Jul 5
my ideal schedule is sleeping for 13 hours, wake up and write whatever i want, sleep another 3 hours, go hangout with my friends, write more, sleep more, repeat
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my ideal schedule is sleeping for 13 hours, wake up and write whatever i want, sleep another 3 hours, go hangout with my friends, write more, sleep more, repeat
seeing that ch. 14 dropped when i won’t be able to read it for many hours. evil.
i had a dream ab tyrus last night guys i miss them bad 😭😭
do you think at karaoke i can just do a dramatic reading of chapter 13 of ttmdttms
matador
i’m in a predicament regarding writing fanfic and it feels really dumb but i will be complaining anyway
basically i stated writing a fic, super self indulgently bc i was kind of using it to work though something for myself and also bc i head a song and thought it would make for a good premise. i had written out a bunch of it and kinda fizzled out or whatever and then forgot about it and ignored it but it was kinda in the back of my mind
well recently i circled back to it and reread what i had and the first part had me enthralled i was like wow this is actually like, good? and i was smiling and feeling things and like wow i enjoy this and then i got towards the end of what i had and was like woah. Yeah i mean idk if i love where i left it off but i wanna keep it up this is fun
well it was supposed to be a one shot, just like a really rather long self indulgent kinda obnoxiously trope-y read that left you feeling good but as i keep writing i am now at approximately 18k words and i feel like i’ve included too much bullshit to keep it a one shot but i really like the bullshit for what it is but it’s not technically necessary in regards to the core of the story being the two gay people. i don’t really want to do an ongoing fic bc i don’t do well with ongoing fics i lose motivation and i don’t think i’ve finished more than one ongoing fics and that one genuinely took years.
however i do like my story and i keep writing and thinking about it and then i figure well i can keep writing it for me right, its not really for anyone it’s for me and if i keep writing it for me then it doesn’t really matter what i do with it
but i again really like the story and i wanna post it because i want other people to see it and maybe just feel smth ab it or think about it
but also because of how much i like it and low kind of important it feels to me i am worried about it not getting any attention because that would make me sad knowing how much i was working on it for no one but me to have seen or read it which does peg the question, would multi-shattered be better then? would it make it more interesting?
but then i wonder what kind of story i want to tell. i want to tell the story of these two kids coming back to each other and realizing it’s always them and obviously finding love there but also a story about living and life is good and nostalgia. but i don’t want to feel like i have to drag it out in order to have more chapters.
idk. it’s fanfic it doesn’t matter this much but it feels like it matters to me. maybe im just procrastinating my school work though and thus this feels a lot more dire than it in fact is
thinking ab how queer women who write touching and poignant stories ab gay men but how i don’t think a gay man could really capture writ g the lesbian experience
no cause why am i at the bar and thinking ab byler fanfic cause 😭😭