’d misheard. But he hadn’t. And he desperately needed to find out what this was about. But he also knew her well enough to realise that he couldn’t push it. He’d have to wait until she was ready to tell him. Like with her other ‘secrets’, she would eventually, he was sure of that. In the meantime, he’d have to be patient, and just be there for her.

At least, he wouldn’t have to find excuses to hold or touch her anymore. He could just pull her close, kiss and caress her, whenever he felt that she needed him to. Like now, curled up in his arms again and nestling ever closer, triggering every protective instinct in him.

Suddenly, another thought struck him. Maybe fate had brought them together for a reason. Maybe, despite all his misgivings, he was just the one for her, just what she needed, after all. Maybe his many flaws, that were the reason why he’d fought his feelings for her so hard, were, in fact, the very reason why she’d been drawn to him in the first place.

Given her circumstances, perhaps she needed someone older, not only to match her mature personality, but also to give her security. Someone overprotective, who’d worry enough for the both of them. Someone past youthful impetuosity, who knew how to be gentle and considerate, and caring enough to put her needs before his own, in and out of the bedroom. Someone dealing with his own fair share of insecurities, who could see how perfect she was and admire her strength, while still recognising the vulnerability underneath. Someone who’d been hurt enough to appreciate how thoughtful and giving she was, without taking advantage of her kindness. Maybe giving in to his feelings for her had been the right thing to do after all.

********************

Jenny had found paradise. Cuddled up with the doctor here in bed, feeling his warm skin against hers, being allowed to touch him, kiss him, the happiness she felt was almost too much to take. She was only sorry, she’d got him worried again. Why on earth had she said that?

Granted, her love life with Tom hadn’t been overly exciting. In fact, until last night, she’d often wondered why people made such a fuss about it. But Tom had been a sweet and gentle boy, who’d definitely never hurt her.

Even though McCoy had let it slide for the moment, for which she was immensely grateful, she knew that he’d bring it up again. She’d seen the concern in his eyes. The last thing she wanted was to give him reason to worry even more about her than he already did anyway.

But there was nothing she could do about it now. If she told him that she had no idea why she’d said that, he wouldn’t believe her, and still worry. And if she told him that this wasn’t the first time she’d had strange thoughts hitting her out of nowhere, thoughts that felt like memories, only somehow not hers, he’d be even more concerned.

Not wanting to spoil the mood after their heavenly night any further, she decided to try and divert his thoughts to something more pleasant.

So, feeling his hands tenderly caressing her skin, she slid her leg over his, let her fingers gently trail across his chest, and whispered, “Please, Leonard, can you show me again?”

********************

When they finally left their room, it was almost lunchtime. And with breakfast long over, they decided to find a place for coffee and a light lunch. After their ‘workout’ they were both ravenous. Strolling hand in hand, which felt so very different and exciting today, they found a nice bistro and were seated at a small corner table.

McCoy couldn’t take his eyes off Hope, her face aglow with love and happiness. And he just couldn’t get his head around the fact that he was the reason for that. They ordered coffee and sandwiches, and McCoy was amused to see Hope tuck in as if she hadn’t eaten in weeks.

“After all this time, I finally seem to have found a way to boost your appetite,” he chuckled. “And I’d definitely like to continue with the therapy.”

Hope stopped mid-bite and blushed.

“Well, Doctor,” she laughed, fluttering her eyelashes at him, “if we continue this exceptionally effective and pleasant therapy at this rate, I’ll grow fat within a month!”

“No great danger of you ever growing fat, my dear,” he smiled, “but it sure is good to hear that you’re enjoying the therapy.”

“Oh, Leonard, you have no idea how happy I am,” she beamed. “I feel like jumping for joy and doing somersaults right here in front of everyone.”

“That I’d like to see,” McCoy chuckled, and couldn’t resist teasing her a little. “And there I thought you didn’t want a man in your life.”

“I said I wasn’t looking for one,” Hope corrected him with a smirk, then went on, gazing lovingly into his eyes, “And now I know why. Because, all this time, you were already right there.”

McCoy reached across the table to take her hand and gently squeezed it, amazed by how she could always touch him so deeply with her words.

“And no one could be more grateful for that than I am,” he said quietly, holding her gaze with his eyes, hoping she understood how serious he was about her.

Hope closed her eyes for a moment, and he could see how truly happy she was.

“I won’t always make you happy, though, you know,” he added softly.

Great! Just like me to spoil the mood. Clearly, I can’t deal with being happy.

But Hope just looked at him affectionately.

“Of course you won’t, Leonard,” she smiled. “We’ll both do and say things we’ll regret. We’re only human. With strong opinions and personalities at that.”

That made him chuckle.

“We’ll both screw up, there will be fights. You do love a good fight, don’t you? And there will be anger and hurt and disappointment. And maybe sometimes I won’t even like you very much.”

She looked at him intently.

“But I’ll always...” she stopped short, blushing a little and averting her eyes, quite obviously not yet confident enough to say it out loud. “... respect you,” she finished lamely.

Then, meeting his eyes again, she went on, “What I’m trying to say is, we both share the same values, we’ll always respect each other.”

My incredibly wise Jenny, always surprising me, although I shouldn’t really be surprised anymore, he thought fondly.

A naughty smile spread across her face.

“And anyway,” she grinned, “don’t they say that makeup sex is the best?”

McCoy nearly choked on his sandwich. Now it was his turn to blush. And fight the urge to take her right there. Hope talking dirty was an incredible turn-on. Not really dirty-dirty, but Hope-dirty. In any case, enough to considerably speed up his heart rate and his breathing.

Jenny observed him closely, amusement dancing in her eyes.

What a delight to be able to talk to him in such a way!

“Now that we’ve discussed real life, can we please go back to just being blissfully happy?” she pleaded.

“Of course, love, sorry for being such a killjoy,” he chuckled, the tenderness in his eyes nearly taking her breath away.

“You’re not, Leonard, you’re just you. Wonderful, perfect, worried you.”

With that, she leaned across the table, and stopped him from whatever else he might have wanted to say with a warm and sensuous kiss.

********************

After lunch, they made plans to spend the afternoon at the beach, wanting to enjoy as much sun, sea and fresh air as they could, before returning to the Enterprise all too soon.

When they passed the park on their way back to the hotel, Hope decided that she needed to feel the grass under her feet again and pulled the doctor towards a bench while taking off her sandals like she had on their first day of shore leave. Even though they’d only arrived here a little over a week ago, it seemed like an eternity to McCoy.

So much had changed since then. And so much for the better. He couldn’t remember ever being happier in his life. Everything he could ever have wished for had come true. He’d given up hope long ago, but now, possibly for the first time in his life, he felt comfortable in his own skin, happy to be exactly where, and what, and who he was. Perfectly content with his life.

This won’t last! shot through his mind, and he immediately tried to push the negative thought away again.

Of course, it would last. And if not for him, then at least for Hope. She needed and deserved to be loved like he felt only he could.

Hope, blissfully unaware of the doctor’s dark thoughts, had been racing around the green again, and came jogging back towards him, dropping down next to him on the bench. Catching her breath, she snuggled up to him, wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. McCoy hugged her tightly to him and tenderly kissed the top of her head.

“I’ve never known anyone more affectionate or with a more pronounced need for touch and tenderness than you,” he murmured into her hair, his eyes soft and smiling. “You need hugs like other people need air to breathe.”

“Said the pot to the kettle,” she chuckled, fondly looking up at him from under her lashes, then teasingly asked, “or is your need for touch and tenderness less pronounced?”

“Touché, you’re probably right,” he conceded, “although I never knew until you came into my life. And even then, I still thought that I did it only for you, to give you what you needed.”

“Did what?” she asked, sitting up straight and frowning at him quizzically. “What are you talking about? Are you saying that all your little affectionate gestures were intentional? Some doctor-patient thing? You’re not really this particularly touchy-feely kind of doctor?”

“Well, I am a doctor, and I do touch my patients occasionally,” he laughed, “but I don’t usually hug or squeeze or touch them on a regular basis, no.”

“Blimey! I should have realised,” Hope chuckled self-deprecatingly. “But you were good, I never noticed. It always felt pretty real to me.”

“Well, that was the point, wasn’t it?” he smiled softly, tenderly running his fingers through her hair and pulling her back into his arms, then, wanting to ease her discomfort, added, “But believe me, it was real. As much as I told myself that I was just trying to be kind, giving you what you so obviously needed, I very much enjoyed it, too. Even needed it, too.”

Hope smiled at that and kissed his cheek, but was still preoccupied with what he’d said before.

“Oh my,” she said in a small voice, grinning wryly, “was I that obvious?”

“You were to me, love,” he answered quietly, rubbing her back tenderly.

“What gave me away, then? When did you notice my ‘pronounced need’?” she asked, curious now.

“Oh, I’ve known since your very first physical,” he smiled indulgently, fondly remembering the day. “The moment you leaned into my hand when I touched you to check your eyes and tonsils.”

“Oh my God! You noticed that?” she exclaimed, sitting bolt upright again and putting a hand over her mouth, embarrassment written all over her face. “I so hoped you hadn’t! I was so embarrassed at the time.”

“Of course, I noticed, love,” he chuckled. “What kind of doctor would I be if I hadn’t?”

“Certainly not the wonderful kind of doctor you are,” she conceded, sinking back into his embrace. “But I’m still embarrassed after all this time.”

“Don’t be,” he said quietly, brushing a gentle kiss on her hair. “I thought it was sweet at the time, but grew to understand where you came from the more I learned about you. You were all alone in a strange new world, no family, no one to care about you.”

He paused, his voice faltering, still pained by the very thought of her predicament.

And clutching her to him tightly, he murmured, “I just wish I’d known sooner. I could have spared you so much hurt and sadness.”

“But you did, Leonard!” Jenny said emphatically, wanting to take away his needless feeling of guilt. “Even without knowing. Because that’s the compassionate man you are. You saw what I needed, even though you didn’t know why, and gave it to me with all your heart.”

She turned around in his arms, her lips almost touching his, and softly added, “I’ve been grateful to have you in my life ever since my first day on the Enterprise!”

And his heart swelling with tender love, McCoy found himself immersed in yet another breathtakingly delicious kiss. Perfect. Blissful. Almost enough to make him relax and give up worrying.

Chapter 59

Hearing the door to Admiral Dakunia’s office closing behind him, Kirk took a deep breath. He’d had a long meeting with the admiral and two other Starfleet officials, in which they’d discussed Hope’s future in Starfleet at length. To Dakunia’s obvious dismay, even though they’d studied Kirk’s reports thoroughly, his two superiors had still had concerns about her medical issues.

But Kirk’s recounting her impeccable performance and commitment one more time in person, had obviously tipped the vote in Hope’s favour. It was official. She was permitted to serve on starships as a Starfleet officer, effective immediately.

Dakunia had wanted to contact Hope right away, but fortunately Kirk had been able to convince him, that such good news should really be delivered in person. And, seeing how proud the captain was of her, Dakunia had agreed that he should be the one to pass on that information.

All he had to do now, was find the hotel that Bones and Hope were staying in, and tell them. Luckily, Bones had left the contact details with him for emergencies. So, with mixed feelings, Kirk got on his way.

Having watched the doctor and the lovely linguist making eyes at each other for almost a year, he was pretty sure they’d got it together by now. In a romantic location like the one Bones had chosen, there was no other way, was there? Even those two knuckleheads couldn’t be that dense!

Clearly, Uhura and Chapel had thought so, too, when neither of them had invited Hope to come on shore leave with her, he realised, smiling to himself.

********************

McCoy couldn’t remember ever having felt so carefree and light-hearted before. Lying here in the sand with the love of his life in his arms, the sun warming his skin, the sound of the waves soothing his soul, he felt ready to take on anything. Although he had to admit, he could easily live without worries for a little longer.

No hurry for the next emergency to arise! he thought, chuckling to himself.

“What’s so funny, Leonard?” Hope asked, her lips moving against his neck.

“Just happy, love,” he replied, turning his head and lightly kissing her forehead.

With her by his side, the rest of his life suddenly seemed too short.

Contentedly closing his eyes again, his thoughts turned to Joanna, the other love of his life, and he found that he couldn’t wait to tell her. Now that he thought about it, his daughter had already dropped the occasional hint about him and Hope. His feelings must have been obvious even on screen.

Joanna would certainly want to meet Hope as soon as possible. They’d get along well, he was sure of that. And just thinking about spending time with his two favourite girls made his heart ache in the best of ways.

Delighted to see the doctor so relaxed for a change, Jenny snuggled closer. She just couldn’t get enough of him. Of feeling him, touching him. It still amazed her to think that she didn’t have to hide her love for him anymore.

They were so good for each other, she thought affectionately. She loved his protective side and didn’t even mind him being passionately overprotective from time to time. It gave her an immense sense of security. Just as she knew that he loved her positive mindset and cheerful demeanour, and even found her sometimes over-excited, happy-go-lucky attitude refreshing. She could help him lighten up a bit, while he would ground her whenever she was in danger of taking her exuberance too far.

He was her family. And so was Joanna, it suddenly occurred to her. She couldn’t wait to finally meet Leonard’s daughter. Judging from the little she knew about her, she was a lot like her father. Kind, gentle and fun. And, of course, in the healing business, just like him. Jenny was sure, they’d get along really well.

Fondly remembering the note Joanna had left her, thanking her for looking after her father, but really meaning to thank her for bringing the doctor back into his daughter’s life, she was immensely looking forward to seeing the two of them together. Hopefully some time soon.

Thinking about all the wonderful things that life still had in store for her, especially now that she and McCoy were together, she couldn’t help but nestle even closer into his arms.

“You know what’s strange, Leonard?” Jenny asked, nuzzling his neck and putting her arm across his chest.

“What is, love?” he asked drowsily, turning towards her.

“Somehow, nothing’s really changed, and yet everything has,” she murmured.

McCoy raised his head a little and looked at her quizzically.

“I mean, my feelings for you haven’t really changed. They were as strong before as they are now.”

At that, the doctor kissed her.

“But what has changed,” she continued smilingly, “is that I don’t have to hide them anymore. I can just reach over and touch you. Kiss you. Tell you that you mean the world to me. It’s bliss.”

“I know what you mean, love. And I agree. The feeling’s been there for a long time. Even if I didn’t admit it. But to be able to pull you close whenever I feel like it, to tell you how wonderful you are, to feel you lean into my embrace when I so much as put my hands on your shoulders, all those little things make me blissfully happy, too. No more holding back when all I really want is to hold you, kiss you and never let you go.”

“Although I’d say we’re still being pretty coy compared to others around here!” she chuckled, then naughtily added, “Outside the bedroom, at least.”

He laughed at that, hugging her to him.

“I guess, even three hundred years apart, we were both raised to behave decently in public.”

“Or on the ship,” she added, making it sound like a question.

“Ah, yes, on the ship,” McCoy sighed. “We still have a few days until then. Let’s talk about this later.”

********************

When they returned to their hotel a few hours and a light dinner later, looking forward to some privacy, in McCoy’s room this time, they were surprised to find Kirk waiting for them in the lobby.

Hope immediately went to greet him, happy to see him again, but the doctor instantly knew that something was up. For Jim to come here in the middle of their shore leave, it had to be serious.

He found his suspicions confirmed, when Kirk shot him an apologetic, almost pitying look over Hope’s head, as he hugged her in greeting. Obviously, his friend hadn’t missed them entering the hotel with their arms tightly around each other, giving away the fact that they were now more than just friends.

“Hey,” Kirk smiled, releasing Hope from his embrace. “Good to see you, too! Shore leave suits you, you both look radiant!”

“Oh, yes, we’re enjoying it immensely!” Hope grinned, unable to keep her happiness to herself.

“What brings you here, Jim?” McCoy asked suspiciously, dread and fear loud and clear in his voice.

Jim sighed, and the doctor felt his chest tighten. Then the captain put on a cheerful smile and turned back towards Hope.

Extending a hand to her, he solemnly said, “Congratulations, Ensign Hope! Admiral Dakunia sends his regards. You’ve been officially cleared for starship duty.”

Hope was completely taken aback, and first shook Kirk’s hand, then impulsively hugged him again, as a beaming grin spread across her face.

“Woohoo!” she cheered, drawing the attention of everyone in the lobby. “Thank you so much, Captain! I’m sure you had a big part in that. I don’t know what to say!”

Then she turned around and fell into McCoy’s arms, hugging him so tightly that it literally took his breath away.

“Congratulations, love,” he murmured into her hair, tenderly hugging her back. “You’ve more than earned it.”

He so wanted to be happy for her. And he was! Of course, he was. This was her dream come true. What she’d been working for so hard. Only, this sinking feeling in his gut wouldn’t go away. And looking back at Jim, he just knew that something wasn’t right.

“What is it, Jim?” McCoy wanted to know. “There’s more, isn’t there?”

“Well,” Kirk cleared his throat, “why don’t we go sit down and have a drink?”

“Or maybe we could go out, the three of us, and celebrate?” Hope chimed in, completely oblivious to the glances that were exchanged between McCoy and the captain.

“I’m sorry, Hope, I don’t think there’s enough time,” Kirk said softly, starting in the direction of the bar and motioning for Bones to follow him with Hope.

Sitting down in one of the bar’s comfortable chairs, and glad to see that the doctor had chosen a sofa, and already had a protective arm around Hope, the captain came straight to the point.

“You see, Hope, your new assignment starts today.”

“Today?” Hope was confused. “But what about the refitting of the warp drive? Are they done already? Is everybody else back, too?”

“No, Hope,” Kirk said gently, his eyes moving to Bones’ pale face. He already knew. “Your new assignment is not with the Enterprise. It’s six months aboard the Lexington. And it starts tomorrow. Your personal effects have already been packed and sent to the Lexington. All you need to do is beam up and report to the captain by midnight.”

********************

Jenny felt numb. She had heard Kirk’s words, but somehow couldn’t make sense of them. Of course, she’d known that she might be transferred to other ships. Eventually. Sometime. Theoretically. But surely not now? Not today, when she’d only just found paradise in Leonard? She couldn’t believe that fate would be so cruel. No, she had to stay positive. Surely, there was another way.

The captain was still talking. Something about continuing with her intuitive enhancement project, about even having her own team. She could feel McCoy’s arm tightening around her, pulling her close, his gentle hand in her hair. But she couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

Instead, her brain switched to autopilot, and she found herself chatting to Kirk. Asking for specifics, taking note of the names, times and coordinates he gave her. Thanking him as he told her how proud he was of her, and that he thought that this was the start to a great career. It was a bit like watching herself from the sidelines.

********************

Jim was still talking, but McCoy couldn’t make out the words anymore. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. His heart was being ripped apart, but all he could think of was how Hope would cope. He watched her intently. Monitoring every little expression on her face. Waiting for any emotion. But there was nothing. She was completely calm. Listening to Kirk, even thanking him politely. It was scary. Like waiting for a time bomb to explode.

He could hardly keep himself from howling, from breaking down in front of Jim, and yet, here she was, smiling at the captain and making small talk. He needed Jim to be done. To go away and leave them alone. To give Hope space to process what she’d just heard. They had only a few hours left, and he needed her to show a reaction, any reaction.

Luckily, when he glared at Jim, the captain took the hint and got up. Hugging Hope one more time, he wished her all the best, and promised to try and get her transferred back to the Enterprise as soon as possible. Then, letting Bones know that he’d taken a room in the hotel and would be there for breakfast, or sooner, if he needed him, he made his way out of the bar.

The moment Kirk was gone, Hope burst into tears. Pulling out of the doctor’s embrace, she stood up and raced out the door towards the pool.

McCoy was both shocked and relieved at the same time. Thinking that, at least, she showed some emotion, he quickly started after her. She’d already passed the pool and was heading down to the beach, where he finally caught up with her, panting heavily.

“Leave me alone, please, Leonard,” she pleaded, shaking him off, when he tried to put his arms around her.

“No, you don't want to be alone now, love,” he shook his head, his voice gentle, his hands on her shoulders firm.

“How would you know?” she asked angrily, lashing out at him in her pain, something he was only too aware he did all the time, and therefore understood and tried not to let it get to him.

His hands still resting firmly on her shoulders, the doctor just looked her in the eye. He knew her well enough.

Her whole body deflating, Hope let herself be drawn into his arms, at last, and started to quietly sob against his chest. McCoy held her close, feeling awful and frustrated, because he just couldn’t find the words to comfort her. How could he, when the hurt almost tore his own heart apart?

Chapter 60

After a while, Hope stepped back and determinedly wiped a hand across her face to dry her tears.

“This is actually a good thing, right? I mean, it’s what I’ve worked so hard for,” she sniffled, the look in her eyes as she desperately tried to find a silver lining, almost breaking his heart.  

“It is, love,” he replied quietly, his voice rough with emotion.

“Then why does it feel like the end of the world to me?”

She fell back into his arms, as the tears started to flow again, and he suddenly felt so terribly helpless. How was he supposed to not lose heart, when even Hope struggled to stay positive? He realised only now, quite how much he’d come to rely on her optimism. To see her so hopeless, was almost too much for him to bear.

They just stood there for the longest time, clinging to each other for comfort, and he desperately tried to keep it together for her sake. He could, and certainly would, break down when she was gone, but until then, he needed to be strong for her. She was starting on a new and important chapter in her life tomorrow and needed to fully focus on that.

More than that. By rights, she should be in high spirits now, celebrating her success and looking forward to working on her project again. That’s what he should be telling her. That, and how much he loved her, no matter what. Suddenly, it struck him that he’d told her in so many ways already, but never in those exact three words.

“I love you!”

The words burst out of him, almost at the same time as he heard her say them, too.

Hope pulled back, and they stared at each other for a long moment, before she started to giggle.

“Look at the pair of us!” she chuckled through her tears. “Did it really take this for us to finally say it out loud?”

It was so good to see a glimpse of her innate cheerfulness again, even if it was really more like gallows humour.

“That’s because those words mean something to us,” he murmured softly, resting his forehead against hers. “We don’t say them lightly.”

“No, we don’t,” she agreed, then fell silent again, and he felt her hands gently running up and down his back as she pressed against him, desperate to feel him, almost as if to assure herself that he was still there.

“Talk to me, Jenny,” McCoy urged, knowing that he needed to help her cope, and they were running out of time. “Don’t go all quiet on me, please.”

“I just can’t imagine you not being there anymore,” she whispered after a while, raising tearful eyes to his. “Leonard, I’m scared.”

That did it. He couldn’t suppress the sob that made its way up his throat. And before she could see the tears streaming down his face, he hugged her so tight, he nearly crushed her. He could deal with almost anything, but not being there for her when she was scared was an unbearable thought.

********************

Jenny clung to him, overcome with a vague and indefinable fear that had suddenly taken hold of her. Too late she realised what she’d just done. Of all the things she could have said, she’d probably just said the cruellest. Even with her mind roiling, she should have thought before speaking. She knew how strongly he felt about protecting her. That his greatest need was to keep her safe, his greatest fear to leave her in the lurch when she needed him most.

She had to fix this. It was okay for him to know how heartbroken she was. How terribly she was going to miss him. But she needed him to know that she’d be all right. That he didn’t have to worry about her.

The thought gave her strength, and she straightened up again, disentangling herself a little from his embrace.

“I’m scared of what will become of you, when I’m not there to take care of you, Leonard,” she smiled, reaching up to touch his cheeks and gently wipe away his tears. “Who’s going to cheer you up and rub your headaches away? Please, promise me, you’ll take care of yourself!”

McCoy nodded, smiling too, his eyes shining with love.

“I’ll promise, if you do!”

“Of course, Leonard,” she said, covering his still wet cheeks with little kisses. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just make the most of my time on the Lexington. It’s only six months, anyway. And by then, I’m sure, Captain Kirk will have figured something out.”

“Yes,” the doctor agreed, seeming to draw strength from her words, “if Jim wants something, he usually gets it. Maybe it won’t be long before we see each other again.”

Jenny was relieved to see him more composed again. Usually, McCoy was her rock, and watching him fall to pieces right in front of her had torn her apart.

“We still have a little time,” she smiled. “Can we go for a walk?”

“Yes, let’s!” the doctor answered, taking her hand. “It’ll help us calm down and clear our minds.”

********************

McCoy was grateful for the idea. And for the emotional strength she’d just demonstrated. He really needed to get his act together again. He was supposed to make this easier on her, not harder. Right now, he had to be there for her, not the other way round.

Without thinking about where they were going, they headed towards the shops and restaurants.

“It’s strange,” Hope said, “we’ve talked so much, and yet, I feel like there’s still so much left I’d like to know and tell you before I leave.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” McCoy looked deeply into her eyes. “But it’s not like one of us is dying, love. We’ll still have plenty of opportunity to talk. There’s always subspace communication, and I’ll be expecting regular updates from you, young lady!”

He wagged a warning finger at her, then stopped to take her in his arms again, and softly added, “I’ll still be there for you, love. Always.”

********************

Jenny smiled gratefully up at him and kissed him tenderly. There was no sweeter man. Then she wrapped her arm around his waist, and pulled him further along. After a few more minutes of walking in silence, they found themselves in front of the jeweller’s shop.

When she looked into the shop window, she found the ring gone and couldn’t help but gasp in shock, the fragile equilibrium she’d only just regained instantly upset again. She felt as if everything that meant something to her was somehow slipping away from her.

Nestling closer into the doctor’s arm, she quickly asked him to take her back to the beach, before her tears started falling again. It wasn’t fair, she was really trying hard here. Maybe he hadn’t noticed?

Poppycock! Of course, he had!

“Jenny,” he said softly, trying to pull away a little, probably to make her look at him, but she didn’t want him to see her crying again.

So she just kept on walking, and felt him draw her closer again, sighing softly as he silently took her back to the beach. His hands were constantly caressing her now, wrapping her in his endless love, and his tenderness, as always, got to her the most.

Back at the beach, she slumped down in the sand and covered her face with her hands.

“Jenny,” she heard McCoy begin again, as he gently tried to prise her hands off her face.

“I’m sorry, Leonard,” she ground out between sobs, “I know it’s silly, but to see the ring gone was just the last straw.”

“Jenny,” he tried for the third time, and she could hear the urgency in his voice. “Please, look at me!”

When she looked up, she saw him squatting right in front of her, holding out a little box to her.

“It’s not gone, love,” he smiled warmly, opening the box, “I had it delivered to the hotel.”

Jenny just looked at him, speechless.

“It’s not how I planned this,” he chuckled, his eyes as soft as she’d ever seen them. “In fact, I hadn’t planned on doing this so soon at all, but sometimes you just have to play it by ear, right?”

He gently took her hand, placed the box in her palm and closed her fingers around it.

“You said you associate only special people with this ring, and I hope I’m special enough to give it to you. Whenever you need me, and I can’t be there, the ring will remind you that I’m thinking of you. Every moment of every day. I love you so much, Jenny.”

Hardly able to get out the words to thank him, she burst into yet more tears. And wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, she kissed him as if there was no tomorrow.

********************

McCoy was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of his emotions, ranging from exhilaration to despair. The psychologist in him, of course, knew that the feeling of being in love was usually at an all-time high after spending the first night together. Combined with the pain of separation, it was the perfect recipe for emotional overload. But all the scientific knowledge in the world wasn’t helping, when you were right in the eye of an emotional hurricane.

“I love you too, Leonard! More than you’ll ever know.”

The words went straight to his heart, and as Hope disengaged from their embrace and reached for his hand, he let himself be pulled to his feet.

“Dance with me, Leonard,” she smiled, holding out her arms.

And when she started to hum ‘It’s Your Love’, their song, the first one they’d sung together in sickbay, and later again in the cave on Paradise Earth, he softly joined in and gently swept her into his arms for a last dance.

Holding her like this, swaying to the sound of their own voices, here on the beach where they’d been so unbelievably happy, he knew with absolute certainty that he’d never again love anyone else.

********************

After their dance on the beach, they spent the rest of the evening sitting in the sand, holding each other tight, kissing and assuring each other that they would be all right. They agreed not to dwell on their misery any longer, but to enjoy these last precious moments, remembering all the wonderful things they’d shared already.

“Thank you for an incredible shore leave, Leonard,” Jenny said, almost drowning in his tender eyes.

McCoy smiled at her, gently touching her cheek and slightly shaking his head.

“Thank you for a wonderful year, love,” he murmured, before pulling her in for another breathtaking kiss, her heart melting at his words.

She appreciated how positive he tried to be. For her. Because she knew him well. If it wasn’t for her, he’d be devastated by now, ranting and raving continuously. Instead, he tried to convince them both that they would sort this out, and even told her that love would always find a way.

When it was time, he helped her pack in her room, and then accompanied her to Starfleet HQ. She made him memorise several messages to deliver to her friends on the Enterprise, while he repeatedly made her promise to eat enough and generally take good care of herself. Determined to come with her all the way to the transporter platforms, he uncharacteristically made use of his well-known name, and, being the Dr. McCoy, really managed to wheedle his way in.

They kissed and held each other until the very last moment, and she was immensely touched when, even as she was standing on the platform, he still managed to put his fears and worries aside, and, telling her how proud he was of her, reminded her to enjoy her time aboard the Lexington and to make the most of the experience.

The last thing she saw, as everything around her dissolved into tingling sparkles, was the bravely smiling face of the man she loved more than life. And suddenly, she found that part of her was even looking forward to her exciting first assignment as Ensign Hope.

********************

As soon as she was gone, McCoy headed back to the hotel. Never before had he felt so lonely. It was as if his life had lost its purpose. He knew and appreciated that Jim was there, ready to join him for a drunken night at the bar and listen to him pouring his heart out. But he needed to be alone now.

His divorce had probably been as bad, possibly even worse, but by now, it was no more than a blur in his memory. And there was a big difference. He’d had lots of fights with his ex-wife. Ugly scenes. The end of his marriage had been hell. Nasty and dirty. But Hope hadn’t wanted to part with him. She even needed him. And leaving someone who he felt responsible for, who needed and relied on him, was a new experience for him.

From an objective point of view, he ought to be happy. On top of the world, really. He was in love with the most wonderful woman in the universe, and she’d just told him that she loved him, too.

They’d spent the most amazing shore leave together. No, strike that. They’d spent the most amazing year of his life together. And less then 24 hours ago, they’d spent the most incredible, fulfilling night together. He and this woman who he’d been crazy about since he’d first laid eyes on her, almost a year ago. She wanted him. Wanted to be with him. As his partner. Loved him exactly as he was. Unconditionally.

And he ought to be happy for her, too. Because her greatest dream had just come true. Starfleet had cleared her for starship duty. Her career was taking off. She was being rewarded for all the hard work she’d put in.

So why was he feeling as if his world had just been shattered? Why was he hurting so much, he could hardly get his feet to walk back to the hotel? Why was he feeling lonelier than he'd ever felt before? It wasn't as if Hope had left him. She wanted to be with him just as much as he wanted to be with her. Their separation was only temporary. They'd find a way to be together. He had to believe that.

He missed her like crazy already, was he being selfish? Maybe. But most of all, he was terribly worried about her. She was on her own now. All alone among strangers. Again. Would she cope? Of course, she would. She was a fighter. And she'd make new friends in no time, he was sure of that. But the thought of not being there for her when she needed him, was intolerable. That was probably the worst part of it all, he realised glumly.

Opening himself up to love and making himself vulnerable like this again, had been a mistake. He should have known better. Love always came with pain. Especially to him. Not even a day into their relationship, and already it had caused so much hurt.

And yet, he couldn’t have acted differently. Couldn’t have resisted Hope any longer. His trust in her sincere love for him was still unwavering, he knew she’d never want to hurt or leave him. But then, it hadn’t been her choice to make, had it? And to know that she was hurting just as much right now, made his own pain even more unbearable.

By the time he walked into the hotel again, almost crushed by the thought of having to go up to his room without her now, he felt as if he'd failed her. Failed yet again in a relationship. Tears sprang to his eyes at the thought, and he let them run down his cheeks unashamedly.

Chapter 61

“Care to join me and Scotty for a drink?” Kirk asked, sticking his head in the CMO’s office.

He didn’t really expect Bones to join them, the doctor rarely did these days, but kept asking him anyway. An answer, any answer, would have been nice, though.

It had been two months since Hope had left for the Lexington. Two months of McCoy doing nothing but work and worry. And snap at people who tried to get him to have some fun, or at least socialise again. Two months without telling Kirk anything about what had happened between him and Hope during their shore leave. Or if anything had happened at all.

Ironically, the person Bones seemed to spend most of his time outside of sickbay with, was Spock. Because the Vulcan did not urge him to engage in any recreational activities, but was prepared to join and support him in his research. The two of them spent hours in the lab together, and Kirk suspected strongly, that Spock was not doing this entirely out of genuine interest, but because, in his way, he was being a really good friend.

All this studying and researching might further the doctor’s career, no doubt, but it certainly did nothing for his personal well-being. And while Kirk could understand that it was still hard for Bones to attend gigs of Uhura’s band, or watch Chekov dance with anyone other than Hope, McCoy couldn’t go on hiding behind his work forever.

Apart from that, the captain wanted his friend back. His caring, witty, sarcastic, irritable but fun friend. Grumpy and permanently complaining? Definitely. But not seriously depressed like this.

No longer able to just stand by and watch, Kirk heaved a long-suffering sigh and plonked himself down in the chair opposite McCoy’s desk.

“I miss her too, you know!”

“Who?” the doctor asked absentmindedly, barely looking up from his reading.

“Oh don’t give me that, Bones. You know who!” Kirk exclaimed exasperatedly.

This had to stop. Now.

“So far, I’ve respected your wish to shut yourself away. I’ve given you time. But enough is enough. We need to talk.”

“All right, Jim, keep your hair on,” McCoy muttered under his breath, leaning back in his chair and looking challengingly at the captain.

Kirk thought about where to start, how to put it, then simply asked, “Do you love her?”

“More than I love my own life,” the doctor answered quietly, meeting the captain’s gaze squarely. “And don’t even start on your I’ve always known it lecture.”

“I wasn’t going to, Bones,” Kirk said softly. “Did you get it together on shore leave?”

“Only just the day before... you know,” McCoy sighed, then looked miserably at his friend. “I tried so hard to fight it, Jim. Dissuade her from even thinking about a relationship with me.”

“Why would you do that?” Kirk exclaimed, taken aback.

“How can you even ask? See where it got us!”

“Where?”

“Just look!” McCoy started gesticulating wildly, and the captain could only guess what exactly he meant, although definitely getting his drift. “I should have been stronger, I should never have given in!”

“Why?” Kirk persisted.

“Oh Jim, stop it, you’re doing my head in!” McCoy huffed, but then the words started pouring out.

“Can’t you see? We’d only just got together. We’d spent this incredible night together. It was out of this world, I tell you. I’ve never experienced anything like it, never felt like this before. Dammit, Jim, I’ve loved her from the moment I met her. But you know that, of course,” he chuckled morosely.

“That day we were on top of the world. I’ve never been this happy before, never felt so comfortable in my own skin, never so at peace with the universe and my life. It was like I’d finally found my place in the world. And I could tell that she felt pretty much the same. Until you came.”

The doctor visibly deflated.  

“She was so brave, Jim. Tried to put on her happy face. For me. Said how this was what she’d worked so hard for, how you’d made her dream come true. And then she broke down. Cried until she had no tears left. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. And safe,” he added softly. “Letting her go that night was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

Kirk took a few moments to let it all sink in, then asked, “Are you two still in touch?”

“Of course, we exchange messages at least once a week.”

“So, she still loves you.”

“I guess so.”

McCoy shrugged his shoulders.

“You guess so?”

Kirk was flabbergasted.

“Well, she’s been putting on her brave face ever since we parted, mostly telling funny stories about her new assignment and crew mates. She doesn’t want me to worry about her.”

“And who could blame her?” the captain mumbled, taking in his friend’s haggard face and trying to stay patient. “Does she tell you that she misses you?”

“Every time.”

“So?”

“Uh, I don’t know, Jim. Maybe I just wish she’d move on.”

“Bones, you’re a difficult man to understand.”

“Well, it was too good to be true, wasn’t it? And I want her to be happy, not pining for an old man, who’s lightyears away and can’t give her what she needs. Maybe it was for the best.”

The doctor’s eyes were hard.

“You don’t mean that, Bones!” Kirk protested, even though it was perfectly clear that he did.

“Oh, I don’t know what I mean, anymore, Jim,” McCoy backpedalled, all the fight gone out of him.

“Would you like her to return to the Enterprise?” the captain wanted to know.

“Of course, I’d like that! What kind of question is that, anyway?”

Kirk was happy to see the doctor perk up a little.

“Even if she had, in fact, moved on, as you call it?” Kirk asked carefully.

“Even then,” McCoy said without a moment’s hesitation. “I could live with that, if only I’d have her near again. To know how she is. To be there for her. To make sure she’s well and safe. That’d be all I’d ever ask for.”

Kirk’s heart went out to his friend at hearing the longing in his voice, and he knew what he had to do.

“You really do love her, Bones,” he said gently, as he made to leave the doctor’s office. “I’ve never seen you like this before. What you two have is special. Don’t throw it away!”

Epilogue

“Dakunia, I took this girl aboard the Fleet’s flagship for a training flight without putting up a fight. So now, that she’s one of the Fleet’s most promising officers, I want her back on my ship ASAP! Six months altogether, no more! You owe me.”

“Right, Kirk, I’ll see what I can do. But then you’ll owe me. Big time.”

“Fair’s fair. I always pay my debts.”

Kirk switched off his screen with a satisfied grin. He’d have this great officer back, and his best friend would finally be smiling again. Win-win.

*********************

Read the sequel ‘Another Life’ on tumblr or on AO3.     

Go back to: Chapters 1 - 10 Chapters 11 - 20 Chapters 21 - 30 Chapters 31 - 40 Chapters 41 - 50

Or read it on AO3: On Borrowed Time 

************ Disclaimer: Nothing of or associated with Star Trek is mine – it all belongs to Paramount / ViacomCBS (or whoever else is currently holding the rights). This is a work of fanfiction, no infringement intended.

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Ivonne’s Star Trek Masterlist

Jim Kirk fics

Imagine trying to tell Jim a secret

Imagine Jim trying to stop you from going on a mission.

Imagine Jim flirting with you in front of Bones.

Imagine meeting Jim at a bar.

Imagine Jim walking in on you listening to the Beastie Boys.

Imagine Jim taking a nap on you

Imagine waking up Jim in the morning.

Imagine Jim picking you up for a date

Imagine kissing Jim Kirk

Imagine taking your anger out on Jim

Imagine Jim making you get into your Kelvin Pod

Imagine confronting Jim about his flirting

Imagine thinking Jim was restless

Imagine having too much fun for Jim

Imagine cleaning up Jim after a fight

Imagine reuniting with Jim

Imagine tempting Jim

Imagine being on shore leave with Jim

Imagine being Jim’s ride or die

Imagine Jim wanting to love you

Imagine being at the Academy with Jim

Imagine snapping at Jim on the Bridge

Imagine Jim fixing your PADD

We are, aren’t we? : You run to Jim’s side when you hear he is hurt.

Eternity Jim Kirk x Reader : Kirk gives you a surprise of a lifetime. 

Wonderment  of a Man : sappy Jim x Reader at the beach

Considering :  You have weird symptoms and accuse Jim of giving you something.

More Than You Know :  You avoid Jim like the plague. 

A Thousand Times : You dream of Jim

I’m Good :  Summary: You are Leonard McCoy’s younger sister, who happens to be in love with his best friend.

12 Days Too Long:  Summary: Getting into Starfleet Academy was one of the greatest moments of your life, that is until you met Jim Kirk.  

It Felt Like a Lifetime: Summary: Jim goes to you, even when Leonard warns him not to.

Hanky Panky: Jim x WOC!reader:  Summary: When a mission has Jim and you beaming down to Auro - a planet that looks and feels like 1960, you are nervous for many reasons. One being that that era of time was not kind to a person of your ethnicity and the second - you were finally alone with Jim.

7 Minutes in Turbolift Heaven:   You are a translator for the Enterprise and you love your job, you really do. But there is one downside, one big pain in your ass - Captain Kirk. Jim and you are constantly straddling the lines of love and hate - sometimes blurring the whole mess. The two of you are always bickering, always mocking each other, always getting under each other’s skins - everyone has noticed. In fact, you two tend to draw a curious audience. It’s a final blow up over Jim sending another translator down to a mission that erupts all the emotions - good and bad, that you have for the man free. Spock calls it intervention, Bones calls it 7 minutes in turbolift Heaven.

Boys With Girlfriends: You are in love with Jim, but he’s with someone else

Afraid:  Jim and you split over three little words.  

Three Things:   Your friend asks what are the three things you look for in a man.

The One : You transfer to the Enterprise for personal reasons, but things are about to get even more personal when you come face to face with the Captain. Let’s just say young love never dies.  

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9  Part 10    Epilogue

Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy fics

Imagine Bones taking care of you when you have a migraine.

Imagine Bones giving you orders to stay in bed when you fall ill.

Imagine sitting next to Bones on a shuttlecraft headed to space.

Imagine telling Bones you’d wait a thousand years for him.

Imagine being alone on a rooftop with Bones.

Imagine running into one of Leonard’s ex-girlfriends

Imagine Bones overhearing your conversation with Uhura

Imagine being stuck in a closet with Bones

Imagine meeting Leonard in a bar

Imagine seeing Leonard in a kissing booth

Imagine giving Leonard a haircut

Imagine telling Bones you were going on a mission

Imagine breaking the news to Bones you were pregnant

Imagine getting under Leonard’s skin

Imagine Leonard coming home after a long shift

Daydreaming : Bones thinks of the perfect place to take you.

Coming Home: After a year long mission, you finally get to see Bones.

Not Enough : After watching Leonard almost die, you confront the Doctor.

I’m All In : Leonard helps Reader babysit Sulu’s daughter

Reckless Reader is hurt on a mission & Bones does his best to make sure she recovers.

Just Perfect Can Bones finally sum up the courage to tell you how he really feels?

Need You Now : While having a drink with a fellow crew member, your night takes a turn when a certain doctor walks in.

Any Other Way :  Jim and you are up to no good - what else is new?

A Doctor, A Daughter, A Keeper:   Leonard decides it’s time you met his daughter, Joanna.

Transmitter Thingy: You get injured and go to Leonard

Captain Oblivious: The time Jim partnered you and Bones up

Bad Attitude: Fluff

Need You Now:   While having a drink with a fellow crew member, your night takes a turn when a certain doctor walks in.

Bones headcanons

Shore Leave Series: Jim x Reader x Leonard:  It all started when the crew of the Enterprise took some much needed shore leave on Yorktown. On the first night, you decide to go out with Scotty, Jim and Bones to the local bar. It’s when Scotty calls it quits for the night that things took a turn for the..best? If “best” meant being in between the most handsome men on the U.S.S Enterprise. Nothing like a good ole romp in the sack with the Captain & Doctor, at least for one night. One night, right? Or will this be the best shore leave you ever had?

Part One- Midnight Whiskey

Part Two-  Suprise

Part Three- Beautiful

Part Four- Screwed

Part Five- Blind Sided

Part Six -  Coming

Part Seven - Breathe

Part Eight - Choices

Part Nine - Beyond

Part Ten - Epilogue

Spock fics:

Imagine doing laundry with Spock

Imagine both Jim and Spock being interested in you.

Imagine Spock being smitten with you

Random

Imagine having feelings for Chekov

Imagine flirting with Uhura

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Shore Leave: Blind Sided

Summary: Jim x Reader x Leonard:  It all started when the crew of the Enterprise took some much needed shore leave on Yorktown. On the first night, you decide to go out with Scotty, Jim and Bones to the local bar. It’s when Scotty calls it quits for the night that things took a turn for the..best? If “best” meant being in between the most handsome men on the U.S.S Enterprise. Nothing like a good ole romp in the sack with the Captain & Doctor, at least for one night. One night, right? Or will this be the best shore leave you ever had?

Part One - Midnight Whiskey   Part Two-  Suprise

Part Three- Beautiful   Part Four- Screwed

“What about this?” Uhura holds up a lacy pink bra and panties set, making you blush like an idiot. It was two hours into your shopping venture with you fellow Commander and the two of you had wandered into a lingerie boutique.

“Uh, no thanks,” you mumble even though you couldn't help but think that Jim would love it. You watch her hang it back on the rack and quickly change your mind. “Actually, it is pretty cute.”

She sends you an inferior look and picks up the set. “I’m sure whoever you had in your room will like it.”

“There was no one in my room,” you assure her, taking the set from her hand.

“If you say so,” Uhura rolls her eyes and continues to look around the shop. You were thankful that she was not pushing the subject, because truthfully you were dying to tell her. In hopes she’d talk you out of it, god knows you need someone to. This couldn’t go any further, shore leave would be over soon and back to venturing everyone would go. Back to business.

Pushing away all thoughts, you reach for a soft red bra and pantie set and show it to Uhura. You mention that Spock might find this appealing and she pretends to not hear you. When you place it back and walk over to the next rack, you see from the corner of your eye that she picks up the set and mixes it in with her other selections. You chuckle lightly and then look down at the set in your hand. Your eyes search the small shop for something Leonard would like, because at this point why the hell not. If you were going to carry on during the entire shore leave, might as well do it in style. Your fingers glide through several racks, a white teddy caught your eye but it seems too virginal and nothing about what those men did to you was pure or virginal. And then you see it, displayed on the wall with several others. A black silk teddy, simple and elegant. You walk over to the display and ask the clerk for it, she gladly takes it down for you and points you to the dressing rooms. You thank her and stroll over to the the two dressing rooms. You do a quick scan of the shop and notice Uhura was missing, you softly call out her name.

“I'm in here!” Her voice came from the room on the right.

“Okay, I'm going to try on some stuff too,” you call out, but when you go to open the other door, it’s locked.

“Sorry!” You apologize and wait patiently in front of the two rooms. You hold up your selection of lingerie, the lacey pink one definitely was something Jim would enjoy. And then there was the black teddy, it seems a little conservative and old fashion, but you had a hunch that Leonard would admire it.

“You doing okay in there?” You ask Uhura, who mutters a yes in response. “I think the red one will kill that Vulcan boyfriend of yours.”

“Oh be quiet,” Uhura retorts but you could hear the smile in her voice. Just then a woman comes out of the occupied dressing room and you smile as she walks away.

Ten minutes later you were in the black teddy, twirling around and trying to decide if it was a good fit. It snugged your body in all the right places , but you want a second opinion.

“Uhura can you come check this out?”

“Give me a minute!” She replies.

With your hands on your hip, you twist side to side trying to figure out if you want it. A soft knock on the door makes you turn from the mirror, it was Uhura. You open the door slightly expecting the beauty, but instead are completely taken by surprise as Leonard pushes his way into the room. He smirks and puts a finger to his lips to hush you. He shuts the door behind him and locks it, he grins at your shocked face.

“Bones! What are you doing here!” you hiss in a low voice, waving your hand in the air like a mad woman.

“We were passing by and saw the two of you going into this lovely establishment,” Leonard smirked innocently. His smile fades quickly when he notices what you are wearing, he lets out a soft ‘oh’ and runs a hand over his face.

You bite down on your bottom lip and hold out your hands, “What do you think?”

“Darlin’ you are going to send me to an early grave,” he mutters taking a step forward. “May I touch?”

You giggle and shake your head yes, “You mean the teddy right?”

Leonard snorts and a moment later you were pinned between him and the wall of the dressing room. You hold back a yelp by crashing your lips against his, Leonard moans into your mouth and places both hands on your exposed thighs. He slowly moves them up and under the black teddy, his fingers waste no time at pulling off your panties.

“What are you doing,” you gasp away from his lips and start shaking your head no.

“Don’t worry, Jim’s on the lookout,” Leonard explains, pushing you back up against the wall. “Just relax, we’re on a time limit, sweetheart.”

“Time limit?” you question with widen eyes as the doctor kneels down before you. He gingerly lifts the silky lingerie and hums out in content.

“Just relax,” he glances up at you with a smile. “I’m really going to enjoy this.”

Before you can respond, Leonard buries his head in between your legs. You whimper out and slam your palms against the wall, your hips involuntarily jerks forward. Leonard runs his hand up the back of your leg, thigh and settles on your bare ass. He squeezes roughly as his tongue melts into your now soaking pussy.

“Lee.” You pant softly and run a hand through his perfect brown hair, daring to tug lightly at his locks. He growls into your pussy and starts to lap faster deeper into you. It was astonishing how well he knew your body, which way to work his tongue and mouth on you and how fast he was getting you off.

“Y/N,” Uhura’s voice comes from behind the door. You still as she knocks twice and you try to push Leonard off you, but he hungrily keeps at it.

“Yeah?” you mutter out in between pants.

“Didn’t you want to show me something?”

You open your mouth to answer, but Leonard uses his left hand to spread your legs wider and lift them over his shoulder. The maneuver is rather impressive and your initial reaction is to grab hold of the metal hooks on the wall, that were for hanging lingerie. Leonard’s large hands hold you by the waist, his face buried deep between your thighs. Your head leans up toward the ceiling and your eyes roll back as you edge to your climax.

“Y/N,” Uhura repeats your name and you don’t know what to do. Afraid to say a word, you are relief to hear Jim’s voice.

“Uhura,” he speaks in a matter of fact tone.

“What are you doing here, Jim? Prowling for your next victim?” Uhura’s voice was filled with suspicion.

“I found you, didn’t I?” Jim smirks but shakes his head. “No, Spock, Bones and I were passing by and saw the two of you coming in here. We want to see if Y/N and you would like to  join us for some late lunch?”

“Where’s Spock?”

“Ah, he’s outside waiting.”

You tune out the rest of their conversation as Leonard’s tongue starts to lick your clit rapidly and it becomes too much for you. With a stifled moan, your body stutters against the doctor’s face. You grip at his shoulder and bit down on your lip, but his name escapes your throat anyhow. He slowly pulls his face away from your sensitive pussy and laps it for good measure before setting you back on the ground. Your legs feel weak, so you lean against the wall for support. Leonard stands up from the ground and brushes off his pants. His face is slightly red and it makes you instantly blush.

“Darlin’,” Leonard steps toward you and places a hand on your shoulder. “You’re extremely cute when you do that.”

“Jesus, Lee,” you mumble. “You blind sided me.”

“Yeah well Jim thought the two of us deserved some time alone,” Leonard places a soft kiss on your lips and ran his hand down your back. “Let me get this for you, my treat.”

You hum in response and pull from him, “If you insist, Doctor McCoy.”

Leonard groaned and shook his head, “You’re killing me. Come on let’s get you dressed.”

His eyes flicker over to the pink lingerie set hanging on the metal hook, “So you’ve been shopping for Jim and I, huh?”

You shrug nonchalantly, “Maybe.”

He smiles brilliantly and hands over your panties, but you push them away, “Keep them.”

A few minutes later, you peek out the dressing room. Blue eyes met you with a knowing look, you peer around for any sign of Uhura.

“She went with Spock to the restaurant to get us a table,” Jim explains with a smug look. “I told her I’d round you and Bones, who went by the bookstore, up and we’d go meet them.”

“I see,” you sigh in relief and walk out the room with both the black teddy Leonard and you had christened and the lacey pink set. Jim’s eyes immediately go to it and his handsome face lights up.

“Beautiful, tell me that one's for me,” his fingers reach for the pink material and his face scrunches up in pleasure. You laugh and playful swat his hand away.

“Jim, you should see the one she got for me,” Leonard appears at your side, his face beaming with pride. Your body reacts to being near both men and you realize quickly that things will never go back to the way things were before shore leave.

And maybe, just maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing.

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[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Imagine both Jim & Spock being interested in you

“Commander Y/L/N is quite the woman,” Jim mused to his First Commander, Spock.

Spock nodded softly, “I do concur.”

“She’s beautiful too, right?” Jim smirked at his friend, expecting that the Vulcan would ignore his comment.

“I-I did notice her attractiveness,” Spock spoke out, not meeting Jim’s gaze.

“Spock,” the Captain stared at his friend in disbelief.

“Yes, Jim.”

“I think I have competition,” he laughed steady, until realization hit both men.They immediately looked over at each other, shock in both their eyes.

“It’s highly illogical that Commander Y/L/N would have you as her suitor,” Spock said in his usual monotone voice.

Jim scoffed playfully, “You just haven’t witness my charm in full action.”

“I suppose we shall see,” Spock replied.

“I suppose,” Jim smirked to himself just as the turbolift door opened up.

“Captain, Commander Spock,” you smiled brightly at both men. You immediately felt some sort of tension between the two handsome men as you walked into the lift. They both straightened up as you stood in front of them facing the door.

“Is Bones being nice to you up in MedBay?” Jim asked with a smile.

You looked over your shoulder and nodded, “A perfect gentlemen.”

“Good, good,” the Captain smiled at you kindly.

“Commander Y/L/N, have you given any thought to joining our expedition down to Fluna MI1? Your expertise in plant life would surely come in handy,” Spock softer then Jim was use to hearing and he grinned to himself. That sly Vulcan.

“I’m not sure if Dr. McCoy could spare me,” you turned to face both men, holding your PADD to your chest. “But I suppose if both of you will be going down to Fluna MI1, I could be convinced otherwise.”

The turbolift door opened once more.

“Well, I’ll see you two handsome devils around,” you exited the lift with a huge grin on your face.

The two men watched the door closed, neither speaking a word as the lift made it’s way to the Bridge. Once they arrived, Jim looked over to Spock.

“We’ll let Y/N decide,” he asserted to his First Commander.

Spock looked at Jim, “That seems reasonable.”

“Let the best man win,” Jim chuckled, motioning for Spock to exit the lift first.

“I plan to Captain,” the Vulcan said quietly as he walked over to his post. Jim shook his head in laughter as he settled into his command chair.

“This is going to be fun,” Jim grinned to himself and asked Sulu to change course to Fluna MI1.

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